Starring:
Special Appearances by:
Things You Need To Know:
Disclaimer: In no way does this play express the views, thoughts, and/or opinions of Art Alexakis, Craig Montoya, Davey Loprinzi, or Greg Eklund. This play was made soley for the purpose of entertainment and is not meant to be taken seriously. With that said, enjoy!
Scene 1: The Big Idea.
::Our story takes place at Melissa's home while she goes online.::
You've Got Mail Guy: "You've got mail!" .... (What'd you expect? A song?)
Mel: "Oooooooooo the latest Everclear newsletter. Cool!"
Mel: "Let's see what the boys are up to.."
Newsletter: "Everclear will be on Jay Leno, David Letterman, Politically Incorrect, TRL, Craig Kilborne, and Conan O' Brien this week. Followed by 2 world tours, guest apperences on The Simpsons, Lord Of The Dance (uncut), and The Home Shopping Network. Also, Craig Montoya will be going around from library to library reading to the blind. While Greg Eklund hosts a charity
benifit to honor Richard Simmons. Art Alexakis will be at home working on Everclear's up coming 6 albums. 'Everclear's Greatest Hits', 'The Best of Everclear', 'Wowzers Wowzers Wowzers it's Everclear', 'More Everclear', 'Everclear in Spanish', and the much anticipated, 'Ever Polka!' All due out sometime this month."
::mouth drops::
::IM sound::
Amanda: "Hey Mel"
Mel: "Uhhh... did you hear the latest Everclear news?"
Amanda: "YES! I'm sooo excited. I can't believe they're finally going to show Lord Of The Dance uncut! ROCK!"
Mel: "Everclear needs a rest. They're really overdoing it."
Amanda: "I wish there was something we could do.."
Mel: "HELL YES! Amanda you're a GENIUS! That is suuuuuch a good idea. We'll totally fly to L.A. Then, kidnap the boys, and make them have fun! It'll be great! I can't believe you thought of this! YES!"
Amanda: "Um, yeah! Yeah! YEAH! But I didn't really think of it.. you did"
Mel: "Oh you silly goose. Stop being so modest. You thought of a great idea and you deserve all the credit for it! Not me."
Amanda: "I'll tell the others!"
Scene 2: Details, Shmetails
::The Everclear kids are now standing on Art's doorstep::
Trippy: "Man.. what a fun, crazy trip that was! I can't believe Katie won the lotto and paid for us all to get here! Or how Nancy and MaryBeth beat the hell out of that hyjacker on the airplane.. or how we all saved those children from a burning bus ready to drive off a cliff when we went to switch planes! Wow!"
Terri: "Yeah.. and how can we forget getting on the 11 o'clock news for returning 50 thousand dollars of lost jewelry to that nun in a wheelchair..."
::Everyone nods::
Erika: "Yeah, that was cool. So anyway, why are we at ART'S doorstep and not Greg's?"
Nancy: "Yeah really, why can't we go to Craig's first?"
::Everyone looks at Katie waiting for her to jump in::
Katie: "LET'S JUST GO TO DAVEY'S."
::Mel rings the doorbell::
::The theme of Hee Haw kicks in::
Katie: "What.. the hell.. is that.."
Nancy: "That can't be his doorbell can it?"
Abba: "My foot itches."
MaryBeth: "Um, Mel... you never answered why we couldn't go to Craig's house first.."
Mel: "Well... there's a very logical explanation for all of this... it makes a lot of sense too. Just hear me out, hear me out.. you'll all agree with me I know it.."
::Everyone stands around waiting patiently for Mel to explain::
::Door opens a crack::
Mel: "Hey Art!"
Art: "Um, hi there"
::You can't actually see Art because he's hidden behind the door. Mel just knew it was him because
of his *aura*::
Amanda: "What's up with your doorbell man?"
Art: "Isn't it COOL? I payed a pretty penny for this baby.."
Trip: ::mumbles:: "Thank god it was just a penny.. any more and you would've been ripped off.."
Art: "What?"
::silence::
::Nancy thinks quick::
Nancy: "I really gotta pee.. may we come in?"
Erika: "You JUST went! Remember right before we came here we stopped off at that McDonalds? And while Mel and Trippy stopped that robbery you went in and used theirs.."
Nancy: "Ix nay on the athroom bay upid stay"
Art: "Well.. um.. yeah sure come in."
::Art opens the door all the way and is wearing hair curlers, a blue bonnet, a purple robe and a lovely pair of pink bunny slippers with the floppy ears and all::
::The group is stunned::
::Terri breaks the silence::
Terri: "PIMP!"
Katie: "Welp... at least he's not wearing the TBP.."
Trip: "I like the slippers.. they um, they really make your eyes stand out"
Art: "Thanks! I was just doing some cleaning and ya know how it goes.. cinderfella cinderfella.."
::blank stares::
Art: "If you'll excuse me, I have to call the guys over. We have to rehearse for tonight's show"
Amanda: "Did he just say.. what I think he said..?"
Abba: "Well of course.. how else would Mel work all the boys in to this play?"
Erika: "Greg?! OH MY GOSH!!!!!! I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE HIM! I'M GOING TO TELL HIM I CALLED HIM ON LOVELINE!!!!!!"
Trip: "You called him on Loveline..? What about?"
::Everyone groans::
::Art stops to listen::
Katie: "Not again.. please not again.."
::Abba bangs head against the wall::
Erika: "Nothing really.. ::cough cough I had a burning-irritating-rash cough:: I just told him I loved him.. and that I'm his number 1 fan.. and ever since I just wanted to meet him. I just wanted to tell him. He has to know I'm the girl. I must tell him. It's my life's goal"
::Trip stops fiddling with Art's Felix The Cat clock::
Trip: "What? Oh, oh yeah.. burning irritating rash.. yeah.. I'm listening.."
Art: "Oh! I remember you! If I recall correctly, you had the same problem my ::cough:: "friend" had. ::cough::"
Amanda: "What? who has a rash?"
::Trip pokes at Felix Clock::
Trip: "Preeeetty... veeeeery preeeeetty.. oooo..."
Amanda: "WHO HAS A RASH?"
::Art leaves the room to use the phone::
Mel: "Psssssssssssst"
::group huddles and Mel starts to whisper::
Mel: "This will be our chance to kidnap them and make them have fun! We just have to make sure we all stick around Art's place until they all get here.."
::Art gets off the phone::
Amanda: "So... Art.."
Art: "Yes honey?"
::Amanda swoons::
Amanda: "Why don't you ever email me back?" ::pouts::
::Art starts dusting::
Art: "Well, you see, I've been VERY busy.."
Amanda: "Oh, so you'll email me back when things slow down a bit?"
::Art pauses and stares blankly::
Art: "Is your friend alright? She's been in my bathroom now for 45 minutes.."
Nancy: "BE RIGHT OUT" ::toilet flushes::
Scene 3: It's About Time
::Craig, and Greg walk in::
Art: "Hey guys!"
Katie: "Wow.. that's so amazing. You guys know and love each other so much you can just walk into one anothers home without ringing the bell or anything.."
::Katie wipes a single tear of awe away from her cheek::
Craig: "Actually, if we hear that damned Hee Haw theme one more time.. "
Greg: "It's just easier this way."
::toilet flushes again::
Nancy: "Hey Art man, you're all out of q-ti.... CRAIG? CRAIG!!!!!!!!"
::Nancy charges full speed at Craig in... slow motion::
::A look of horror forms on Craig's face... in slow motion::
::Because no one told her Erika had stopped talking about Loveline, Abba is still banging her head against the wall.... in slow motion::
::Trip knocks over the Felix The Cat Clock... in slow motion::
::It falls to the floor.... in slow motion::
::Art screams, 'NOOOOOOOOO'... in slow motion::
(This is what we call a "dramatic scene")
*CRASH*
::Art drops to the floor and sobs over the broken pieces::
Greg: "Art man, you okay?"
::Art collects his thoughts while Trippy hides behind Amanda::
Amanda: "HEY!"
Art: "THAT'S IT. EVERYBODY OUT!!!!!!!"
Terrish: "Hey Art be cool. I know you're pissed, I'm down wit dat. Just let us *chiiiiill* for awhile"
Terrish: "Just chiiiiill..."
Art: "LEAVE ALL OF YOU"
Mel: "Buahahaa... that's what you think.. we've decided we're all going to
kidnap you and the guys and make you have fun because you work so hard!"
Craig: ::trying to pull Nancy off his leg:: "And just how are you going to do that?"
Mel: "Yeah really Amanda... you're the mastermind behind all of this, how are we gonna do that?"
Amanda: "What? Me? NOOOO.."
::MaryBeth and Erika walk out of the kitchen::
Erika: "Hey Art.. you're all out of fish stic... GAH GAH GAH GERG? REGG?" ::faints::
MaryBeth: "GET OFF HIM NANCY GET OFF" ::MaryBeth clings to Craig's other leg::
Katie: "Oh geez... you guys are sooo immature.."
Greg: "Man, Davey's been waiting in the car for awhile now. We need to tell him it's going to be a minute longer"
Katie: "EJOWERIREDF!!!"
::door slams::
Mel: "Where'd Katie go?"
Trip: "She was here two seconds ago.."
Terri: "*Everyone... just... chiiiill*"
Abba: "What are you on?"
::Terri ignores Abba and walks into the kitchen to help satisfy her munchies::
Art: "I ::sob:: want you all to ::sniff sniff:: leave"
Nancy: "Awww... come on Art. You need a break. Just come hang out with us for a bit. It'll be fun. We'll do anything you want to do.."
Abba: "Yeah! Anything!"
Art: "Really?! Well... I always wanted to go to a pie eating contest.."
Greg: "HEY COOL! YEAH ART ME TOO!"
Craig: "Aw man, you so read my mind.. if I don't go to a pie eating contest I'll simply die.."
Trip: "Um, well.. okay?"
Craig: "Art, you take half of these kids, Greg and I will take the other."
::Terri comes back with her arms full of food::
Terri: "Lets get dis party started yo"
Greg: "What are we going to do with her? ::points to Erika who's passed out laying in the fetal postition twitching her leg and mumbling something about loveline::
Greg: "What's she saying?"
Trip: "She told you she loved you on Loveline.."
Greg: "Oh... is she obsessed?"
MaryBeth: "Well... yes"
Greg: "Okay then, Art can take her"
::Erika, who's still passed out, clutches onto Amanda's shoe mumbling Greg? Greg?::
Amanda: "Are you sure about that? I mean, I'll be riding with Art too and I'm not sure I want her grabbing my shoes like this the whole way there.."
::Erika rolls over and starts tugging on Nancy's pant leg still mumbling::
Nancy: "Um, yeah.. you can take her. She'll cramp my style"
Craig and MaryBeth: "What?"
Terri: "Y'all are too crazy actin'... just *chiiiiiill*"
Meanwhile...
::Davey opens car door::
Davey: "Hey! Do you happen to know what's taking everybody so long?"
Katie: "________"
Davey: "Hi, I'm Davey. Pleased to meet you!"
Katie: "________"
Davey: "Hmmm... okay. Well, it was nice meeting you.. take care now.."
Katie: "________"
::Davey shuts car door, locks it up, rolls up window, and looks away scared::
::Katie starts clawing at the window::
Katie: "DAAAAAVEY! IT'S ME! IT'S ME! DAAAAVEY!"
BUT OH NO! DAVEY FORGOT ABOUT THE FRONT SEAT DOORS! THEY'RE UNLOCKED!
Davey: "OH NO! I FORGOT ABOUT THE FRONT SEAT DOORS! THEY'RE UNLOCKED!"
::Katie hops in::
Katie: "Hi I'm Katie."
Davey: "Ohhh yeaahhh! I tried calling you about 10 minutes ago on Greg's car phone"
Katie: "DAMMIT AND I MISSED THE CALL? Oh Wait... it's okay.. I'm here now"
::Katie and Davey get into a very meaningful conversation::
:: ....that lasts 2 seconds because everyone piles into the car::
Abba: "Woo Woo!"
Scene 4: Let's Get Ready To Rumble.. well.. not yet..
::at the fair::
::Katie and Davey exit the automobile and go to the Candy Apple stand... we'll get back to them later::
::Terri is starring at a leaf::
Terri: "Hahahahaha oh my gosh.. you guys HAVE to see this leaf.."
Abba: "Um.."
Terri: "Hahahaha you just don't know you just don't know.."
::Terri stands there mesmerized::
Amanda: "Is she on something?"
::Terri is now poking at the leaf and giggling like a school girl.. well.. wait.. she is a.. hell, nevermind::
Trip: "I'm.... not sure"
::Terri starts screaming vulgar obscenities at the leaf::
::Erika hears Terri's rantings and wakes up::
Erika: "Where am I?"
Trip: "You saw Greg and fainted.."
Erika: "WHERE IS HE NOW? I MUST TELL HIM I MUST"
Amanda: "Don't worry hun, he already knows." ::smile::
Erika: ".......what"
Amanda: "Yeah, Trip saw you passed out and she told him for you! Isn't she the best?"
Trip: "Aw well, it was nothing really.."
Erika: "YOU TOLD HIM? I WANTED TO TELL HIM! WHAT THE HELL!"
::Erika pounces on Trip::
Mel: "STOP FIGHTING STOP IT NOT IN THE BACKSEAT NOOOOO AHHHHH"
Abba: "STOP NO DON'T"
::Abba runs out of the car and tramples on the leaf::
::Terri freaks out::
Terri: "DSAJSKDFKJDSHFDS"
::Abba screams::
::Terri jumps Abba::
Abba: "DATTEEEEEEEE"
::Trip falls back.... in slow motion::
::Trip hits Art's rear view mirror hard... in slow motion::
::Rear view mirror breaks into a billion pieces.. in slow motion::
Art: "Oh for freaking CRYING OUTLOUD"
Mel: "YEAH WHAT THE HELL!"
::Erika continues to strangle Trippy::
::Art gets out of the car and breaks up the fight between Abba and Terri::
Art: "IF YOU TWO DON'T BEHAVE.. I'LL.. I'LL.."
::Terri sobs and Abba cowers::
Art: "I'LL.. I'LL.."
::Terri starts crying uncontrollably and Abba is now curled up in a ball::
Art: "WHY I'LL... OH MAN I'LL..."
::MaryBeth walks by::
MaryBeth: "Hahahaha he's so going to kick your asses.."
::Abba grabs Terri to cover herself from Art's wrath::
Terri: "I'M TOO YOUNG TO GO OUT LIKE DIS"
Terri: "PROPS TO MY THUG PEEPS"
::Terri and Abba close their eyes and shake with fear::
Art: "I'LL..."
Mel: "Hey Art.. the contest is about to begin.."
Art: "I'LL.. SEE YOU GUYS LATER"
::Art skips away singing and laughing::
Terri: "Hahaha whoa man.. did you see the way his face got all different?"
Abba: "Um, yeah.. it's called frowning.."
Abba: "What are you on anyway?"
::Terri gives confused look::
Meanwhile..
Craig: "You look familiar.."
MaryBeth: "Who? Me? Wha? Nooo.."
Craig: "I've seen you someplace before.."
MaryBeth: "I simply don't know what you're talking about.."
Craig: "What's your name?"
MaryBeth: "Nancy"
Nancy: "HEY YOU'RE NOT NANCY! I'M NANCY! YOU'RE MARYBETH!"
Craig: "Ma... MaryBeth? As in, the MaryBeth who made me get a, "MaryBeth's Bitch" tatoo in Mel's last adventure? THAT MARYBETH?"
MaryBeth: "What? NO! NO!"
::Nancy nods and points to MB behind her back::
Craig: "AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" ::runs away crying::
::Nancy jogs after him::
::MaryBeth starts to run after them but stops when she sees a lovely corner::
::MaryBeth.... pimps it.::
Nancy: "Are you alright?"
Craig: "I don't know.. I just don't know.. she took away the child within me. I'm so hurt.. I'll never be the same again.. everyone just seems to want a piece of me. I'M A HUMAN BEING DAMMIT. NOT A PIECE OF MEAT!"
::pinch::
Craig: "DID YOU JUST PINCH MY ASS?"
Nancy: "No no.. bees, it was just a bee. That's all.."
Nancy: "So... let's go on some rides! Ferris Wheel anyone?"
Craig: "Oooo yeah sure I love th..."
::pinch::
Craig: "DAMMIT"
Wonder what those kooky kids Trip and Erika are up to..
Erika: "I.. CANNOT... BELIEVE... THE.. NERVE.. YOU.. HAVE.."
Trip: "LET ME GO BIOTCH"
Erika: "YOU'RE GOING TO PAY FOR THIS ONE"
::Amanda covers her ears and closes her eyes::
Amanda: "Thisisn'thappeningthisisn'thappening"
::Trip opens up the car door and kicks Erika out::
Trip: "LEAVE ME ALONE"
Erika: "NO! NEVER!"
::Greg walks by::
Greg: "I just entered myself in the pie eating contest.."
Erika: ::out of breath from fighting:: "Really? Me too!"
::Erika makes a mad dash to the Pie Eating Contest Sign Up Sheet::
::Terri overhears::
Terri: "What? Free pies? For real dawgs? I'm there"
::Terri signs herself up::
:: Everyone else in the car FINALLY gets out and makes it to the bleachers to watch Greg, Terrish, and Erika... except for Katie and Davey... they're off doing something else..::
Davey: ::shudders::
Katie: "What's wrong?"
Davey: "It's just that... ever since I was a child I've been afraid of clowns. And since we're at a fair and all... I'm just scared I'm going to see one."
Katie: "Awww! Well, maybe there's something else we could do.. got any ideas?"
Davey: "LET'S GO TO THE MOVIES!"
::wink wink::
Katie: "REALLY? OKAY!!!!!"
Davey: ::pout:: "But Katie... darling.. how are we going to get there? ::pouts:: We don't have a car.. Greg and Art have the keys.. ::pouts::"
Katie: "Leave that up to *me*"
::Katie runs off and hotwires a car::
Katie: ::mumbles to herself:: "Oh my gosh.. what am I doing? WHAT AM I DOING? I can't steal someone's car.. but oh man.. the way Davey said, "LET'S GO TO THE MOVIES", oh man.. Okay, I can handle this.. I can handle this.. If Jc from Nsync can go up on stage night after night and always hit his dance moves.. well, I can hotwire a car for Davey and me"
::vroom vroom::
Katie: "Hop in!"
Davey: ::with an uncertain look on his face:: "Well... okay.."
::Katie speeds off and almost hits Craig::
Nancy: "STOP! STOP!"
Katie: "Ugh, what"
Nancy: "You almost killed my bitch that's what.."
Craig: ::evil flashbacks:: "NO NO NO I'M NO ONE'S BITCH NO"
Nancy: "Where are you going?"
Katie: "To the movies.."
Craig: "Can we come can we come? Pleeeeeeease?"
Davey: "Well... I dunno.. I mean, won't Art and the others be worried when they can't find us?"
Craig: "Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease"
Nancy: "Oooo... do that again.."
Craig: "Uh, why?"
Nancy: "9~er"
Craig: "What?"
::pinch::
Craig: "AHHH THE BEES THE BEES LET US IN THE CAR LET US IN"
Katie: "Ugh, fine."
Davey: "Now... LET'S GO TO THE MOVIES!"
Katie: "Hehehe... this man is just too cute for words.."
::Craig rolls his eyes::
Nancy: "Ooooo... do that again.."
Scene 5: The contest is ready to begin
::Terri, Greg, and Erika are sitting up on stage looking at their pies::
Erika: "So.."
Greg: "So.."
Terri: "Aw man I cannot wait to be bustin' up in these pies"
::Greg whispers to Erika::
Greg: "What is she on?"
::Erika, not being able to wait a second longer, finally bursts::
Erika: "I SO TALKED TO YOU ON LOVELINE. I LOVE YOU. I TOLD YOU THAT. YOU'RE THE BEST"
::Terri tries covering her ears with the table cloth::
Greg: "Yeah, I heard.."
::Erika gives Trip evil eye::
Trip: "Did she just give me an evil eye?"
Amanda: "I dunno.."
Amanda: "IT'S STARTING! HELL YES!"
::contest begins::
::Greg and Erika CHOW DOWN::
::Greg eats 2 pies::
::Greg comes up for air::
Greg: "Ahhhh... I'm starting to feel sick.. I can't go on I can't go on ahh.."
Erika: "Me too! Wow, isn't it funny how we're so much alike? We have alot in common.."
::Terri is on her 5th pie::
Terri: "SO... GOOD... SOOOO.. GOOD"
::Trip yells, "TERRI CHEW YOUR FOOD AND PACE YOURSELF!!" ... followed by Amanda's yell, "IS SHE ON SOMETHING?"::
Greg: "I... must... look... at... Art..."
Terri: ::struggling to talk with a mouthful of pie:: "Art's one ::cough:: BAD mofo"
::Child in the first row screams with terror as he gets hit in the arm with a piece of pie that came shooting out of Terri's mouth::
Terri: "DAMN KID DON'T FRONT"
::Terri pelts the kid again by mistake::
Erika: "Huh? Why do you need to look at Art?"
Greg: "Because.. whenever I feel sick or nervous I look at Art and he gives
me this special wave. It's just this inside thing between us. It helps me relax a little. It makes my tum tum feel better.."
Erika: "Hey! I call my stomach a tum tum too! cool!"
::Greg tries to focus into the crowd and finds Art::
Art: "Oh man.. he's not doing so well.. I need to help him"
Abba: "How?"
::Art stands up and puts one foot in the air. He starts jumping around in circles and cawing like a bird. Art then pulls on his ears and wiggles his nose. Finally ending with a wave::
::Greg smiles::
Mel: "What the hell are you doing Art?"
Art: "Whenever Greg gets down I cheer him up by waving to him like so. Yeah, this is a new wave.. DAVEY? HEY WAIT, WHERE'S DAVEY?"
MaryBeth: "I don't know. Probably with Craig and Nancy" ::sniff::
Abba: "HEY LOOK!" ::points to Terri::
Amanda: "IS SHE DEAD?"
Mel: "It looks like she just fell asleep in her pie.."
::everyone seems to understand and accepts that answer::
Art: "Awww... she's so adorable just sleeping in her pie aww"
MaryBeth: "Not as adorable as Craig" ::sniff::
Abba: "Craig sleeps in pies too?"
Trip: "Let's go find them!"
Art: "Where?!"
Mel: "You know... I bet they went to the spa just down the road.. "
MaryBeth: "What spa?"
Amanda: "The spa?"
Mel: "THE SPA" ::wink wink::
Amanda and MaryBeth: "Oh yeah! THE SPA!"
Art: "Well LET'S GO TO THE SPA!"
Abba: "I SO need to go to THE SPA"
Trip: "Where are we going?"
Scene 6: Quiet please, no talking in the theater
Craig: "Oh man, I need some popcorn.."
::Nancy develops a plan::
Nancy: "I'll buy some for us.."
::Nancy lets out an evil laugh::
Katie: "So Davey... what do you want to see?"
Davey: "Hmmm.. ::thinks for a moment:: ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW!"
Craig: "Oh geez man... what a sissy ass movie.. let's go see an action flick!"
Davey: "Like what?"
Craig: "HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS BAYBE!"
Davey: "What? NO! ROCKY!"
Craig: "GRINCH!"
Davey: "ROCKY!"
Craig: "GRINCH!"
::Katie, who had no intentions on ever seeing Rocky Horror, and Nancy who's seen Grinch around a billion times already and can't stand to watch it again finally decide to speak up::
Katie: "Um, hi. No. I want to see Rocky Horror."
Davey: "Thank you Katie ::smile::"
Nancy: "Yes well.. I want to see Grinch!"
Craig: "Thank you Nancy ::smile::"
Katie: "LOOK... we didn't have to take you in the first place."
Nancy: "Ugh, fine. Rocky Horror it is"
Craig: ::grumbles:: "Grinch could kick that movie's ass any day.."
Davey: "If you'll excuse me.. I'll be right back.."
::Katie and Nancy start talking about politics while Davey is jumping some kid and stealing his Rocky Horror outfit::
A few minutes later,
Davey: "Okay let's go!"
Katie: "Okay sur..... Davey?"
::Davey is now sporting white face make up, a black lingerie outfit, heels, and most importantly.. fishnet stockings.::
::Davey grabs Katie by the hand and runs into the theater happy and smiling::
::Craig and Nancy follow behind pissed and confused::
....and the movie begins.
::Nancy and Craig are munching on popcorn::
::Nancy watches Craig's hand and waits::
::She's waiting::
::Waiting::
::Waiting a little more..::
::Craig goes for more popcorn::
::Nancy goes for more popcorn::
::Their hands touch::
Music: "LET'S...... GET IT ON..."
Craig: "What the hell?! Where's the music coming from?"
Nancy: "Sorry" ::turns off cd player sitting under her chair::
Nancy: "I uh, bought it at the movie gift shop. I must of um, hit the play button on accident"
Katie: "There is no movie gift shop here..."
Nancy: "SHUT UP KATIE YOU'RE KILLING MY PLAY. I DIDN'T BUY THIS CD AND LUG THIS CD PLAYER AROUND 34897283 MILES FOR YOU TO RUIN THE MOMENT"
::Craig shrugs and goes back to eating popcorn::
::Nancy throws cd::
Nancy: ::mumbles:: "Greatest love songs ever my ass..."
::Davey stands up and starts singing at the screen::
Davey: "I'M A... SWEET TRANSVESTITE... TRANSYLVANIAN... TRANSEXUAAAAAL"
Katie: "Oh dear lord.."
Scene 7: THE SPA!
MaryBeth: "Well.. where are they? I don't see Craig.."
Abba: "RAINBOW LIP GLOSS WITH MATCHING HAIR DYE?"
::Abba runs off::
MaryBeth: "They're not here" ::sob::
Mel: "Maybe they're over there by the jacuzzis.. let's go check it out ART..."
Amanda: "Okay let's go!"
Trip: "Uh... Manda... how about you stay with me and MaryBeth?"
Amanda: "Nooooooooooooo I wanna find everyone too"
::Mel is now silently begging Trip and MaryBeth to distract Amanda::
MaryBeth: "Hey! Is that Craig over there getting a back rub?"
Amanda: "No... that's a blonde woman.."
MaryBeth: "Amanda... let's go get a closer look.."
Amanda: "Sure fine whatever... but I doubt that woman is going to be Craig.."
Art: "What was that about? That looks like a woman to me too.."
Mel: "Nothing nothing.. so.. do you have a bathing suit with ya?"
Art: "Nope, just these hair curlers, blue bonnet, purple robe, and pink bunny slippers with the floppy ears I've been wearing the whole time"
Mel: "At least it's not the TBP..."
::Amanda walks up to the lady getting her back rubbed::
Amanda: "Hi......................... Craig"
Lady: "Who?"
Amanda: "SEE! I TOLD you guys this wasn't Craig..."
Lady: "Who?"
Trip: "No one, forget it. Just some guy..."
Lady: "Some guy? YOU THOUGHT I WAS A GUY?"
::Lady runs off crying::
Art: "OH MY"
Mel: "What? WHAT?"
Art: "I MUST GET MY NAILS DONE WHILE I'M HERE"
::Art prances off with his robe flapping in the wind racing to the nail section::
Mel: "ART LOOK OUT!!!!!!!!!!"
::Art tramples over an elderly woman who just got a bikini wax::
Elderly Woman: "OY!"
::Art runs to the woman behind the desk::
Art: "Hi, yes. I'd like to get my nails done please"
Woman: "Do you have an appointment?"
Art: "DO YOU NOT KNOW WHO I AM? I AM ART MOTHER FREAKING ALEXAKIS!"
Woman: "That's nice Mr. Alex Articus but you still need an appointment"
::Mel looks on::
Art: "Okay, okay, that's fine, That's cool. I don't want any problems you know.. I'll just walk away now..."
::Art grabs a handful of complimentary nail files and runs like hell::
Woman: "GET HIM!"
Art: "RUN MEL! RUN! THEY CAN'T HURT YOU UNLESS YOU... STOP RUNNING!"
::Mel and Art run past Trip, Manda, and MB::
Mel: "AHHHHHHHHHHH ART JUST DROP THEM AND WE'LL BE OKAY"
Art: "NEVER!!!!!"
::Art runs past a table full of massaging oils::
Art: "MEL! GRAB THE OILS GRAB THE OILS!"
Mel: "Hehehehehe okay hehehehehe" ::runs past and picks up a few::
Mel: "Why do we need massaging oil? Hehehehe"
Art: "SQUIRT IT ON THE FLOOR AHHHHHH"
Mel: "But..... why? OH"
::while running Mel throws some massage oil on the floor::
::Elderly woman, along with everyone chasing Art and Mel, fall on the floor::
Elderly Woman: "YOU KIDS HAVE NO RESPECT! NO RESPECT!"
::MaryBeth starts sliding on the oil::
::MaryBeth is going down fast::
::The rabid clerks are going to get her::
MaryBeth: "NOOOOOO" ... she says in slow motion :X
::Trip, who's right behind her is about to go down too::
Trip: "AHHHHHHHHH"
::Amanda, who just dodged the oil goes to help Trip and MaryBeth up only to be hit by the elderly woman::
WHACK
Amanda: "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR CANE"
WHACK
Amanda: "QUIT IT"
WHACK
Amanda: "YEAH THAT'S IT"
::Amanda busts out some old school Ka-rah-tay on Elderly woman::
::Elderly woman falls back down::
Trip: "Very good grasshoppah"
::Abba, who's standing across the room holds up an 8.7::
::Amanda bows::
::And they make their escape::
Scene 8: La de da La de da..
::outside of the theater::
Katie: "Man that was a great movie.."
Nancy: "Yeah, wish I could've actually listened to it though.."
Craig: "For real.. the way Davey was screaming and carrying on about his stockings riding up on him I couldn't understand a word"
Katie: "Speaking of... where'd he run off to?"
::Katie sees Davey begging the usher for a Rocky Horror poster::
Usher: "But sir, this is our only one.."
Davey: "I DON'T CARE! I'll pay you... 10, 20, you name your price.."
Usher: "Sir, I really can't. I'll get fired."
::Davey fills with rage::
Katie: "Uh... oh.."
Davey: "I'M SICK OF YOU USHERS. ALL WALKING AROUND IN YOUR LITTLE VESTS AND BOW TIES. THINKING YOU'RE SO MUCH BETTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE"
::a crowd has formed::
Usher: "Huh?"
Davey: "YOU HEARD ME! ...you'll get yours, oh yes. You'll get yours"
Random person in crowd: "Just give him a poster man! TRANSVESTITES NEED LOVE TOO!"
::Everyone cheers on, "YEAH!"::
Katie: "Awww, come on Davey.. let's get going"
Davey: "::sniff:: Fine ::sniff:: But first.. can I get some twizzlers? Please?"
Katie: "Of course!"
::As they walk out.. Davey, with twizzlers in hand, turns around and faces the usher::
Davey: "HEY! HEY YOU!"
::Usher turns around only to get a dozen twizzlers thrown at his head::
*pelt pelt pelt*
Usher: "MY EYE AHH MY FRIGGIN' EYE"
::Davey runs away giggling::
Nancy: "Okay man.. that was so not cool.."
Craig: "THAT WAS SO COOL"
Nancy: "Yeah! IT ROCKED! DO IT AGAIN!"
Scene 9: Pies, Pies, Pies, you all thought I forgot about Terrish, Greg and Erika..
Man: "It's a tie! The winners of this year's pie eating contest is Greg and Erika Eklund!"
Greg: "But... your name isn't.."
Erika: ::totally ignoring Greg:: "Thank you! Thank you!"
Man: "You two will receive an all expense paid trip to Costa Meda! There you can enjoy surf, sand, and sun for 4 beautiful days and 3 beautiful nights!"
Erika: "Ahhhhh!!!!!! ::gives Greg the biggest bear hug ever::
Greg: ::hugging back:: "Well, I must admit.. you sure can eat pies!"
::Terri wakes up with pie filling dripping off her face::
Ter: "What... what happened?"
Erika: "Where is everyone?! They'd be SO thrilled to know we won!"
Ter: "WE WON? WE WON! YAAAAY!"
Erika: "No, you slept. GREG AND I WON"
::Terri gives annoyed look::
::Man gives Greg huge check, the keys to their inn, and a plane ticket for two to Costa Meda::
Greg: "I don't see anyone... THEY LEFT US? THEY LEFT US DURING OUR MOMENT OF GLORY?"
Erika: "THE NERVE OF THOSE.. THOSE.."
Terrish: "I don't feel so good.."
Greg: "Well, we better start walking back to Art's. Maybe everyone's there."
::While walking Terrish, Erika and Greg encounter a bunch of thugs::
Thug #1: "Hey there"
Greg and Erika: "Hi"
Thug #2: "We were at the pie eating contest... we saw that you won.."
::Terri starts fixing her hair cause thug #2 is hot::
Greg and Erika: "Yeah"
Thug #3: "Got alot of money I hear.."
Greg and Erika: "Yeah"
Terri: "Hey baybe"
Thug #2: "You have pie crust up your nose..."
::Terri's speechless::
Erika: "What do you want?"
Thug #2: "WE'RE HERE TO TAKE IT BUAHAHA"
::Greg and Erika scream.. scary enough, Greg's voice is higher than Erika's::
Erika: "Dude, Greg, you sound like a Hanson.."
Greg: "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"
::Thug #2 starts taking the money::
::Terri starts chuckling::
Terri: "Pie crust up the nose eh? ha.. that's a good one.."
::Terri's face suddenly goes from laughing to a dead stare::
Terri: "You.... are.. so.... DEAD"
::Terri kicks the hell out of Thug #2::
::Greg screams like a 3 year old some more::
::Thug #2 goes down::
Erika: "TERRISH YOU SAVED US!"
Terri: "I ain't got no pie crust up my nose.. that little bitch"
::Terri kicks Thug #2 when he's down::
Terri: "YOUR MAMA"
::Thug #1 and #3 run over and attack them::
::Erika screams::
Meanwhile..
::Now in the car::
Art: "Man was that fun.."
Mel: "You were so brave"
Art: "Nah.. ::smile::"
Amanda: "No Art, you totally were. I mean, the way you ran back into that place to get that home bleaching kit.. that took a lot of guts man"
Trip: "Yeah, I've never seen you run so fast!"
Art: "Yeah well, that cane hurt.."
Amanda: "SHE HIT YOU TOO?"
::Art now looking down fiddling with the car radio::
Abba: "Hey look! There's a quarter on the floor!"::looks down and picks it up::
Art: "Blasted thing.."
::Mel looks down and helps out with the radio::
Trip: ::looks down:: "Heeeeey.. those are cool shoes Amanda!"
Amanda: ::looks down:: "Thanks! I got them for a real good deal too.."
Marybeth: ::looks down:: "Check out mine!"
::While everyone is looking down they drive past Terrish, Greg, and Erika sitting on the side of the road with no money, no hotel keys.. no plane tickets..::
Greg: "IS THAT ART? HEY ART! ART! STOP MAN ART!"
Erika: ::while running after them:: "STOPPPPPPPP!"
Terrish: "MEL!!!!!! MEL STOP! HELP ME KICK THIS GUY'S ASS!"
::Thug #2 groans in pain and is hurt all his thug buddies left him::
::kick::
Terrish: "Shut up playa hata"
::Art looks up::
Art: "You guys hear something?"
Everyone: "No"
Greg: "Okay, that's just crap. They MUST have seen us."
Erika: "Wait... there's another car coming.."
::in the car::
Davey: "I just wanted to thank you for everything Katie.. I mean... you've been so good to me. I'll return the favor sometime I promise."
::Davey thinks for a moment::
Davey: "Wanna touch the chops?"
Katie: ::mumbles to herself:: "Don't faint don't faint don't faint. Be cool be cool be cool. If Reel Big Fish can be so damn witty on stage every night, I can touch Davey's chops and not faint. Just be cool. You're okay."
Davey: "Go on go on.."
::Katie reaches over and touches the chops shaking::
::Katie remains silent for a moment::
Nancy: "So... Craig... I bought you popcorn and all.. I've been pretty nice to you too.."
Craig: "Yes you have"
Nancy: "Yeah so.."
Craig: "Wha?"
Nancy: "Nothing"
::Craig looks out the window::
Craig: "HEY! IT'S THAT ERIKA GIRL! AND GREG! HEY IT'S GREG! WHY IS THAT OTHER CHICK KICKING THAT GUY'S ASS? IS SHE ON SOMETHING?"
::Nancy leans over Craig to get a better look::
::pinch::
Nancy: 'AHHHHH SOMETHING PINCHED MY ASS'
Craig: "HOW DO YOU LIKE IT?"
::Permanent smile is now on Nancy's face::
Craig: "Katie pull over.. pick 'em up"
Katie: "__________"
Nancy: ::saying with a smile:: "Katie dude, seriously.. stop the car"
Katie: "__________"
Davey: "KATIE?"
Katie: "JDFHDKJFFGFGHRT" ::faints at the wheel::
::car swerves out of control::
Nancy: "NOOOOOO I DON'T WANT TO DIE LIKE THIS... OH HELL WHO AM I KIDDING" ::smile::
Erika: "WHAT ARE THEY DOING? AHHHHH! THEY'RE COMING RIGHT FOR US"
::Greg picks Erika up and starts running::
::Terri steals thug's wallet and runs away screaming::
Erika: "ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh"
Greg: "DON'T PANICK DON'T PANICK THEY'LL STOP. THEY'RE JUST MESSING WITH US"
Erika: "THAT'S NOT WHY I'M OHMYGOSHING" ::smile::
Terri: "WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIEEEEEE"
::Terri trips::
::Terri falls::
Greg: "WE MUST GO BACK FOR HER"
::Greg drops Erika and picks up Terri::
::Greg runs by Erika again and picks her up too::
Greg: "LET'S GO"
::Greg's shirt snags on a tree branch and falls off::
Erika and Terri: "DAYUM"
::Greg's running while holding Terri in one arm and Erika in the other::
::The sun is gleaming off of Greg's manly abs::
Erika: ::whistle::
::Gregs lets out a Tarzan yell::
Erika: "Oh..."
Terri: "...my"
::Katie comes through::
Katie: "Huh? What? WHY AM I TRYING TO RUN OVER TERRI, GREG, AND ERIKA?"
Craig: "YOU TELL US"
::Katie slams on the brakes::
::Everyone gets out of the car::
Katie: "Are you guys okay?! I'M SO SORRY"
Erika: "THANKS KATIE!"
Katie: "What? I almost killed you!!!"
Terri: "No really, THANKS KATIE"
::Erika and Terrish giggle::
Greg: "I don't feel so good.. all those pies.. all that running... I think I'm going to.."
Scene 10: THROW your hands UP in the air
Katie: "WHY are you guys standing out in the middle of nowhere?!"
::Erika rushes to comfort Greg... yeah yeah..::
Terri: "EVERYONE LEFT US AT THE FAIR! These thugs came from out of
no where and TOTALLY insulted me. I had to kick some ass man"
Erika: "Not to mention those jerks stole our prize money and plane tickets"
Terri: "...yeah that, and, I was totally insulted and had to kick some ass"
Katie: "That's so awful!"
Terri and Erika: "I know"
Terri: "It wasn't all that bad though.. I mean, I did get thug #1's phone number"
::Katie rolls eyes::
Terri: "What? WHAT?"
::Terri stops and vogues::
Greg: "Oh you GO GIRL!"::snaps fingers::
Terri: "I still got it o o o"
::back at Art's::
Art: "Well... I just wanted to thank you guys for everything. I had a really great day. I'm all pumped for Leno tonight and feeling great!"
MaryBeth: "Yeah, i'm glad YOU had such a fun day"
Amanda: "Awww, MaryB.. it wasn't so bad.."
MaryBeth: "Yes it was.. Craig's hate me" ::cries::
Trip: "Nooooo Craig doesn't hate you!"
Marybeth: "Yes, yes he does"
::Craig and the others walk in::
::Everyone talks for awhile telling each other about their day.. everyone except, MaryBeth, who sits silently in the corner::
Craig: "What's wrong?"
MaryBeth: "Nothing"
Craig: "What's wrong?"
::MaryBeth starts to cry::
MaryBeth: "You.. you.. YOU DON'T LIKE ME THAT'S WHAT ::cries::"
Craig: "Are you kidding me? You rock! I love the matching tattoos.. they're the best"
MaryBeth: ::sniff:: "No you don't, you're just saying that"
Craig: "No way! It's great! really!"
::Craig wipes MB's tear away::
MaryBeth: ::sniffle::
::tight hug::
Craig: ::takes out kitten puppet:: "Don't be sad don't be sad"
(I had to, poor MB got no play you guys..)
Amanda: "Ter, we need to talk.."
Terrish: "About?"
Amanda: "You know how I feel about drugs"
Terrish: "Yes, and?"
Amanda: "I don't appreciate what you're doing!"
Terrish: "Huh?! What am I doing?"
Amanda: "YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING. YOU'RE ON SOMETHING"
Terrish: "I AM NOT!"
Amanda: "Then explain the leaf hmmm..?"
Terrish: "I enjoy nature!"
Amanda: "What about falling asleep in your pie!!!"
Terrish: "Well EXCUSE ME for being jet lagged. I DID just fly to L.A. ya know.."
Amanda: "Alright.. WHAT ABOUT ALL THOSE PIES YOU ATE? EXPLAIN THAT!"
Terrish: "OH I'M SO SORRY TRIP ATE ALL MY HONEY ROASTED PEANUTS ON THE FLIGHT!"
Trip: ::burp::
Abba: "And suddenly it all makes sense now.."
Scene 11: The End Is Near
Art: "LOOK AT THE TIME!"
MaryBeth: "SWEET JEBUS!"
Trip: "You're going to be late for Leno! Ahhhh"
Craig: "We better go"
Mel: "Yeah... it was great hanging out with you guys.."
Abba: "I had a blast" ... ::says the girl with the cool new rainbow colored hair::
::Greg cries::
Greg: "I... I.. I just don't want you all to leave so soon!"
Art: "Oh crap man.. I so don't even have enough time to change.."
::says the man in the bunny slippers::
Craig: "Hey I got it! How about you all come to the show with us!"
Amanda: "ROCK!"
Abba: "REALLY?"
Terrish: "FOR SURE?"
Trip: "CAN WE CAN WE CAN WE?"
Art: "Well.."
::Art reminisces::
::He thinks about Trippy breaking his Felix Clock.. His broken rear view mirror.. Nancy using all of his q-tips.. Erika and MaryBeth eating all his fishticks.. Abba accidently dying his sink a nice fruity rainbow color.. everyone plotting to kidnap him.. and most importantly, the mad Hee Haw doorbell dissage.::
Art: "Um, no.."
Greg: "Well okay then! Let's go to the show everyone!"
::Everyone yells, "YAY!"::
::Craig and MB walk out smiling and happy::
::Nance is also smiling... she has been for awhile now..::
::Erika fakes a fall and asks Greg to carry her to the car::
::Abba puts on a clown nose cause it so goes with the look::
Scene 12: LENO!
::Everyone sits in the audience while Ec rocks out::
Trip: "This is great Manda! We finally get to see Ec live!"
Amanda: "YEAH THIS KICKS ASS!"
Trip: "But, ya know... we never got any play"
Amanda: "Well, yeah true.. but neither did Abba.."
Abba: "Do you see how I don't WANT any play?"
::JJ walks by::
Abba: "If you'll excuse me, I need a coca cola. I'll be.. right back"
Trip: "Well, we had fun.. that's all that matters.."
Amanda: "Yeah, I guess so."
::Crazy lunatic screams come from the direction Abba walked off to::
Terri: "IS SHE OKAY?"
Mel: "Yeah, SHE'S okay... I don't know about JJ though.."
::Everyone nods in agreement::
Amanda: "Well, I guess we should stop being so sad and just enjoy the show!"
Trip: "Yeah! Life is still good. Play or no play"
::Art winks at Amanda and mouths, "I'll email you"::
Amanda: "Did you... did you just see that?"
Mel: "What?"
Amanda: "Nevermind.."
::Craig smiles at Trip and blows her a kiss::
Trip: "AHHHHHHH!"
Nancy and MB: "What?"
Trip: "NOTHING"
::Davey waves to Katie::
Katie: "OH MY GOODNESS"
Everyone: "What?"
Katie: "_______"
Nancy: "Well.... at least she isn't driving"
...and at home all the other Ec kids are watching Leno.
Kristin: "What the hell?"
::Liz gets off the phone with her boyfriend Adam::
Liz: "Okay... Art is so not wearing a robe is he?!"
Dom: "ARE THOSE BUNNY SLIPPERS?"
Christine: "I am getting SO sick of this.."
Michelle: "Of what?"
Christine: "Of what? OF WHAT? EVERY FREAKING WEEK HE HAS A NEW LOOK. I CAN'T KEEP UP. I QUIT."
Dom: "Well... at least he's not wearing the TBP::
::Everyone agrees happily::
::And Everclear continues to rock out::
THE END!
Melissa (a huge Art fan)
Amanda (another huge Art fan)
Trippy (a huge Craig fan)
Nancy (another huge Craig fan)
MaryBeth (yet another huge Craig fan.. heh)
Katie (me; a huge Davey fan)
Erika (a huge Greg fan)
Terrish (an Everclear fan)
Abba (an Everclear fan)
Art
Greg
Craig
Davey
Liz
Christine
Michelle
Kristin
Dom
What are TBP? TBP are Art's tight black pants. Heh.. no harm meant by the mention of them. It's a kind of inside joke between us.
Does Davey really like Rocky Horror Picture Show? I have no idea. Melissa just did it to be funny and to scar me for life :-P
If you have any other questions, let me know! Now on with the play :)
Katie: ::mumbling to herself:: "Play it cool Katie play it cool. Don't scare him.. don't alarm him.. DON'T FAINT.. just play it cool.. you can do this.. if Buffy can fight vampires every week without breaking a sweat, I can most certainly have a conversation with Davey..."
MaryBeth: "So... Craig.. while Art's watching the pie eating contest.. how about we go on some rides? Come onnn... it'll be fun!"
