Kate

The little red pin rested halfway between empty and full. Sometime I’d have to stop.

Things were so fucked. It took all my effort to concentrate on the road, and not on everything else. If I did, I would be certain to run off the road. How could I... How could he...Damnit.

Why was the only question I had trouble answer. Why anything? Why did it have to happen? Why did it have to be Tayla, why Shane? Why did I tell him at all? Why did it hurt when I did? Why did I have to see his tears?

I looked up just in time to see the stoplight. God I had no idea where I was. Just keep driving, that was the big plan. Get far away. Run until it stops hurting. I’ll go back at some point; I just need to think. I can’t really do that with him around. Not with the girls adding their opinions. Not with worrying about which note to play next or which autograph it was my turn to sign. I needed space and silence and that’s exactly what I had.

My heart was filled with a severed pain. It hurt to be so torn inside. Torn between hating his guts, and needing him so fiercely that it stung to keep driving. My life would never be complete without Scott. Too much work, too much time, too much of me had gone into that fierce needing. Without Scott, I was a bitter teenager, bent on making everyone else bitter too.

But I had trusted him. It had been hard to trust him, and I was slowly working on it. But then he fucked Tayla, he knew I fucked Shane. We were both utterly cruel and for a moment, I didn’t really care what happened. I would be fine, as long as Satan took me with him down to hell. It would be better than anything I could find up here.

I was so broken. Broken from his words, broken from my own. He knew the truth now, why I couldn’t be mad. But he couldn’t be mad either. We had done exactly the same thing to each other. And that made us even sicker.

Intense pain blocked against fierce need. And one question remained that would clear all other accounts.

Did I love him?

Sara

“She’d be crazy to stay with him,” Liv argued. She handed the Doritos to me, and continued. “She needs to drop him. He’s not worth it. I don’t care who he is or what he thinks. He’s screwed up.”

She paused to eat a chip. “He was never right for her anyway. He’s not right for anyone.”

“You can’t say that. You can’t deny how much they need each other. He was the goddamn Bang Bang to her Boom. Besides, no one is perfect and you can’t blame Scott completely,” I rebutted. Liv rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, right Sara. Like hell you can’t.”

I knew Liv wouldn’t change her mind. But it didn’t really matter what she thought. The choice to continue was Scott and Kate’s, and their’s alone. If they really wanted, and deserved, each other, then they would be together. No one, not Olivia, not Tayla, would be able to keep them apart.

Liv turned to me, her lips slightly parted as if stuck on a word. “I’m really upset she didn’t tell us about Shane. We tell her everything. She should tell us. It’s not right.”

It was my turn to roll my eyes. “Just because you tell her everything, whether she wants to know or not, doesn’t mean she’s entitled to tell you anything.”

Olivia scoffed and rolled onto her back. “Yes it does. That’s exactly what it means. I’m so mad at her.”

“No, you aren’t.”

“Yeah, I’m not,” she laughed. Of course she wasn’t. She had no reason to be. “But I just wish she had told us.”

“She had her reasons. It’s known now, so stop dwelling on it,” I ordered her. There was really nothing any of us could do to help them, save listening. “We have our own opinions, and they aren’t Kate’s. We should make her decide something she doesn’t agree with.”

Liv lay on her back, staring out the window at the blank white sprinkle on brown and green. It had started snowing and the trees surrounding Breuden House had already begun to fade into the eggshell background.

She turned slowly, eyes not meeting mine. She fidgeted with the tie string on her pants. “Sara, why did she leave? I mean, why didn’t she just try to stay away from Scott?”

“Like that would have happened. How can anyone ignore someone else around here? Even with separate bedrooms, you’ve got no privacy,” I hinted towards my own invasion of privacy—by her.

She nodded, a confused look still traced on her face. “But Nati and Dave don’t talk to each other anymore. They hate each other as much as Scott and Kate do,” she pointed out in defiance.

I answered quickly. “For one thing, Kate and Scott don’t hate each other. Second, Nati’s never around. She’s always at Tal’s. See?”

Olivia didn’t answer. Whether she understood or not, though she probably did, I didn’t know.

Dave

I’m going to heaven. Know why? Because I’m already in hell. My own personal hell. And I don’t even understand why, although I can find some reasons, starting with Tayla and Scott.

I rubbed my eyes until they hurt, the white blobs of phosphorescence dancing behind my eyelids. I stopped rubbing and they slowly disappeared.

Matchbox 20’s “Girl Like That” played softly on the radio. It seemed like the perfect song for every emotion right now.

“Well you’ve got to think, with a girl like that, any love at all, is better than nothing…it’s better than nothing...”

Did they mean Tayla? She was something. Maybe love, maybe not. But she was everything I wanted, at least for the moment. Dreams never tasted so real until I found her, felt her, held her.

“You knew damn well that were was nothing going on, is what makes you feel damn worthless...”

What? Huh? That’s not how it’s supposed to be. I’m risking my goddamn life for Tayla. Scott’s not speaking to me, but he hasn’t spoken to anyone. He’s a goddamn robot that only shows up for meals then retreats back to his room for another 12 hours restless sleep.

Sara and Bob sure as hell are avoiding me. Ever since Sara rearranged Tayla’s face. I’m still pissed from that so I guess it’s good we aren’t speaking.

Kate’s missing, although I doubt she’d even come near me if she wasn’t. Natalia would steer her clear, stay away from the mean old prick. He’ll only hurt you more. I won’t go into Natalia and her problems, whichever 100 and more she has this week. She’s with Jesus Christ, otherwise known as Tal, and can’t be bothered from her busy fucking schedule. When you’ve got nothing better to do, you do nothing better.

So basically, I’m being shunned for following my heart and staying with Tayla. But even she’s not returning my phone calls.

No. I’m not bitter.

I don’t know how I feel yet about the whole Tayla/Scott experience, and frankly I don’t care to know how I feel. It’s a hard, confusing matter that I don’t have the patience to decode. Besides, it’s not that big of a deal. She’s not with him now, she’s with me and that’s what really matters.

BANG BANG BANG.
“Dave, open up,” Clint shouted though the door. I stretched out on my bed and breathed in. One, two, three. I counted before answering to ensure that my voice would not waver.

“ ‘sopen. Come on in,” I called. Maybe Clint wanted to tell me he was on my side, even if it meant shoving brother against brother.

Clint stepped into my room. He tiptoed through the mess of junk on my floor to the window. He flung open the blackout curtains, letting the early morning sun stream in and burn my eyes. I willed my arm to cover them, but my hand didn’t move.

“Get up, get dressed, and come downstairs,” he ordered, quite cold in fact. Not the begging plea of a brother who wanted to be allies. “Dad is taking us to the auditorium place—“

“Opera house,” I corrected. Clint gave me a look of utter disgust and annoyance.

“Whatever. Be ready to leave in half an hour.”

He left my room, the door slamming behind him. I hoped it would hit his ass on the way out.

Bob

“Natalia you have to. Kate isn’t here. Olivia is playing guitar,” Sara coaxed. Nati shook her head.

“What about you? You can sing. You’re not doing much,” she said, eyeing Sara’s keyboard.

Olivia stepped in and sighed heavily. “Live with it. You’re singing onstage tonight. Get ready to do sound check.”

Natalia huffed and growled. “Kate better be down on the side of the road crying her ass off. Otherwise she’s getting her ass kicked off when she gets back.”

I bit my lips together to keep from laughing. This was too funny, too ironic for words. Natalia and Dave, archenemies in less than two weeks, are now stuck singing onstage the top romantic ballad of the year. The top song of the year, as well. “Love of the Ages” is up for six Billboard awards, including song of the year. And Nati and Dave must sing it. This is too good.

Nati glowered at me from across the couch. “Bob, wipe that face off your head, bitch. What if you had to sing with...with...Justin Timberlake?”

I contemplated this scenario. “I guess it would suck, more than usual. Sorry. But you and Dave singing together, come on. It’s hilarious.”

She didn’t think it was funny, and expressed this with a quick punch to the arm. “Ow! Jesus...have a hissy, why don’t you...”

We all silenced when Mandy Moore walked over us, accompanied by the MTV recording crew. “Hi guys, ready for your interview?” The bubbly pop star asked. Sara and I sighed. We had agreed (OK, so we lost when drawing straws), to be the ones interviewed. We situated ourselves in front of the camera. The camera guy gave Mandy an okay to begin the interview as the others left the area to prepare for sound check.

“Hey everybody this is Mandy Moore here at the European Billboards with Bob from The Moffatts and Sara from Nine Lives,” Mandy smiled into the camera.

“Hi,” Sara and I said in unison into out microphones.

“So, in only a few hours your bands will perform your international hit ‘Love of the Ages.’ The song has been racing to the top of Billboard charts all over the world and has been competing with N*SYNC and the Backstreet Boys for top spots on TRL for 50 days in a row now. How do you guys feel about this? Are you nervous?” she giggled. Man, she is hot.

“We are really proud of the success of the song and are very excited to be performing for such a large audience,” Sara said smiling into the camera.

“Now, I’ve heard an unexpected problem has occurred. Kate from Nine Lives who joins Dave Moffatt on lead is not able to sing tonight. Is this true and how are you going to deal with it?” Mandy asked, looking very sympathetic and almost caring.

“Kate is home sick with an illness and she should be feeling better very soon, but we don’t want to take any chances, so Natalia will be filling in for her. We are sure the song will be just as good with the changes,” I explained, hoping the audiences will buy the excuse.

“Aww, poor Kate, well, we hope she feels better. How does it feel to be nominated for 6 awards tonight including Song of the Year?” She asked us.

“It’s a great honor. We are up against some very talented bands, so just to be nominated is a real privilege,” Sara began.

“We are very proud of this song and just to have it nominated made it worth all the work we put into it. The collaboration of both bands on this song was incredible, so to win these awards would be icing on the cake,” I finished.

“Well, I’m rooting for you guys. I personally love the song. I’m a really big fan of both of your bands, so good luck tonight!” She smiled brightly to her adoring groupies that would be watching this tape.

“Well, thank you very much,” Sara’s fake smile radiating ‘I HATE MANDY.’

“No, thank you. There you have it; don’t forget tonight at eight o’clock watch for the Moffatts and Nine Lives on the European Billboards. Back to you Carson!”

Mandy drifted away with her posse of…what do you call them, groupies? Whatever. “Almost sad to see her go,” I said to Sara, hoping I masked the drooling well enough.

“She is quite hot, in a fake plastic bubble sort of way.”

Sara scowled. “I hate you.”

“Can you hear that crowd? It’s gotta be pushing 130 decibels.” Clint shouted from the hallway. He grinned back at the rest of us.

The host was some European celebrity that all of us recognized but none of us could remember. He took the podium and laughed at the ecstatic audience.

“Hey! How ya’ll doing tonight?” The host asked, and the crowd screamed in response. “That good huh? Welcome to the European Billboard awards!”

“Guess who we’ve got here tonight!” Dramatic pause. “We’ve got Hanson, BBMac, Westlife, Gil!” More screaming fans.

“5ive, 98* brothers Drew and Nick Lachey, Backstreet Boys AJ McLean and Howie Dourough! Mickey Parks from 2Gether!” Even more screams.

“America’s Nine Lives performing with Scott, Clint, Dave and Bob! You know them; I know them, the biggest thing to hit Europe from Canada! Ever!” Woo hoo.

The audience erupted in shouts and screams. We all giggled to each other although our faces were slowly turning a pale shade of green. “So stick around, you won’t want to miss it!”

Trust me, we won’t.

Kate

My stomach growled for the third time in twenty minutes. I think it’s trying to tell me something. Maybe the gas gauge does too because, it’s starting to blink.

I spotted a truck stop far ahead and I sped to get there before the car stalled. I made it in time and pulled right to the gas tanks.

“Fill it up. I’m going to get something to eat.” I told the attendant. He nodded to me and I jogged across to the little diner, aptly called “Moe’s.” Yeah, that’s real German.

I swung open the door and a little bell announced my arrival. A little TV sat in the corner of the bar and booths lined the walls under the windows. I chose a booth farthest from the door and sat down. Immediately a waitress came to my side.

“Um…do you speak English?” I asked her. The waitress thought for a second and then nodded her head. “Good. I’ll have an ice water, toast and eggs.”

The waitress wrote down my order on a little pad of paper and nodded before scurrying away. I shrugged off my jacket and relaxed as much as I could in the hard little booth.

“Welcome to the European Billboard awards!”

My head shot up. I scanned the room to find where the outburst came from, and remembered the TV in the corner. I grabbed my jacket and ran to a stool on the bar.

“America’s Nine Lives performing with Scott, Clint, Dave and Bob! You know them; I know them, the biggest thing to hit Europe from Canada! Ever!”

My mouth dropped. I had totally forgotten that we were performing. Suddenly guilt for leaving kicked in. I banged my head on the countertop and my waitress brought my water.

What were they going to do without me? I was supposed to sing lead with Dave. What the hell were they going to do? My eyes were glued to the set and I barely acknowledged the food placed in front of me.

Clint

“Ahhh.” Dave crooned. He put the drink down on the table and grinned. “That’s Brisk baby!”

Scott refused to crane his head to glare at Dave, but I knew he was doing a good job with his head covered on the table. “Dave, shut the fuck up.”

“Alrighty,” Dave answered, still chipper as ever.

“When are we going on?” I asked aloud. Someone knocked on the door and I shouted to let them in.

In came Taylor and Isaac Hanson, followed by Gil. Shouldn’t the girls be here to scream and giggle incoherently? Tay and Gil fell back on the couch and each grabbed a handful of jellybeans.

“Hey Clint. Wassup? We’re bored. We’re not presenting for a while,” Isaac offered as an excuse for raiding our dressing room.

I nodded. “That’s cool, man. Neither are we. Make yourself at home.”

“What’s wrong with Scott? Nervous?” Gil asked, looking over at my sulking brother.

“I bet ya 10 bucks it’s about Kate,” Taylor said. He and Gil began laughing. I looked nervously at Scott and Dave. “Oh, man. It is. I’m good.”

“What happened, Scott?” Ike asked him. Scott just groaned. I looked up to see if Dave would answer, but they were both looking at me.

“He got drunk and slept with this girl Tayla. Kate found out and bolted. End of story,” I answered for my brother. Taylor choked on a jellybean. Gil looked up, shocked.

“Aha, she got you, too,” Ike groaned.

“What do you mean got me, too?” Scott asked, turning his head towards us, eyes wide.

“Do you want to tell him?” Gil asked Tay, who shrugged. Gil blew out some air. “She sleeps with pop stars as a hobby. It’s her game.”

“What?!” Dave shrieked.

“Well she’s gotten with us.” Ike began pointing to Taylor, Gil and himself. Scott looked like he was about to vomit and Dave looked very pale. “I heard from good sources that she’s also been with three fifths of both the Backstreet Boys and N*SYNC.”

“Hey, Justin and Drew of 98* have admitted to screwing her. And the “Rebel” one from 2gether won’t shut up about his night,” Taylor added.

“Aww, man that’s nothing. Christian from BBMAC thought that they were actually starting a relationship together. I mean, I can’t blame him thinking that after that first night she’s actually give him another one. But you’ve got to be pretty desperate to want to keep her,” Gil said bursting into fits of laughter. I saw Dave turn bright red and even felt a little bit of pity for the boy.

“Dave, why don’t you go practice with Nati. You know, just to make sure that everything’s all set for the performance,” I said. He nodded, his eyes glazed over, and moved for the door.

Ike raised his eyebrows and looked to Taylor, then to me. “Natalia’s here?” he asked, his interest obviously sparked.

“Yeah, she’s with Tal her little fuck buddy,” Dave muttered as he walked out the door. Ike slumped down into his chair. Poor Ike too...

“Well I guess we can add one Moffatt to the Tayla list,” Taylor laughed.

“Make that two,” I cut in. Gil gave me a look.

“No way Clint. I thought you were practically engaged to Olivia,” Gil blurted out.

I shook my head vigorously. Of course, I would be the one to fuck her, now wouldn’t I? “NO. Not me, I’m not that stupid. It’s Dave,” I told him.

Tay’s mouth gaped. “Dave, finally got some,” he said, astonished.

“Taylor, fuck off,” Scott said. That was his clue to get change the subject.

Sara

I stood behind my keyboard, silently praying during the commercial break before our performance. Please god, don’t let us mess up. Please god, don’t let Natalia and Dave mess things up. Please god, just let us survive this once, I’ll never ask another thing from you again.

Scott plugged his guitar in to the amp and stood there adjusting the strap for comfort. He looked wasted. His eyes were dark and his stature was weak. I swallowed hard, pushing back the tears and bitter taste at the back of my throat.

Clint shuffled over to me and leaned on my keyboard. I gestured to him to get his elbows off my instrument. “Get off. I don’t want it tipping over.”

“Oh sorry. How are you doing?” He asked, smiling tightly. I took a few deep breaths to steady myself.

“I’m getting along. How is everyone else, can you tell?”

He looked back to Natalia and Dave, who were complying for once. They had a cold politeness about them. Fortunately, it was only noticeable to those who knew the background story. To the quietly shrieking audience, it seemed like they were being friends as usual.

Bob sat, all alone at his drumset. He was busying himself with positioning his microphone.

“They seem...agreeable for once,” Clint comforted. He grinned sweetly and did a little dance to make me laugh. I wasn’t aware that I had my jaws clamped shut, for fear of throwing up. I chuckled gratefully and mussed up Clint’s hair. He playfully slapped my hand “Hey! Watch the hair. I took a while fixing it.”

“Yeah, right,” I said, laughing harder. Olivia looked up from her nervous position by Scott. I waved to her to come over, but she shook her head. I knew she must have been scared shitless.

I motioned to Clint. “She gets wicked stage fright. Maybe you should go do something. I think she might bolt any second. Or throw up,” I looked out into the hundreds of people in the crowd. “I wouldn’t blame her.”

Clint nodded and gave me a little hug for confidence. “Good luck. I’ll go attend to Miss Olivia,” he said, announcing regally. I laughed again and took some more breaths to stable my bouncing heart.

I heard voices from offstage. A digital voice announced, “Please welcome the most talked about couple in the music business, Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake!” The couple walked on stage and took their places in front of the podium. The spotlight shown on the two and cheers came from the crowd.

“Listen Justin, I think we need to talk,” Britney read off the teleprompter.

“Oh god, I’m in trouble,” Justin joked.

“No, it’s just that the next performers are talking about a love of the ages, a relationship based on time and effort. So when I thought about what our relationship was based on, I thought we needed to discuss this,” Britney looked at him with a fake upset look.

“Brit, there is definitely time and effort in what our relationship is based on,” Justin fought back. There was a pause for the roar of laughter that came from the audience. I really hate those two.

“Ladies and Gentleman, Nine Lives and The Moffatts performing their hit single “Love of the ages,” Britney announced. The colored lights above us shone brightly and screams erupted from the crowd. I looked over at Bob, who hit his drum sticks together to count off beats for the song. I had time for one last silent prayer. Please God, help us.

I started up the twinkling, aura-like background searing of keyboard. Right on cue, Olivia and Scott started up on rhythm guitar and lead, followed by Clint on bass. So far, so good.

Natalia glared at Dave, not in an evil way, but almost in a reminiscing sort of stare. Dave stared back. He looked very presentable in his black suit and charcoal tie. His hair was mussed up, in just the way Natalia always loved it. I wondered what she was thinking.

Natalia wore a green slip dress, with layers of black lace draped over it. Her hair was in tight curls and her face glittered with makeup. She gestured with lace arms at Dave to come-hither.

“Without you, I’m not whole...” Natalia sang as Dave inched his way over. “Without a smile, without a soul...”

“Without you, I break apart...without a love, without a heart..." She circled around him seductively. Did I miss something? All previous hindrances were thrown to the wind. Natalia and Dave were putting on quite a show.

“Ohhh Ohhh...” Dave sang in response.

Kate

I gulped down the rest of my coffee. Somehow, I had been given coffee, although I didn’t remember ordering it. I was still positioned on the barstool, eyes fixed on the TV in front of me. I watched as Dave and Natalia sang to each other and hoped they had worked things out in the four days I had been gone.

Dave stood behind Natalia, his hand lowered on her hips. He sang to her as much as he sang to the audience.

“No matter what I’ll be standing beside you...holding your hand, seeing you through...” he crooned. Natalia’s eyes glittered, most likely tears. But she was too proud to cry on camera. I silently apologized to her for leaving.

“My love for you keeps me alive...for you’re the reason I survive...”

Time for the big chorus. Natalia grasped Dave’s hand. His eyes grew wide at her action. At least he remembered to sing. “For ours is a love of the ages, ours is a love of all time...So ours is a love of the ages...”

Natalia smiled back to him. “I am yours, baby, and you are mine.”