Chapter 5
Over the next month Robyn and I spent a lot of times together getting closer and closer. The wonderful thing about her she reminded me enough of Kristy that I was comfortable, but she was different enough that it wasn’t painful for me to be with her. She had Kristy’s sense of humor and adventure, but things like their tastes in clothing, music, and other activities differed. Their one physical feature that was the same was their long flowing blond hair. In fact Robyn’s hair felt so much like Kristy’s that I actually teared up once running my fingers though it. I hated crying in from of Robyn, but she was more supportive than I could have ever imagined. She may not have had any idea what I was going through, but she always knew what to say to comfort me. We spent most of our time either out or at her apartment because it was more comfortable for me, but she come over to my house occasionally. One particular evening she stopped by to drop something off and ended up coming in and staying for a while. We were curled up on the couch together watching TV when Robyn suddenly announced that it was boring, reached for the remote, and turned it off. “And what’s so boring about it?” I asked her. “It just is” she told me matter of factually. I had to laugh at her. “So what are we supposed to do if we don’t want TV?” I asked. “I don’t know, talk” she suggested. “About what?” I wondered out loud. Her face suddenly turned serious. “Taylor, do I remind you of Kristy?” she asked. I was a little surprised at first, it seemed as if it had been something she’d wanted to ask me for a while, but didn’t know how. “In some ways you do, and in some ways you don’t” I answered her honestly. “Is this comfortable to you? Being here with me in your old house?” she asked. I sighed and thought about it for a minute. It was a very difficult question, and I wanted answer it as honestly as possible. “It gets more comfortable everyday,” I finally said. Robyn looked as if she was going to cry. She ran a hand down my cheek. “You’re so brave Taylor” she whispered. Our eyes met and we shared a moment filled with strong emotions. I didn’t say anything. Instead I leaned down and gave her a soft kiss. The intensity grew feverishly. I wrapped my arms around Robyn’s shoulders and leaned down even further pushing her on her back. Our lips seemed fused together and tongues blended as one. It was satisfaction I hadn’t felt since my time with Kristy. I hadn’t had any sexual relations with anyone except for Kristy. The thought this leading anywhere with Robyn both exited me and scared me all at once. Over a year of being alone left me hungry for the touch of a woman, but it also left me insecure. As Robyn’s kisses traveled down my neck and her hands roamed under my tee shirt I was suddenly hit with reality. If this went much further she’d expect me to take her upstairs to my bedroom, to the room and bed that I had shared with Kristy. I knew I wasn’t ready for that. I pulled away and bit my bottom lip hoping Robyn wouldn’t get upset. I saw a look of confusion on her face. “I’m sorry, I can’t yet” I offered an explanation in a whisper. “Okay” she said softly and turned away. I knew her well enough to know that she understood, but she was hurting deep down in side. It must have been frustrating for her to put up with me sometimes, but there was nothing I could do. The healing process was only beginning, and I would probably never adjust completely. It would take a lot of strength from both of us to make our relationship work. A moment of uncomfortable silence passed between us. “Maybe I should go home now” Robyn whispered. I nodded. “Can I call you tomorrow?” I asked unsure. “Yeah” she said simply. “Talk to you then.” She got pause to give me a quick kiss and then was gone. I stayed on the couch wondering how what had just happened would effect our relationship. I had gotten through a challenge admitting that the healing process was beginning, but now it was plainly obvious that it was only the beginning. And I had no idea what that would mean for our relationship.