So I Married An Axe Murderer
Harriet: Can I ask you a question?
Charlie: Sure.
Harriet: Do you actually like haggis?
Charlie: No. I think it's repellent in every way. In fact, I think most Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.
Stuart: Well, it's a well-known fact, sonny jim, that there's a secret society of the five wealthiest people in the world known as the Pentavaret, who run everything in the world, including the newspapers, and meet tri-annually at a secret country mansion in Colorado known as The Meadows.
Tony: So who's in this Pentavaret?
Stuart: The Queen, the Vatican, the Geddes, the Rothschilds, and Colonel Sanders before he went tattzup.
Stuart: Oh, I hated the Colonel, with his wee beady eyes and that smug look on his face - "Oh, you're gonna buy my chicken!"
Charlie: Dad, how can you hate The Colonel?
Stuart: Because he puts an addictive chemical in his chicken that makes you crave it fortnightly, smartass!
Stuart: William! Move your head! Look at the size of that boy's head! I'm not kidding. It's like an orange on a toothpick ... I'm not kidding, that boy's head is like Sputnik; spherical but quite pointy at parts! Aye, now that was offsides, now wasn't it? He'll be crying himself to sleep tonight, on his huge pillow.
Harriet: What do you look for in a woman you date?
Charlie: Well, I know everyone always says "sense of humor", but I'd really have to go with "breast size".
Charlie: You know, Scotland has its own martial arts. It's called "Fuckyu!". It's mostly just head butting and kicking people while they're on the ground.
Tony:So you really like this girl, huh?
Charlie: Tony, I am completely smitten. I am in deep smit.
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
Austin: Allow myself to introduce ... myself.
Austin: You must admit she is rather mannish. Really, if that is a woman she must have been beaten with an ugly stick.
Austin: That really hurt! I'm gonna have a lump there, you idiot! Who throws a shoe? Honestly! You fight like a woman!
Scott: I hate you! I wish I was never artificially created in a lab!
Dr. Evil: Scott, that hurts daddy when you say that. Honestly.
Number Two: Dr. Evil, it's about the sharks. When you were frozen, they were put on the endangered species list. We tried to get some, but it would've taken months to clear up the red tape.
Dr. Evil: You know, I have one simple request, and that is to have sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads! Now, evidently, my cycloptic colleague informs me that that can't be done. Can you remind me what I pay you people for? Honestly, throw me a bone here!
Dr. Evil: My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a 15 year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims, like he invented the question mark. Sometimes, he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy - the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical: summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring, we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds. Pretty standard, really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicals. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum. It's breathtaking. I suggest you try it.
Austin: Only sailors use condoms, baby.
Vanessa: Not in the nineties, Austin!
Austin: Well they should, those filthy beggars, they go from port to port.
Austin Powers 2: The Spy Who Shagged Me
Austin:Machine gun jubblies, how did I miss those, baby?
Vanessa: Perhaps next time you should try foreplay!
Dr. Evil: As you know, every diabolical scheme I've hatched has been thwarted by Austin Powers. And why is that, ladies and gentlemen?
Scott: Because you never kill him when you get the chance and you're a big dope?
Dr. Evil: You're not quite evil enough. You're semi-evil. You're quasi-evil. You're the margarine of evil. You're the Diet Coke of evil: just one calorie, not evil enough.
Dr. Evil: Come on, Mr. President...show me the money!
President: Show you what money?
Dr. Evil: Show me the money! Show me the money! You had me at hello...(tear)...
Fat Bastard: Baby...the other other white meat! Baby...it's what's for dinner!
Fat Bastard:I'm dead sexy...
Back To the Future
Lorraine: When I was your age I never chased a boy or called a boy or sat in a parked car with a boy.
Linda: Then how am I ever supposed to ever meet anybody?
Lorraine: Well, it'll just happen, like the was I met your father.
Linda: That was so stupid! Grampa hit him with the car!
Marty: Doc, are you telling me you built a time machine . . . out of a Delorean?
Doc: The way I see it, if you're gonna build a time machine into a car, why not do it with some style?
Doc: If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits eighty-eight miles per hour, you're gonna see some serious shit.
Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Ferris: I do have a test today, that wasn't bullshit. It's on European Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not European. I don't plan on being European. So, who gives a crap if they're Socialists? They could be fascist anarchists, it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a car.
Ferris: Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.
Jeanie: This is not a phony phone call. There is an intruder: male, Caucasian, possibly armed, certainly weird, in my kitchen. My name is Bueller . . . look, it's real nice that you hope my brother is feeling better. But, I'm in danger, okay? I'm very cute, I'm very alone, and I'm very protective of my body--I do not want it violated or killed, alright? I need help! Speaking in English?! Dickhead!
Cameron: Ferris, my father loves this car more than life itself.
Ferris:A man with priorities so far out of whack doesn't deserve such a fine automobile.
Cameron: Ferris Bueller, you're my hero.
Ghostbusters
Dr. Spengler: There's something very important I forgot to tell you.
Dr. Venkman: What?
Dr. Spengler: Don't cross the streams.
Dr. Venkman: Why?
Dr. Spengler: It would be bad.
Dr. Venkman: I'm fuzzy on the whole good/bad thing. What do you mean "bad"?
Dr. Spengler: Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously, and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light.
Dr. Stantz: Total protonic reversal!
Dr. Venkman: Right, that's bad. Okay, alright, important safety tip, thanks Egon.
Dr. Venkman: Let's show this prehistoric bitch how we do things downtown!
Gozer: Are you a god?
Dr. Stantz: No?
Gozer: Then . . . die!
Winston: When someone asks you "if you're a god?" you say, "Yes!"
Dr. Stantz: It can't be!
Dr. Venkman: What is it?!
Dr. Stantz: It can't be!
Dr. Venkman: What did you do, Ray?!
Winston: Oh, shit!
Dr. Stantz: It's the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man.
Dr. Venkman: We came, we saw, we kicked its ass!
The Princess Bride
Inigo: Who are you?
Westley: No one of consequence.
Inigo: I must know.
Westley: Get used to disappointment.
Westley: There's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. It would be a pity to damage yours.
Westley: Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.
Inigo: My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
Inigo: Are you the Miracle Max who worked for the king all those years?
Miracle Max: The King's stinking son fired me, and thank you so much for bringing up such a painful subject. While you're at it, why don't you give me a nice paper cut, and pour lemon juice on it?
Westley: Give us the gate key.
Yellin: I have no gate key.
Inigo: Fezzik, tear his arms off.
Yellin: Oh, you mean this gate key.
Buttercup: We'll never survive.
Westley: Nonsense, you're only saying that because no one ever has.
Young Frankenstein
Dr. Frankenstein: Would you mind telling me, who's brain I did put in?
Igor: And, you won't be angry?
Dr. Frankenstein: I will not be angry.
Igor: Abby-someone.
Dr. Frankenstein: Abby-someone? Abby who?
Igor: Abby-normal.
Dr. Frankenstein: Werewolf?
Igor: There.
Dr. Frankenstein: What?
Igor: There wolf. There castle.
Dr. Frankenstein: Why are you talking that way?
Igor: I thought you wanted to.
Inga: Would you like to have a roll in the hay? It's fun!
Dr. Frankenstein: What knockers!
Inga: Why, thank you, Doctor.
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