What We Could Be
One lonely Friday night I was flipping through the channels of that mind trap known as television wishing I had rented a movie. A long night was ahead of me, and this seemingly useless black box looked as though it wasn’t going to produce much entertainment for the evening.
I wish I had a man. Even if we just sat and watched this stupid TV all night long. At least it would be in the presence of someone I enjoyed. But no, that’s not me. I’m every guy’s best friend, or just like his sister or some lame excuse like that. And as I sat, immersed in self-pity, I knew the guy I loved was out with one of his many woman he always seemed to attract. He always had a date, too bad it wasn’t me. Yes, I love him, and hate him all at once. He was my best friend, God’s gift to woman, the most beautiful person I’d ever lain my eyes upon. Not to mention an arrogant asshole. I was probably better off without him, but there was something in his eyes that made me hang on to my dream.
After about twenty minutes of staring blankly at some show I didn’t really care to be watching I heard a knock at my apartment door. A visitor? How convenient. Now maybe I could spread my pain along to someone else. I slowly walked over to the door and opened it. There he was, in the hall outside my door. He looked so gorgeous in his all black outfit. Every strand of his blond hair was perfect, and styled in the usual unbelievably sexy way with his bangs dangling in his eyes a bit. His crystal clear blue eyes looked a bit different tonight though. There was some life missing from them, they seemed slightly bloodshot.
“What are you doing here Taylor? Why aren’t you out being the life of the party?” I asked turning and heading back to the couch hoping he’d follow. The sound of the door closing and his foot steps closely behind me told me he was.
“So nice of you to invite me in Stacy” he said sarcastically taking a seat next to me on the couch. “I got stood up for your information.”
I raised my eyebrows back at him. “By that Lauren chick?” I asked.
“Yeah, and when she was an hour late showing up to my apartment I gave her a call. She kindly told me to get lost” he explained.
“So, you’ve never been dumped before. Welcome to the real world” I told him. “Don’t you have some back up girl you can call or something?”
“No, I got rid of them all for her” he told me.
“Wait, I thought you weren’t looking for any kind of commitment,” I said.
“Well, I really liked her. I was really beginning like the idea of a steady relationship,” he said. It was news to me.
I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and pulled him in close to me. “I’m sorry sweetie” I told him softly. I knew how crappy he was feeling right now, especially since it was his first signs of showing an actual heart. I felt the least I could do was give him a hug. Besides, it benefited both of our feelings at the moment.
“Whoa, she does get sensitive sometimes” Taylor teased me.
“Forget it, if you’re going to make fun of me while I’m trying to comfort you, then I'll stop” I said letting go of our embrace.
Taylor gave me a look I couldn’t read and then jumped up off the couch and headed for the kitchen. I stayed in my place listening to him open up random cupboards wondering what the hell he was up to.
“Where do you keep your liquor?” he asked appearing at the divider between the kitchen and living room.
“Tay, you know I don’t keep alcohol in my apartment” I told him.
He gave me a smug look for a minute. “Fine” he crossed the room and grabbed my hands pulling me up off the couch. “We’re going to the bar then.”
“Um, don’t they always say it’s not good to drink away your problems?” I asked wondering where this was going to lead.
“Screw what they always say” he persisted to pull me out the door, out of the building and to his car.
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At the bar Taylor ordered tequila shots. “God I’m pathetic” he said burying his face in his hands while waiting for the drinks to come.
“So you got dumped one measly time. That doesn’t make you pathetic” I assured him. “It makes you normal” I added under my breath.
“No, that’s not just that. It’s just…look at me. I’m almost 25 years old, and I can’t even stay in a steady relationship. Girls that throw themselves at me, and they do nothing for me. Then I finally find someone I like and she’s smart enough to realize how much of an asshole I am” he told me.
I raised an eyebrow. Taylor Hanson admitting he wasn’t perfect. Now that wasn’t an everyday occasion. Still, as his best friend it was my duty to convince him otherwise. “Taylor, you’re not an asshole, nor or you pathetic. I mean, look at me, I am 25 and I can’t seem to have any relationships. And I’ve had significantly less flings than you” I told him.
“Okay then, we’re both pathetic,” he said just as the drinks were arriving.
“Thanks Tay” I said sarcastically as I watched him take his drink, salt, lime and all. I watched him grimace as he swallowed. That was exactly what made drinking unappealing to me.
“You’re turn Stace” he told him pushing a drink towards me. I gave him a face, but he chose to ignore. Finally I gave up and took the drink. I made the mistake of gulping it all down at once. It burned going down my throat, yet once in my stomach it gave me a nice feeling. Maybe it wasn’t all the bad after all.
Taylor grabbed another drink and downed it as quickly as the first. He swallowed smiling. “The second one’s always better.”
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I woke up the next morning with a pounding headache. I groaned and rolled over trying to make my eyes focus. It was then I realized that I wasn’t in my room, or even my apartment. From the looks of it, I was in Taylor’s. Sure enough I turned my head, and there he was in bed next to me. From what I could tell he was fast asleep. “Shit” I whispered. This was a nightmare. Sure, if we had been sober it would have meant something, and that would have been good. But last night we were trashed, and this was the type of thing that could screw our friendship over.
I quietly got out of bed and went in search of my jeans. Maybe if I got out of there before he woke up he wouldn’t remember. “Where are you going Stace?” I heard Taylor’s voice just as I was pulling my jeans on.
“Home” I told him buttoning them up. I didn’t even bother to turn around. I didn’t think I could face him at the moment.
“Why?” he asked softly. I turned and looked at him. He was sitting up in bed by then. I could tell that just like me he had the hangover from hell, but I couldn't help but notice how sexy he looked with no shirt on. And then there were his eyes. They were pure crystal blue, and full of confusion, and maybe a little hope. But still, I couldn’t let myself think that this was anything but wrong.
“Look Taylor, we got drunk last night. Very drunk. People do stupid things when they are drunk” I told him firmly and went back to the task of buttoning my jeans.
“No, people who are drunk do things they want to do, but don’t have the guts to do when they are sober” he said softly. I couldn’t believe my ears.
“You wanted to sleep with me?” I asked incredulously. I stopped my attempts to get dressed and turned towards him again. My head was spinning with both hope and worry.
“Come here” he said motioning to his bed. Hesitantly I walked over and sat down next to him. My eyes searched his own for the true meaning behind his last statement.
“Stace, you know I love you right?” he asked.
“Yes, I love you too, but I didn’t think it was like that” the words came tumbling out of my mouth. Maybe it wasn’t exactly the truth, but pretty close. I knew I had feelings for him, but I was pretty damn sure he didn’t share them. Besides, even if I had feelings, I didn’t really want to act on them. That’s why this was seeming more like a nightmare than a dream come true.
“Well, maybe it is like that” Taylor started sounding a bit unsure. “I don’t know Stacy. You’re my best friend. You’re so good to me, and I can turn to you for anything. And this morning when I woke up I didn’t regret anything that happened last night. Maybe I am in love with you. Maybe I’ve just been denying it all this time, and this is my wake up call.”
I didn’t know how to respond to that. I thought about pinching myself because nothing this amazing ever happened to me. Instead I opted for the usual female role and started crying. Taylor took his thumb and wiped a stray tear off my cheek. Leaving his hand on my face he leaned in placed his lips over mine. The kiss reminded me of a day about 8 years earlier when Taylor and I had watched the movie “The Wedding Singer” and then tried to analyze exactly what ‘church tongue’ was. That kiss was ‘church tongue.’ Soft and sweet yet there was still passion behind it.
When Taylor pulled away I breathed in a ragged breath. I immediately missed his taste. I wanted another, but could tell that he had moved too far away by then. I fluttered my eyes open and found him watching me. From the look on his face I could tell he felt the same way about the kiss. “I wanted to see if it felt right sober too,” he said barely above a whisper. "It did." The way he spoke it gave me confidence.
“Taylor, do you ever wonder if the reason we could never find the right person was because we weren’t supposed to find anyone else?” I asked. I’d never said anything so bold in my life, but for once I was conveying my true feelings and it felt good.
“Yeah, I’m beginning to think that” he told me.
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6 Months Later
This morning when I woke up in Taylor’s bed again it didn’t phase me in the least. We live together now actually. A few weeks ago the lease on my apartment ran out, and I couldn’t afford another one. Taylor told me I could move in since he had an extra bedroom in his. The extra bedroom idea barely lasted a week.
It’s okay though, we’ve talked about getting married a lot lately. Now we just have to make the plans. Some people think we’re crazy because we’ve only been together for six months, but we’ve known each other for so long it feels like we’ve been together for much longer. It was weird at first getting used to actually being together rather than just friends, but by now I can’t imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone else. And the amazing thing about it is that Taylor treats me like he always has, and not like all the other woman he dated before. That makes me believe we're meant to be together, and all he needed was to find the rigth woman to straighten him up.
Snuggling closer to him for more warmth in the early morning hours I smiled to myself. This was how my life was destined to be, and for once I’m finally happy.
The End
