She lay in the bed, her dark hair spread out on the pillow like a dark halo. Nick had to smile when he looked at her. Toby’s body was dwarfed by her large belly, which took most of the sheet that was covering her lower half. He made his way around a warming table and several carts with various necessary implements.

A chair had been placed by the side of the hospital bed for him and he sat, scooting close to her side. His lips brushed her cheek and her hand was found by his larger one. “How’re you doing?”

Toby shrugged. “Alright. This kid is stubborn, just like it’s daddy.” She smiled wanly up at him and he grinned, squeezing her hand lightly.

“Almost there, sweetie. Doctor says it’s almost time.” His hand brushed a stray hair away from her damp forehead. She was pale and her normally bright eyes had a dull sheen to them. He smiled at her reassuringly and squeezed her hand lightly.

The door banged behind him and he turned to see the surgi-masked doctor enter. Dressed in green scrubs, he sat on a wheeled stool and moved over to the end of Toby’s bed. “How are we feeling?” Toby cleared her throat. “Okay. I’m a little tired.” The doctor snapped on a set of latex gloves.

“You’re almost to the finish line, Toby. Just a little longer. I’m just going to take a peek and see how you’re coming along, okay?” She nodded and the doctor lifted the cover sheet back. He was quiet for a moment as he checked her dilation, then pulled back and rid himself of his gloves. “Good. You’re all the way dilated.” He addressed the nurse. “How far apart are her contractions?” He was handed her chart, which he glanced at quickly, then handed back. “Looks like at the next contraction you’re going to push, Toby. Feel up to it?” She licked her lips and nodded.

A nurse tapped Nick on the shoulder and handed him a yellow hospital gown to wear during the delivery. He stood and struggled with it for a moment until he realized he was putting it on backwards. Nick flushed at the nurse’s laughter, but gratefully accepted her help in correctly wearing it and tying it in the back.

He again took his place beside Toby and slipped his large hand around hers once again. She squeezed his weakly and gave him a tiny smile. “I’m scared, Nicky.” He was scared, too, and hoped she didn’t know.

Before he could respond, she stiffened and groaned softly as another contraction began. Nick’s heart pounded wildly and his breath came in short shallow swallows as he heard the nurse opposite him start to count back from ten. Toby’s grip on his hand tightened as she gritted her teeth and began to push. Her head came off the pillow and her chin rested on her chest as she struggled.

The nurse thankfully reached one and Toby fell back against the pillow, breathing hard. “Good job, honey.” He kissed her forehead and wiped her face with a cool cloth that had been pressed into his hand. Her hand squeezed his tight as she contracted again and the count began once more from the top.

“Good . . good. The head is almost all the way out. A little more, Toby.” The doctor’s calm and reassuring voice did nothing for Nick’s anxiety. He hated to see her hurting so much.

As if on cue, she arched off the bed and a painful cry escaped her lips. Nick tried to reassure her, but was met with hostility. “Shut *UP*, Nick. Christ . .” He recoiled slightly, but the nurse reassured him that it was normal for women to not be in a good state of mind during labor.

She lay back once again and he mopped her forehead again. “I love you, Toby. You’re do so good, baby.” He squeezed her hand reassuringly and she smiled slightly before being prompted to push once again. She practically screamed through that one as well.

“Almost there, almost there . . good!” The doctor stood and leaned forward. Nick looked up at him and his jaw dropped when he saw the tiny squalling infant held in his arms. “You, Toby and Nick, have a beautiful baby boy. Ten fingers, ten toes.” Nick couldn’t take his eyes off his son as he was taken to the side and cleaned, checked out and wrapped up. His son. He had a son. Something changed inside him and a lump rose in his throat.

He looked back at Toby who lay spent. “It’s a boy?” Her eyes bore into his, worried because she hadn’t heard. He nodded, unable to even speak. She sighed and closed her eyes. Nick moved and kissed her forehead, loving her so much.

The baby was brought over to the bed and placed by Toby’s side. She pulled the blanket back and touched his chubby sheek. He blinked and the light caught the blue of his eyes. “Look, Nicky, he has your eyes.” She gazed up at him and Nick couldn’t help but kiss her again. “He’s beautiful.”

The doctor was still working on Toby; cleaning up and making sure the afterbirth was intact. “Toby, we’ve got a little bleeding here so I want to take you upstairs to the OR and make sure everything is alright.” The nurse leaned and picked up the baby from the bed.

“Would you like to hold him, Mr. Carter?” Nick looked up at her, in a slight daze, then nodded. She carefully placed the blanket-wrapped bundle in his arms and pressed his arms tight around his son. Nick looked up at Toby and realized she was sleeping. He smiled down at the tiny person in his arms as Toby was wheeled out to the elevator.

Nick stood at the observation window of the nursery, watching his new son. Jonathan Michael. He was the third bassinet from the left. Nick watched him sleep peacefully and smiled. That’s all he had been able to do that day, just smile.

Minutes passed and he stayed by the glass, taking it all in. He was only brought back to reality when a voice disturbed him. “Mr. Carter?” Nick turned.

“Yes?” The doctor had a peculiar look in his eyes and Nick’s stomach suddenly felt queasy.

The doctor sighed. “Toby had some complications up in surgery.” Nick swallowed hard. “Is she okay?” The doctor couldn’t meet his eyes.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Carter.” Nick’s brain suddenly went fuzzy and the words weren’t making sense.

“Wait, what do you mean? Is she alright or not?” His heart rate picked up speed.

The doctor looked up at him with sympathy clear in his eyes. “No, she’s not. I’m very sorry, Mr. Carter, but Toby bled out on the table.” It was as if his heart has been ripped out and run over by a truck. “She’s dead?” The purple stripe on the wall blurred and the tiles on the floor rushed at his face.

“Yes, Mr. Carter. I’m truly . . Mr. Carter? Mr. Carter? Orderly . .”



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