I know the title to this page should probably read more like "transcript," but we're still just starting out here. I was able to find this after my umpteenth try with the TV Guide site. Either I'm an idiot (possible) or my computer is mocking me (probable - any day now, I just know it's going to wish me into the corn field).



TV Guide: John Fugelsang, whether on stage, or in front of the camera, has wit and charismatic appeal that have earned him critical acclaim. From hosting America's Funniest Home Videos with co-star Daisy Fuentes and a myriad of VH1 specials, to performing his award-winning one-man show Junk Male, Fugelsang's natural talent and versatility are recognized and appreciated across multiple entertainment mediums. Welcome John, glad you could join us tonight.

Fugelsang: It's a pleasure to be here. It's my first time on TV Guide Online and I'm very happy to have this opportunity to talk with you all and to cynically pimp my standup engagement at Caroline's in New York City this weekend.

Barnacle_Bob83: How many, oh I don't know, mangos do you eat in a week?

Fugelsang: It depends on whether I'm lactating or not. If I am retaining water, I stay away from the mangos. My GYN was very strict about this.

SublimeMasta: When did you start your career?

Fugelsang: I'm waiting for it to start. Actually, I began doing regional theater as a youth on the plains of Long Island. Studied drama and film at New York University. And when I wasn't getting any acting work I began doing standup, which lead to a one-man show, which lead to TV hosting and TV comedy offers. And now I'm trying to get back to acting and standup.

Tinysmurf14otayFunnie: How did you get this job?

Fugelsang: Somebody said, 'Hey let the chimp throw the dart' and it landed on my headshot. They had Daisy Fuentes booked and they were looking for somebody else to help her to be Bob Saget: The Next Generation. And the producers saw some comedy stuff I had done for an NBC Morning show I used to do, and that was it. I have a very special deal with ABC. I host the show once a week, and twice a week I have to shave Drew Carey's back.

(Pagemaster's note: Actually, Ms. Fuentes has told the story in interviews and it runs more along the lines of their reading numerous actors for the part, but the moment Mr. Fugelsang left his audition, everyone in the room just looked at each other and said 'Him!' Not that our model for modesty would relate that kind of story himself. After all, that's what web pages are for. ;-)

Cool_babee02: Do you like being a co-host?

Fugelsang: That's a good question, cool babee 02. Hosting really isn't my forte. But I have had a lot of fun working on this show. That's pretty diplomatic isn't it?

Guy_in_a_Camaro: Do you ever find yourself watching Daisy Fuentes instead of the videos?

Fugelsang: All the time.

urmyxtc2: Did you try and put the moves on Daisy?

Fugelsang: Most people don't know this, but Daisy and I have been married for the past two years. I'm very proud of the love we share, and I'm very proud of our two children, Skippy and Hector. Usually I'm fighting Daisy off. She tends to slip roofies into my Fresca.

NobodyLikesOJ: Is it true that you think men are incredibly sexy?

Fugelsang: How bad do you want to find out? I won't answer that question directly, but I would take a shot at Ricky Martin any day of the week.

(Pagemaster's note: What caliber would you use?)

TeaRose_15F: Why does the other gal host wear slutty looking dresses? I think she should wear clothes that show less skin! Sorry to say.

Fugelsang: That's a good question. I don't pick out Daisy's outfits, but I have noticed very often her choice of attire has upset soccer moms across the nation. Just last week she was wearing a very tight blouse with no brassiere and at first I thought she was teaching the children of America how to read Braille. I mean, I'm glad the air conditioning works in the studio, but she was coming on like the Cuban missile crisis. I think she was smuggling mentos into the studio. All I can say is, they have to do whatever they can to suck in the male viewing demographic.

Snick_87: Where do you buy your clothes?

Fugelsang: I get my clothes exclusively from Sears Tough Skins, Phat Farm, and the JC Penny Big and Tall Men's Shop.

SublimeMasta: Are you ever jealous of Daisy?

Fugelsang: Daisy is jealous of me because I am so beloved in the Latino community. No, I am not really jealous of Daisy, I like her a lot, and think she is a pretty dynamite lady, and I'm very happy for her. I don't really know what there is to be jealous of. I can have guys that drool over me any time I want.

(Pagemaster's note: I don't think that's drool, Mr. Fugelsang)

The_1_the_only_baby_girl: What made you leave VH-1? Would you ever work with the Backstreet Boys? Have you ever met the Backstreet Boys?

Fugelsang: First of all, I still work for VH1 occasionally. But I've decided the time has come to stop living this lie. I never intended to be a host, and the time has come for me to finally pursue my long-term goal. Which is to quit my job, sell my home, buy a van, take to the road, and devote the rest of my life to stalking, finding and killing all five Backstreet Boys. If possible, I will kill the Backstreet Boys by beating them to death with the members of 'N Sync.

b_roksgirl411: Did you say that you don't like the Backstreet Boys? That you would like to kill them? If its true, you've lost a lot of fans and viewers. You shouldn't judge a book by the cover you know, so don't diss them!

Fugelsang: I hope you'll understand that I would never intentionally harm the Backstreet Boys. My comments were strictly in jest and I would never besmirch their fine name or their immense contributions to American music.

danlm: Do you make your own jokes for the show?

Fugelsang: Not as often as I'd like. They have a staff of very fine writers, but I try to get my own comments in as often as I can. I have a lot more freedom doing that in cable and I actually do a lot of shows for VH1 Europe, which give me a lot of freedom to make my own jokes. But I don't get that much freedom, and that's one of the reasons I do a lot of standup comedy. I am sorry, if I seem distracted, I am just afraid of the Backstreet Boys Liberation Front putting out a hit on me for those jokes.

annoyant_1: I don't think the videos you guys air are very funny. How are the ratings holding up on the "newer and better" show?

Fugelsang: Good question. As far as the videos, lots of people do find them funny. I personally don't care for videos that involve children, animals, or old people getting injured. As far as ratings, they have been very up and down. The show got high ratings last year but this year ABC has been shuffling the show all over it's lineup which makes it hard to build up a regular audience. At one point last summer they were showing it twice a week and then sometimes they didn't show it at all during a week.

haynpimp: I hate them too, kill them John. When are you going to do it? I'll help!

Fugelsang: Oh great, now I'm going to get blamed when somebody takes out a Backstreet Boy. Look I may not still be a very good Catholic anymore, but I am one hundred percent anti-violence. Unless it's against 'N Sync.

HeavinlyCreature1: Does any one ever pronounce your last name really weird?

Fugelsang: My name has been pronounced Flugelhorn, Fusillage, Bugelsang, Frugel Gourmet, Fruzen Gladje, Farfeg Nuggen, Fugel Stain, Fugus Eyed, and a great number of colorful metaphors TV Guide will not allow me to repeat, but that do begin with the letters F-U. But I won't change my name. Fugelsang is an ancient Navajo term. It means lactose intolerant.

TeaRose_15F: Do you really like working on that show? I think you're quite funny and should have your own comedy show. Do you agree, or would you prefer to stick with show?

Fugelsang: I'm an actor, first and foremost, and that's my greatest ambition. And I would like very much to continue doing standup and comedy on television. The problem is finding a situation where a network would allow you the latitude to do the kind of comedy you'd like to do. Thank you for your nice comments.

NobodyLikesOJ: Do you have fuzzy dice hangin' in your car window?

Fugelsang: I'm a true Long Islander, baby. I gots the fuzzy dice, the Playboy air freshener, and I got the Eye Roc-Z with the optional neon lighting beneath the vehicle. I'm a true Long Island Guido. Let's go Rangers!

Confidential to Blonde_HairGreen_eyesGirl: We can't print your question, but the answer is so big, it has a knee in it.

NobodyLikesOJ: Do you get a bunch of chics whenever you go out in public? 'Cause you're a cool guy, I bet you get all the women.

Fugelsang: (LOL!) Let me tell you something pal, I get less women than Professor Stephen Hawking. Keep in mind that right now I live in LA where the women are 80 percent flame retardant. They don't tend to go for the pale, edgy, skinny New Yorkers. And I was also always the kid growing up who was beaten on a daily basis by the Buttafucco Nation.

JJ__20: Has anyone ever died in any of the funny clips?

Fugelsang: No, no one ever has. I would refer you to a home movie by one Abraham Zapruder. Perhaps you've seen it.

HeavinlyCreature1: Do you and Daisy have a lot of clothes? It seems as if you change your clothes at least 3 times per segment.

Fugelsang: That's a good question. When the show airs in America, it's a one hour format, but for re-runs, syndication and overseas (the show is seen in 68 countries), the show is only a half an hour. So when we change clothes we're also really shooting a whole different half-hour show.

acoolbreezeblowinupyourshorts: When you submit a clip, how is it judged?

Fugelsang: AFHV has a staff of screeners whose job it is to watch every single video that gets sent in. These are very devoted people, and they have to take a lot of medication.

jjames_1978: What's the address for the Home Videos place?

Fugelsang: I don't have it in front of me, but if you watch the show, they announce it.

Saturn54303: What's your favorite clip?

Fugelsang: It involved Pamela and Tommy Lee but we couldn't air it. Actually my favorite thing I've seen on the show was a very moving montage of little babies vomitting to Tchaichovsky's 1812 Overture. I actually gave a copy of that to Magic Johnson.

joeyito_99: Would you co-host a show with The Gretzky?

Fugelsang: Only if he wore short skirts like Daisy Fuentes.

Natalie17_gap: I think you're great! I would someday like to get into the field of television, so, do you have any pointers for me?

Fugelsang: Well, Natalie, it all depends on what kind of work you want to do. Do you want to act? Host? Do comedy? Or do news? I don't know what area you are interested in, but I would advise trying to be as creative as possible right now. Try to find where your talents lie and devote yourself to it 100 percent. And don't listen to the voice inside you that tells you you're not good enough.

NobodyLikesOJ: Are there any "embarrassing moments" from AFHV you'd like to share?

Fugelsang: Well there was the time that I got a death threat from the Olsen twins. They're big Saget fans.

Beccac3: Have your parents been supportive towards your career all your life?

Fugelsang: My parents are very supportive. My mother is actually an ex-nun, and my father is an ex-Franciscan brother. So they were a bit shocked to have a son go into the entertainment field. But they've been totally supportive. And have actually helped me out a lot with material. I do lots of religious humor and I usually run it by them first to make sure it's not too inflammatory.

Fugelsang: I want to thank everybody for their questions. I'm sorry I didn't get to answer them all. I really don't know what's going to happen with AFHV.

tru55_JA: Have you ever thought about doing stand-up?

Fugelsang: Funny you should ask that. If any of you are in the New York area, I am headlining this weekend at Caroline's on Broadway in Times Square. My act is very political and hopefully very smart and funny. If any of you would like to come, you can call 212-649-6398. If you can't make it to New York, call your local comedy club, university, ELK's lodge, or Girl Scout troop, and demand that they book me!

TV Guide: John, thanks for joining us tonight. We had a great time. Best of luck with everything.

Fugelsang: Thanks to everyone, I'm not sure what's going to happen with AFHV next year, but talking with you has been a pleasure! Peace to all of you!