Sunday
Please, let him be home, the sullen man thought as he knocked his best friend’s front door. He hadn’t thought of calling the man. He just punched in the security codes at the gate and drove on in. He couldn’t bear to think of what had happened about twenty minutes ago. He knocked once again this time leaning heavily on the doorbell, this time sobbing the tears that begged to be shed.
The door opened and its owner started cursing before he fully opened the door. “Jesus fucking Christ! It is two o’clock in the goddamned morning! I don’t fucking want to stay up with-” He stopped once he took in the sight of his guest and who his guest was. “Josh what’s wrong?”
“Justin.” Josh hoarsely croaked. He pleaded with red eyes, “Can I stay here?”
“You don’t even have to ask. Come in.” Justin wasn’t sure exactly what his friend needed but he offered comfort. Once he locked the door, he hugged his best friend. Josh let himself be hugged.
For less than a minute.
He shrugged out of the warm arms and sniffed. He wrapped his own arms around his torso and looked to the floor.
“What happened Josh?” Justin couldn’t help but feel a sting in his heart from Josh rejecting his hug.
Josh shook his head. “Not now. I just. I need. I.” Josh couldn’t speak. He couldn’t catch a full breath. The memory was still too fresh on his mind.
“You can go sleep in the guest room you always use. I think Dolly put fresh sheets in there today.” Justin was referring to his maid whom he thought more of as a grandmother figure.
“Thanks.” Josh said in a monotone. His voice was devoid of emotion but his face said otherwise. He never looked more distraught in his life. And Justin has known the man for over a decade and he’s never seen this face.
“I’ll go to bed. You okay by yourself?” He asked.
Josh looked up at him and then walked further into Justin’s house. Justin sighed and slept fitfully that night. He couldn’t stand that look on Josh’s face.
Monday
“Josh?”
No answer.
“Josh?”
Justin got up late that afternoon and after tidying himself, went searching for his houseguest. He went to the guest room and didn’t find him. So he searched the other three bedrooms and couldn’t find Josh. He went downstairs and went to see if his friend’s car was still there, which it was. So he went to the den and that’s when he found him.
Josh was lying there, huddled in a corner of the large couch. But the saddest part was that the man sat there with bags under his eyes, marring the milky skin. The man didn’t look like he got a wink of sleep that night. Josh just laid there, staring into space. So Justin called him. But he got no answer.
“Josh? Look, I gotta go for a few hours. I promised Cameron I would hang with her and she’s going away tonight. I told you that you could sleep upstairs. Why didn’t you?”
Josh gulped and kept staring into space. No recognition. No reaction. Just staring.
“Okay. You don’t want to talk about it. Just.” Justin broke off and sighed. “Eat okay? And go upstairs and sleep. Josh whatever is troubling you, it can’t be so bad that you starve or deprive yourself of sleep. Please.” Justin finished his plea inelegantly.
Still nothing.
“Okay. Later.” Justin left the room and wondered what the hell was going on.
Tuesday
“Joshua! This is bullshit!” Justin had came in late from hanging out with Cameron. He wanted to tell her his doubts and questions about his friend but he didn’t know her that well. She was just a new friend. Not like Josh. Josh was in the inner wall of his heart. The new friends can only come as close as the outer walls but never shall they breach inside. That was reserved.
So he pretended to have a good time as they hung out but once she left, Justin, in disguise, went out of the city to a town nearby. He went to their old multiplex to watch a dollar movie and worried about what could have shook up a man he considered unshakable.
He came home at about four in the morning to find Josh unmoved on that couch. He doubted Josh even got up to use the bathroom. The man was in a comatose state. And it was freaking the shit out of Justin.
“Josh, get up! Whatever is bothering you can’t be as bad as you’re making it!” Justin yelled at his friend. He walked to the chair and pulled Josh into a sitting position. Josh offered no resistance.
“Josh. You’re scaring me. You haven’t gotten up today have you?”
Josh blinked and looked at Justin.
Justin sat next to him and put his arm around the older man’s shoulder. “What’s bothering you? Please? Can you tell me?”
Josh opened his mouth but closed it.
“Your breath stinks, Josh. I’ve never seen you go without fresh breath. And you haven’t showered either. Not good. How about we get you all cleaned? Huh?”
Silence.
“C’mon.” Justin stood up and pulled Josh to stand. Justin dragged the man up the stairs and to his own private bathroom. He sat Joshua on the toilet seat and turned on the water in his whirlpool.
“Josh, do you need to piss?” Josh didn’t answer him. Justin sighed and stood his friend up. “Fine. Don’t answer,” Justin snapped. “I’m pulling your pants down, Josh. You’re going to piss in the toilet and then we’re brushing your teeth and then we are bathing your stinky ass because you can’t go on like this.” Justin explained as he unbuckled his friend’s belt and jeans. Justin used to dream about doing this act but not under these circumstances. He wasn’t embarrassed, he was helping a friend in need.
The clothes fell to the floor and Justin sat Josh’s naked ass back on the seat. Josh urinated the instant he sat down. He still didn’t speak but he had no problem responding to Justin’s requests.
Justin kept talking to JC to try and break the cocoon that JC seemed to build around himself and to ease his own piece of mind. “You know I could go on about the first day I met you back in the Club. But you want to know a secret?” He turned off the water in the large tub. “I didn’t like you the first time I saw you. You were too friendly. I was too shy. But you made sure to be my friend and didn’t let me go back into my usual shell. I won’t ever forget that.”
Josh finished and looked up into Justin’s eyes.
“I know you don’t want to talk but I guess I can fill in for you. Okay? Done?”
Josh nodded his head.
“Dolly would say that you look like a poor thing.” Justin smiled briefly. “Up your arms,” he ordered calmly. “And don’t be shy with me. I have seen you naked too many times to count. Remember when you and Joey streaked in that hotel once? Where was it again? Oh yeah in Boston. That was funny.” Justin reminisced as he pulled the last piece of clothing off of Josh.
“Well I guess I can bathe along with you since I’m going to get wet. Or do you want to bathe yourself?” Josh went back to the forlorn glaze.
“Okay so we are bathing.” Justin ripped his clothes off and stood in his boxers and white wife beater. “Let’s get those teeth out of the way.” Justin went to the storage closet in his bathroom and got a new toothbrush. He went to the sink and squeezed a thick line of toothpaste on the brush. “Open up.” Josh complied and opened his mouth. “Whoo! Yes your breath is official unholy.” Justin brushed and lathered each tooth in Josh’s mouth. He brushed his tongue and Josh’s mouth was full with white foam. Justin brushed once again and then washed off the brush. “Wash out.” He left the water on, cupped his hand to catch the water and placed his hand to Josh’s mouth. Josh took the water in and spat it out. Justin and Josh repeated this act two more times then Justin turned off the faucet. “Bathing time.”
Josh easily stood with assistance from Justin. Justin went to stand in the tub first and Josh came in after. Justin sat down in his underwear with his legs spread. Josh sat in between the open legs. Justin lathered up one of the many washcloths around his whirlpool tub with a liquid soap. “There was never a time I couldn’t remember you not being there for me.” Justin said out of the blue. He took the soapy cloth to Josh’s neck and worked his way down Josh’s torso and arms. “It’s good to know I can do the same.” He shifted Josh a little to scrub his back. He pushed him to lay back against his soaked shirt and worked on cleaning Josh’s stomach.
“I think I figured out what might have caused this. I pray to God that it’s not cancer or anything. But if it is we can deal with it.” He gave Josh the cloth. “Wash yourself. I swear I won’t look.” Josh cleansed his privates and stopped. The warm water and Justin’s chattering were lulling him to sleep. “Tired aren’t you? I’ll get your legs and then we can hit the sack.” Justin moved from behind Josh and went to sit in front of the man. His light blue eyes were drooping. Justin went to work, starting with his feet. “I swear Josh you have some of the prettiest toes.” He scrubbed his calves and thighs and dropped them down in the water. “Okay, dip your head in the water and then we are done.” Josh slid down the wall of the tub and submerged his head. He stayed under for about a minute too long because Justin was about to drag his head from under the water.
“Can we not scare me anymore today?” Justin asked as he rose from the water. He uncorked the drain inside the tub and tried to dry as much water off his body with an extra large towel. He stepped onto the rug and got another towel for Josh. “C’mon.” Justin leant over and stood Josh upright. The slender man was so exhausted that he fell into the open arms.
“Let’s go to bed.” Justin dried and clothed the both of them. Josh lay in Justin’s bed, snuggled into a pillow. Justin turned off the lights and went under the covers to lay next to him. “I wish you would tell me what’s wrong.” He was met again with silence. He heard Josh breathe heavily, a signal that he just a touch upon the beginning of sleep. Justin whispered, “I love you.” And stared at Josh’s closed eyes until he was too tired and went to sleep with the rising sun casting shadows in the room.
And Justin fell asleep.
But Josh didn’t. “It’s over,” he whispered painfully and finally fell asleep, facing Justin.
Wednesday
The two slept the day away.
When Justin opened his eyes, he woke with the feeling of being watched. Which he was. Josh had gotten up an hour ago and he just stared at his friend. He couldn’t believe the things that Justin did for him. He was the most ultimate of a friend.
“It’s over.” Josh said once he saw the recognition in Justin’s blue orbs.
“What’s over?” Justin whispered, the remnants of sleep still in his voice. He pushed the sheets to his waist, ready and eager to listen.
“Me and Wiley. It’s just over.” He said morosely. Justin nodded. This time it was his turn to not say anything. “I came home early from the studio. He said he was going to check some surf competition. So I was cool with that. I went to get some sunscreen because I didn’t want an incident like CFTC all over again. He told me that was okay. I didn’t need to come. Which is weird because we haven’t been alone or went out together in months. So when I finally have the time, he says no.
“But this isn’t just a one time thing. It’s been like he was pushing me away for a while you know. So I figured I would follow him anyway. Bad move on my part you might say. But I went and he did go to some surfing competition but he met up with some scruffy guy. The two hugged and touched and I was a little jealous but I figured it was Wiley’s friend. Someone who spent time with him when I wasn’t there. But they kissed in the parking lot and then drove to another beach, one that was supposed to be closed to the public. They fucked right there.” Joshua scowled and stopped. “They fucked each other like fucking animals for all to see. I threw up and left. I went home and I waited for him. He came late that night and I asked him about his new friend. He smirked. He wasn’t even sorry. Said it was my fault because I-” Josh shook his head and started again. “He said all these hurtful things that he’s been carrying around for awhile and I loved that man. He shattered everything inside of me. And I hurt. Some of the things, were they true? I just.” He took a deep breath. “It was my fault.” He finished and blinked back his tears.
“Never.” Justin sat up, outraged at Wiley whom he had first suspected the cause of Josh’s anguish. “You never held a gun to his head and forced him to shove his dick into someone. No matter what you think you’ve done, it’s not the cause of cheating. It’s weakness.” Justin said and opened his arms. He knew his friend needed it. “Let me hug you. Tell me why you think it’s your fault.”
Josh wrapped his arms around his friend. “Thank you for everything.” He ignored Justin’s latest request.
“You’d do the same for me,” Justin said bashfully into Josh’s hair.
“I love you too. I heard you last night.” Josh pushed Justin away but Justin held on.
“And I mean it. Whatever you think mustn’t be as bad as you think it is. Or is it? Did you cheat on Wiley?” Justin didn’t believe Josh could do it because he loved wholly and solely.
“Of course not.”
“So?” Justin laid against the mattress and Josh laid next to him. “Your hands are as pretty as your toes.”
“Plying me with compliments now?” Justin held his hand, encouraging his friend with that move.
“There’s a bit of the old Josh I know and love. What is it?”
“We haven’t had sex in months. I wouldn’t let him. I just wasn’t into it. I had this obsession and I was ashamed to tell him about it. But he caught me doing erm.” Josh stopped and looked into Justin’s eyes, which were staring and taking everything in. He blushed from the stare and from what his ex had caught him doing.
“What? You were watching gay fruit fly porn? What?”
Josh closed his eyes and sighed. “I was jerking off to a picture. And it wasn’t Wiley. He grabbed the picture and he tore it up. He found out the reason why I didn’t want to be with him. Then he didn’t want to sleep with me. That’s when the pushing away began.”
“You know I have to ask. Who was it?”
“I can’t tell you.”
“Was it a human?”
“What you think I get off on animals or something?” Josh smiled briefly. “Justin, don’t make me.”
“Was it me?” Justin asked jokingly.
But Josh stared into his eyes seriously. “Yeah actually it was.”
Thursday
“You’re avoiding me Josh.”
“No I’m not.” Josh stuck his fork into the piece of steak he just cut and popped it into his mouth. He chewed and stared defiantly at Justin across the dining room table.
“Yes you are. Ever since you told me yesterday, you don’t…be you. Joshua I still love you.”
“Justin can we eat without us going through this?” Josh whined.
Justin sipped his beer. “You love me too. A lot which I think is fine.”
Justin stuck the piece of meat and potato in his mouth and chewed.
“Are you done?” Justin stood up and went across to his best friend.
“Look at my plate. It’s empty. What do you think?” Josh snippily replied.
“Don’t catch an attitude with me.”
“I’m putting the dishes away in the dishwasher.”
“No.” Justin held his hand over Josh’s. “I want to kiss you.” Josh nearly dropped his glass of wine. “You’re going to let me. But I just want to kiss you once.”
“Look I understand you’re gay Justin but don’t try to kiss me to please me.” Josh opened his mouth to argue some more but Justin leaned down, wrapped a hand behind Josh’s head and kissed him.
Thoroughly.
But true to his word, Justin eased away from Josh’s lips. “You know what? I’ll take the dishes.” Josh was still in shock. Justin licked his lips and smiled as he brought the plates inside the kitchen.
Friday
“Why’d you do that?” Josh asked.
“I thought you left me.” Justin said to Josh but kept his eyes in the television.
“I had to think and I couldn’t think here.” Josh sat next to Justin on the couch but other than talking to him, Justin didn’t turn to acknowledge him.
“So it took you almost an entire day to find the balls to ask me why I kissed you?” He asked the TV. Josh had left after Justin entered the kitchen the other night and didn’t call or talk to the younger man until now.
“Are you mad at me?” Josh wondered out loud.
“No Josh. I’m not mad. A little disappointed maybe. You could have thought out loud with me. Was it the kiss that bothered you? I didn’t do that to satisfy you. I did it to appease myself and my nerves. Didn’t like it?” Justin turned from the television to look into Josh’s eyes.
“No it was wonderful. I’m sorry for leaving. I just got scared and jumped to conclusions and-”
Justin cut him in mid-babble. “You’re forgiven. Come to bed. With me.” Justin looked earnest.
“I can’t. Not yet.” Josh said. “But I’ll stay in the other room.”
Justin nodded his head and looked straight ahead. “The offer still stands.” He went to bed and left Josh to contemplate.
Saturday
“Oh God!” Justin grunted into the mattress. He had his ass in the air being pounded into by Josh’s unrelenting cock. Every thrust inside Justin gasped for air like he was out of breath, which drove Josh crazy.
He tried to plunge in deep as he could. “Justin.” He moaned.
Josh did go to sleep inside the guestroom early that morning but he couldn’t sleep. He wanted to see what Justin was doing. See if the younger man was still awake.
So he crept in the room and Justin just held the sheets open. Josh had slid right in. The two talked all night and then Josh, kissed Justin, which led to them taking it to the next level.
Two orgasms later the two were still going at it. And it was never better for the two. It was the melding of two searching souls.
The End