Rock Island, IL January 19 & 20, 2002

We had a lot of fun just driving and talking and singing to the cd's we brought along. We listened to Meredith Edwards, Dazy Head Mazy (duh), Joey McIntyre, SR71, Evan and Jaron, NSYNC (again, duh) and Matchbox 20 (I'm sure there are others, but I can't really remember them right now.)

Sarah picked me up around ten in the morning and off we went. We drove and drove and drove. We passed over the invisible black line from Minnesota to Iowa (what is that big space between the signs that say "Thank for visiting" and "Welcome To…" Is that the black line they show on the maps???). I'd never been to Iowa before, so I was pretty excited. I'm a dork. Anyway, we cross over the line and about ten to twenty miles into Iowa I see them…the Futuristic Spinning Pinwheels of Death . Seriously…a whole field. They are SCARY!! Sarah thought it was funny that I was scared of them. But seriously, they are like these big things with giant spears…for sacrificing poor, defenseless Minnesotans.

So a while later, outside of Ames, Sarah and I decide we are really freaking hungry and that's it…we want to eat. I had told her when we started off on our lovely road trip that we have to eat Trucker food. I wanted to stop at a Truck Stop so bad. So we found one. The Flying J appeared as if out of nowhere…tell ya what, it could have said Grits and at this point we would have ran in there and eaten as many as we could. Okay, maybe not that dramatic, but hey…we were really hungry. You should have heard me yell, "FOOD! Sarah there's a food place!" So we stopped at Trumps Restaurant and Souvenir Shop. Sarah and I both had some super yummy and SUPER greasy breakfast and then headed on our way yet again…but not before Nikki visited the souvenir shop!!! I couldn't decide, so I got a pack of playing cards with animals on it. (Sorry, I didn't take a photo of them.) I thought that was fitting considering there are animals ALL OVER THE PLACE in Iowa. In fact, I still think I saw Llamas. Seriously…they were in a heard and I knew they weren't horses or cows…so I figured they were Llamas. Sarah got a kick out of that. I remember when I mooed at the cows she thought I was nuts. But I was just saying hello.

Sarah had gone out to the car while I was getting my cards and decided to take a picture of the evil thing that was outside the window, just looking at me the whole time we were eating. A lone spinning pinwheel of death. So Sarah says she's going to get some gas, so I was standing around looking at the papers and stuff when I started laughing hysterically. I yelled for Sarah, and when she asked "What?" I realized I couldn't exactly yell out what I was thinking. (I didn't want any Iowans to get pissed that I was making fun of them.) So Sarah finished gassing up the car, and came over. And this is what we saw: Front Page of The Des Moines Register. Yeah…that's what I thought was really funny. On the front page…*laughs again* Sarah and I had hours of enjoyment on that one. (Hey, it was a long trip.)

On the road again…Sarah and I start to drive again. Nothing all that interesting…other than TRYING to read the billboards. Anyone know why all the billboards in Iowa are like 100 feet away from the freeway!?!?! Seriously! They are all in the middle of some poor farmers field. If you have an answer to that, please email me. I’m determined to find out the answer to that. Sarah and I came up with a game that day…it's called, "Try to read what the billboard says." Most of the time we'd give up, but sometimes we'd figure it out.

We also discovered that Iowa has some sort of black hole for people from 18-30…they don’t exist. I think we saw one on the way home from Rock Island, but every Iowa car we looked into we saw only people 18 and younger or 30+. The cars that had young people in them were mostly from Indiana and Illinois with a few Minnesotans mixed in. If anyone knows the answer to the "Where are all the young Iowans" question, feel free to email me as well…otherwise I think we should alert the federal government of this problem.

Another thing we discovered is that there are a lot of gas stations with the word "Kwik" in them. Why? Do they think it's original? It was when it was first done, but seriously…Kwik Stop, Kwik Shop, Kwik Gas…etc. But I have to say I found one gas station name rather amusing. As did Sarah. And yes, we stopped there. Now, we are driving along I-80 playing the "What Does That Billboard Say" when I saw one that caught my perverted eye. At first, I thought I was seeing things, but then I realized it was real. The Kum and Go. I'm going to give you a moment to ponder that name…okay…another moment…okay, I'll wait till you've finished laughing (you sick pervert). Done? No? Okay….alright…that's enough.

When we were walking in we met up with three men gassing up their car. I was going to take a photo of the gas station, when they yelled, "Hey! Take a photo of us!" So I turned and took a photo. Good looking guys…really good looking guys. Then they all laughed and yelled, "You just got a photo of the only three black men in Iowa." We laughed pretty hard. They were cool dudes. (In their 20's and from Illinois…of course.) Sarah and I think we pissed off the clerk because of our being silly about the name. We weren't mean, we just think the name is funny. I mean, seriously would YOU want to work at a place called, "The KUM and Go"!??!!!?? I wouldn't. When you walk out of the bathroom there is a map that has pins. You poke a pin in the place you are from. (Sick mind, again. Sorry.) So if you go and see a pin poked in "East Bethel" that's me! I put one in the Chisholm slot as well. On our way again…as we are driving we are just singing along to the radio when I see the oddest sign I think I've ever seen on a major interstate. Now keep in mind I-80 runs East to West of the U.S.A…yet there are no signs like this except for in Iowa. I'm dead serious when I say the sign actually said, "No Parking at Any Time." I would show a photo, but I haven't gotten mine developed yet. And it wasn't just one, there were several. Apparently Iowa has a problem with people parking on the side of the freeway. Another sign that made us laugh was the big orange warning sign (like a detour sign) that said, "Do Not Pick Up Hitchhikers." But apparently it's only in one section of Iowa that you shouldn't do that because we only saw those signs once. So I called Eric and tell him about the signs. He informs me they do have those in Illinois, as well as ones that say "Do Not Get Plowed" and "Legal Limit is .08". I also found out Sarah and I are not the only ones who had to take a photo of the Kum and Go…Eric did as well!!! Hee hee.

So finally after about six and half hours driving we arrive…YAY!! We park, get in the hotel, order room service *that sucked, by the way* and watched "Pay It Forward". (And if any of you have seen the movie, I took a shower at the end to avoid the ending.) I finish getting ready and we head over to the bar. Now, thinking this is like MN, we get there around nine. Yeah…Dazy's opener "Weed Street" (hee hee hee) doesn't start till like ten thirty, and Dazy doesn't play until eleven thirty. I forgot that the bars are open until 3am, yes THREE in Illinois. WOO WOO!!

So we hang out with the band and chill for a bit. Then the show starts. It was a great time!!! I had a blast!! And so did Sarah…she was a real trouper. After driving all that way, she hung in there until three thirty when we were being kicked out. The show was of course really great! Will, Jade, Andy, and of course Eric did an awesome job!!!

So by the end of the evening I was a bit wasted. I went from SOBER to WASTED in a matter of a few hours. I even got to be Rockstar Nikki for a bit!! (Thanks to Eric!!)

After hanging out with Eric, and the rest of the band Sarah and I made our way back to the hotel…thank God it was within stumbling distance. Hee hee. We got back around three thirty or so, Eric came and visited me for a few moments at some point in the morning and then I finally went to sleep. At 10:30 that morning, Eric called and told me the band was on their way back to MN and that he would talk to me later. And that he was sure Sarah and I would pass them on the road because they are "pokey". Around 11:30 me and the wife check out of the hotel and head home. This time around we are just hanging out, singing and sorta talking. Of course we laugh at all the billboards, and stupid "No Parking At Any Time" signs, but for the most part the trip is fairly uneventful. That is, until Lead Foot Lily got into the drivers seat. So we are on our way home…on the home stretch and I’m thinking, "Okay, if I go fast I'll be able to catch up to the band. How funny would THAT be?!" So going about 90, Sarah and I start noticing there are a lot more State Patrols out on the roads. I was pretty lucky for most of the time…but then Officer Henderson drove across the median and pulled over a motorist in front of me…from Indiana. So I think that I will just go the speed limit past him, then floor it and I'll be home free for the next 15 miles to the MN border. Apparently I shouldn't think…because I thought wrong. It wasn't but five minutes later that Officer Henderson was pulling me over and hauling me into the front seat of his car. Yes, ladies and gents…the FRONT seat of his car. So I get in, and he starts to turn down the radio and I ask, "Is that the Packer game!?" He says, "Yeah, did you want to listen to it?" I tell him that I do and the two of us start talking about Football. For the next ten minutes we talk about the Vikings (mistake #1, find out if they are fans of the Vikes or Pack before chatting it up…I still think I only got the ticket becuz I'm a Packers fan.), the New England game the night before (mistake #2, never brag about how great a game was when the officer was working the night before and missed it all), and then he turns up the radio and proceeds to write the ticket (mistake #3, never presume just because you are chatty with the officer that he will let you go on a warning). Officer Henderson hands me the very expensive ticket and sends me on my way. I get into the car and Sarah tells me that my phone had rung and that she tried to answer it but she couldn't find it. After a few moments of silence, I realize just how crappy it was that I was pulled over but how funny it would have been to get a photo with Officer Henderson or one of me in the front seat of the car. So Sarah and I settled for a photo of Nikki (aka Lead Foot Lily) and her Speeding Ticket. (while driving…ha ha ha!)

Sarah drops me off at my apartment around five thirty, and I get a phone call from Eric…turns out they went a totally different way home anyhow. So basically, I've learned a few things from this trip:

1) Futuristic Spinning Pinwheels of Death are scary, even when there is only one.

2) Iowans tend to park on the side of the freeway.

3) Iowans have REALLY good eyesight…you have to in order to see the billboards.

4) Karaoke is a big thing in Iowa.

5) Not a whole lot of news goes on in Iowa.

6) They have Llama's in Iowa.

7) There is a black hole that sucks in the youth of Iowa, only to spit them out ten years later in a minivan.

8) Trucker food rules.

9) Do Not Pick Up Hitchhikers.

10) Mooing at cows is fun.

11) Never underestimate an Officer of the Law.

12) You must make a stop at the Kum and Go to poke a pin where you're from.

13) Dazy Head Mazy rocks wherever they play.

14) I cannot play Bass.

15) But I do look cool when I'm holding one.

16) Sarah IS a party animal!

17) Do not try to beat the band home.

18) Munchies and Mt. Dew are pertinent on any road trip.

19) Be sure to take pictures of the stupid things and people you see.

20) Finally, Road Trips are good for the soul. I'm looking forward to our next one. (To Iowa…Sarah…you get to drive)

I hope you enjoyed the story of our road trip to Rock Island, Illinois. Be sure to check back sometime in March or April for the next installment of "Road Trips with Nikki, Sarah and whomever else is brave enough to ride along."

Until next time, America…take care of yourself and remember: DO NOT PICK UP HITCHHIKERS!!