Chemistry Jokes

What did one atom tell the other? I think I lost an electron. Are you sure? Yes, I'm positive.

A small piece of sodium which lived in a testube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Bunsen! my flame! I melt whenever I see you" said the sodium. The bunsen burner replied: "It's just a phase you're going through".

A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender: " How much for a beer?" The bartender looks at him and says: "For you, it's no charge".

Why did the white bear dissolve in water? Because it was polar.

What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A one molar solution.

What do you do with a dead chemist? Barium.

What weapon can you make from the elements potassium, nickel and iron? A KNiFe.

Why do chemists like nitrates so much? They're cheaper than day rates.

What did one titration tell the other? Let's meet at the endpoint.

Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.

Do you know what happened to the chemist who was reading a book about Helium? He just couldn't put it down.

A florence flask was getting dressed for the oper a. All of a sudden she screamed: "Omg, my joules! Somebody has stolen my joules!" The husband replied: "Take it easy honey, do not overreact. We'll find a solution".

Why do chemistry professors like to teach about ammonia? Because it's basic stuff.

What is a cation afraid of? A dogion.

What did the cowboy tell his horse? HIO Ag!!!

Why did the ice cube get divorced? His wife said he was too cold.

If H20 is water what is H204? Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming...

A psychotic chemist came home from work and had a big fight with his wife. In the heat of the moment, he grabbed a bottle of some lethal chemical substance and forced her to drink it while he screamed: " Die Ethyl, die". The wife dropped dead on the floor and the neighbours who were watching the scene, decided to call the police. The policemen arrived and arrested the chemist. One of them asked: "Was there any reason for you to kill your wife?" The chemist replied: "There was no chemistry between us. We never bonded well although we tried. In the compound where we lived, our temperaments collided. She always responded negatively to my comments. Our relationship was unstable. There was no possible solution. She had an attitude and I was explosive. Finally, I overreacted. But now I'm glad it's over. I'm in equilibrium again. I will feel free even behind the irons."

A group of organic molecules were having a party, when a group of robbers broke into the room and stole all of the guests joules. A tall, strong man, armed with a machine gun came into the room and killed the robbers one by one. The guests were very grateful to this man, and they wanted to know who he was. He replied: "My name is BOND, Covalent Bond."

According to a chemist, why is the world so diverse? Because it's made up of alkynes of people.

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The sky was dark
The moon was high
We were alone
Just she and I
Her hair was brown
Her eyes were too
I knew just what
She wanted to do
So with my courage
I did my best
And placed my hand
Upon her breast
I trembled and shook
And felt her heart
Slowly she spread
Her legs apart
I knew she was ready
But I didn't know how
It was my first try
At milking a cow

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