Chapter 3
On the drive home I subconsciously took a turn in the wrong direction and started heading towards the cemetery that Kristy was buried in. I’m not really sure what made me do it, but it felt right. I hadn’t been there in almost two months. The last time I was there had been a year after her death. It had been almost too much to take.
I shivered a little getting out of my car. It was just after dusk. I couldn’t tell if I had shivered from the slight chill in the air, or the fact that I was in a cemetery after dark. It seemed so childish, but it was a weird feeling.
Doing my best to ignore the feeling I sat on my knees in front of the grave marker. Memories flooded my mind as I read it over and over. Kristen Marie Saurtry Hanson, September 2 1982- April 18 2005. Tears began to leak out of my eyes. The pain in my heart that had slightly eased this evening was back in full force. It hurt so much, yet I could not take my eyes away.
It was then I heard a crack of thunder and the sky erupted in heavy rain. “Oh great” I thought tipping my head up to the sky just in time to feel the rain pelt on my face. “That’s just fucking great,” I yelled out loud. I hunched over sobbing uncontrollably as it all just added up. It didn’t matter how wet I was getting. I had to let it all out. It didn’t seem fair that I had to go through this.
After about 20 minutes when I couldn’t cry any longer I realized how sopping wet and shivering cold I was. Realizing it I jumped up and ran to my car.
I drove home shaking uncontrollably from cold. I was miserable both physically and mentally. Once I got back I immediately took a long hot shower trying not only to warm myself physically, but also to warm my soul back up.
After showering I put on a pair of clean boxers and sat on my bed staring off into the distance. Part of the time I was feeling sorry for myself. I couldn’t deny how awful I was feeling at the time. But part of the time I was trying to decide what to do from there. I liked Robyn, I really did. And it felt good whenever I was with her. But I just had to figure how I wanted to pursue things with her, and how I was going to get over the guilty feelings I had sometimes.
I must have fallen asleep at some point without realizing it. I woke up the next morning and knew what to do. After mentally preparing myself I picked up the phone and dialed Robyn’s phone number.
“Hello” she answered on the second ring.
“Robyn, this is Taylor” I told her.
“Oh, hi” she said softly. There was a pause as if she didn’t know what to say. I didn’t blame her; I wouldn’t either if I were her.
“Listen, I wanted to apologize for leaving so abruptly last night,” I said. I did truly feel sorry.
“It’s okay, I understand completely” she told me. “I’m sorry if I hurt you by bringing up the subject.”
I didn’t know how to address the subject, so I changed it. “Um, would you like to go out for coffee or something this evening, like say 7?” I asked.
“Yeah sure, that sounds nice” she said.
“I’ll meet you at the shop” I told her.
“Okay, bye” she said and hung up the phone. I sighed and did the same.
