He sat beside the stark white bed, watching his companion sleep fitfully. The antiseptic room glowed with the colored blips of various monitors, casting a greenish pall over everything. The only sound was the hiss and release of the machine that aided Nick in sustaining breath.

The white sheets that he lay on only served to accentuate the dark circles beneath his fine lashes and led one to believe that he was already dead. As it was, Nick was a skeleton of his former self. His hair had lost the sheen that it had carried for so long and weight had veritably fallen away from him. Where he had once carried a little extra padding was now drawn tight across atrophied muscles and bone.

It pained AJ to see his best friend and lover, once so attractive and full of life reduced to constant bed rest. He stroked the warm skin of Nick's hand mostly to reassure himself that Nick was still here and with him at least physically.

Nick had gotten sick during the last leg of the tour. It had been somewhere around Philadelphia where he had started to fall apart. AJ had asked him continually if he was okay, but Nick, ever the stubborn one, had shrugged him off, saying that he just needed some sleep.

The blond had become more and more run down, to the point where the management had made the executive decision to cancel the final eight shows. Nick had protested, and loudly at that, that he was fine and that he could finish the tour. Management wouldn’t hear of it and refunded tickets to all that had bought them.

AJ and Nick had flown back to Tampa almost immediately, to the house they had shared since the previous November. AJ had watched, with some trepidation and fear, Nick become weaker and weaker. All the while, Nick insisted he was fine and that he was just tired from touring so hard.

AJ finally got him to go to a doctor. All the way, Nick had downplayed how horribly tired he was. Blood tests were done and Nick had been poked and prodded until his sensitive skin had bruised. It was all a horrible ordeal for AJ to watch and be powerless to control. Nick became so frustrated with doctors and so uncomfortable that there had been nothing left for him to do but cry. And he did for many nights; at first trying to hide it from AJ, but eventually allowing himself to be held tight while tears flowed freely from both of them.

Days had passed and the results had finally come. Untreatable. Incurable. Fatal. Nick had taken it all in stride, seeming to accept his inevitable fate, while AJ had moved into complete denial. It was too painful, too hard to watch Nick deteriorate so rapidly.

In a matter of weeks, Nick had lost more weight than he had gained in months and was reduced to lying on the couch with AJ. They had tried to continue their lives together as normally as possible, working around Nick's doctor's visits and schedule of medicine. AJ got angry, so angry, at Fate and even at Nick himself for the way things were. Nick wasn't supposed to get sick. He wasn't supposed to die at twenty-one. It wasn't fair that he was going to be taken from him before they had a chance to create the life they wanted together.

Things were just so hard then. Nick wasn't able to move around the house without assistance, much less go out with AJ anywhere. Nick, ever the selfless man, had told AJ to go without him and find what he needed outside the house, but AJ had flatly refused. Sure, he would have loved to go out and have something anonymous with a beautiful person but he loved the blond way too much to do something like that. AJ learned to be happy just holding the frail body of his lover and burying his nose in Nick's hair. It had to be that way, so AJ adapted.

And this was were it would all end, he supposed. His eyes, shielded by dark lenses and reddened by useless crying, scanned the room; taking in all the details he could remember. This would be the last stop for the AJ and Nick show.

AJ sighed and lowered his lips to the hand held in his. "C'mon, baby. Wake up. I need you here." He knew that he was being selfish, but, damn it, he loved Nick and wanted him here with him, not dead and buried. It tore at his heart to be losing him, but he too was resigned to Nick's fate and his.

Minutes ticked by, each drawing the close of Nick's life closer and closer. The pit in AJ's stomach deepened and the lump in his throat rose steadily until he was unable to hold back his tears any longer. He removed his glasses and let them clatter to the floor by his feet. It was all too much for him, too intense.

His cheeks were slick with his tears and he made little effort to wipe them away. What did it matter now? He sighed shakily, his thumb drawing slow circles on the soft skin of Nick's hand. It was too much, way too much. He was only twenty-one.

Fresh tears flowed freely. He was at a loss as to what to do now. It was just a matter of time and that's what hurt the most. AJ had loved Nick for what seemed like forever, yet they had just discovered each other. And now AJ was poised to lose him again. Not to another man or woman, but lost forever. Never in his arms late at night, never beside him in bed on those early mornings, never again.

"Please, Nicky. Please don't leave me. I can't do this without you." He spoke in barely a whisper, trying vainly to keep his voice even and steady AJ was certain that Nick could hear him and he didn't want him to see him upset.

Silence took over the passage of time, occupying each moment that dwindled into nothingness. AJ held the hand that had loved him so many nights. He held it and gazed at the face that held all his hopes and love. He sat quietly, but inside AJ screamed and raged. He wanted to jump up and shake Nick and demand him to wake, to stop screwing around. If only it was that easy.

A hand touched his shoulder lightly and he lifted his eyes. Beside him stood a stoic doctor and an unsmiling nurse. Words fell onto his ears and he nodded mutely. Both of the white-clad figures moved beside the bed and began making notes of various reading and measures.

AJ stood on shaky legs beside Nick, still holding tight to his hand. He bent and brushed back a few blond strands, then kissed his cool forehead tenderly. AJ could have sworn that Nick squeezed his hand in response, but he shook off the thought quickly as it only brought more tears. The nurse looked at him with an almost pitiful gaze and he nodded one more time.

She bent forward and switches were flipped. The room filled with all sorts of alarms and beeps that startled and scared AJ. It wasn't the noise that so much frightened him, but the implications of the noise. He glanced down through a haze of tears at Nick. There was no change at all. He lay still, his eyes closed to the chaos around him. AJ had always thought that he looked particularly angelic when he was sleeping, and had told him so on many occasions. But this time his angel wouldn't wake up and grin at him. The thought caused the wavering tears to spill forward in a silent sob.

The nurse leaned forward, and with technical precision, removed the tape holding the plastic tube that entered at his mouth and snaked down his throat to aid his respiration. AJ trembled unexpectedly as she grasped the life-giving tube. This was it. It was all over.

More tears tumbled free as she deftly tipped his chin back and slowly tugged the tube out of his throat, moving in slow intervals until it was free.

Time was suspended in the tiny hospital room. AJ held his breath, while Nick took in a weak, shaky breath on his own. His heart fluttered when he caught a glimpse of blue as his eyelids fluttered momentarily. Again, AJ thought Nick's hand tightened on his. He squeezed back hard, sending a lifetime's worth of emotion through in a split second.

Nick's breath faltered and AJ looked to the doctor, half-blind through tears. The man slowly shook his head and dropped his eyes. "C'mon, Nick." His voice trembled dangerously as he silently prayed for a miracle of any sort.

Nick took another shaky breath and his eye fluttered once again. He held the air for a moment and AJ thought for sure that he was going to be okay, that he would have his Nicky back.

Slowly, the breath exited in a shaky sigh. AJ waited for the next intake. He stared at Nick's chest beneath the layers of sheet and hospital-issue gown. He waited.

He waited while the various alarms and beeps began to sound. He waited as the doctor stepped forward and pressed his stethoscope to Nick's still chest. He waited while the nurse removed the IV needles from his forearm. He waited while the doctor quietly declared a time of death.

Only after that moment did the petite man sink back into the stiff-backed chair, his face wet with silent tears and shoulders shaking with quiet sobs.

It was over and done with, the affair written on the record and the page marked for life. Nick had let forth his last breath, a soul sigh, the sound of what was goodbye.

Fade To Black