And it started a lil’ something like this.
May 18th 6:49 p.m.
“Hey, I was uh, wondering. I mean I don’t want to sound cliché. Damn…” A two second pause. “Let me start this all over again. Hi. I hope this is your number cause I’d be a total douche bag if this isn’t and left a message on some stranger’s cell.” Brief chuckling. “I just wanted to know if you’d like to meet me downtown at that bookstore I saw you in front of? Call me back, okay?” And then just when you thought he was finished, he added softly, “I think you’re gorgeous.”
*End of message*
You smiled into your phone to quickly call him back and set up your first date. What were you going to wear?
June 2nd 12:56 p.m.
“I’m sitting in class wishing that you were next to me. My professor is so boring. I know you’re at work but I just wanted to wish you a happy day.” You smiled like an idiot. He was so sweet. How’d you get so lucky? “Oh and last night, when you kissed me? It was perfect,” he whispered. “I gotta go now but just know I’m thinking about you.”
*End of message*
You kept that grin on your face until you got home to call Josh again.
June 21st 11:58 p.m.
“Hi Justin. I know you’re sleeping. I just painted a picture and it reminded me of you. I just had to call you. Call me tomorrow when you get this okay? I promise I won’t be like those sappy hearted, kissy-faced lovesick fools and leave smooching sounds on your voice mail. I promise. I swear that Joshua Scott Chasez will not do such a thing. Nope, not from me.” You could visualize him shaking his head for emphasis. You smile. “Okay just one…hundred.” And Josh proceeded with making kissing sounds into the phone.
*End of message*
You could see yourself falling for this one. You hurry to call him back and hope he won’t answer.
You want to leave a similar message. July 2nd 3:01 p.m.
*You have 3 new messages.*
Message 1:
“How does tickets to the Phantom of the Opera sound?” You squeal. “I know you’re squealing right now or something very close to squealing.” You laugh. He knows you so well. “I got a hot deal from a friend of a friend and scored some primo seats. Guess? You’ll never guess. Orchestra!” You can feel your toes tingle. This is your favorite musical of all time. “So you get your sexy bod ready for seven and I’ll pick you up. Bye Justin.”You think he is the most wonderful guy anyone could have.
Message 2:
3:03 p.m.
“Oh, I almost forgot. My friend and his boy are coming along as well. I hope you don’t mind. Think sexy thoughts of me, okay?” He chuckles and so do you.
Message 3:
3:04 p.m.
“Crap, I swear this is the last message. Mark, my friend who scored the tickets, also invited us to the after party. You wanna go? I mean I can get us out of it if you want to. Call me back okay. You’re lovely. Bye.”
*You have no more new messages.*
You smile and call him back. Of course you want to go.
July 3rd 6:09 a.m.
“Justin,” he sniffles into the phone. “God baby, I didn’t mean to get so out of line. I’m fucking drunk off my ass. I didn’t mean it. I’m so sorry Justin. Are you okay? Did I hurt you? I mean you got me so worked up and then pushed me away, you know. I didn’t mean to push you so hard. It was an accident. I’m falling in love with you,” he moaned pitifully in the phone. You felt the tears sliding down you cheeks and did nothing to stop them. They joined the other ones that coursed down your neck. “I’d kill myself before I hurt you. You know that right?” He croaked. “I’m hurting so much now, baby. Let me at least know that you’re okay.”
*End of message*
You loved him too. You fucking loved him too. You called him back.
August 31st 7:11 p.m.
“I can’t believe I owned so much crap. I am swimming in too many boxes over here. My landlord is showing up every other minute with possible tenants. Jeez, you’d think they’d offer a hand?” You chuckled at your boyfriend. “I wish you weren’t at work.”
“Me too,” you said out loud. “Me three. I know, I know I read your mind right? What can I say sexy, your good lovin’ makes me clairvoyant,” he said in that sexy tone you’ve come to love so much. “Miss you, love. Need you here. Want you here. I’ll make it up to you later in our apartment. Good can’t believe we’re moving in together. We’re gonna christen that puppy all night long. Bye.”
*End of message*
Just like him to leave messages with sexy sex promises. You wanted him to take you right now just thinking about it and him.
It and him, good combination. You’re going to call him now to tell him so.
September 13th 12:19 a.m.
*You have 4 new messages.*
Message 1:
“Tell me why am I working as an artist’s assistant again? Especially when this artist had to attend an expo this weekend in San Francisco, huh? I hate this city.” He sighs. “You know I lie.” Yes, you know he is. “I wish I was at home, lying next to you.” You smiled sleepily. What time was it now? Oh yeah, 1:23 in the morning. “Scratch that I would be making love to you right now. I know you’re sleeping baby. You would be if I was there too. But I’d wake you up,” he breathed heavily into the phone. This message was waking you up quite nicely. “I take my cock and rub it right in between your ass.” Thankfully you both slept nude. “Rub some precum and pull back. Make some cool air hit it. Then I’d whisper ‘Justin’. Just once. Just to wake you up. Then I’d bite your ear. You’d moan and say, ‘Baby, mmm.’ I’d pinch you nipple and say ‘I wanna bury myself deep inside you, baby.’ You know I will. I do every time.” You moaned out loud wishing Josh was there to do that right this minute. “Then I’d--”
*BEEP*
Fuck.
Message 2:
12:23 a.m.
“Then I’d turn you on your back. Get on top of you and kiss those lips swollen. God, you taste so sweet. I can taste you on my tongue right now.” You mewled and touched your rising erection. Thankfully Josh started right where he left off. “Are you hot now baby? I fucking am. My dick’s been standing at attention all day by just thinking of you. You wanna know how it looks right now?” You nodded your head for your own benefit. “I’m fucking dark red, my head’s oozing for you, crying for your lips. And the veins look like they are ready to burst. Shit, I’m ready to burst.” You were getting there too. “I’m licking my hand.” You could hear him doing it. You can just see him doing it. “I’m stroking myself, darling. Wishin’ it was your hot…wet…sweet…mouth on me. You know I need you on me in the worst way.” He grunted into his phone. “Shit, don’t you?” His voice cracked. “Baby, I wish you were up right now. I need you to talk to me. To breathe for me. Anything,” he begged. He sounded like he was hurting. “God, I think I’m even harder than when I first called. Ummm,” he groaned.
*BEEP*
Message 3:
12:27 a.m.
“God,” he moaned breathlessly. “I’m gonna strangle your voice mail. It’s hard masturbating and pressing redial at the same time.” You laugh hoarsely along with him. You’re propped on your pillow, palming yourself. “Now where was I? Oh yeah, I just finished kissing your lips. They’re red and juicy now and so wet. Just like my dick. Uh, swollen,” he sighed softly. “I know after I kiss you, I’d try to suck at your nipples but you’re such a cock whore. You beg for me to be in your mouth. And I’d give it you. I’d climb over your face, spread my knees over your head and let you have at it. Do you feel me Justin? Do you feel me gagging you honey?” Only he could make it sound like an endearment. You scratch your chest, leaving welts at hearing him pant your name. You should be there. He should be here.
Now.
“Oh shit, you’d bring me so deep down your throat and I’d grab your head. I’d pull on those curls I love so much and push my hips. You’d make those pretty little sucking sounds. You know like you can’t get enough of me inside that hot mouth of yours. Mmm, baby. I can’t stop spurting. It’s running like a river. All for you. God I’d go in and out of that mouth. And just when you had you fix, I crawl back down and stretch you just the way you--”
*BEEP*
Message 4:
12:31 a.m.
“The way you like. Then I’d take my fingers out and put my dick in. I’d sink inside of you nice and slow. God can you feel me?” His voice was getting higher. You knew he’d come soon. If you kept playing with yourself, you would too. “I fuck you slow, at. First.” He was getting choppy and breathless. “Then I’d. Speed. Justin. I’d speed up. Are you there with me?” You’re there. You’re there. “You’re so tight. You keep pulling me. Back. In. The bed would be knocking so hard against the wall. Can you hear it?” Yes. “Then I’d pull out and fuck myself in so deep. Honey. I won’t stop until you come. I. I’m. I’m coming now. Now, now, NOW!” He screamed something unintelligible but it still works for you. “Do you feel me in there? I hope you didn’t come yet honey. I wanna talk to you and make you come too. I won’t go to sleep until you do. Call me. I know the beeping from your phone woke you up.” You both chuckled. “I’m waiting for you. I love you.”
*You have no more new messages*
You couldn’t have called him back fast enough.
October 22nd 1:57 a.m.
*You have two new messages*
Message 1:
“Justin baby. I was out of line. I’m sorry baby. I don’t blame you for not answering the phone or answering the door. It’s the beer in me. It makes me do stupid shit. I’m so sorry baby. Let me make it up to you, please? I know I don’t deserve someone like you but you complete me. God, I’m hurting so much right now.” Not as much as your temple and your wrist did. You watch the bruises around your wrist turn dark. It was going to black and blue for days. So was the one on the side of you head. “I’m outside the door baby. I’m waiting for you to let me in. I’m sorry. It’s just that you crossed the line. I told you to stop it before you know?” Oh you knew. “Let me in darling.”
You went to stand in front of your locked front door. You could hear him breathing outside.
Message 2:
2:02 a.m.
“I love you baby. I wanna kiss all the bumps and bruises. Will you let me? I’m hot right now baby. I’m hot for you. Just thinking of you inside makes me ache. I wanna make love to you baby. I’m so sorry, honey. I swear this will never happen again.” He said that the other three times too but there was just something in his voice that made it sound different this time. He was so full of remorse. “I need you.”
*You have no more new messages*
It was kind of your fault anyway. You were nagging him too much at his friend’s party. You knew how he got when provoked.
You opened the door.
He stood there with his fly open, stroking himself. You giggled and he fucked you right there on the floor with out fully closing the door.
You didn’t care. You were in love. You both were.
October 23rd 9:33 a.m.
“I love you.” He kissed the phone.
*End of message*
“I love you, too.” You brushed the bruise on your arm while lying in bed.
It was a mistake.
October 23rd 2:51 p.m.
“I got a reservation at Green Jade for two at 8:30. I nearly had to blow the maitre d'. Call me okay?” He was so sweet.
*End of message*
You knew how hard it was to get a reservation at your favorite restaurant. You were giddy when you called him back.
October 24th 10:10 a.m.
“Last night was so special. My bones ache.” He lowered his voice. “I feel like I’m still inside you. Love you.”
*End of message*
You touch yourself in between your legs. You can still him inside you too.
November 6th 2:01 a.m.<
*You have two new messages*
Message 1:
“I know you’re fucking inside Justin! Take the fucking bolt off the door damn it!” You hear him banging in the message. Shit, you remember it perfectly since it happened only a minute ago. You had watched him through the peephole in your front door after you bolted the door. Now you sat on the floor. “Justin, you better open the door. Who the fuck do you think you are? Fucking hitting me in my face in front of everyone?” You heard the banging. You can just feel the banging. You place a hand over your heart. “You better open the door, pussy. If you don’t, I swear I’ll fuck you up. You better open fucking open the door! OPEN THE MOTHERFUCKING DOOR!” He had kicked the door over and over again. You remember the door rattling. You were so scared he was going to bust in. “I swear I won’t hurt you if you open the door. You’re just making me more fucking angry! OPEN THE DOOR NOW! Justin, open the--”
*BEEP*
You knew what happened after that. He kicked and punched the door until a neighbor asked, “What was going on? Keep it down or I’m calling the police.” That shut Joshua up.
Or so you thought.
Message 2:
2:06 a.m.
“I hope you’re fucking happy, Justin.” You can feel the fury emanate from Josh’s voice. It stabs quickly in the heart and head. “I’m going to Joe’s house. You know the one you embarrassed me at? I’m going to have some drinks and try to calm the fuck down.” Yeah right. “When I come back you better open that door. You hear me?”
*You have no more new messages*
No goodbye.
No sorry.
You couldn’t do anything else other than cry. This night of what was supposed to be fun was ruined just because Josh embarrassed you in front of his friends and you slapped him right across his tipsy face.
You were so fucking sorry.
And you knew you’d let him back in.
November 8th 1:47 p.m.
“Justin. Come out. I’m fucking hungover and I stink. I need to shower and sleep in my fucking bed. Why don’t you answer the phone? I’m outside waiting. Open.”
*End of message*
You haven’t heard from him since the other night. You were going out of your mind. You were thinking of the worst-case scenarios. You were excited at hearing Joshua’s gruff tone.
You love him.
You need him.
You cursed yourself for not hearing the phone in the shower. You pulled on your boxers in haste. Then ran to the door.
“I’m sorry.” He just pushed past you, smelling of vomit and alcohol, not saying a word. “Where were you?” He was wrinkled from head to toe. He pushed you from him and slammed the bathroom door in your face.
You pouted and waited by the door. You waited there until he opened and stood naked in front of you. “Get on the bed.”
You went there and he fucked you.
Hard.
You tore but he didn’t stop. In some perverse way, you didn’t want him to stop. You let him purge inside of you. You let yourself be his receptacle of his anger and hurt. Was there any other way?
November 9th 11:34 a.m.
“I’m sorry. I got carried away. You just…shit you had me pissed off for a couple of days, you know?” He had punched you in the stomach the moment after you came yesterday. Then your face. You blacked out a while later. “I had to stay out of my own home like some unwanted dog. I just had to show you that I won’t tolerate it. This won’t happen again though. I swear on my life. Are you okay? I wanna kiss your bruises away.”
*End of message*
You woke up this morning to bloodied sheets, an empty apartment and one new message on your mobile. You should have cried.
Instead you cupped your swollen eye.
November 9th 5:54 p.m.
“I know you’re inside and locked up tight. I don’t blame you. I messed up this time. I left you roses outside the door. I’m leaving now. Call me.”
*End of message*
You looked through your peephole and opened your door. Sure enough there were two dozen roses at your doorstep.
You had the pleasure of sticking each stem into the garbage disposal.
Your bruises were throbbing.
November 12th 7:19 p.m.
*You have seven new messages*
Message 1:
“I sorry baby.”
Message 2:
7:21 p.m.
“So sorry. I love you.”
Message 3:
7:24 p.m.
“I want to make up.”
So did you.
Message 4:
7:26 p.m.
“I miss you.”
You did too.
Message 5:
7:31 p.m.
“I think about you every minute.”
God, you think about him every second.
Message 6:
7:32 p.m.
“I love you.”
You loved him too. So much it hurt.
Message 7:
7:57 p.m.
“Hey Justin. It’s Lance…from work. I-We missed you today. I mean, your help. Hope you feel better. This is your second time this week that you called sick. Hope you’re not coming down with anything. Take care.”
*You have no more new messages*
Lance was pretty nice. You’ve been calling in sick a lot these past few moths. It seemed to be a cycle.
When will it end?
November 15th 4:29 p.m.
“Justin are you home? I gave you your breathing space. And I’m getting tired of this. I came by earlier when you were at work…I see you changed the locks. You made your point. I’m not coming back here until you ask me too. I don’t beg.”
*End of message*
You plan to learn not to.
November 16th 12:08 a.m.
“Why don’t you answer your phone?” He sighed. “I’m sorry. What more do I have to do?” He pauses. You listen to him breathe. “Call me,” he says finally.
*End of message*
You don’t.
November 17th 11:54 p.m.
“I’m dreaming of you.”
*End of message*
You weren’t. You cried that night.
November 18th 3:16 p.m.
“I’m tired of leaving these messages. I want to talk to you. I need to see you and make love to you. You know what you have to do. I can’t wait forever. I love you.”
*End of message*
How did you end down this road? You two were so in love and then ka-boom, insert his fist into your face.
It has to stop.
But can you do it?
November 19th 12:00 p.m.
“Yesterday was our six month anniversary. I want to see you. I’m in the neighborhood. Call me back. I know you love me. You need to stop this.”
*End of message*
You breathed a deep breath and looked out the window. You can do this.
You listened to his message once more and felt the closure bubble inside of you. You already did almost everything that needed to be done. You had only one more thing to do.
You called Josh.
And you got his voice mail. You wanted to talk to him but maybe it was better be done this way.
“You’re fucking right. I love you. But Joshua, it’s over. Lose my number. Forget about me. Don’t call. Don’t leave any more messages. You can pick your shit up anytime. I left it in the hallway. Don’t bother knocking, I’m not home. We’re done. We’re finished. The end. Goodbye.”
*BEEP*
The End