X-2 Review: Fatal? Depends
Last Friday was the opening of X-2, X-Men United, and Kyle C. and I went down to the theatre to see what all the hubbub was about. But first off, this review may or may not contain spoilers, like Jean Grey dying at the end, I'll see if I find a need to write any, but I don't think I'll need to. So anyways, Nightcrawler is in it, and I've been saying since I found out, Nightcrawler will kick ass in the movie. I discovered very early into the movie that my hunch was correct. I will tell you Nightcrawler's actions in 3 easy steps:
1. Find ass
2. Ram foot into ass
3. Laugh
That's basically his role in the movie, mainly at the beginning. You see, Nightcrawler goes on this president killing rampage (I won't tell you the real reason) right at the beginning of the movie, disappearing and reappearing, stomping ass and punching shit into the ground. I was glad that they kept him a German guy, because in that recent cartoon, X-Men Evolution, Nightcrawler is this little Japanese kid. I was so pissed when I saw that, but fortunately X-2 didn't make me scream at children and break hips. To sum up Nightcrawler, "Ass kicking blue German guy".
Next, Hugh Jackman makes a reappearance as Wolverine, and unlike the few pussy fight scenes in the first movie, he was ripping shit up in this one. People actually die, I think... Maybe the guy was okay, but he needed some stitches, but I don't know, that was pretty close to the heart. But again, no yellow and black striped spandex... What the hell? The black leather costumes with a big "X" down the middle is so pussy, it deserves a javelin throw from The Beast. What's that you ask? Was The Beast in X-2? Sorry kids, your favorite big blue genius didn't have any mention in this film. If wussy what's his name director wants another ticket to X-3, the Beast and Gambit better fucking be in it. I don't know about Jubilee* though, she's kind of a dyke. And that's my rule of thumb in watching movies: No shorthaired dykes.
Iceman made a larger role in X-2, but the guy who plays him looks like he should be on the set of Dawson's Creek (Chaz-O-Chac's favorite show, by the way). Iceman could have been so much cooler if he didn't look like he was going to cry the whole time. Only once did he completely engulf himself in ice, and the rest of the movie was just little Harry Potter tricks, like freezing coffee, or chilling coke. Wow, and I thought his character was lame.
One of the cooler parts of the movie was when Magneto was escaping from his plastic prison, and somehow he managed to rip the iron right out of this guy's bloodstream (little bloody holes all over the guy's shirt), made three little spheres of it, and ripped shit loose all over the place. You'd have to see it, it whooped big fat ass. Magneto was sort of good in this movie, but he managed to keep a sinister vibe going, and was able to make aliance with Pyro, this badass punk who burns shit. The constant lighter shit was a little much though.
I forget the rest of the movie, there was some stuff about Wolverine's past, and Jean Grey's prelude to Phoenix, but I can't remember. I wasn't disappointed by the movie, and there was enough ass-kicking to go around, but there was something missing, something empty... I don't know.
5/4/03 - This has been Kal, being a total comic-book movie geek. I suck.
* - UPDATE | About two hours after writing this, I went on the X-2 official site, and it seems that someone was playing the role of jubilee in the film. I'm confused, because there was no mention of her in the movie, and I don't remember seeing her. People who go see this after reading this, be on the lookout for this character:
I have also heard in a viewer review that beast and gambit were actually in the movie, though I think it's bullshit. Nowhere else have I heard this, that person is a fucking dipshit.
Back to 20/100