Scaring the Public
I broke one of my most sacred rules today. I went out in public without any makeup on. And without showering or washing my hair this morning.
I think someone should call the paramedics!
I NEVER go out without styled hair and, at the very least, mascara. Today I didn’t bother with anything. I have no idea what got into me.
At about 2.30 I decided that I had to go out and get lightbulbs as I was sick of groping in the dark, especially in the bathroom. I also discovered last night that my favorite backpack/purse is in the process of breaking and I had to have a new one.
This is tragic.
The clasp is breaking and I LOVE this backpack. It can be converted to a shoulder bag and is perfect for travelling. Backpack by day, purse by night.
Macy’s had more coupons in yesterday’s paper, so I felt that a quick trip to the mall might be of help. If I could find one on sale that could be a poor replacement for this beloved backpack I’d be happier.
I also like to start the school year with a new bag. So a trip to the mall seemed in order, but Macy’s was the only store I’d need to visit.
Normally this would lead me to shower, hairgel, contact lenses, makeup and blow dry.
Today it meant: throw on grungy shorts and a t-shirt, put on glasses and go, praying I wouldn’t run into anyone who knows me.
I really am a person who needs makeup. (Actually I need all the help I can get…spackling compound??) I have dark circles under my eyes and very light eyelashes, without makeup my eyes disappear. I tend to have an uneven skin tone and to look pale without blush or lipstick.
I know many people who scoff at putting on makeup, saying it doesn’t make a difference, but for me it really does. I’ve had people ask me if I’m sick if I don’t have any on, and wearing it gives me a sense of self-confidence.
I was even the before/after cover shot for a Mary Kay demonstrator’s portfolio once. The cosmetic thing didn’t work for me though. I’d gone for a free demo/makeover and looked great when I left, but I was allergic to something in the products. Zits, rash and itches galore!
So the fact that I went out today, not just to the dumpster but to a big store, without makeup on signifies something. I’m just not sure what.
I know I haven’t cared much about myself lately, in terms of how I look or how I feel, so I’m hoping this attempt to diet and change bad habits will perk me up.
I feel as if I have nothing to look forward to in my life, and in that there is no person that I care about, I don’t want to make a lot of effort. I know this is stupid, as I do feel better about myself if I am liking what I have on, or how I look.
I used to invent a character or a persona for myself, and be that individual for the day. I’d be myself, but I’d have some little secret quirk or something that was part of who I was that day, and I’d try to live that character’s life. Maybe that’s what I should do again. It kept me amused.
That probably sounds like a schizo or multiple personality kind of thing, but it’s not that drastic. It was just a small detail or addition, like pretending I was in love, or that I was an intellectual, or a writer, or just something that I’m not. I’d go through the day thinking I was a more interesting person and pitying the fact that the poor souls I work for (and with) didn’t realize my full worth.
I think it’s from those old days where all I wanted to do was act.
I parked in the lot near Macy’s rather than in the parking garage. The world had decided to go out shopping. It was as bad as it normally is the week before Christmas. Everyone was out, and they were all fighting for parking spaces, and these spaces had to be as close to the road as possible. If they’d been willing to drive over a couple of aisles there were plenty of spaces.
I guess no one wanted to walk more than forty feet from car to store.
Inside the store it was a madhouse. I have no idea what people were doing, because they didn’t seem to be shopping as much as milling about. They were standing in the middle of aisles chatting, and blocking any means of getting around them. One guy stood in the absolute center of a rather small aisle and drank his coffee with his right hand while doing some sort of calisthenics with his left arm. He slugged me right in the gut, then looked at me as if I was at fault for interrupting his exercise.
I splurged on the backpack.
I got a real leather one. I never buy leather, I usually get some sort of synthetic or vinyl, and this was so soft and smooshy that I couldn’t resist. I walked around for quite a while with four different backpacks, from four different price ranges, weighing the pros and cons and comparing pockets, zippers, and clasps on each. I actually liked one of the less expensive ones best, but it had a clasp that was similar to the one on my broken bag and I didn’t think that it would do any better than the one I currently own.
The leather was 25% off, with an additional 20% off coupon, so it ended up being a good value for the money. I also got a regular handbag that’s a Liz Claiborne design and was marked way down.
That was an unnecessary splurge.
I kept forgetting that I hadn’t done my hair or makeup until I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and gasped in horror. I really looked awful.
I zipped upstairs to the fat department, clutching the coupons I had left to see if there were any good deals in that area. I also needed to buy a blue blouse identical to the one I managed to shrink yesterday. I’ve gotta learn to look at the tags. All the other blouses I own that look like this can be washed, this one needed to be dry-cleaned.
Oops.
They had a replacement blouse and I found another pair of pants that are a buttery/silky type fabric, so I got those too. All on sale + coupon.
I left quickly, looking neither right nor left, for fear someone would recognize me. I dashed to the car and off to get those danged lightbulbs.
The thickness in the air whapped me in the face as I exited the air-conditioned store. We’re getting hit with the leftover showers from the hurricane, and the tropical air has come with it.
I could never live in Florida. I hate this.
I am actually organized for the week. Lunches are made and clothes are ironed and ready to wear.
I still have to do some lesson planning, though.
And in case you’re wondering, I’m dong a great job getting rid of all the junk food that’s around!
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