Inner Strength
If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills,
If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with
your troubles,
If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful
for it,
If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to
give you time,
If you can overlook when people take things out on you
when,
through no fault of yours, something goes wrong,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can face the world without lies and deceit,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without liquor,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
If you can do all these things,
Then you are probably the family dog.
How to Wash a Cat
- Do not try this at home!!
1. Thoroughly clean
the toilet.
2. Add the required
amount of shampoo to the toilet water and have both
lids up.
3. Obtain the cat
and soothe him while you carry him towards the
bathroom.
4. In one smooth
movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both
lids. (You may need to stand on the lid so that he
cannot escape.) The cat will self-agitate and make
ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from your
toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this. (CAUTION: Do
not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as
his paws will be reaching out for anything they can
find.)
5. Flush the toilet
three or four times. This provides a "power
wash" and "rinse", which I have found to
be quite effective.
6. Have someone
open the door to the outside and ensure
that there are no people between the toilet and the
outside door.
7. Stand behind the
toilet as far as you can, and, using a broomstick or
other such device, quickly lift both lids.
8. The now-clean
cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside
where he
will dry himself.
Sincerely,
The Dog
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Eating Dogs
Two foreign immigrants have just arrived in the United
States by boat and one says to the other, "I hear
that the people of this country actually eat
dogs."
"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we
shall live in America, we might as well do as the
Americans do."
Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to a
hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart.
"Two dogs, please," she says.
The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both
hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter.
Excited, the companions hurry to a bench and begin to
unwrap their "dogs."
One of them opens the foil and begins to blush. Staring
at it for a moment, she turns to her friend and
whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"
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