Arby's: Just Stop. Okay?

Arby's has recently succeeded in making some of the worst commercials I have ever seen. Awful, awful commercials that lead to broken things. Their new "mascot" is apparantly a talking and mobile glove with a 'tude. It's clear that with desperate commercials comes desperate restaurants, and that Arby's is begging for some money. So what do companies do when they want attention? Gimmicks. Before these commercials, I didn't hate Arby's, but I wouldn't have eaten there. But after they succumbed to the marketing peer pressure, I'm sorry, I hate you Arby's. A talking glove isn't going to make me want to eat your food.

One of the commercials on this marketing strip is the glove singing "Volare". Now, I think I speak for everyone when I say that it is more enjoyable to watch Tony Cliffman sing that song on "Man on the Moon". But honestly, who wants to watch a glove sing lounge tunes? No one! It's that simple. Grow up Arby's.

Then there's another one where the glove is having some sort of meeting with other workers in the restaurant, and he recalls a time when they left him under a hot plate. Oh no, Mr. Oven Mitt, you don't like heat? I don't know how he even got fucking hired if he can't stand anything hot. But then on a more recent commercial, he was flirting with another guy, saying, "Remember that one time when we took 15 things out of the oven?" Wow, he is seriously under-worked. I don't know how he went from a lowly oven-mitt pulling 15 pots a day to a national star that nobody cares about. Maybe he was serving as a different kind of glove backstage, if you know what I mean... But he should make up his mind, does he like touching pans or doesn't he? After the flirtatious moment, everyone starts giving each other high fives and grab asses while the glove gets hit. Not only is it not funny, it has nothing to do with the product they are selling. Fuck you Arby's.

Oh and then there's one where he's doing situps with his lover, and I have no idea why. He's just doing situps, and pushups at the end. Why? What is the point? Why does their food suck, and why do their ideas suck more? Arby's, just stop. Okay?

5/7/03 - This has been Kal, spewing hatred forth towards Arby's.

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