3/08/03 (Matt-o)
We try, I guess that's all I can say.Actually, we don't. This site, which has been severly lacking in quality ever since a duck-billed platypus was hired as the editor, has been pumping out about 1 or 2 updates a month (none at all on our other sections, I think). Steven (an odd anagram for "Satan") the Monkey killed the duck-billed platypus in response to the word "hi" at the beginning of the year and the green midget was last seen (more like heard) in Kal's stomach, drinking bottles of tequila and leaving the worms to kal's intestines (causing his absence from work on Friday). Here's a small fact sheet of our current state.
The pills: next album out in 30003
The Green midget: in kal's stomach with tequila and scyths, watching out for red mountain dew.

Tool: dvd coming out soon(but if that guy in the aspirin ad can decide what his idea of "fast" is, then we can't tell you what soon means).

Tomahawk: new album "MIT GAS" out on May 11, going on tour with the Melvins soon.

General Funk and the nine o' clocks (a.k.a. the sexual samurai): who knows.

Our Editor (the duck-billed platypus): dead, later eaten by Steven.

Tapeworm: I'm not quite sure if this supergroup of Maynard James Keenan, Trent Reznor, and Danny Lohner (I don't who the other members are) will ever make that record they said they were going to make. After all, Danny and Maynard are working on A perfect Circle and apparently Trent Reznor is working with Zack de la rocha.

Jerry: still making life gayer.

that's about it for now. Perhaps we could convince Chris to write an article about his wonderfully repulsive "Sensual harrasment" ideas.

3/8/03 (kal)
Oh, shit. I came here today because I had a sudden urge to update the site. What a suprise it is that I find that Matt has just updated two days ago. I couldn't beleive it, a surge in updates? And I saw that matt had talked about what I was going to say. I updated the pills site today, and I had such a blast... It was so fun, I think I crapped myself. What am I going to say now? I don't know. Jerry is a homosexual, and he likes the sex with men. Several people have updated the guestbook. Someone even wrote in the old guestbook, I don't know why. We have had six or seven updates in only a few days, but three of them were me. Goddamn. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm retarded. Help me.

3/10/03 (kal)
Hey people. I've updated more than normal over the past few days. This isn't much of an update though, I'm just bored.