Chapter 1
I wasn’t paying attention to anything around me. I was sipping my coffee and glancing at a magazine, although I wasn’t paying much attention to that either. I’m not really sure where my mind was; it was just kind of out there. It often was. Kristy had been gone for about 14 months and I found myself going through the motions of life, rather than actually living it. Every mid-morning I came to this coffee shop, ordered the same thing, and sat and had my drink not talking to anybody. I couldn’t quite explain it; I just craved the predictability and conformity in my life lately.
“Is this seat taken” a voice brought me out of my daze. I looked up and found the owner of the voice was a woman my age. I looked around; the shop was unusually busy and she had no other place to sit.
“No, go ahead” I told her softly. I looked back down at my magazine for another minute, but I was pretty sure it was obvious that I wasn’t paying attention to it. To save myself from any embarrassment I put it away and gave the woman a smile. She was actually quite pretty.
“Hi, I’m Robyn” she said.
“I’m Taylor,” I said offering my right hand for a shake across the table. “Nice to meet you.”
We began small talk for a while, and I found myself interested in what she had to say. I’d never really had the desire to talk to a woman in the past 14 months, but now that I had it I enjoyed it.
By chance I glanced down at my hands resting on my legs just above my knees. I almost panicked for a moment when I noticed my wedding ring still on the left hand. I’d never taken it off, but something told me to do so now. I felt slightly guilty, but I listened to my conscious and slipped the ring off placing it in my pocket. After that I placed my hands up on the table and continued the conversation.
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That afternoon when I returned home I sank onto Kristy’s old favorite chair. I liked to think that I could still smell her scent on it. I felt a pit rise in my stomach. I could tell the feeling was guilt. When I had left the coffee shop that morning Robyn had asked for my phone number. I had willingly given it to her, which was causing me to feel the guilty now. I felt a little foolish about it all. Kristy was gone, never coming back. It was about time I started seeing other woman. Or at least that’s what everyone told me. Were they right?
Many conflicting emotions ran through my mind as I sat at the chair. In one way it felt good to move on, and to be noticed by other people. It felt almost like a second chance. In another way I felt like I was still married and I was betraying Kristy. Also I tried to figure out what had gone through my mind that made me take my ring off my finger. Did I not want her to see it because she’d think I was married and leave, or was it because I didn’t want to tell my story? That I could not figure out.
I was very confused; but then again life always was confusing to me lately. I barely knew the meaning of living anymore. I just knew that my heart was filled with unimaginable pain, and I was looking for something to ease it. Maybe Robyn would, or maybe it was just wishful thinking.
I pulled my ring out of my pocket and stared at it. “I Love You” was engraved on the inside. For something with so little real meaning anymore it held so sentimental value to me. I couldn’t bear to give it up yet. I felt the gold chain I wore around my neck. Taking it off I thread the chain through the ring and replaced it around my neck. It would stay as a charm near my heart for remembrance.
