Dear ____________________,

We carefully reviewed your application. We spent hours comparing your SAT scores to those of other applicants. Although you are clearly capable of succeeding at our school, due to the large volume of applications, we cannot accept you at this time. (Your GPA would detract from our position in the intellectual hierarchy of society.) Hence, we wish you luck in your application processs. Thank you for applying here, because it will increase our application statistics.

Sincerely,

Eugene Laddius III, Dean of Admissions, Harvard College

P.S. Maybe you should consider state schools. Only unsuitable students who need financial aid go there.

P.P.S. We have included anthrax in your return letter because you are detrimental the average IQ of society. It is our job to exterminate unsatisfactory members of society.

(50% off an expired can of caviar enclosed).

(Free prescription spectacles with purchase of pocket watch offer enclosed).

See the Application
Back to PCHS for another day