August 13, 1999
Scene 1: Casa Santos
(Carmen and Danny are in the office looking at a briefcase full of bearer bonds.)
Danny: Uh-huh...bearer bonds...
Carmen: Two million dollars worth.
Danny: Why didn't you tell me about this before?
Carmen: What difference would it have made? The family has a large debt to take care of very quickly and this is how we will do it. You will do it.
Danny: By smuggling these into San Cristobel on the yacht?
Carmen: Smuggling suggests taht there's some danger involved, Danny. And in this case there's none. (Uh yeah, ok, whatever, Carmen. No danger my ass!) You're simply going to take them with you when you go to help your dear friend, Josh Lewis, get his wife out.
Danny: Sure, yeah. Avoiding customs is very safe. I don't want Michelle to know about this.
Carmen: I thought I had agreed to this already.
Danny: This is a federal offense and she is to have nothing to do with it, you understand?
Carmen: Danny, what did I just say? Don't worry, I have no intention of getting Michelle involved in the family business. And besides, all married couples have their secrets, Danny.
(Peeelar comes running into the room.)
Pilar: Mama! Mama! They're coming! (Who? The British?)
Carmen: Who?
Pilar: They're coming today. The police are coming. (Oh...alright fine, so it wasn't the British...) They have a search warrant and they're coming today. So if you have anything illegal or anything incriminating, just get rid of it. Get rid of it.
Danny: How do you know? Well, hold on. How do you know that?
Pilar: David Grant. He overheard some police officers talk about it.
Danny: Since when is a pig your best friend?!
Scene 2: Casa Santos
Pilar: Look, David is just grateful that Bill and I haven't turned our backs on him unlike everyone else in his life.
Carmen: Sweetheart, he is still a cop.
Pilar: Who's been suspended! The police department's internal affairs have been questioning him. That's how he knows about today.
Danny: So what! What--what, he just offered you this information as--as a favor, to be nice? What?
Pilar: Yes, I guess. I guess he thinks he owes me. (Owes you? Owes you for what???)
Danny: What were you thinking? Are you out of your mind!? (Let's think about this one, Danny-boy. She can't be out of her mind because she doesn't have one. Duh.)
Pilar: (Points to the bearer bonds.) What are those?
Carmen: These are bearer bonds.
Pilar: What, is that what we use to launder money???
Danny: Pilar...
Carmen: Danny, they can't just come in the house. They can't just break in like that--
Danny: (Cutting her off.) They can if they have a search warrant, Mother.
Carmen: No, no...It's going to be fine. We will be okay, alright? Everything will be ok, alright?
Pilar: Look Mama. Don't patronise (Ooh...big word!) me, ok? I know enough (Do you? Really? Could've fooled me.) to know that you don't want to explain a suitcase full of bearer bonds to the police department.
Danny: (Starts to close the briefcase.) I'll--I'll take care of them. I'll put them somewhere safe.
Pilar: Oh well, that's just brilliant! You don't think they're going to think about that?
Danny: Do you have a better idea?!
Pilar: Yes, I do! I'm going to take them.
Carmen: No. No. I won't have you getting involved in this!
Pilar: I don't like this any better than you do, but I'm going to do what I must, ok? I'm a part of this family and I'll do whatever it takes to protect us. (Superwoman to the rescue! Hell, I can't even say that with a straight face...)
Carmen: Listen to me. Sweetheart. Pilar, this is what I've worked my whole life for. To protect you from all of this.
Pilar: I know, Mama. But I must help you now.
Carmen: (Sighs.) There's no time to waste. I'll go get whatever I was...(Leaves the room.)
Pilar: I'm going to go.
(Michelle enters.)
Danny: Yeah.
Michelle: (To Pilar.) Hey. Where are you going?
Pilar: Uhmm, I have to go see Bill.
Bill: That's funny. Awhile ago you couldn't get away from me fast enough.
Pilar: Come on, let's just go.
Bill: Not until you tell me what's going on here.
Pilar: I'll tell you exactly what's going on in private, ok? Let's just go.
Scene 3: Casa Santos
Michelle: So, you going to tell me or what?
Danny: What? Tell you what?
Michelle: Don't do that. Don't play games with me. What did I walk in on in here?
Danny: Michelle, I'm not playing games.
Michelle: Why are you not being honest with me?
Danny: What are you talking about? You didn't walk in on anything. Look, If I can say so, I think maybe you're just being a little nervous about this trip to San Cristobel. Why don't you go over to Drew's and hang out, chat, have some girl talk, ok? (Kisses her.)
Michelle: Don't do that. Don't be condescending to me.
Danny: What? What? I'm not...
Michelle: I really don't like that.
Danny: You're friends. You like to talk with each other. That's all I meant.
Michelle: Wow, you're just digging yourself a hole here.
Danny: Michelle...(We hear Insta-cop Frank Cooper in the background talking about how he has a search warrant.)
Michelle: Wait a second. Nothing is going on?
Scene 4: Casa Santos
Michelle: What is this? Were you trying to get rid of me?
Danny: Don't be ridiculous.
Michelle: Stop it!
Danny: (Sighs. Carmen, Insta-cop, and another Insta-cop walk in. Carmen's talking about something...God knows what.)
Carmen: ...Blatant harassment...
Insta-cop Frank: What were you saying, Mrs. Santos?
Carmen: What I was saying, Detective Cooper (AKA, Insta-cop Frank), is that the police commissioner will hear about this outrage.
Insta-cop Frank: He ordered it. (Ooh...He's got you there, Carmen!)
Carmen: Well then, I'll just talk to the mayor. He's up for re-election soon, isn't he?
Insta-cop Frank: You know, if the fine people of Springfield found out that the Santos family was backing the mayor, I'm sure he'd win in a landslide.
Carmen: Oh, you're so naive.
Michelle: Frank, what is going on?
Insta-cop Frank: Mrs. Santos seems to be running a very neat house. (Actually, it's the housekeeper...I can't even imagine Carmen vacuuming and cleaning toilets...)
Officer: Too neat if you ask me.
Insta-cop Frank: You knew we were coming, didn't you?
Carmen: From now on, you will speak only with our lawyers.
Insta-cop Frank: Somebody tipped you off. Gave you time to get rid of the stuff. (Gee, you're a quick one! Nothing gets by you!)
Carmen: As a matter of fact, why don't I show you out the door. (Oh now come on, Carmen. You have people to do that for you!)
(Carmen, Insta-cop Frank Cooper, and the other Insta-cop leave.)
Michelle: Well, Pilar couldn't get out of here fast enough.
Danny: Would you stop it?
Michelle: Then you're trying to get rid of me.
Danny: That's not true. Come on.
Michelle: She's in on this, Danny. Danny. She knows what's going on. Tell me. (While she says this, she does the ever famous pounding her hand on her chest.)
Danny: Michelle...
Scene 5: Casa Santos
(Carmen is listening to what Danny and Michelle are saying, you can only hear their voices right now.)
Danny: The cops didn't find anything, did they?
Michelle: I don't care what they did or didn't find! I want to know what's going on with this family.
(Shows Danny and Michelle talking, Carmen is still listening.)
Danny: I think you're overreacting, don't you?
Michelle: Is this something big? Is this something illegal, Danny? ('Chelle, sweetie, of course it's illegal.)
Danny: If it was don't you think the cops would've found it?
Michelle: Well, now you're dragging Pilar into it. Don't you think I noticed the way that she was carrying her backpack out of here like she had a sack of diamonds?!
Danny: Would you use your head? You know my sister. You know that my mother wants to keep her out of the family business. She doesn't want her anywhere near anything illegal. What do you want from me? I swear to you, we did not ask Pilar to do anything illegal.
Michelle: I feel like I am on the outside again, and I don't like it. (Walks out of the room. Danny goes after her.)
Danny: (Sighs.) Michelle, come on...it's not true! (Looks at Carmen, points his finger at her and starts to says something but changes his mind to go after Michelle. Very smart, Danny. Forget Mommy Dearest for one minute, and pay attention to your wife!)
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