MSTED by
Gaijin Dan Mastriani
Cyrus VanGuard (The (\/)ajin)
Triad (Insanity)
Xachary (Charles Boucher)
Kyo Hokushin
Noe Ch'ònggu (Yun Ch'òlsu)
Zenith Carcine (Jonatan Streith)
Added riffs by
NeoVid
Signus Megido
W4
DISCLAIMER: MST3K & the related characters are owned and copyrighted by Best Brains Inc. The various characters and series mentioned in the story are the property of their various creators, too many to mention here. All MSTiers (mentioned above) are copyrighted their respective owners and may not be used without permission. "Family Trees" is copyrighted by Thrythlind Hardwulf, who can keep it for all I care. No insult towards the author was intended with this MST.
Onward to the riffing!
> Family Trees - Chapter 1Dan [Jeff Foxworthy]: If your family tree DOES NOT BRANCH... you MIGHT be a redneck.
> A Pebble TossedKyo: ...will risk putting someone's eye out.
> > > > Warning: taking this ficZenith: ...internally may be hazardous to your health.
> too seriously could be > dangerous to your mental health...Zenith: Rats.
> it is going to be > intentionally unlikely and rather silly and bizarre...Xach: BIZZZAHR!!!
> > this fic is coming out of my Silly Product of Sleep > Deprivation,Kyo: +15% against Logic.
> with ideas pulled from the barracks sceneKyo [Hitler actor]: They lose me after the bunker sequence.
> of Hot Shots, Tales of Ranma and Ranko, Amaya's > Changes, slayers fics, and various comments on thatNoe [Author]: ...bathroom stall wall I read in Grand Central Station.
> first fic (originally intended as a one shot).Dan: Which, unfortunately, didn't hit any vital organs. Thussly, additional shots were deemed necessary, prolonging the readers' suffering.
> > ------------------------------------------------------- > > Kasumi filled their guest's tea cupZenith: With POISON!
> and continued > on serenelyZenith: ...pulling out her axe...
> to fill Akane's, Mr. Saotome's and > Ranma's. > "Will there be anything else?" Kasumi asked calmly.Noe: [exaggerating his accent] You buy me juicy?
> "No that will be all, thank you Kasumi," Nadoka > turned with her nearly ever-present smile to face the > other three individuals at the table.Dan: "Kasumi waited patiently for her tip."
> "If this is family business,Noe: [Godfather] We are here to discuss business.
> what's Akane doing > here?" Ranma asked,Xach: Not you, that's for certain.
> trying to hide his worry under a > veneer of impoliteness. His mom calling themTriad: A wimp, a loser, a good-for-nothing freeloader...
> for > family business was NOT what he considered good news, > he was keeping an eye on her wrapped katana.Noe: [clutching his eye] AP'A!!!
> "As if I have any interest at all in the Saotome > family affairs." Akane was also watching the katana, > and she'd be damned if she was going to let Ranma knowCyrus: The secret ingredient in McDonalds's special sauce.
> she was worried about him.Zenith: [Akane] I mean... investing all our money in Pokemon cards? That's just plain wrong.
> "Wait a moment, I just remembered an important > previous engagement."Noe: [counting on his fingers] Another one?!?!
>Genma started to stand and > leave.Triad: Then he realized someone had broken his kneecaps.
> "Sit," the command was a small chorus from all > three of the others.Noe: Except Inu-Yasha who promptly fell over grumbling...
> Ranma and Akane didn't know what > was coming,Xach: ...for dinner!
> but they were damn certain it was his > fault somehow.Dan: I have this odd feeling I've seen scenes nearly identical to this before...and before that...and before that...and before that...and...
> "Now as I was saying, there is something I need to > tell Ranma."Kyo: [Nodoka] Zip your fly.
> Ranma and Akane both narrowed their eyes > at Genma, who sweatdropped. > ~I'm making sure you go ahead of me, old man, and > what did you do to get Akane roped into this?~Dan: Oh, sure, blame Genma. All he's ever done is get his son a Jusenkyo curse.
> ~There is no way I'm letting you get away with > this...uh...not that I care.~ > "Genma is not your natural father."Dan: And there was much rejoicing.
> "You don't have to do it..." Akane shouted. "Wait > a minute."Noe: [Ranma] I'll be generous! You'll get sixty seconds!
> "What did you say?!?!"Triad [Akane]: I said, "You don't have to do it wait a minute!"
> "I said Genma is not your natural father." Akane > and Ranma facefaulted, as did someone standing outside > the door.Dan: Fine, ruin the suspense. See if I care.
> "Nabiki!" Kasumi's muffled yet scandalized voiceCyrus: That's a pretty neat trick to do.
> declared from the hallway. "It is not polite toTriad: [Kasumi] wear cutlery on your head.
> easedrop." The Saotomes and youngest Tendo > sweatdropped.Kyo [Nabiki]: I did not eavesdrop. I facefaulted.
> "He's NOT my natural father," Ranma repeated afterDan: Genma's about as far on the other side of natural as one can possibly be.
> righting himself. He and Akane turned to glare at him > again. > "And I thought he was low before," Akane noted.Cyrus: Now he's a sub-basement!
> Genma swallowed and looked for somewhere to disappear > to.Zenith [Ninjas]: We are hedge. Move along.
> "No, I met Genma while I was pregnant with you," > Nadoka calmly sipped her tea. "Your father and I had > parted ways before I learned that you'd be coming,Noe: Wasn't Ranma a little young to be coming at that point?
> and > I couldn't find him again after that."Zenith: Try looking under the seat cushions.
> "And you married HIM?" Akane said, shocked.Noe: What were you thinking, Ajuma?!
> "Oh yes, I wanted my son to be a master martial > artist like his father was, but I couldn't teach him > all he'd need to know. And I was certainly not goingKyo [Nodoka]: To dress in drag and do the hula.
> to show myself before my father and sister in that > circumstances."Zenith: [Nodoka] But what a pretty circumstances it was...
> "And then along comes Genma and he promised to make > my son a 'man among men'Noe: [snickers]
>and give him a lifelong > training in martial arts." > "And you believed HIM?" Ranma asked > "Slight error in judgment," Nadoka said.Noe: Gee, you think?
> "Gee, you think?" Akane put in snidely.Xach: Only when it's otherwise unavoidable.
> "You can discuss it with him later." > "Oh, I will." Ranma cracked his knuckles.Kyo: [Ranma] Oww! My hands! MEDIC!
> "I did raise you to be a master martial artist > after all," Genma suggested nervously. > "You neglected to place much emphasis on theZenith: Fluffy bunny feet.
> sword,"Zenith: That, too.
> Nadoka noted. "And that has been my family's > art for generations." > "Not to mention the cat fist," Akane noted. > "And Jusenkyo, and the fiancees."Zenith [Dorothy]: And what about Scarecrow's brain?
> "I need a place, date and time!"Zenith: A date? I'd love to. You're paying, right?
> "Nabiki, what did I just tell you?"Cyrus: I think it was "And Jusenkyo, and the fiancees".
>Akane and the > Saotomes sweatdropped again.Xach: The place is flooding!
> "So who is Ranma's father?" Akane asked. Nadoka > retrieved an old photograph from inside her kimono and > displayed it formally. The man in the picture wore aXach: ...corn-blue blue dress, white apron, and ruby slippers.
> white gi with torn sleeves and a red headband, and he > was obviously a masterful martial artist.Noe: O_O
> "Looks familiar," Akane admitted.Dan: I guess all he cares about ISN'T his two fists. Oh, my tarnished hero! I have only Dan Hibiki left to admire!
> "At any rate," Nadoka returned the photo to its > hiding place without giving a name. "Genma adopted > you and took you on that regretful training trip,Xach [Nodoka]: And not once did he ever take you to "Hooters."
> knowing what I do now I would have taken you to meet > my family much earlier."Zenith: Urgh... run-on sentences... feeling sick...
> "Meet your family," Akane repeated. ~A chance to > meet more of Ranma's family?~ > "I still don't see why Akane has to be here," Ranma > complained.Kyo: The way he complains, anyone would think he's female.
> "Shut up Ranma."Triad: Okay, I'll shut up Ranma. [pulls out her Buster Beam cannons] BUUUSTER B-- [gets tackled by Zenith] AUGH!
> "Well, I'd like you and Akane to take a trip withNoe [Criminologist]: I would like... if I may... to take you on a strange journey.
> me to meet your grandfather and cousin. I myself > haven't seen them since before my sister graduated > school, and none of us have seen or heard from our > brother after his last letter from China,"Xach: Because he, too, was obfuscating.
> she sighed > wistfully for a moment. "I should have at least goneCyrus [Wakko]: To the potty! It's a potty emergency!
> for my sister's funeral, but I couldn't see them yet."Xach: They wouldn't uncross their arms.
> ~Ranma's relatives,~ that thought was followed by > an almost audible kching sound as Nabiki considered > the profit opportunities.Zenith: That's a girl after my style.
> "Hey I'll go!" She stepped > into the room, unconcerned about appearances suddenly.Dan: I don't suppose anyone wants to hear about how Nabiki really doesn't act anything like this in the manga?
> "What?" Ranma blinked. "I don't want to..." > "Nabiki, they didn't invite you," Akane protested. > ~Wait a minute, did I just confirm I want to go...damn > it!~ > "Actually that is a good idea," Nadoka decided.Noe: [Nabiki] She don't know me too well do she? [puts his pinkie on his chin a la Doctor Evil]
> "This way there is a chaperone from both families." > "See sis," Nabiki smirked. Ranma looked around and > tried to judge as to whether he had any say in this > happening.Kyo: Fat chance of that happening.
> "Besides it will give you and Ranma some > time to decide what to do with him."Noe: [cracks his knuckles] heh heh heh...
> "I'll go pack."Triad: ...some heat.
> ******************************************************* > Nabiki felt a familiar sensation as she entered her > room.[Noe and Kyo start chuckling]
> She had been about to start packing, but itXach [Old Man]: ...it's...
> wouldn't be a good idea to give him too much of an > idea of her plans. She smirked without turning to > face the materializing cloaked-man.Cyrus: The Shadow makes an appearance.
> "Long time no see," she said in a bored manner. > Then she turned to face him, leaning against her > dresser. "So what brings you to this neck of the > cosmos?"Triad [Man]: Funny that you should mention necking...
> "Ah, nothing important," he said cheerfully through > closed eyes.Triad: Oh, right. It's Brock.
>"I just came to visit a talented girl of > my acquaintance."Xach: [Man] Know where she is?
> "Really, Xellos"ALL: ...
> Nabiki drawled, arching an eyebrowNoe: [Nabiki as the Rock] If you smellalala... what the 'Beek... is cooking.
> and crossing her arms.Xach: And now she's obfuscating, too...
> "Is it too much to ask that I'd like visit my > children?"Dan: If that were true, you'd think she'd give the DoV better booking in Ultra.
> "You expect me to believe that, Xellos?" > "Not especially," her visitor answered smiling.Xach: [Xelloss as Bond Villain] No, miss Nabiki, I expect you to die.
> Nabiki waited. "You know, you really should get out a > little more, go on a vacation or something." > "And for what reason do you want me out of town?"Noe: Kùgòs-un pimir-iya!*
> "Actually I was hoping you'd take your sister with > you as well." > "You don't want someone to see us?"Triad [Xelloss]: Bingo. You eat like a horse, you oaf.
> "Well," Xellos smirked. "That...is a secret." > "And the favor...has a price," she riposted.Zenith: Doesn't everything?
> Xellos smirked in pride. > "Which..." > "Depends on the reason why you want me to do it," > Nabiki noted. > "Well the gate that brought your mother here is > going to stablize enough for human use again,"Zenith: Cue generic plot device!
> he > explained. "Some of our old companions are going to > come and try to visit her."Zenith: To have come all that way to visit a woman dead for a decade. That's... almost touching.
> "Well I don't see...oh...SHE's coming isn't she," > Nabiki smirked. > "That is a..."Noe: IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT THAT IS!!!
> "Doesn't she know about me and..." Nabiki > interrupted. She gave a predatorial smirk. "She > doesn't know about Akane, does she."Xach [Xelloss]: No. And with Akane's bad cooking, we will RULE THE WORLD! BWA HA HA HA HA HA!
> "It shouldn't be too long," Xellos said. "We plan > on visiting our daughter later." > "Well, I suppose I can find a way to get me and > Akane out of town for a while." Being empathic, > Xellos DID hear the kching sound, or at least in > detected the emotions connected with it, and smiled.Cyrus: Like he doesn't do that all the time anyway.
> "And what is the price?" > "Can you teach me that teleport thing?" > ******************************************************* > "Hmmm, interesting," the old man turned the > postcard over in his hand and investigated.Dan: [postcard] Bringing Ranma from China. Saotome.
> "You wanted to talk to me grandpa?"Zenith: [Hick accent] Well, if'm wanna see me grandpa, you'm betta go see 'im on yer own, dontchaknow.
> he turned to > the polite young boy, who seemed almost relieved to be > pulled out of the chaos of his normal life. > "We'll be having visitors soon," the old man said.Kyo [Old Man]: Get the shotgun.
> "Family." > "I didn't think any of father's relatives wanted to > come back after that incident with..."Noe: ...the kimch'i, the cheese grater, and the silk scarves.
> "This is your mother's family, my other daughter > and her son," the old man interrupted. > "Mom had a sister?" the young man blinked.Dan [Old Man]: Plenty! I've been around the block a few times, boy! (Nudge, nudge! Wink, wink!)
> "And a brother, I've been on Earth for many human > life times" the old man explained. For a moment theZenith: Story looked like it wouldn't have more twists then a box full of pretzels, but to hell with THAT...
> young boy seemed to be considering possibilities. > "Don't hope to much for a relief from the girls, it > seems your cousin's fiancee is coming along as well."Kyo [Old Man]: And we will make her yours. Oh, yesssss... we WILL make her YOURS...
> "It wouldn't have been fair anyway," he said > reluctantly. "So what's my cousin like?" > "He apparently is a martial artist of some skill > and power, perhaps you can learn something from him."Triad: [Old man] Like how to pick up excessive amounts of violent girlfriends.
> The boy shrugged humbly, as if that was no surprise. > His grandfather smiled, knowing he was much better > than he pretended to be. "Now perhaps you shouldZenith [Old Man]: Start singing showtunes.
> return to the fields, before Sasami starts looking for > materials for tonight's dinner.Skrib: [Over Loudspeakers] NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! DAMN YOU, AUTHOR! DAMN YOU, FIC! DAMN YOU!!!
> ****************************************************** > "Get back here before I call a spirit to wrap that > thing around your head!" > The woman shouting seemed almost like a young girl,Xach: Because she was one, maybe?
> standing just barely five feet tall with short brown > hair tied with a ribbon. Her long pointy ears > twitched angrily as she shouted. She was wearingKyo: Nothing! NOTHING! YOU SO STUPID! STUUUPID!
> a > red leather jerkin that looked like it was something > out of a dungeons and dragons convention.Dan: TM Wizards of the Coast and TSR. All rights reserved.
> Hooked at > her back was a short, three foot stave with spear > points at either end. Her eyes showed a deal more age > than her body, however.Zenith: [girl] I've got my mother's eyes, you know. [mimics showing a small box] See?
> "I was just going to find something to drink."Dan: [bartender] Frosty mug of water, sir?
> "Man you're a jerk!" the girl shouted again. "I > swear, you are such a moron.Kyo: [Man] Sticks and stones may break my bones...
> I miss the gate home andDan [Girl]: I'm cold, and I'm hungry, and people are looking at me funny, and... (sniffle) I WANNA GO HOME! WAAAAAAH!
> what do you do, send her into the world as a child on > a vendetta!"Zenith: I had a vendetta when I was little.
> "Well I thought you were dead, and the family honor > needed to be...." > "BAKA!! Do you realize that she has like threeCyrus [Woman]: Little pigs? The first one made its house of straw...
> months before she has to choose mortality or > immortality? AND SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW IT!!!!" (its a > Tolkien thing)Triad: *snort* Thanks for pointing it out, oh wise and omnipotent author. We really needed to know.
> "Well I didn't see the need to, with you dead..."Noe: ...kinda made it hard to let you know.
> "You didn't even SHOW her the books of magic I left > for her to study! ARGGG!!!"Triad [Woman]: ARGGG! And I, Captain Cavewoman, will make you pay! GRAAAGH!
> "Well..."Kyo: It's a hole in the ground.
> "Shut up, shut up...let's just find her and then I > can give her a crash course of being born with elf blood."Xach: [Sagely] We're all born naked, screaming, and covered with elf blood. The lucky ones can die that way, too.
> Family Trees - Chapter 2Zenith: Electric Boogaloo!
> A Splash in the PondDan: Hopefully, that's the sound of someone drowning the author before he can write any more.
> > > Last Episode: Ranma learned that Genma isn't his > father,Kyo: ...which now poses the question to Ranma, "Who's yo' daddy?"
> and he and Akane are off to meet his mother's > family. Nabiki was visited by Xellos who wants herNoe, Kyo: Woo-hoo!
> and Akane out of the city while certain people are > coming to visit. A elfin girl(??) berates a man aboutZenith: Author, you if anyone should know whether she's elfin or not.
> sending a girl off on a vendetta.Dan: Could be worse. He could have sent her in an Edsel.
> -------------------------------------------------------Cyrus: Isn't there supposed to be a letter grade before this?
> > "Hmm, there's a lot more to this place than it > looks like there is," Ranma noted.Cyrus: Yeah, like Washu's lab.
> "Yeah, it feels,"Noe: o/~ And it feels like / Heaven's so far away o/~
> she thought about it. "Well it > feels like Nerima actually." > "Really, Akane,"Zenith: Really Akane! Available to you for only $19.99! Purchase now!
> Nabiki huffed,Xach: ...the fumes from a can of spray paint.
> trying to keep up > with the other three was becoming rather tiring.Kyo: Yeah, I bet they can keep it up for hours.
> Nabiki had new respect for Nadoka after all this > climbing. "Do you think there is anywhere that > attracts as much trouble as our little hometown?"Kyo: Famous last words.
> "Yeah, Akane, that's silly," Ranma agreed. > "Nothing could be as bad as Nerima." A series ofDan: NEVER, E-E-EVER say lines like that.
> explosions rocked the top of the hill they were > climbing.Kyo: Uh oh... seems like Card is doing her workout.
> "I can't stand it ANY longer!" the shouting voice > drifted in from the end of one explosion. There was a > distinct note of haughtiness to it, similar to > Kodachi's but MUCH softer.Cyrus: Ya know, I thought they were about the same volume.
> "I'll teach you to chase after MY Tenchi!!"Dan: I'm surprised they haven't torn Tenchi apart years ago.
> "Oh why would Tenchi want a stuck up girl like > you?" Several more explosions sounded and faded into > the distance. The Nerimans sweatdropped.Dan: My fanfic convention sense is tingling! There must be stock dialogue nearby!
> "You were saying," Akane put in, as they continued > up the stairs. They found themselvesCyrus: After years of of meditation, introspection and soul-searching.
> at the top of > the hill standing before a large, comfortable looking > house. > "Now I suppose we should call at the shrine first,"Dan: I think the house would be more likely to have a phone. [rimshot!]
> Nadoka said, turning away from the house. Akane and > Ranma turnedNoe: HEEL TURN!
> to find more steps and shrugged. Nabiki > facefaulted. > *******************************************************Cyrus: This fic doesn't deserve this many stars, even on a one-hundred star scale.
> Six figures found themselvesXach: [figure] Wait a sec... if that's me, then who-- AAAAH!
> standing on the edge > of a town just in front of what seemed to be a > circular rip in the fabric of time and space.Dan [figure]: What a weird thing to put a town in front of.
> "How long will that remain open?" one of them > asked, a short man with what seemed to be blue skin.Dan: My god! Somebody get that man some oxygen!
> The red-head in front of him wasKyo: Busy rearranging his furniture.
> much shorter than he > was. She hmphed irritably at the question.Zenith: [red-head] How many times do I have to tell you, it's open 24/7.
> "For us or for them," the red-head jabbed her thumb > at the tall blonde womanKyo: ...and removed her eye.
> standing next to the short > blue-skinned man. Then she jabbed a finger at the > purple-haired manTriad: Remember, always color-coordinate your main characters.
> standing next to a tall slim, > black-haired woman with a generous figure and a look > of righteousness on her face.Dan: Then she indicated the mime, the clown, and the passing opera troupe.
> ~Not fair, why can't I > get tall and big like that? Well at least she doesn't > look hideous like her sister did.~Dan: There it is again! My fanfic convention sense...
> "For all of us, of course," the blue skinned man > answered irritably.Triad: Like, DUUU-UUUH.
> "I think it will be about a month before the gate > turns unstable again," she answered. "Are you certain > she lives around here?" > "Well," the purple haired man started.Zenith: But he forgot to hold down the clutch.
> "Oh, Xellos's certain all right," the black haired > woman next to them, confirmed. Xellos sweatdropped.Dan [Heero]: Black haired woman, confirmed. Proceeding to destroy target.
> "Well let's go find her then," the sixth personDan [first person]: Then? I want to find her NOW!
> piped up suddenly, he was a tall, blonde hairedXach: Mime.
> man standing protectively next to the red-headed woman. > The black haired woman began concentrating and > gathering power.Cyrus: Hey! Stop hogging all the power!
> "What are you doing, Amelia-san?" the blonde woman > asked, curiously. Amelia glanced at Xellos and arched > an eyebrow.Noe: [Amelia] The 'Melia is gathering power, Jabroni.
> "I'm trying to find MY daughter, of course," she > explained. Xellos sweatdropped again.Cyrus: Last time I checked she was too young to have one.
> "Man, she's angry," the blonde man said. > "Gourry, if I found out that YOU had children > across half the cosmos, I'd be mad too."Kyo: Why would someone be mad when they found out someone ELSE had children across the cosmos?
> "How can you have children across a comma, Lina?"Zenith: He's stupid, NOT hard of hearing.
> *SMASH*Dan: So...Batman's in this fic, too?
> ******************************************************Cyrus: AAAH! THEY'RE SHOOTING! DUCK AND COVER!
> "Excues me, can you tell meXach: ...how to get to Sesame Street?
> the way to the Tendo > dojo?" Ryouga embarrassedly scratched the back of his headDan: Assume the Godai position!
> as the pair turned to face him.Zenith: They immediately aimed their guns at him. The Lovely Angels had a lot of pent-up stress and anger to deal with, and he was just in time.
> The girl was > kind of cute, though those pointy ears were weird.Cyrus: Vulcans aren't weir...OK, so maybe they are.
> Then again, he had fangs so who was he to talk.Triad: I think... yes, he's Ryouga to talk.
> There > was something familiar about the man's weapon,Triad: You know what they say about men with big weapons...
> it looked like a giant fly swatter, though something was > telling him he should recognize it as something else.Zenith: It doubles as a combination crop rotator on alternate tuesdays.
> "Sorry, never heard of the place," the girl waved > her hand dismissively.Xach: And she said that with a hand wave. Is there no one who talks with their mouth in this story?
> "But maybe you could help us?" > "Uh...." Ryouga swallowed. "I'm not certain about > that, what do you need."Noe: HEAD!
> "We're looking for a Ranma Saotome."Dan: Not a specific Ranma Saotome... any will do.
> The girl > blinked as Ryouga took on a sudden change.Xach: Because when Ryouga Hibiki hears the words 'Ranma Saotome', he undergoes a strange transformation...
> "Ranma...Saotome!" he growled. "Let me guess,Cyrus: [Ryouga] The password is 'Two fish in the twilight'.
> your > father here..." The girl lifted one red leather bootZenith & Triad: o/~ These boots are made for walking, and walking's what they'll do... o/~
> and slammed it into his foot before he could finish.Cyrus: [Ryoga] Ow ow! Stilletto heels! Ow!
> He looked down, and then said in a resigned voice, > "What did you do that for?" > The girl blinked as she tried to figure out why > that hadn't hurt him. She'd smashed toes through > steel plated boots before. > "This baka isn't my father," she snapped irritably. > "He's my husband." > "Leaf,Kyo: [Tommy Chong] ...Tree.
> why don't we just go on, he doesn't seem > trustworthy to me." Leaf glared at him out of the > corner of her eyes. Then held her hands out in front > of her and concentrated. > "I call upon the power of the gnomes," she mumured,Dan [give]: I summon...a pointy red hat!
> as a light grew between her hands and tentacles > erupted from the ground to grab the man.Cyrus: [snorts] Oh, I'm so impressed. The Pink Wienerschnitzel did that better anyway.
> He grabbed > the weapon off his back and started swatting the > things ineffectually. "You're not one to talk about > trustworthy." > "Okay so why are you looking for Ranma Saotome?" > "Because my baka husband here sent our daughter > after him and his father ten years ago while I > was....stuck somewhere."Dan: Rule #1 of fantasy writing: Every important plot point happened ten years ago.
> Ryouga glanced again at the weapon the man was > using to smack the tentacles around his feet. > "Excues me, is that a spatula?" > *******************************************************Cyrus: Behold the new talent for star search.
> *bleep**bleep*Cyrus: Bad language!
> A slim hand reached from underneath the blankets > and cast about for the source of the sound. After > about ten more seconds of incessant bleepingZenith: Yeah, I can get pretty pissed when I wake early too.
> the hand found the necessary button. > "Hello?" a muffled voice spoke from under the > blankets.Kyo: She didn't pay a lot for that muffler.
> "Detective Kiyone?" There was a stifled growl from > under the blanket. The bed's occupant reminded > herself that THIS was why she bothered with keeping up > the rent on their apartment. Headquarters couldn't > contact them there unless it was an emergency. If it > was an emergency her earring would have been blaring.Dan: Well, her earing isn't blaring, so it mustn't be an emergency. But GPH can't contact her at her apartment if it isn't an emergency, so it must be. But her earing isn't blaring, so it can't be an emergency. But if it isn't an emergency...I'm getting a headache.
> "Speaking, make it quick, its really early." > "There have been some inquiries into your > whereabouts."Triad: Meaning, WHERE THE BLEEP ARE YOU?!
> ~Great, just what I need,~ Kiyone thought. ~I > wonder what that's all about.~ "Do you have a name?"Dan: [voice] No! I want to remain nameless! This way, I'll get out of the fic early, and my record will remain untarnished.
> "Let me see here a moment," there was a shuffling > of papers and then the man read a name. The blankets > were silent for a long moment. "Detective?" > "I'm not certain I heard that correctly," Kiyone > said, head coming out from under the blanketsNoe: Much to Tenchi's dismay.
> as she > turned to face the communicator. It was a blank > screen, she generally left it set to audio only while > she was asleep.Kyo: Ever since the unfortunate flashing incident.
> "Could you repeat that name?"Kyo: [voice] Regis Philbin.
> "Certainly," the other officer said. Kiyone was > certain she'd heard it correctly this time. She > leaped out of bed and looked about her room. The area > was quite clean compared to Mihoshi's quarters, but > there was certainly room for improvement.Zenith: And your home can be improved too, in the next issue of 'Detective Kiyone's Living'!
> "STALL HER!!! I NEED MORE TIME!!!" Kiyone rushed > about in a cleaning frenzy. > "Detective," the voice on the communication screen > asked. "Is this some criminal coming for you?"Zenith: [Kiyone] YES!! And I need to look my best when he gets here!
> "No! That's my mother!" > ******************************************************* > "What? Ranchan is gone?" Ukyou shouted.Xach: [Kasumi] He left this note...
> "Is true?" Shampoo demanded. Kasumi nodded, > smiling happily.Cyrus: As opposed to smiling UNhappily?
> "Yes, he and my sisters went to visit his mother's > family." > "Oooo, she's a sneaky one that Nabiki," Ukyou > snarled.Kyo: [Basil Fawlty] And next on Master Mind, Ukyou Kuonji. Her category: Stating The Bleeding Obvious!
> "Pardon?" > "Well, Akane is too rash for this kind of plot," > Ukyou explained. "But Nabiki on the other hand, get > Akane and my Ranchan off alone together with Ranma's > family. Let her start to feel like part of the family > and then...bang."Triad: Good idea. Some C4 can take them all out in one fell swoop.
> "Akane fall in love with Ranma and stupid Airen > marry violent girl," Shampoo growled. > "We have to put a stop to this plot!" a new voice > declared. They turned to see a leotard clad girl > standing on a light post just outside the doorway. "I > will show the pitiful Akane Tendo and her devious > sister that Kodachi, the Black Rose, and the BlackCyrus: Cover your ears before it's too late!
> Rose alone, is the one for my beloved Ranma. And > where, pray tell did Ranma leave to?" > "I believe it is a shrine in the country," Kasumi > said. "Wait a moment, I think I have the address." > Kasumi disappeared into the house.Dan: Fanfic convention sense... going wild!
> "You two hussies can leave now," Kodachi informed > them arrogantly. "There is no need of you." > "Crazy girl think she only one get address?" > Shampoo growled. "Shampoo learn address and then she > free airen from violent-girl." > "Are you two out of your gourds," Ukyou laughedKyo: [Darth Vader] I find your lack of question marks disturbing.
> "I've got the best chance of us all,Zenith: [Ukyou] I've got the remote.
> he doesn't even > like you two!" Weapons were brandished. > "Hello girls," Soun called out as he walked past > the door. > "Hello Mr. Tendo," all three said cheerfully. > "Now, where were we?"Noe: Weapons being brandished...
> Ukyou said. "Oh yeah that's > right." The dust cloud erupted at that point. > "Ah here's that address," the paper was immediately > snatched out of Kasumi's hand by a ribbon.Xach: Bitch-laugh dead ahead!
> "OHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!![Kyo falls out of his seat]
> Too slow girls!"Noe: Nothing wrong with slow girls. Easier to catch.
> Kodachi bounced off, Shampoo and Ukyou in pursuit." > "Oh my, I wonder if we should send them a warning." > Kasumi considered it and shrugged, Ranma would be > expecting it.Cyrus: Let the insanity begin...
> Family Trees - Chapter 3 > Ripples in the WaterZenith: We made the 'drown the author' joke already, right?
> Standard Warning and Disclaimer:Kyo: Your clothes are too restricting. Take them off at once.
> None of this stuff > belongs to me,Zenith: That bothers you?
> and be careful in reading seriously > lest it twist your mind into new and interesting > shapes.[An x-ray screen is passed in front of Xachary's head to reveal a balloon animal.]
> *This time I hope the comp doesn't long me > off when I get half-way through*Cyrus: We do, though.
> Last Episode: Ranma, Akane, Nabiki and Nodoka arrived > at the Masaki shrine and climbed lots of stairs, atNoe: And noticed a flying red hat...
> least that's Nabiki's opinion. Ryouga encountered the > elfin "girl" her name is leaf,ALL: Leaf-chan?!? AAAUUUGGGHHH!
> and her husband > apparently weilds a big spatula.Kyo: o/~ Spatula City, we sell spatulas, and that's all! o/~
> Kiyone learns that > her mother is looking for her and freaks out, the > slayers crew arrives in Nerima, and the fiancees leave > in pursuit of Ranma.Dan: This run-on is nothing! I've read the entirety of Do-Gooders!
******************************************************* > "MARRIAGE!?! Do YOU want to know what I think about > MARRIAGE!?!ALL: It's FAAAAAAAAAAAAABULOUS!
> It is foolishness! I was married once,Zenith: [voice] And look at me now! My arm came off!
> in my younger days when I didn't no any better. I amDan: He "no"'d so badly the priest took it for the opposite response.
> certainly not get married again just because someone > older than me says I have to! A married person is a > fool. And someone who WANTS..."Cyrus: (singing) Do you need anybody? Don't you want somebody to love?
> "Hey, Wu Fei, wouldn't that make you a fool then?" > the ranter turned to face the speaker,Triad: Which suddenly started blaring out NIN at 130 dB, bursting his eardrums.
> a lounging boy, > smirk across his face, dressed in something that > belonged on a catholic priest.Dan: ...this is my punishment for making a bad Gundam Wing joke earlier, isn't it?
> "SILENCE DUO! I need no commentary from the likes > of an air-headed OVER-dramatic blow hard like you!"Cyrus [Duo]: Oh, yeah? Well, I, my own self, think you are full of grade-A prime baloney! [normal] Damn, I sounded like Rat Trap when I said that.
> This comment dragged several, "do you listen to > yourself" staresNoe: They're nowhere as potent as the "You're weird" stare, though.
> towards the ranter. "Now..where was > I?" > "Ohhhkaaaay," Sally crossed her armsCyrus: [Sally, very drawn-out and distorted voice] Wwwhoooo iiiiissss pplllaaaaayyyinnnggg mmmeeee aaattt hhhaaaalllff sspeeeeeeeddd?
> and arched an > eyebrow as she entered what was supposed to be aTriad: Vat of Jello pudding.
> tactical planning session.Triad: That too.
> "Who mentioned marriage."Dan: No, Who's on first.
> "SILENCE WOMAN!Zenith: Yes, Silence Woman! Protecting libraries, computer labs and classical concerts from the likes of talkers, coughers and snorers!
> I'm trying to expound my point > here!"Xach: Okay, I know how to pound things, but how do you EX-pound something?
> "No one mentioned marriage,"Xach: [Heero] But since you brought it up... you wanna, eh?
> Heero informed her > quietly, in his > "let-me-do-my-mission-or-I'll-kill-you-several-times-very-painfully" > voice. "Quatre was drawing aZenith: Yaoi doujinshi.
> parrallel of our > situation to greek mythos and upon saying the wordKyo [Heero]: Antidisestablishmentarism.
> amazon, he started talking." Wu Fei turned to, really > open up on the other pilot, and paused, trying to > figure outZenith: Where all these commas had come from.
> where Heero's gun was.Xach: It's a game of "Where In The World Is Heero's Gun?"
> "You DO NOT know what I had to put up with,"Zenith: [Heero] Turtles. Lots and lots of turtles. Flying turtles, mecha turtles, giant turtles, giant flying mecha turtles...
> he > snapped, gruffly, though not nearly so loudly as with > the others. "Thank the GODS for inter-dimensional > worm holes!" Everybody stared blankly at him for a > moment, Duo turned toward Heero.Noe [Duo]: No more acid for YOU, young man...
> "Heero, you no longer hold the position of theCyrus [Duo]: Psychotic leader. [gestures toward Xach] Meet Xach.
> least sane Gundam pilot," Duo regarded the barrel of > the gun in his face, ~where DOES he keep that?~ "Just > kidding buddy."Triad: Don't ask. WHATEVER you do, don't ask Heero where he keeps his gun.
> "Just kidding buddy." ******************************************************* > Nabiki smirked as she materialized just over the > rise outside of her companions line of sight. Useful > trick that, should make it a little easier to earn a > few yen here and there.Triad: Teleportation for fun and profit!
> "Hmm, interesting," Nabiki whirled to see an old > man sweeping the tiles of the shrine. He hadn't been > there a moment ago,Xach: He had been to the can. Damn lazy old codger, always sneaking off.
> she could have sworn it. "Are you > perhaps the fiancee my daughter's postcard mentioned?"Dan: I might make a case for paragraph breaks, here.
> "Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm just her sister,"[Kyo and Noe snicker]
> Nabiki answered, resisting the urge to ask where he'd > come from.Xach: Sorry, you're not old enough to know. That sorts under the Adult Conspiracy.
> "Hey where'd Nabiki go?" Akane asked as the > Nerimites began to appear coming up the stairs.Dan: "Nerimites"?
> "Over here sis," Nabiki smirked, the other three > Nerimites looked at her confused. "Perhaps you three > should do some more speed training, if a poor little > untrained girl like me can beat you all the way upTriad [Nabiki]: With whips and chains. OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHHOHOHOHOHOHO!!
> those stairs without you seeing me." She resisted the > urge to look at the old man, but she could almost tell > he was amused.Triad: [Old Man] How amusing. Nabiki's a faster than three martial artists. Hah ha.
> They all ignored the explosions taking place along > the hillside, the old man noticed this with interest.Zenith: He busted a gut laughing.
> Most people that visited here found Ayeka and Ryoko's > fights unnerving to say the least.Zenith: Especially so since the day Aeka insisted on using whips and lots of leather...
> "How'd she do that?" Ranma asked pointing at Nabiki > and looking at the other two martial artists. > "Ah Nodoka, its good to see you after all these > years," the old man declared with a serene > cheerfulness. Akane and Ranma watched him move and > were impressed.Dan: INTENSE MOVING ACTION!
> ~He's good.~ Akane thought. > ~Wow, haven't seen chi control like that outside > Cologne and Happosai.~Cyrus: And exactly how can they tell this by how he moves?
> "I am sorry that did return earlier," Nodoka saidKyo: What returned earlier?
> quietly. "Especially when AchikaALL: Gesundheit!
> died." Yosho nodded grim-faced. > "I think I understand your reasons," he said > softly, clapping her on the shoulders gently. "And > this must be your son."Xach: [Nodoka] No, he's a reclamation.
> "Ranma Saotome...or whatever," Ranma shrugged. "SoCyrus [Ranma]: I have no idea what the hell my name is.
> you're my mom's pop?" > "Ranma!" Akane was aghast. "At least try to be > polite."Dan: Akane forgets who she's talking to, methinks.
> "What did I say?!?" > "Don't you have ANY social graces?" > "Oh like a tomboy like you would know anything > about that," Ranma waved it off. Everybody watched as > Akane's aura flared, and she reached up into the > dimensional pocket that she kept her mallet. > > *crunch*Dan: Fun fact! Akane's mallet was given to her by Kasumi! It's true! It's true!
> "You'll have to excuse Ranma and my sister," Nabiki > said dryly. "They have a unique form of interaction."Cyrus [Nabiki]: To be blunt, they're flipping nuts.
> "I'm not so old as to not remember the passions of > youth," Yosho said, amused.Cyrus: Riiiiiight. Unless you're the obligatory dirty old man.
> "What? No...there's nothing like that!" Akane > waved her hands in desperate denial. > "Hell no, I'd never do that before we're married." > "Right!" Akane and Ranma blinked. "errr...as if > I'm actually going to marry YOU." > "Ahh, who'd want you anyway!" they hmphed and > turned their backs on each other. The thought ~close > call~ floating through their heads.Dan: Fanfic convention sense... melting brain!
> "I was merely commenting on how emotional the young > get,"Xach: Read: Randier than rabbits.
> Yosho smiled slightly. "I never meant to imply > anything specific."Kyo [Yosho]: Just talking about the passions of youth. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink. Say no more. Say no more.
> "Uh...oh," Ranma and Akane said, blushing. > ~I like this guy,~ Nabiki thought to herself. > ~I'll bet he could give daddy-demon a run for his > money.~Triad: [Nabiki] Yea, I bet he could win the Eternal Shogi Game, too.
> "Hey Grandpa," a young man's voice called out. > They turned to see someone just about Ranma and > Akane's age appear at the top of the stairs.Dan: Everyone's teleporting these days.
> He was > slim and wiry with dark hair. "Sasami says lunch isXach [Tenchi]: Best served cold. [pause] No, wait... that's vengeance...
> almost ready and Washu keeps complaining about > dimensional anomalies. Oh hello..."Cyrus: Oh, yeah like she doesn't create those herself.
> Nabiki saw a few similarities between him andTriad: Spiro Agnew.
> Ranma, mostly body type and the martial artist walk,Kyo: He walked the walk, and he talked the talk.
> but Ranma was marginally bulkiet. Perhaps that cameCyrus: What's bulkiet? Sounds like a European cuisine.
> from his father, the picture that Nabiki had finally > gotten a look at certainly showed a very muscular > individual. > "Let me guess," Akane said. "You're Tenchi right?" > "How'd you guess?"Dan [Akane]: It was the name tag that read, "Hi. My name is Tenchi Masaki. Enjoy the fintoozler."
> he asked seriously. On cue the > fighting girls suddenly appeared nearby. One of them > had spiky silver hair,Dan: Looks like Shion Nys has gotten herself a new hair style.
> she just materialized out of > nowhere, the other had long purple hair and sort of > stalked out of the woods dressed in a ripped gown that > HAD been very ornate and elegant.Triad: [Purple Haired girl] DAAAAAAAAARLING!
> "Miss RYOKO," Ayeka shouted in a scandalized voice. > "How DARE you, this is a very expensive piece of > clothing!" > "You should have thought of that before you tried > to take me princess!"Zenith: [Aeka] You could at least have given me time to take it off...
> "Oh, you met Ryoko and Ayeka," Tenchi said simply. > "TENNCHIII!!!" suddenly both girls were glomped > onto the boy. Then they glared at each other and the > fight erupted again around the boy. > "Wow, this is creepy," Ranma said.Triad [Ranma]: I've seen myriads of exotic fighters, ghosts, demons, and monsters, but THIS creeps me out! Yup! It suuure does!
> "I wonder if its genetic," Akane growled.Xach: It's all in the genes. Trademark genes. [winks]
> Nabiki > watched them closely for several moments, tapping her > chin, before smirking and laughing low and evilly.Dan: Me, I'm wondering just when Nabiki became Satan.
*******************************************************Cyrus [Roger Rabbit]: Look! Stars! Ready when you are, Raul.
> Xellos stopped and looked around nervously.Dan: [Xellos] Where DID I put that CD?
> "Anything wrong, Xellos?" Amelia asked, keeping as > much of her concern out of her voice.Zenith: [Amelia] Must. Not. Act.
> She was still > mad at him.Kyo: [Boney M] She's crazy 'bout her daddy.
> "I just felt like somebody walked over my grave," > he said.ALL: We should be so lucky.
> ******************************************************* > Tenchi managed to find his way out of the battle > "So how many fiancees do you got?" Ranma asked, > casually, as if it was a common question for him.Kyo: Which it isn't, but to hell with that...
> "Actually I don't have any fian..." Tenchi paused > and blinked. The fighting girls even stopped at the > question.Noe: And got some flapjacks.
> "Excuse me, I don't believe I heard you properly," > the purple haired girl said. "Did you say fiancees?"Cyrus [Ranma]: Uh... I actually said... "pie."
> "Plural?" Ryoko blinked. Nabiki checked her watch. > "Two hours." > "What does she mean by that?" Tenchi asked. > "To tell you the truth we don't really understandCyrus [singing]: Cause she's so HIIIIIIII-EEIIIIIIGH, high above me...
> Nabiki," Akane said. "We just sort of watch for her > out of the corners of our eyes."Triad: Nice save...
> Nabiki smirked. > "Okay, you were about to explain this multiple > fiancee thing," Ryoko interjected.Zenith: With pie charts and slides.
> "Ranma's step father had an interesting idea on how > to make money," Nodoka explained.Zenith: You call that a plan? I came up with better scams when I was five!
> "And everything else," Akane noted grimmly.Dan [Akane]: He believes that for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows.
> "Yeah, we're going to have a talk about that pretty > soon," Ranma cracked his knuckles.Triad: Growing flowers?
> "Uh...right.." Tenchi said. "Sounds like you'll > fit in around here.Xach: [Tenchi] There's a hole in the wall that needs plugging up.
> What were your names again?" > "This is Ranma Saotome, and his fiancee, Akane > Tendo." > "ITS NOT OUR CHOICE!!!" they both shouted at once.Zenith: [blinks] If it bothers you so much, why not get new names?
> "Wait, we already established that," Akane said.Triad: [Ranma and Akane] We're from the Redundancy Department of Redundancy.
> "Oops," Ranma said, and everybody else > sweatdropped. > *******************************************************Cyrus [sings]: Starry, starry, niiiight!
> "Hello?" The girl answering the phone had long > brown hair tied in odango like hoops.Xach: Anyone up for croquet?
> "Yohko?" The cold voice at the other end of the > phone surprised her.Zenith: [Yohko] C-c-cold!
> "Iako?! Why are you calling here?" Yohko > sweatdropped. ~What if she wants to challenge me > again?~Noe: I thought her name was Ayako...
> "I just wanted to tell you that apparently there is > another soul-weaponKyo: Oddly enough, this one's a broom.
> and another branch of Manos," herDan: Hands of Fate?
> cousin said calmly. "At least they used to be Manos, > I think the name has changed since then."Xach [Iako]: He now calls himself, "Fred, The Honest Mechanic."
> "Oh that's good, makes it easier on the rest of us > then," Yohko could almost feel the irritation from the[Kyo opens his mouth]
> other end. Iako still believed in only one true > demon-hunter apparently. > "Actually, apparently this branch has a history of > insanity and comingling with demon races," Iako said.Triad: Insan-chan? WHERE!? I wanna to kill him! [looks around and sees Dan] Never mind. [sulks]
> "And I don't mean the ally races either." > "Okay, that's not good," Yohko agreed. "So why are > you calling me about it?"Zenith: [Iako] I'm in France and I'm calling collect, RIVAL! OOOHOHOHOOOHOHOHOO!
> "Because I just dragged the story out of the old > fart," Iako growled. "It seems their weapon was > recently stolen by a group of girls in gymnast suits.Dan: "It's the entire St. Hebereke Rythmic Gymnastics team!"
> So when she mentioned it I suspected another 'greatest > nemesis of the Mano clan.'" > "Oh wonderful."Dan: Ranma, Tenchi, Slayers, Lord of the Rings, Gundam W, and now Devil Hunter Yohko. It's like this series is concieved with the sole intention of torturing me. Why, God, why?
> Family Trees - Chapter 4 > Ripples in the WaterCyrus: I feel like I'm in a time warp.
> Same Warning and Disclaimer: I don't own any of this > stuff...Zenith: Honest! I just found it somewhere! And I wasn't going to sell it to the highest bidder, either!
> and don't take this fic too seriously.Zenith: Or intravenously.
> Last Episode: Wu Fei is set off on a rant about > marriage by the mention of the word "amazon." TheDan: Which, of course, was never actually mentioned in the last chapter. If Shamps is his ex-wife, I may need to shoot myself.
> Nerimites meet Tenchi, his grandfather, Ryoko and > Ayeka. Nabiki notices something.Cyrus: [The Author] But I have no idea what she noticed.
> Xellos feels someone walk over his grave.Kyo: That's what happens when you get buried alive.
> The Masaki crew are > given the short version of fiancee situation. The > Mano cousins discuss a traitor branch of the family.Dan: The author lists a bunch of things in an uninspired manner. The author avoids elaboration, or even sentence variation.
> ******************************************************* > > "Yes, its a spatula why do you ask?"Kyo: Well, it sure beats talking about the weather for an ice breaker.
> Leaf said, her > husband still busy trying to extricate himself from > her spell. A blue aura began to grow around the boy, > and she stepped back ready to repell a spell. She wasXach: Hey! That rhymes!
> surprised when the boy took his umbrealla off his pack > and stuffed the point in her husband's face. > "Then you're Ukyou's parents?" Ryouga asked, > seemingly calm, looking down at the tentacles wrapping > around the man's feet.Dan: Now, hold on one minute. This isn't the sort of fic I agreed to watch.
> "You know Ukyou?" Leaf shouted eagerly, ignoring > the obviously threatening position the boy was > directing her husband. After all he was a kid, > whatever he could do was nothing more than what Jiro > deserved.Noe: [Leaf] Oh, a psychotic teenager with a huge battle aura is threatening to kill my husband. It's CUUUTE...
> "Where can we find her?" > "So he's the one made her pretend to be a boy and > chase after Ranma?Kyo: Oh, so Ukyou was only pretending to chase Ranma?
> You're the reason I'm constantlyXach: [Ryoga] -belching showtunes in my sleep?
> getting clobbered over the head with a giant spatula?"Kyo: [Jiro] No, I'm the reason you end up in every girl's bedroom during lemon fics.
> "Excuse me," Leaf paused and glared at her now very > nervous husband. "Jiro, you made her pretend to be a > boy?" > "I had a reason," he swallowed.Xach: [Jiro] I was stoned out of my gourd.
> ******************************************************* > "Hmm, excuse me a moment, father, Mr. Saotome," > Kasumi saidTriad: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!
> as she breathed through the house toCyrus: Why can't she breath though her mouth like a normal person?
> answer the door. She found a small crowd on the other > side. "Oh my, I help you?"Dan [Kasumi]: Normal Kasumi actor sick. Shampoo filling in!
> "Is Sylphiel here?" Kasumi looked down toward the > red-head who was standing in front of the group. She > looked to be about twenty-five years old or so. > Though she had that same look in her eyes of greater > age that Cologne and Happosai had. Almost all of themXach: -wore clogs.
> had that same look however,Noe: That's what you get when the cel painters start cutting corners.
> the blonde woman and > purple haired man more than the others. The lone > exception was the fortyish looking blonde man that wasDan: ...since when is Gourry 40?
> obviously with the red head.Noe: Heh heh.
> "You are here to see Sylphiel Tendo?" Kasumi said > quietly.ALL: SYLPHIEL TENDO?!? [assorted spittakes]
> "Sylphiel TENDO?"Cyrus: See? Even the CAST can't swallow THAT one...
> the odd blue-skinned man toward > the back repeated. "Yes, well I suppose her name > would change if she got married."Zenith: Oh, one of those funny ancient little traditions.
> "Well where is she?" the red-head demanded again. > "I'm sorry, but my mother has been dead for many > years now."Kyo [Lina]: Oh, that's your excuse for everything. "No, I can't go to the dance club tonight. My mother has been dead for many years now." LIVE A LITTLE!
> "Your mother? She's dead?" The black haired woman > had been holding herself aloof up to that point, and > now she suddenly looked very guilty.Dan [Naga]: The poison fruitcake I sent one Christmas was a JOKE! I SWEAR! She wasn't supposed to actually eat it!
> "I'm afraid so, would you like to come in?" KasumiDan: [Kasumi] Yep, Mom's dead as a doornail. Tea?
> moved herself to the side and gestured for them to > come in. > "Certainly, thank you miss-?"Dan [Kasumi]: Tendo. Duh. Haven't you been paying attention?
> "Kasumi," she answered the tall blonde woman. "If > you'll excuse meXach: There is no excuse for you!
> I was just making dinner..." There > was a blur as the red-head and the blonde man zipped > past.Kyo: Gourry! Close your zipper!
> "Lina-san," the black haired woman gasped in > embarrassment. > "Uh...Kasumi," her father called from the dining > room. "Who are these people over here?"Zenith: [Kasumi] Door-to-door Riverdancers, father.
> "Friends of mother's, father," Kasumi answered as > she let them in. > "OH My Late wife," Soun sniffed. "HOW I MISS YOU! > WAAAAHH!!!!"Xach: You know... I miss my ex.
> As the black-haired woman and the purple-haired man > past she reached out to stop him, politely and > unaggressively, but still firm. "Excuse me, are youXach: ...interested in online porn?
> a > relative of my mother's?" > "No, why do you ask?" he said, turning closed eyes > toward her.Dan: Eyes closed, he sees everything. How zen.
> "You bare a slight resemblance to my sisters," > Kasumi answered.Cyrus: [Kasumi] You cover up that resemblance right now! It's impolite!
> "Surprise, sur..."Kyo: C'mon. Say it. "...prise."
> the black haired woman paused > and looked at the man. "SISTERS? Plural? Something > I should know about, Xellos?"Xach: [Xellos] That's a secret.
> "Now, now, Ame-chan, now's not the time," he > pointed at Kasumi.Zenith [Kasumi]: I'm Kasumi.
> "Oh, I'm sorry, I shouldn't be discussing our > personal matters in front of you like this," the woman > bowed formally. > "It is perfectly all right," Kasumi answered.Zenith: [Kasumi] I really, REALLY like finding out other people's secrets!
> "I > thought I recognized him as mother's...friend anyway.Noe: Yeah. Friend. In the biblical sense.
> I should apologize to you from questioning him here in > front of you."Zenith: [Kasumi] But I won't, so there! OOOOHOHOHOHOHO!
> "Perhaps I should talk to you later, Kasumi-san," > Amelia said as Xellos fake cringed past them. Amelia > knew he was enjoying the meal, and it irritated her a > little more.Zenith [Amelia]: Watching him eat sukiyaki puts me in a white-knuckled rage! EEGAAAAAH!
> Though of course he had never seriously > hurt her, well never intended to.Dan: Yes, the destruction of the universe isn't really anything to worry about.
> *******************************************************Xach: o/~ Jesus Christ, Ninja Star... o/~
> "Who won?" Akane asked as Ranma and Tenchi came > into the house for dinner. She blinked as she saw a > sopping wet Ranko walk in behind her fiancee's shell > shocked cousin.Noe: They really should stop leaving exposed wires everywhere.
> "Does anybody have any hot water?" Ranma-chan > asked. > "Certainly," Sasami said, surprised but non-pulsed.Triad: No pulse? So she's dead, then?
> She sure they'd explain where Akane-san's fiancee > went in moment.Cyrus: [Author] Now Shampoo doing job of author! Aiya!
> She stepped up and drifted off to the > kitchen happily.Kyo: Uh... does she float like that on a regular basis?
> "Who is that girl and what's she doing with Lord > Tenchi?"Kyo: [Azaka] Chapter five of the Kama Sutra, miss Ryoko.
> "Oh, Ranma, just why were you fighting near the > lake?" Nodoka shook her head sadly. > "Smooth move, Saotome," Nabiki noted. > "I wasn't!" he snapped. "There was a mop bucket!" > "Come on, girl," Ryoko stood up growling. "Who areTriad [Ryoko]: The four members of "The Monkees?"
> you and what are you doing with Tenchi?" > "Oh it'll be obvious in moment," Ranma started.Dan: Oops. Bad line. BAD line.
> Ryoko launched out with a fist, which Ranma blocked > almost absently.ALL: Boo! No-sell!
> "What the...?" Ryoko found she couldn't press her > fist forward even an inch, and the red-head didn't > seem to be having trouble at all.Xach: Behold, the power of *cheese*!
> "Sorry, I don't fight girls," Ranma-chan said > simply.Cyrus: It's good to have morals, but--
> Tenchi was still trying to processZenith: Unfortunately, his Windows had crashed, so he had to reboot.
> the recent > event. He'd seen some strange things, but this had to > top them. Washu leaned back and arched an eyebrow > with curiosity and amusement.Dan: It's certainly MUCH stranger than turning Ayeka and Ryoko into Kappa, after all.
> "Here's your hot water miss..." Ranma-chan took the > kettle and upended over her head.Xach: Ranma promptly melted into a family-size ramen meal. A sad fate for a hero, but at least the rest of the household was well-fed.
> "HOT!!!HOT!!!HOT!!!!" Ranma, now a he, dancedKyo: o/~ Everybody dance now! o/~
> around trying to cool off. All the Masaki crew aside > from Tenchi, Washu and Yosho face faulted.Triad: Because they were watching Sailor Moon and missed the whole spectacle.
> "How the heck did she...he...uh you do that?"Xach: Practice. Practice and lots of vaseline. *CRASH* Ow.
> "Its a curse," Akane explained as Ranma blew his > hands cool. "He fell into the Jusenkyo pool of > drowned girl, so when he gets what he becomes a girl."Dan: [raises hand] I know, I know! Hit with cold water!
> "This is...strange," Tenchi said finally. Yosho > laughed, amused. He'd heard of the springs before,Kyo: But he just thought they launched their victims into the air in a funny way.
> but he'd never thought that he'd see a victim, or that > it would be his own grandson.Noe: [Yosho] Make that grand_daughter_. Tenchi, you know the procedure...
> "Uh, why is she looking at me like that?" Ranma > asked pointing at Washu. The Masaki crew > sweatdropped.Cyrus: [Tenchi] Run, Ranma, while you still can!
> "Hmm, THAT will make an interesting wedding night,"[Kyo, Noe, and Xach chuckle pervertedly. Cyrus growls at them.]
> Nobuyuki sniped. Ranma and Akane resisted the urge to > smash him into the ground. After all, they were the > guests. > "You get used to it," Nabiki said. "Lots of the > gang back home is cursed, including one of the > fiancees." Nabiki checked her watch. "Speaking of > which."Zenith: [Nabiki] I just gave away a lot of valuable information for free! Oops! [normal] I'd say. IDIOT!
> "Speaking of which what?" Ayeka snapped. "SpeakXach: ...now, or forever hold your peace.
> plainly if you can!" > "Patience, sister," Nabiki snickered.Triad: Nabiki and Ayeka are sisters?!?
> "Remember I when said two hours?" > "Yes and why do you insist on calling me sister? > And what does this have to do with anything?" > "Consider it a display of female solidarity,"Noe: I'm all for a little female solidarity... wink wink nudge nudge...
> Nabiki said. "And as for the comment two hours, I > believe I said that...abouut...two hours ago...NOW!" > > *THUD*Dan [Dilbert]: Now are you talking about "*THUD*... Ouch!" or just "*THUD*?"
> "What was that?" Tenchi asked.Zenith: Avon calling!
> Ranma and Akane > looked sick.Triad: Looks like the arsenic-laced sashimi is finally starting to work.
> *THUD* > *THUD* > *THUD* > *CRASH*Cyrus: It's Stomp.
> The wall collapsed in a shower of dust.Cyrus: This must be a delayed fourth wall break.
> "Nihao!!" > "Get away from my Ranma-darling you Gaijin hussy!!"Zenith: Yeah, Dan! Get away from Ranma! [snicker]
> "Hey Ranchan, I'm here to save you from that > heartless Nabiki!" Nabiki arched an eyebrow.Kyo: [Nabiki] Know your role and shut yer mouth, Jabroni.
> "Sorry about this," Ranma moaned.Triad: [Ranma] OH! OH! OHHHHHHH!
******************************************************* > "You know what?"Dan: Diet coke tastes just like regular coke.
> Leaf tapped her feet angrily.Cyrus: OK, that's an interesting picture.
> "This bridge looks awfully familiar."Triad: Oh no! That bridge is stalking them!
> "I'm doing the best I can ALRIGHT!!" RyougaNoe: o/~ I'm doing the best I ever did/I'm doing the best that I can o/~
> shouted. > "This is the fifth time we've been here," KuonjiCyrus: Boy, can we EVER relate...
> noted, then whistling innocently when they both glared > at him. > "Just let me find someone to ask directions," > Ryouga complained looking around for a sign of > anything familiar. It was a futile gesture, Ryouga > wouldn't recommend a structure unless it was on top of > him.Dan: It seems that not only does Ryoga have a bad sense of direction, he's no eye for good workmanship, either.
> Suddenly Leaf's eyes widened in sudden fear.Dan: She had spotted one of her own fanfics!
> "Eveyrbody hide!" they scattered to various > positions as what seemed to be a cute blonde girlKyo: O_o That's not who I think it is, is it?
> skated by, humming happily to herself. ~All that evil > and darkness can't be coming from that girl, can it?~Xach: Oh yes it can.
> Suddenly the blonde girl stopped and stared at stop > sign.Cyrus: Not A stop sign, but Stop Sign. Apparently some unfortunate sod.
> "OH!! What a CUTE stop sign! Lisa-Maria come home > with Azusa?" The cute girl ripped the sign out of the > ground and happily skated back the way she came.Xach: ...I see.
> Leaf sweatdropped. > "Is she gone?" Leaf looked over to see Ryouga > shaking in fear high in a leafy tree. > ~If I hadn't felt her I'd be calling him a wuss,~Xach [Leaf]: So I'll just call him a namby-pamby poo-poo head instead.
> she said. ~Wow, I wonder what she is.~Dan: Sugar and spice, and everything vomit-inducing.
> "What's the big deal about that girl?" her husband, > Jiro, asked. > "She wants to take me home and put me in her > collection of cute things," Ryouga whispered. "Is she > gone?" > "I don't see her anywhere," Leaf said. "Now can we > PLEASE get to this place and find my daughter?" > "Just a moment," Ryouga said. "I see somewhere we > can ask directions." > "Hello," Ryouga said as the door opened. "Can you > direct us to..."Dan: [Ryoga] Funkytown?
> "Oh...hello Ryouga," Kasumi said sweetly. "Ranma's > not here, he went with Akane, Nabiki and his mother to > visit his family." > "Well I'm not here to...WHAT...Akane AND Nabiki?Kyo: [Ryouga] AND his mother! The pervert!
> Does he know no shame? RANMA SAOTOME PREPARE TO..."Dan: [Ryouga] ...IGNORE ME AS YOU'RE MILES AWAY AND CAN'T HEAR ME, NO MATTER HOW LOUD I SHOUT!
> "Jiro, spatula."Dan [Jiro]: Pleased to meet you.
> Leaf pointed at Ryouga who was > preparing to leave. > "Yes, maam." > *clang*Cyrus: (sings) Clang clang clang went the trolley...
> "HEY!" > "I'd be glad to let you run off it get lost, that > is AFTER you help me find my daughter." > "Ukyou hits harder than him," Ryouga noted > critically.Triad:[Ryoga] Screws better too.
>Leaf blinked and started laughing > hysterically. > "That's not funny," Jiro Kuonji whined. > "Excuse me, would you like to come in," Kasumi > asked, as the "girl" started to calm down. "I was > just serving dinner, and we would welcome more > company."Zenith: [Axe Murderer Kasumi] Anything to fill the pantry with is welcome. [psycho giggle]
> "That sounds..." Jiro was cut off by a look from > his suddenly serious wife.Triad [Leaf]: I forbid you to eat!
> "Sorry, but we have to go find our daughter..." > "Do you mean Ukyou?" Kasumi asked. Leaf and Jiro > blinked. "Well she does take after you, and that man > is wielding a giant spatula."Xach: Brilliant observation, Kasumi. But don't you think she'd know, seeing as she's MARRIED TO HIM?!
> "So do you know where she is?"Kyo: [Kasumi] She's off to see the wizard.
> "She went with the other fiancees to go after > Ranma," Kasumi said sweetly. "It shouldn't take you > long to get there, perhaps you'd want some rest and > food first?"Dan [Jiro]: Yes, please! I-
> "Hey Kasumi, what's with inviting people to > dinner?" Ryouga asked, confused.Cyrus: Yeah. We all know what a cold-hearted bitch Kasumi is.
> "Well, okay just for a little bit," Leaf said > finally.Cyrus: Get ready for a food eating contest between at least three people.
> "Well it is moderately boring without Ranma > around," Kasumi said quietly. "So I was hoping to > make do. Mother's friends are certainly interesting, > but I certainly wouldn't want to turn out such a good > friend of the family as Ryouga or Ukyou's parents." > "Is there enough food?" Jiro asked.Noe [Kasumi]: Yes, I-
> "Oh, I'm used to cooking for Ranma and his father, > well, step-father as it turns out," Kasumi said.Cyrus: Like they really need to know this.
> "Genma is here, and two of mother's friends certainly > have healthy appetites, but I think I can make do."Cyrus: Healthy? Try gluttonous.
> She smiled sweetly. > "Yeah, yeah," LEaf sighed as she accepted theTriad: Who's LEaf? Leaf's Twin sister?
> offer > and walked into the house. "Garrick always saidXach [Garrick]: Look what I can do with my eyeballs! Boingy boingy boingy!
> a > mercenary should be ready to eat whenever they can. > That was ONE thing he was right about at least."Dan: Someone please tell me this is a reference to something else, and Deep Space Nine isn't being brought into this.
> "Hey look, Lina, its an elf!" > "I'm only half-elf you dolt!" Leaf snapped. > "We've become a dungeons and dragons convention > Saotome," Soun noted wearily. Jiro stepped in, saw > Genma and growled.Triad: [Leaf] Down, boy!
> "Ah...Kuonji," Genma swallowed. "Long time no > see." > "SAOTOME PREPARE TO DIE!!!" Jiro charged forward > spatula upraised. > "Hey you spilled my food! FIREBALL!"Xach: I just love magic spells with those simple names that you just have to call out, with no regard for the complex machinations of structured magic. Like 'FIRE 3'. So simple.
> Kasumi smiled as the chaos continued.Triad: [Chaos] Does this skirt match my pumps?
> Now it > seemed more like home again, she walked to the > telephone to contact the contractors.Cyrus: [Kasumi] [uses hand like an Inspector Gadget's phone] Hello? This Old Dojo Contractors? This is Kasumi Tendo, could you...hello? Helloo-oo. I guess I have to call them back.
******************************************************* > "There, finished," Kiyone said wearily, looking > about the last bit of the ships quarters.Dan: She's been stocking up, in case she finds a machine with 'SNK vs. Capcom'.
> It had > taken long enough to do the job, but now she was done.Noe: She would never have to lose to Stephanie McMahon again.
> Everything looked perfect. > "Hey, Kiyone," Mihoshi called to the swiftly > calming detective. > "What is it Mihoshi?"Kyo: [Mihoshi] How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
> "What if she tries to show up at the apartment?" > Kiyone blinked. "I mean we haven't paid the rent in > two months, and last time we were there the place was > a wreck from the fight when everybody visited last > time." > "ARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!"Zenith [Kiyone]: KIYONE... SMAAAAASH! [crushes her seat] Oops. How fragile. [takes another seat]
> "Hey why don't we have headquarters give her > Tenchi's address and meet her there?" Kiyone fought > to get a grip on herself. When MIHOSHI was thinking > clearer than she was, it was a BAD sign.Cyrus: It's the first sign of the Apocolypse.
> "That's a good idea Mihoshi, let's do that," she > noticed a frame sitting on the control center. There > were several individual pictures inside the glass. > Mihoshi must have pulled it out while they were > cleaning. She glanced at the picture of a younger > Mihoshi, and her mother. > Kiyone had met the woman once or twice, andZenith: -she had the bruises to prove it. [Rimshot.]
> remembered she had a tendency to talk about future > events as if they were history. She guessed it had > something to do with being FROM the future. Still BraZenith: Still Bra, the wonderful garment that prevents unwanted jiggling!
> was almost as big a ditz as Mihoshi. Still there were > some people there she didn't recognize. > "Hey Mihoshi who are these other people here in > these pictures?" > "Well, that's my younger brother," she pointed to > an angry looking boy in a black, sleeveless t-shirt.Xach [Mihoshi]: That's Boxers.
> "And our younger sister." The girl she pointed to was > a red-head wearing metal bracers about four years old.Xach [Mihoshi]: That's Panties.
> There was a crushed piece of pipe in her hands, andDan: No... no... first DBZ... and then *A-KO*? And they're not actually in the scene?! AAARGH!!
> she embarrassed. Kiyone noted that Mihoshi would have > been about eighteen when this picture was taken so > that was maybe seven years ago. > "And in this picture?" It was a young couple. One > was an opportunistic looking woman with blue hair > wearing a tee-shirt that said "capsule" across the > front. The other had an angry expression similar to > Mihoshi's brother, and wild, spiky black hair. > "Oh those are my grandparents that aren't born > yet," she said as if it was no big-deal.Xach [Mihoshi]: They're Mouthguard and Noseplug.
> "And this > guy over here is my dad." Kiyone had thought that the > individual in question wasn't supposed to be there > actually, since his back was turned to the camera. He > seemed to be scratching his head in confusion though, > and knowing Mihoshi it fit.Cyrus: I'm not sure I want to find out specifically who her father is. We really don't need anything else crossed into this.
> "I can't wait to meet your family!" Mihoshi jumped > up and down in delight.Dan: Oh. So we're going to meet Kiyone's family, not Mihoshi's. So that whole deal with the photo and the cameos... was... my head hurts.
> "Yeah, well let's make those calls, then," Kiyone > sat down and turned to the communications controls.Dan: [Kiyone] 'S fine there, controls?
> supposed to be there > actually, since his back was turned to the camera. He > seemed to be scratching his head in confusion though, > and knowing Mihoshi it fit.Dan: Whoa. Deja vu.
> "I can't wait to meet your family!" Mihoshi jumped > up and down in delight. > "Yeah, well let's make those calls, then," Kiyone > sat down and turned to the communications controls.Triad: o.O ano na........
> Family Trees - Chapter 5 > A Shift in the StreamNoe: Preferably away from us.
> Same Warning and Disclaimer: I don't own any of this > stuff...and don't take this fic too seriously.Dan: If you don't own it, then what's it doing on your page?
> Last Episode: Leaf and Ryouga get annoyed with Jiro > Hibiki. The Slayers crew shows up at the Tendo > household looking forKyo: The One Ring.
> Sylphiel. Ranma's curse is > revealed to the Tenchi crew. The fiancees arrive.Noe: Some would argue that Ranma's fiancees ARE his curse.
> Leaf, Jiro and Ryouga arrive at the Tendo houshold. > Kasumi and Amelia discuss Xellos.Triad: With a big knife, I hope.
> Jiro tries to kill > Genma.Dan: Join the club, Jiro.
> Kiyone plans to direct her mother to the > shrine and discusses Mihoshi's family. > ******************************************************* > > Most people would approach a war zone with the > utmost of caution. In fact, most people would not > even bother to approach.Triad: The same could be said of a certain fighting tournament. [snicker]
> They would turn around and > run at the first sight of an impact crater Partially > destroyed structures and still smoking energy blast > burns tended to have that effect on people.Triad: On wimps, at least. WIMPS!
> Kiyone and Mihoshi barely noticed the damage at all.Xach: Oh, I see a connection.
> "Hmm, Ryoko and Ayeka REALLY got into it didn't > they, Kiyone?"Zenith: [Kiyone] The narrator said that we didn't notice, you goof.
> Mihoshi asked. Kiyone paused to pull > something out of a tree. > "A spatula?" Kiyone blinked, and looked around.Xach: Yes, the spatula tree is fairly common in Xanth.
>A brown haired girl stepped out of the trees then and > snatched it from her. Kiyone noted the huge spatula > strapped to her back.Kyo: [Kiyone] Hey... is that a spatula on your back, or are you just happy to see me?
> "Thanks, I was looking for those," the girl said, > unconcerned about Kiyone's presence. "Seen any more > of these? I'm missing like three still."Zenith: [commercial host voice] We've secretly replaced Ukyou with a valley girl. Let's see if the others notice.
> "Excuse me," Kiyone said calmly. "Who are you?"Kyo: [Ukyou] I am... THE Iron Chef.
> "Oh, I'm Ukyou Kuonji," the girl said cheerfully.Zenith: Oh, she's on the good stuff.
> "Who are you two, more of that Tenchi's girlfriends?" > "What?!" Kiyone sputtered. "Whatever gave you that > idea?"Xach: [Ukyou] Well, the barcode label and the tattoo reading "Property of the Masaki household" was a good clue...
> "Tenchi's girlfriend," Mihoshi laughed. "What > a...oh hello Ryoko and Ayeka." Mihoshi waved > cheerfully to the angry girls. > ~Oh no.~ Kiyone sighed and turned to face a fuming > Ayeka.Triad: Lina lit her on fire! WOOHOO!
> "Detective Kiyone," she said tightly. "What is she > talking about?"Dan: [Kiyone] That Tenchi is one bad-
> "And what do you think about Tenchi?" Ryoko growled > at Mihoshi. Mihoshi, being Mihoshi, took the question > on face value.Zenith: An expert evaluation would give you a much better price, dear.
> "Well, let's see, he's cute, nice, polite, calm..." > She looked up and the subject left her head. "Ooo, > look at how pretty the stars are tonight!!" > "Grrr! You two know I don't feel anything for > Tenchi," Kiyone growled. "Now, why are you here?"Cyrus: [blinks] Because they live there?
> "I'm here to save my Ranchan from that witch > Nabiki," Ukyou said cheerfully. Her next movement was > a swift dodge to the side, without changing her basic > stance or expression. Where she had been standing a > gymnast's club smashed into a tree.Dan: [yawns] Oh, fancy moves. We're impressed... not.
> "Why you peasant!" The speaker was a pale-skinnedXach: [Ren Hoek] Albino Cave Lizard!
> gymnast. "How dare youTriad: [Kodachi] ...plow the fields, raise crops and milk the cows?
> presume to chase my > Ranma-darling!Zenith: [Ukyou] It's okay, I'm just pretending.
> There is no way that he would even > consider such a commoner as yourself. Not when he has > Kodachi Kuno, the Black Rose of St. Hebereke, ready to > give herself to him. OHHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Everybody > excepting Ayeka cringed. > "Is there something wrong with that laugh," she > asked curiously.Kyo: [Kiyone] Why else would we call it the Double-Barreled Roaring Bitch Laugh(tm)?
> Kiyone face faulted as somebody tried to smash the > dark-haired, pale girl with a bon bori.Triad: "Bon bori"? Is it some kind of French attack phrase, like "Bon appetit"?
> The gymnast > leaped out of the way andDan: ...yes?
> "Neither of you marry Airen," the blue haired girl > declared. "Amazon law say,Zenith: [Shampoo] "Do not remove tag from matress."
> he Shampoo groom, so Shampoo marry!" > "Nobody invited you three," a fourth voice nearly > growled as another girl walked out of the trees. She > tossed Ukyou the missing three spatulas.Triad: Which, unfortunately, severed Ukyou's head. Akane, filled with grief and shock over having killed another human being, went insane and killed everyone else, thus ending the crossover. The end.
> "There's > your spatulas Ukyou." > "Hey, thanks Akane," Ukyou said cheerfully. > "Why you play nice-nice with pathetic violent-girl > when she try steal Airen!"Dan: Carbon-copy line coming up in three... two... one...
> "Why would I want that baka freak!?" Akane shouted.Dan: And we have liftoff.
> "By the way, Auntie Saotome was sharpening her sword, > something about truce-breakers."Kyo: Never mind that we haven't heard a word about any truce...
> "Shampoo behave." > ~Just wait until I figure out the manner in which > this little beauty operates,~ Kodachi smirked as sheZenith: ...looked at Akane with interest.
> fiddled with a bracelet. "Excuse me, I have to find > the rest of my clubs."Kyo: [Kodachi] Especially the gymnastics, the theater performance, and the economics clubs. They keep holding their meetings in the strangest places.
> "Shampoo go set up tent."Noe: [snicker] Shampoo's going to pitch a tent. [snicker]
> Both girls vanished into > the trees again. > "Okay this is weird," Kiyone growled. "What's > going on?"Zenith: A whole lotta Tubthumping.
> "Oh, sorry," Akane said politely. "That Baka idiot > my dad has me engaged to is Katsuhito's grandson,Dan: [Akane] Making him my inazuke fiance, you know.
> we're visiting for a little while, these three > followed us." > ~More descendants of the Jurai? Hmm, maybe I > shouldn't ask Mom to come here just now.~Kyo: [Kiyone] After all, mother's terribly allergic to Juraians.
> Kiyone > looked hard at Akane. "There's something familiar > about you."Zenith: [Kiyone] You were "Snot-nose Akane" from kindergarten, right? Right?
> "You know, I was thinking the same thing about > you," Akane said curiously. > "Hey, everybody!" Mihoshi shouted. "Kiyone's > parents are coming to visit too!" > ~Great, so much for not asking mom to come here." > "Is that so?" Ayeka arched an eyebrow. "Who are > your parents Detective Makibi? And why can they not > find their own lodgings?"Kyo: [Kiyone] They got separated and never found the way back. I told them to use the ball of string I gave them, but noo...
> "Yeah, we don't need more freeloaders," Ryoko > agreed. > "Be, careful about accusing people of freeloading, > Ryoko!"Zenith: Oh, like you're one to talk, little miss princess.
> "If freeloading is all my father gets up to it'll > be a miracle," Kiyone muttered. > "Is it just me," Akane asked. "Or is this getting > weird?"ALL: GETTING?!?
> "Weird? around us?" Ukyou said dryly. "You've got > to be kidding suger."Noe: [Lead singer of System of a Down*] Suger!
******************************************************* > In the Nerima,Dan: A suburb of the Tokyo, in the Japan.
> in a similar scene of battle scars and smoking ruin,Zenith: As opposed to a tuxedo ruin.
> another group of people were quietly > have tea. Aside from the panda and spatula weilding > martial artist lying unconscious in pile outside. > "We should apologize for the state of your house, > Kasumi-san,"Cyrus: [Amelia] But we're not going to! So nanny nanny poo poo!
> Amelia said politely. "Lina can get > quite active at times."Xach: [Gourry] Very active, if you know what I mean.
> "Oh, its no problem at all," Kasumi said as she > filled her pot of tea. "Ranma's fiancees and rivals > destroy the house on a regular basis.Zenith: [Kasumi] Yes, it's so nice to see Ranma and his good, good friends try to kill each other.
> Isn't that > right father?" The man nodded from behind is paper. > ~Just pretend nothing's happening,~ he thought as > he scanned the paper, not noticing it was upside down.Triad: Or a "Playgirl" magazine.
> "Will you be staying for the night?" Kasumi asked. > "In this mess?" Gourry asked surprised. > "Jellyfish-brains!"Triad: They ate all the yoghurt?
> Lina whacked him upside the > head. "We made the mess, so don't go complaining > about it!" > "Oh this will be fixed in little while," Kasumi > said. > "How is that...?" Zelgadis was interrupted by what > seemed to be a flash of red light that whippedNoe: Whip it! Whip it good!
> through > the damaged portions of the house. Somebody seemed to > step out of the flashing light for a moment, a slim > man in a red jumpsuit with lightning bolts on it. HeXach: As opposed to... Lightning Blots!
> seemed to flicker off and on while the red blur > continued zipping about the house. > "What happened here?" he asked Kasumi. "I don't > see any of the normal sources of damage, oh wait, > there's Ryouga." The bandanna wearing boy absently > waved from where he was comparing methods of > depression with Zelgadis.All: [unconvincingly] Ha... ha... haha.
> "Some friends of my mother's are visiting," Kasumi > said sweetly. "And there was an argument over some > spilt food.Kyo: [Kasumi] I told them that there was no use crying over it, but would they listen? Noooooooo...
> Thank you for coming, I wasn't certain > you'd come out this hour."Kyo: 'Cause usually he's locked in a closet with Vanna White all night long.
> The man in the red suit > nodded momentarily, flickering again, as if saying, oh > I see.Triad: Santa o.o?
> "Hey, this is good exercise," the man said before > vanishing into the blur again. "I'll have this > finished in a moment." The last sentence seemed to > come from everywhere, then suddenly the blur just > vanishedKyo: When you're moving at supersonic speeds, friction burns are more than just painful.
> and the house was in perfect condition again.Dan: I've heard of fixing something in a flash, but having something fixed by the Flash is stretching it a bit.
> "What was that?"Xach: [Kasumi] Deus ex Machina. More tea?
> "The contractor," Kasumi said simply. "Will you be > staying the night then?"Cyrus: [confused] Leaf has the power to stop time?
> "Not me," Leaf said standing up, after blinking > away the surprise from the rapid fix up job. "I don'tXach: In fact, she overdid it and Blinked the surprise to the sun. What a waste.
> have the time to be sitting around here much longer. > As soon as my husband wakes up we're out of here." > She blinked in surprise. "Oh by the Gods, I sound > like SPARK!"Triad: [Leaf] And if I keep this up, I'll sound like BOING and SCHPLURNT, too!
> "And I'm going with you!" Ryouga shouted. "Its my > only chance to get to Ranma before he does something > terrible to Akane!"Xach: [Ryouga] Or Nabiki! Or his mother, the fiend!
> "Whatever," Leaf waved the comment aside. They had > all been variously breifed on the fiancee/rival > situation. Leaf would have felt sorry for the poor > boy if it weren't the fact thatKyo: ...she couldn't fake pity if her life depended on it.
> one of the fiancees > was her daughter. "Wait a minute, that gives me an > idea."Zenith: [Leaf] Let's hire a dozen jobless losers without a life, have them come up with a few hundred new Pokemon, and make millions from the merchandising!
> "Huh?" Ryouga looked nervous as the half-elf > smirked, recognizing Ukyou's "I've got a plan" smile. > ******************************************************* > "See who's at the gate, Sasuke," Kuno ordered. "I > must prepare for my trek to face the evil sorcerer > Ranma."Noe: [Kuno] Have I packed enough lube?
> "Yes, master," the ninja strolled to the front of > the estate and out to the gate. Outside he saw a pair > of nearly identical girls.Triad: Oh, good. That saves on character design.
> Both wearing long, double > pony tails coming out of a braided loop. One was > dressed in tight, dark-colored clothes and had a > rather venomous look on her face.Dan: She's the daughter of Eddie Brock, and she's mad as hell!
> The other was fidgeting and appeared rather > irritated and anger. The tight discipline in other > seemed to not at all be present in the second girl. > This one was wearing sweats and a t-shirt that showed > more skin but revealed less than the other girl's > apparel.Cyrus: Mr. Blackwell would not approve.
> "Is this the Kuno estate?" the fidgety one asked > irritably. > "Yes it is," Sasuke said. "How may I help.." > "Who is it Sasuke?" Kuno stepped out into the > estate's yard. > ~Oh...what a BABE!~ Yohko thought practically > drooling, and ignoring Iako's palpable irritation.Zenith: [Yohko] Ninja manservants make me mellow-mellow!
> ~What a ditz,~ Iako thought shaking her head.[Triad makes rattling noises]
> ~When is she going to learn to apply discipline > outside of combat?~Xach: Apply dicipline, rinse, repeat.
> "Two young women, I think they're sisters," Sasuke > said. The the solemn girl arched an eyebrow at that. > Yohko's latest crush didn't survive Kuno opening his > mouth again.[All blink audibly]
> "Ah, doubtless they have come to seek the > incomparable grace and majesty of Tatewaki Kuno, theALL: o/ 142nd Fastest Gun In The West! o/
> Blue Thunder of Furinkan High. Alas but my heart > already belongs to the pig-tailed goddes and the > virtuous Akane Tendo.Zenith: Not anymore. They hocked it on eBay.
> Still such persistance should > be rewarded," Sasuke stepped back from the open > entrance as the two girls looked at each other for a > moment. "Very well I shall....ACCK!!! ARGGH!! EEEK! > AEIIII! OW!! OW!! OW!!"[All cheer]
> "It seems the rumors of insanity were correct," > Iako said cooly.[Triad suddenly aims her Buster Cannon at Iako.]
> "Hey, where do you think you're going, toad?!"Kyo: [Sasuke] Er... the pond? Ribbit, ribbit...
> Yohko shouted, a small blast of magical armor passed > in front of the ninja. "We have some questions to > ask." Iako's whip flashed out and caught the ninja, > bringing him back towards them. > "We are looking for one Kodachi Kuno," Iako said. > "What a coincidence," a new voice said.Triad: [Juri] There are no such things as coincidences.
> They turned around to see a woman inXach: A clown suit.
> her late twenties with > long red hair and sparkling red eyes.Zenith: What you get if you meld Rei and Asuka together.
> She was dressedNoe: ...more's the pity...
> in a manner similar to Iako, but with much brighter > colors. "So am I."Triad: [blinks] Is she replying to the narraration?
> "And who are you?" the woman handed her a card. > "You-gen-kai-sya? Ayaka Kisaragi?"Dan: GyaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Another series!?
> "Oh I've heard of you," Iako sneered, holding the > ninja out at arm's length. "Mystical investigations, > you work for money."Zenith: I'm really uncomfortable with the idea of working for money being strictly taboo.
> "Family talents for swordsmanship and magic,"Dan: Make that "really-long-lipsticksmanship and magic".
> she > shrugged. "Might as well use it to make a living.Dan: Or not, if the running gag in the anime was any indication.
> And you two I guess are Manos,Dan: The Hands Of Fate.
> lack of battle dress notwithstanding."Kyo: Well, that's standard for Yohko, isn't it?
> "Yeah, so what are you doing here?" Yohko asked. > "The musuem hired me to recover a supposedly > mystical item," she shrugged. "Thanks for going > through the gymnast's ahead of me, made it easy to get > information." > "Speaking of information," Iako said levelly. All > three looked to a nervous Sasuke. > ******************************************************* > "This is starting to turn into a family reunion > weekend," Nabiki said cooly. Behind her AkaneTriad: Nabiki bought Akane?
> and Nodoka were going through family photo albums. Ranma > was supposedly doing the same, but it looked more likeXach: He was trying to remember Jack Carver's phone number.
> he was sleeping. "How long has it been anyway?" > "You remember the hell brat?"Noe: I?
>Kiyone asked. > "Yep," Nabiki nodded. "That's right, didn't see > the whole thing though."*[All blink.]
> "Think we should warn him?" Kiyone asked, glaring > at the younger girl. Both thought about it for a > moment. > "Nah." > ******************************************************* > Xellos glanced about nervously,Xach: [Xellos] Where IS that dolphin?
> that sense of > impending doom had just deepened. > "Xellos, what is it this time?" Amelia demanded > irritably. He had been on the verge of "convincing" > her not to be mad anymore when suddenly he's lookingCyrus: o/~ For love in all the wrong places. Looking for love... o/~
> for threats again. ~Hmm, wonder if we need a new > game.~Kyo: Yeah, that Monopoly board is really worn out. And you've lost the little boot and the dog.
> "Must be my imagination, Ame-chan," he smiled > cheerfully.Dan: His imagination is a threat?
******************************************************* > "Ooo, Shampoo get see Airen's family!" Shampoo > plopped down on the table,Noe: [Shampoo] Sorry. Shampoo not able to hold it any longer.
> oddly enough it fell rather > round under her feet, and snatched up the book.Dan: I've read this sentence three times, and I still not sure what it means.
> "Hey, what do you think your doing?" Akane > demanded. > "That certainly wasn't polite," Nodoka agreed. > "Grrr."Dan: Woof.
> "What that noise?" Shampoo asked then shrugging. > "Excuse miss...Shampoo," Sasami said quietly, > pointing down.Noe: [looks confused] Why are we supposed to excuse her?
> "Oh, Shampoo land on Airen head," she giggled.Triad: Yeah, he's an airhead, all right.
> "Sorry." She flipped off, driving Ranma's head back > into the table again, and landed on a couch with the > book. She flipped through several places and stopped.Dan: You know, I'm surprised it isn't Ranma who's sturdier than Ryoga, considering he gets hit every five minutes whether he deserves it or not.
> "Shampoo, we were looking at that," Akane yelled. > "Now give it back and go off and cook up some Ramen or > something."Xach: [Akane] Go and do something stereotypical and In Character!
> "Who's that?" Shampoo asked turning the book > towards Nodoka with a pale expression. She was > pointing to a slim angry looking young man standing > between a younger Nodoka and some other girl. > "Oh him?" Nodoka said. "That's my brother Wu Fei,Dan: That's her brother Woofer?
> we haven't heard from him since he went to China > several years ago." > "Airen's uncle name Wu Fei?" Shampoo asked quietly > looking at Ranma. > "Why you asking me?" he responded. "I just found > out about all this stuff." The amazon looked at the > picture and turned a lovely shade of green.Zenith: Oh, it goes wonderfully with her hair.
> "Excuse me, Shampoo go be very sick now," and with > that the amazon vanished through the hole in the wall.Zenith: o/~ Break on through to the other side! o/~
> Well, Washu, HAD just fixed it, but Shampoo solvedCyrus: The mystery of the Loch Ness Monster.
> that problem easily enough. > "ARG!!! Ryoko and Ayeka are bad enough!" the pink > scientist shouted. "I haven't seen this much damage > since my ex was learning black magic. Grrr, a blind > man practicing attack spells indeed."Dan: ...this bodes evil.
> Family Trees - Chapter 6 > > > > A River RedirectedDan: Flooding homes and killing livestock. I hope you're happy.
> Warning and Disclaimer: I don't own any of the > characters aside from Jiro Kuonji, but he's more ofDan: You mean Ukyo's father, who had a small speaking part in the manga and is thus a Rumiko Takahashi creation?
> a punching bag than a character.Noe: Kinda like I.
> Oh yeah, before I > get any comments, in Ruin Explorers,Zenith: A good anime that's soon to be tainted and scandalized...
> Wiccan is a race of > cat peopleNoe: Catgirls!? Where?!
>(assuming Fam is typical member) NOT a > religion.Xach: Oh, and here I really thought Fam was a religion.
> [I'm going to finish here for the moment though this > part is kind of short...I]Noe: You what?
> > Last Episode: Kiyone arrived at the shrine in time > to meet the fiancees looking for lost weapons in the > woods. The Tendo contractor flashes byAll Except Dan: [throwing various objects at the screen] BAD!!!
> to repair > the after battle mess back at the Dojo. Leaf comes up > with plan that doesn't involve waiting for her > husband to wake up.Xach: [Leaf] Let's put his hand in warm water.
> The Manos maul TatewakiTriad: [Kuno] We shall fight Mano a Mano!
> Kuno and meet Ayaka Kisaragi. Nabiki and Kiyone > discuss family, and Shampoo makes a sickening (for her) > discovery.Zenith [Shampoo]: Ranma watches professional wrestling! AIYAAAAH!
> > ******************************************************* > > "There is NO way I'm going to cast the spell," > the woman shouted at her youthful seeming friend.Zenith [woman]: It's, you know, all icky and stuff. Eww.
> Youthful seeming, and still annoyingly youthful > acting at times. > "But Ihrie...Noe: Iria?
> I'll just mess up!" The "girl's" > tail twitched nervously. > "Why couldn't I pair up with an elf," Ihrie > wondered to herself, she was approaching herDan: Because you might have wound up stuck with a bad fanfic writer. It was just too much of a risk.
> mid-thirties with an old scar on her cheek. Her > long purple hair stuck out at odd angles, as if she hadZenith: Stuck her head in a blender.
> never even heard of a brush before. "They may stay > young longer even than you wiccans, but at least > they don't ACT like kids." > "Oh come on Ihrie," Fam whined. "We have plenty > of your pills.Zenith: Ah, the good stuff. I wonder what kinds they had back then?
> And you're a much better magician than > I am and this involvesKyo: Lots and lots of whipped cream.
> time AND dimension travel and I > don't think I can do it right." > Ihrie growled,Triad: Uh, oh... looks like Ihrie's rabies are acting up again.
> of course Fam was only half right. > Raw power and theoretical superiority didn't help > much whenDan: You're facing off against a munchkin.
> you only got one spell in each battle. Plus > Fam knew all her spells and a several more besides thatKyo: Could slice, dice and make julienne fries!
> Ihrie's curse had made impossible for her toCyrus: One word and you die, Kyo.
> learn properly. > "Fam, you once cast a spell in a place normal > spellcasting should have been impossible," Ihrie > said rubbing her temples irritably. "Even if it was just > a simple illusion, you can handle THIS,Triad [Fam]: But this isn't THIS. It's [THIS!]
> besides she's > your kid, not mine." ~And to think I rejoiced when > you finally stopped whining about Lyle.Kyo: The effiminate heterosexual?
> Last time we > visited your daughter we ended up getting chased > around by some psycho with blue hair.~Noe: [Heavy sarcasm] Well that narrows it down.
> "Well...okay, if you say so Ihrie." > "Just cast the spell." > > ******************************************************* > "Back so soon, Shampoo?" Cologne said as Shampoo > sort of shuffled into the Nekohanten.Xach: Cool, she's doing the Electric Slide.
> "Is something > the matter, great-grandaughter?" > "Yes," Shampoo snatched a bowl of ramen and satDan [customer]: ...my ramen...
> down heavily, sort of poking at the noodles before > eating experimentally. > "Is the son-in-law..." Cologne ceased speaking, > as Shampoo pushed away the bowl of ramen.Noe: [Cologne] He's PREGNANT!
> The color > drained out of her faceDan: Thus rendering her manga version.
> and then returned in shades > of green. "What is it Shampoo?"Zenith [Shampoo]: It's a male individual who becomes a part of the family by marrying one of your children, but that's not important now.
> "Ranma is family," Shampoo said, standing up > calmly, and then making a mad dash for the public > restroom.Dan [customer]: HEY! This is the men's room!
> "This complicates matters," Cologne said to > herself.Dan: Depends. How far is your family removed from any sort of royalty?
> ******************************************************* > "Decisions, decisions," Nabiki said to herself, > watching Ryoko and Ayeka fight off into the hills.Triad: Over the hills and into the woods, to granma's house we fight!
> Tenchi was in the fields doing chores,Noe: Some very special chores, according to some lemons...
> this early > in the morning, Ranma was still asleep. Nabiki had > seen Akane in the dining area in the process of > waking up. She must have had a long night,Noe: Thus explaining why Ranma was still asleep...
> Akane wasn't > usually that tired in the morning. Still, herNoe: Heh, heh.
> asking how Kasumi had gotten so short was quite amusing.Noe: Did I miss something here?
> Ryoko had no money that she could determine, so > it > was useless selling the little information she had > gleaned to the pirate. She doubted Ayeka would be > willing to believe it, so blackmailing her was out > of the question.Noe: However, Nabiki was still contemplating spanking.
> "Now, Xellos on the other hand," Nabiki pondered > that. How much farther could she push him before heTriad: Fell off a cliff?
> called her bluff.Xach: [Xellos] You're a bluff!
> "So you noticed her too?" Nabiki turned to > Kiyone, > who was suddenly just there. Nabiki wasn't > surprised, she hadn't felt a teleport, but that was probably > because Kiyone hadn't teleported.Kyo: Good reason.
> "Of course YOU never thought of getting a little > advantage from that," Nabiki said, dryly. > "Knowing you, you've already found excuses to > avoid the schemes that would really hurt her," Kiyone > said. "And have gone on to, 'let's get daddy.'"Dan: I tried to work out a logical reason for this plot development, but had to stop before my head exploded.
> "Its hard to make any money with you around," > Nabiki said. "Its too much like actually having a > conscience." > "By the way," Nabiki turned to face her. "How > did you get him to teach you the teleport thing?"Dan: ...the heck? Kiyone a disciple of Xelloss?
> "What do you care, you've always been happy > without > magic," Nabiki commented.Zenith: That'd be because of the drugs, yes.
> "Hell, even I only drag > the stuff out of him for a little oneupmanship." > "Curiosity, and I could have used the "Kyo: You could have used the quote mark for what?
> "Payment for getting me and Akane out of town." > "From the sounds of it you were already coming[Dan grabs Kyo.]
> here," Kiyone said. Then she smiled. "I can'tXach: o/~ ...dance, I can't talk... o/~
>wait > to see his reaction to that."Noe: [Wiping his ear] ...Todaech'e mwò ya?
> "KIYONE!!" the teal-haired woman face-faulted as > Mihoshi called out in search of her. "Where are you > Kiyone!?!?? Oh there you are! I've been looking > everywhere for you." > "Incoming!" Nabiki shouted pointing up into the > sky at the descending body. Kiyone saw it, judged the > trajectory and smirked a little.Triad [Kiyone]: People plummeting to their doom always cracks me up.
> Tenchi returning > from some morning chores looked up and sighed.Cyrus [Tenchi]: Why, God? Why me?
> "What now?" > "Oh sorry, Mihoshi, didn't mean to be avoiding > you > or anything," Kiyone said nervously. The falling > person approached with rapid speed.Cyrus: It's the Living Bullet! Scatter!
> "Well you should be more considerate...ooo look > at the cool rock!"Noe: IF YA SMELLLLLLLL...
> Mihoshi bent down to pick up said > rock > as the falling person zoomed past her towards a > wide-eyed Kiyone. "Hey, Kiyone, what happened to > you?"Zenith [Kiyone]: Suddenly, this isn't funny any*WHAM*...more.
> "Is that a giant spatula?" Nabiki asked pointing > at > the unconscious pair.Noe: No, he's just happy to see you.
> "You IDIOT!!! Now we'll have to find out where > he > landed!" This was followed by a sleeping Ranma > landing in the courtyard by Akane express.Xach: [Conductor] Next stop Kyoto, Osaka, and Kiyone's face!
> "Ever alert martial artist," she hmphed. > "GET BACK HERE RYOKO!"Triad [Ayeka]: You haven't finished your vegetables!
> "COME AND GET ME SLOW POKE!!!" Ryoko shouted > back. > ~Hmm...she's getting better at this.~ Everybody > watched them pass and sweatdropped. Ranma snored.Zenith: After all, highly-trained martial artists ALWAYS sleep through danger.
> "Hey, what's with all the noise?" Ukyou walked up > to the rest of the crowd stretching out the kinksKyo: Heh... Ranma really loves Ukyou's kinks.
> from > sleeping on the ground. She looked back to where > Kiyone was coming around underneath the the human > bullet.Xach: Whoa. We were RIGHT.
> "Dad?" > Shampoo, who had disappeared sometime last night, > and Ukyou had refused to impose on anybody as > uninvited guests and set up camps. Nobody knew > where > Kodachi had ended up.Kyo and Noe: [In unison] Let's keep it that way!
> "I'm sorry, but he irritated me!"Cyrus: [glaring at Noe and Kyo] Don't say it!
> The Nerimites > looked at each other and groaned. Akane noted a > bucket of water and started in that direction. > "Grrr...Mihoshi!" Kiyone staggered to her feetXach: Seeing as they had gotten knocked off earlier.
> in time to see Akane splash Ranma awake.Triad: Too late did she realize the bucket contained hydrochloric acid. Hmm, brings back memories...
> "What did you do that for?" Ranma-chan shouted.Zenith: [Akane] It was time for my obligatory act of bitchiness.
> "What the...huh? Wow, interesting wedding > night."Noe: Too easy...
> "Dady's little girl," Nabiki smirked, ignoring > Kiyone's growl.Kyo: Now Kiyone's got rabies! It's contagious!
> "Hey, who's the new girl?" the non nerimites > facefaulted as they tried to figure out how Mihoshi > had seen it happen and still didn't figure it out. > "She's cute." This, on the other hand, surprised > them.Dan: And the last bit didn't?
> "Ah Ha!" Nobuyuki shouted. "I knew it!" > "Quick! Turn me back to a guy!" > "Mihoshi! You're giving us a reputation!"Kyo: Too easy...
> "Ah ha!! There he is! RANMA SAOTOME PREPARE TO > DIE!!!" > "Hmm? Ryouga great to see you man!" > "Shut up, Ranma, I'm here to punish you for your > mistreatment of women!" This resulted in twoNoe: Turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.
> roving > fights. > "Do those two ever give it a rest?" Ukyou asked > watching the pair of martial artists take their > explosive match into the hills.Zenith: Shame, really. They could've made some serious green by taking it into a Pay-Per-View.
> "No." Tenchi and Akane said at once, then looked > at each other and blinked.Xach [Tenchi]: JINX! You can't speak! Neener neener neener!
> "Great now I lost them both, hold it," Leaf > scratched the tip of her ear. "If that was Ranma > Saotome, that means we're here."Triad [Leaf]: Because if that wasn't Ranma Saotome, we'd be in Detroit.
> "MOM!" Ukyou shouted in surprise. ~Wow she looks > just like she did when she left, how does she do > it?~Zenith: Oil of Olay. LOTS of it.
> "Ucchan!" the elfin girl, about Ukyou's height, > but a little slimmer. "I found you!" The two hugged > and jumped up and down amid numerous sweatdrops.Noe: Bouncy bouncy?
> "Dad said you were dead!" > "Yeah, well, he's an idiot," Leaf said. "Umm, > what happened to your ears?"Zenith [Ukyou]: Shrapnel incident in 'Nam. I'd rather not talk about it.
> "Oh, yeah," she blushed and shifted her hair to > let the pointed ears show. > "Ukyou!?" Akane shouted in surprise. > "Ukyou's an elf?" Nabiki blinked in surprise.Triad [Ukyou]: (sarcastically) No. I just stuck my ears in a pencil sharpener! OF COURSE I'M AN ELF! DOES THAT MAKE ANY LESS SENSE THAN ANYTHING ELSE THAT GOES ON AROUND HERE?!?
> "Dad said they'd attract too much attention," > Ukyou said shyly. Leaf glared at the unconscious Jiro.Dan: Yes, trust the words of a man who instructs you to dress up as a guy for ten years, I'm sure.
> "What happened to him anyway?" > "He accused that Ryouga boy of taking advantage > of you," Leaf said.Dan: Been reading fanfics again.
> "How'd he know I tried to...uh...oops."Noe: Mwò rae?
> Leaf > leveled a look at her making Ukyou realize she had > just given too much away. "Accident with a love > potion?" > "Grrr..." Leaf fumed. "I'll talk to him, AFTER I > talk to you about some things."Noe: I think she already knows about those things.
> "Like what?" > "Like immortality for on thing," all the Nerimans > present, with the notable exception of Nabiki, face > faulted.Dan: ...I don't get it.
> ******************************************************* > "No, we are not sisters," Iako said crisply.Triad: [Iako] I'm Yohko's evil Demon Clone who was created by Washuu from a mixture of all the other girls at the Masaki Shrine and Tenchi's sperm plus Mass.
> "Why do people keep asking us that?" > "Hey, you too look so identical that HAS to be > the next thing on most people's minds."Noe: Heh, And we all know what the first is.
> "Well, we AREN'T sisters," Yohko insisted, though > she really wouldn't mind it very much.Kyo [Yohko]: Maybe then Iako would stop ogling me and asking me out.
> "My point exactly," Ayaka said. > "We should be getting on with travelling to look > for the Kuno,"Cyrus: Which one?
> Iako said puzling over her comrades' > abilities to waste time. "But since you insist on > pestering us." Iako pulled a photograph from a > pocket that seemed to be in her clothes some > where though nobody could figure out where.Noe: [Opens his mouth]
> "Hey, Iako what are you doing with a picture of > my father?" Iako blinked.Triad: So she she blinked that. Is it Morse Code again?
> "Grrrr."Dan: The rabies is spreading! Run for your lives!
> "Ha!" Ayaka declared. "I knew you were sisters. > "Oh my Iako, isn't this great?" Yohko smiled at > who was turning out to be her half-sister. > ~By the first devil-hunter!~ Iako thought. > ~She's going to hug me...she's GOING TO hug me!"Triad: [Iako] EEEEEEEEEEK! Cooties! Yohko cooties! RUN!
> Family Trees - Chapter 7Zenith: Incest. A sport the whole family can enjoy.
> A Change in the TideTriad: WHEN will this author get more creative titles?!
> **************************************************** > Last Episode: Ihrie and Fam discuss casting a gateDan [gate]: What's my motivation?
> opening spell to visit Fam's child. Kiyone and Nabiki > discuss another person.Xach: How wonderfully specific.
> Leaf finally finds Ukyou.Zenith: [Leaf] Would you believe she was under the seat cushions all the time?
> Iako comes as close to panicking as she's ever been on > discovering that Yohko is her half-sister. >Zenith: Knowing Yohko, I would panic too.
> ******************************************************* > > In the hills about the Masaki shrine two battles > were ragingCyrus: ...against the machine.
>. Two girls and two boys, one of whom was > a girl at the moment, were fighting as if to kill eachDan: Wouldn't that make it three girls and one boy, then?
> other, of course if they had REALLY been trying to > kill each other there would have been a lot more > devastation.Zenith: Or, perhaps, a body or two? [rolls eyes]
> One of these battles was no where near close, Ryoko > was easily Ayeka's superior. Though Ryoko had to noteTriad: ...that the author was playing favorites in this story. I hate it when they do that.
> that she was getting much better at taking care of > herself than she had been when they first starting > living at the shrine.
> Ranma and Ryouga, on the other hand, were at theXach: Nearest Starbucks, binging on mocha latte.
> point that it took an interruption to actually finish > their fights. Either that or the unlikely event of > Ryouga deciding he didn't really want to kill Ranma.[Cyrus holds up a empty piece of paper. The others look at him expectantly.]
> The case in this point was an interruption. > "RANMA!! GET BACK HERE AND DIE!!"/"STAND AND FIGHT > RYOKO!!" > "Yeah right you can take me."Noe: Take me! Take me now!
> /"Come and get me, Princess!"Dan: The innuendo-meter is going off the scales...
> "LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU!!" Who exactly shouted was > lost in the following collision. Resulting in a huge > explosion and a pile of four stunned combatants.Triad: Ho-hum. The usual.
> ******************************************************* > Everybody turned away from the mother and daughter > reunion to see the geyser of earth and power eruptDan: [grinning evilly] So...it's a Power Geyser? [Dan is showered in seat cushions]
> into the sky in the hills. Well except for Ukyou, who > was trying to process the comment about immortality,Noe: Aren't we all...
> and her father, who was still unconscious. Then thereDan: She's making Soylent Okonomiyaki! Soylent Green is made of people! People!
> was quiet. > "Wow, that was big," Nobuyuki commented > intelligently.Noe: Something he wishes Achika said more often.
> "Oh! I hope nobody was hurt!" Sasami gasped.Zenith: We've secretly replaced our regular Sasami with Kasumi... Let's see if they notice.
> "Those bakas," Akane hmphed. "Well I guess > somebody has to go check on them."Zenith: [Akane] They might have some money in their pockets.
> She started > stalking off into the hills.Cyrus: Five years ago, three students vanished into the area surrounding the Masaki shrine in search of the Akane rumored to stalk the area...
> "Anybody else coming along?" Tenchi asked, turning > to follow her. > "You're kidding right?" Leaf said, pointing at > Ukyou and blinking.Dan: [Tenchi] Um... miss? I'm over here.
> "Listen I have about three > months, less now, to cram sixteen years of knowledge > down her head before she has to make her choice, andXach: [Leaf pressing down on Noe's(Ukyou's) head] Just a little more cramming and it'll fit... [Lets go] There!
> you want me to leave?"Noe: [Tenchi] Yes. You smell funny. Just go away.
> "I'll go!" Mihoshi shouted, cheerfully. Kiyone > imagined Mihoshi applying first aid to anybody and > facefaulted.Kyo: A little mouth to *OOF*!
> "Umm, Mihoshi, I'm not certain that's a good idea." > "But I thought I recognized that guy that attacked > that cu.." Kiyone slapped a hand over Mihoshi's mouth. > "What did I tell you about making comments like > that around other people?" Kiyone whispered,Dan: I think the author is hinting at something.
> almost > growling.Xach: How romantic, to growl sweet nothings into your ear...
> Then she laughed nervously at the people > staring at them.Noe: [Kiyone] No, we're not the most obvious lesbian couple since Kei and Yuri, really.
> "I'm not asking," Akane declared before heading > back towards the site of the explosion. > "I've never bothered to either," Tenchi agreed, > continuing as well.Noe: You're not fooling anyone, Tenchi!
> "Tenchi, wait up!" Sasami called out. "Azaka, > Kamidake, we got to go help." The three of them and > the logs faded away into the woods.Cyrus: The logs being Azaka, Kamidake, and Mihoshi?
> "What's this about immortality?" Ukyou asked, > confused. "And a choice?" Ukyou watched her mother > laugh nervously.Xach: Your choice is: Have your soul devoured by a three-eyed little girl, eat a carnivorous mermaid, or go around permanently afraid of people wanting to cut your head off. What will you choose?
> "Okay, no time for dawdling about," Leaf said,Xach: That's for at night when you're thinking about Ranma.
> getting a hold of herself. A dimensional pocket > appeared in front of her.Xach: Unfortunately all it contained was some dimensional pocket lint.
> "Looking for some privacy?" Nabiki asked levely, > with a smirk.Cyrus: [Glaring at Noe and Kyo] No.
>Ukyou face faulted as she worked > through the implications of Nabiki with such powers.Triad: [Ukyou] Oh, great. Someone went and made Nabiki God AGAIN?
> Then stood up narrowing her eyes. > "What's the catch?" Leaf demanded, narrowly. > "Yeah, Nabiki you never do anything without aKyo: Small forklift.
> profit margin in mind," Ukyou added, Nabiki smirked. > "I'll just put it on your tab Ukyou," Nabiki said. > "Tab?" Leaf blinked. "You owe her money?" > "Everybody owes her money," Ukyou said irritably.Kyo: Debt collectors. They're everywhere.
> "I'm an honest business woman," Nabiki insisted.Zenith: Your point being?
> "Like I said I'll put the entrance fee on your tab." > "And how will you know when we want out?" > "Just call out, I'll hear you," Nabiki said. ~At > least sticking annoying alarm clocks in there doesn't > help my ears much.~Noe: That. Didn't. Make. Any. Sense.
> "If this is a trick I'm going to skewer you girl," > Leaf promised Nabiki.Triad: Nabiki-On-A-Stick!
> "I'll do everything I promised to do," Nabiki said > eyes closed and head pointed to the ground as she > leaned against a tree. "I swear."Xach: And so do I...
> As Ukyou and her mother cautiously stepped into the > dimensional pocket and it closed behind them, Kiyone > slipped up next to Nabiki.Noe: [Kiyone] Care to join Mihoshi and me later tonight?
> "So what is the trick?" > "I forgot to mention that I put the exit fee on her > tab as well," Nabiki said, smirking. "By the way, > shall I start a tab for you as well?" > "What are you talking about?" Kiyone asked > nervously. > "About a week stuck in our parents' homeworld, and > the noises after hours. EVERY night," Nabiki smirked > as Kiyone blushed.Triad: More like your parents were complaining about you and Mihoshi. >_>
>~I told you I'd get you back for > having to sleep in that stable.~ > ******************************************************* > "Well, here we are Fam," Ihrie said. "Which way > now?" She'd heard Fam cast the spell, and she had > done it properly, well she had done it half-properly. > They should at least be in the proper vicinity of > Fam's daughter. Which time of the girl's life, on the > other hand, Ihrie had no idea. > "Well, I don't know," Fam said, looking about at > all the trees. At that point the explosion erupted a > mile or so below them.Kyo: Worm sign!
> "Think that's them?" Ihrie asked drly. > "She did turn out to be rather violent didn't she," > Fam said sadly. > "Your fault for trusting a prince like THAT one," > Ihrie said.Dan: Yeah, you can't trust Utena giving directions.
> "He seemed nice enough," Fam said embarrassed. > "So does my father by all reports." > ******************************************************* > "Well here we are, the Masaki shrine," Iako said > glancing at the steps irritably.Zenith: [Iako] Pah! Lowly peasant steps!
> Ayaka and Yohko > looked toward the top and swallowed. ~Yohko's my > sister, damn, at least I'm not half-demon or > something.~Dan: The way this fic is going, you never know.
> ~I hope this means we don't have to fight anymore,~ > Yohko thought. ~But then it didn't seem to help our > grandmothers.~ > "That's a lot of steps," Yohko stated simply upon > seeing the stairs.Kyo: Gee, master of perception, isn't she?
> "I knew a shouldn't have gotten out of bed today,"Zenith: Oh? Did you have something more fun in there?
> Ayaka whined. Iako growled, knowing they were both > easily capable of making the climb in flash. "All > this climbing and sweating is going to ruin my > youthful complexion!" Both Manos blinked and looked > at the woman after that remark. > "I wouldn't worry about that," Yohko said politely.Triad: Take that however you want. I'm not going to take it at all.
> ******************************************************* > "Thank you for your hospitality, Kasumi-san," > Amelia bowed to her as they left the building. "You > certainly seem to have inherited some of the best > traits of your mother."Xach: [Amelia] I had no idea you could make so many dishes from boiled bread.
> Kasumi bowed slightly, still > smiling. > "Yes, well I am sorry she can't still be here to > see you," Kasumi said, politely. "She was certainly a > very loving woman." If Nabiki had been here she would > have translated the exchange into the following.Kyo: Gneep snikka bwo bwo waa.
> "At least you're not a man-stealing tramp like your > mother."[Everyone gasps.]
> "Well, at least she was more than woman enough to > hold a man or two."Dan: That made no sense whatsoever.
> Of course, Xellos, Filia and Zelgadis understood > the exchange, sweatdropping. Lina, Gourry and Soun > were completely clueless.Kyo: They weren't the only ones.
> "Hey, we've got a month before we have to leave," > Lina said loudly. "And I'll bet we can come back to > visit later."Triad: [Lina] But we'll wait a few months until you've restocked your larder.
> "Yes, certainly," Amelia said, smiling. "And > perhaps I'll be better company." Roughly translated. > "Okay, I deserved that."Noe: Any resemblance between this scene and a logical, well thought out piece of writing is purely coincidental.
>The slayers individuallyDan: Slayers Individually? Is that the next season?
> thanked the Tendos for their hospitality and turned > down the street.Triad: [Lina] No, I don't like that one, this street is so much nicer.
> "Well, come on where is this place we're going to?" > Lina demanded. > "Its a shrine outside the city," Amelia said as > they walked away. "Its supposed to have a demon > sealed away inside it."Cyrus: Yeah, Just on the other side of the island.
> "Shouldn't take too long to get there," Zelgadis > said. And in the next moment six bodies were flying > through the town. This was only moderately surprising > to the citizens of Nerima.Cyrus: People fly through Nerima everyday.
> ******************************************************* > "Hey, you okay?" Ayeka blinked awake to seeZenith: [Ayeka] Liberace? NOOO!
> someone standing over her. As her vision cleared she > saw that was some strange boy about Lord Tenchi's age > wearing a bandanna and looking at her with concerned > look on his face. Only pieces of this filtered > through her punch-drunk thinking.Cyrus: Don't you just hate when some idiot spikes the punch, and everyone ends up drunk?
> "AHH!! Pervert!!" The next thing Ryouga knewXach: ...was the location of Jimmy Hoffa's resting grounds.
> there > were a bunch of little logs surrounding him. > "What the...?" Then the electricity started. As a > result when everybody else arrived Ayeka was the only > one stillTriad: ...alive.
> awake.Triad: Dammit.
> "Wow, somebody actually woke up before Ranma and > Ryouga?" Akane blinked. > "Is that THIS pervert's name?" > "Damn did I get in the way of battleship?"Dan: No, we're fine. I was about to sink a frigate. A-6!
> "When did Cologne stop by?" Ranma-chan groaned. > Then she looked to see Ryouga "still" unconscious. > "Hey Ryouga, wake up, you're giving us a bad name > man."Noe: No, it was Jesse Zamora who did that.
> "Errggg," Ryouga groaned intelligently.Noe: Ng!
> "Ryo-chan!" Ryoko blinked.Xach: They're STILL signaling things with their eyes?
> "I must really have been hit hard," the space > pirateTriad: Arr! Shiver me timbers, matey!
> said after a moment. "I could have sworn that > I just heard...." > "Fam, wait up! I'm not a kid anymore you damn > wiccan!"Noe: Yeah, damn Wiccans...
> "Oh great," Ryoko whined, then waved cheerfully. > "Hi mom."Dan: Has anyone told Washuu about this?
> Everybody looked at the cat girlNoe: Mmmmm... Catgirl... H_H
> in the white > outfit running down through the treesDan: Making a lot of holes.
> ahead of a woman > in her early thirties or late twenties, with untamed > purple hair. Then they looked back at Ryoko, who > seemed both older and much taller. > "That's your mother?" Tenchi asked, surprised. > "She seems so..." Ayeka started. > "Naive?" Ryoko asked. > "Ryo-chan!" Fam glomped onto her daughter. "Its > been so long!" > "Is that bounty hunter anywhere around?" Ihrie > asked, out of breath as she finally reached everybody > else. > "Does she mean Nagi?" Tenchi asked.[A second Triad sits down next to Zenith]
> "Mommm...I..caan't breathe," Ryoko gasped. > "Is it just me or have there been a lot of > coincidences recently?" Ranma asked.ALL: [sarcastic] Naaah.
> "Why do you seem familiar?" Ihrie asked Ayeka, > confused.Zenith: [Ayeka, teary-eyed] Have you forgotten? It was just one night, but...
> "Actually, I was about to ask you the same thing," > the princess said. "But when would a disreputable > creature like you ever be able to encounter a princess > of Jurai."Zenith: [gritting her teeth] I. Can't. Stand. Nobility. First against the wall they were, and good riddance...
> "You'd be amazed who hires mercenaries," Ihrie > said, glancing at Fam and Ryoko. "Besides it wasn't a > princess that we had problems with, just the Crown > Prince."Noe: Hoo boy...
> "What do you mean by that?" Ayeka asked. > "Yeah, what DO you mean by that?" Ryoko repeated. > "Ihrie!" Fam snapped surprised, releasing Ryoko. > "Oh shit...and I always thought Fam ran off her > mouth," Ihrie laughed once. "Ignore I just said > anything." > "Do you guys sense an incredible coincidence > happening," Tenchi asked.Xach: [Author] Quick, hide the plot! They're on to us!
> Akane and Ranma nodded, > Ryouga sat up, blinking. > "Well you, see," Fam said nervously. "Your father > is the Crown Prince of Jurai."Zenith: Meaning that... [counts on her fingers, then facepalmes] And I thought Yohko and Iako a was bad match.
> "Was, Fam," Ihrie reminded her. "By now he'd be > the king. Time travel is annoying."Triad: We'll see about that. [Fizzles out of existance.]
> "WHAT!!!" Ayeka and Ryoko face faulted. > ******************************************************* > "And now at last I can have the power to win my > Ranma-darling's heart! OHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"Zenith: OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!
> Kodachi yelled. "And the purpose of my ancestors will > finally be complete to throw in the bargain!!"Xach: Now how much would YOU pay?
> ~Its interesting that after all those bunglers that > tried to call my power,~ a demon lord pondered as it > waited to be released. ~That it would take marrying > into a family of demon hunters to finally fulfill my > release.Noe: I don't want to know.
>I'll have to thank the Manos before I kill them.~Triad [Yohko]: You're welcome!
> Family Trees - Chapter 8 > A Current MovedCyrus: Well, I'm less than 'moved' by this piece of claimed literature.
> > Warning and Disclaimer before: any guess as to when > the characters are going to find a way into the real > world to rip me to pieces...Dan: Warning and Disclaimer after: it was at 2:15 on Wednesday. Oh, God, the pain!
> Last Episode: The roving disaster areas collided, > Nabiki gave Ukyou and Leaf some private space to talk,Xach: She forgot to give them oxygen to go with the space, though. It ended kinda messy.
> she then decides to blackmail Kiyone a little. Fam > and Ihrie tell Ryoko about her father. And virtually > everybody else is about to hit the Shrine.Dan: What did the Shrine ever do to them?
> ------------------------------------------------------- > > "This is driving me CRAZY!!"Xach: KERRRRRRAZY!
> Akane shouted. Then > she turned back to look between Ihrie and Ayeka.Kyo: Who, in turn, wondered what she was looking at.
> "Every since I got here I've had this feelingZenith: ...feeling of love... ahaha.
> I shouldTriad: Kill it and everyone in this story.
> know you and that green haired lady back there, and > now YOU show up." > "Well, she does sort of act like Kodachi," > Ranma-chan noted. > "Like that...that..arrogant...lunatic?" Ayeka > sputtered in rage.Cyrus: Funny, I'd never have taken her for being a Garou...
> "Certainly seems to fit you, Sis," Ryoko smirked. > "You be quiet!" > "We REALLY shouldn't have said anything, Ihrie,"Triad: [Fam] If you can't say anything nice then don't say anything at all.
> Fam noted. ~Wow, for once I'M the responsible one.~Dan: And at that moment, P-chan flew by on wings of gossamer.
> "I know, I know," Ihrie practically growled. > "Even if that's how SHE'S familiar, how about > Makibi-san, or her? I mean until now I only got this > feeling from Nabiki!"Zenith: That's your libido speaking, dear. You're just being a randy monkey.
> "Don't ask me," Ihrie said. "Last time I felt > anything like it was with an old love interest."ALL: ...
> "That Ashram person right?" Ryoko froze letting > people pass her for a moment. > "Is something wrong, Ryoko?" Tenchi asked. > "Yeah, Oneechan," Sasami noted. "You just turned > white as a sheet."Triad: Been going a bit heavy on the bleach, Ryoko?
> "Sasami! She is NOT our sister!!"Kyo: [Ryoko as Darth Vader] Search your feelings... you know I'm true. I AM your sister.
> "Umm...that cat-girl," now Ranma stopped and took a > good look at Fam, before taking off[Noe, Xach and Kyo lean forward]
> at a run down the hill.Noe: ...Damn.
> Ryouga laughed nervously as Akane glared at > him. "Heh, imagine that, and I thought he'd already > noticed."Xach: [Ryouga] I mean, anyone can see she's been replaced with Folger's Crystals.
> "I'm sure," Akane left to chase after Ranma. "Get > back here you baka!! She's NOT a cat!"Kyo: No, she's a lot more fun.
> Everybody looked at Ryouga for a moment. > "Ranma's afraid of cats," he snickered viciously. > "Ohhhhh kay," and they turned back to staring at > Ryoko. > "Do you know Ashram, Ryo-chan?" Fam asked. > "Tall, serious, dark-hair?"Zenith & Triad: Yes, please!
> "Yeah," Ihrie said, nervously. "Why?" > "Do you know where he is now." > "Well, he just sort of left one day, don't know > where to. He took the news that my father was some > kind of demon pretty hard," Ryoko took a look at her > hair for a moment.Dan [Ashram]: Parn! Parn! Hey, it's me, Ashram! You really don't like me, right? If I were to give you the opportunity to kill me, you'd do it, right?
******************************************************* > One his way to the shrine, Xellos suddenly felt > VERY nervous.Kyo: [Xellos] Man, if I don't find my trig notes...
> ******************************************************* > "I don't have that much money," Kiyone protested. > "Oh, please I just wanted to see you squirm,"Zenith: Odd request, but I've catered to weirder than that.
> Nabiki snickered. "Still a little information here > and there would be useful." > "Like what?"Dan [Nabiki]: Where are the Galaxy Police radar traps? I just got my license and Daddy would be really mad if I got a ticket.
> "Like the name of anybody that's every crossed > paths with Genma Saotome, or at least any recorded > encounter." > "Deal," Kiyone agreed, with the Yagami's computersDan: Wow, Iori's gone corporate?
> that would be easy to find. She imagined her mother'sXach: This is so full of innuendo, it's not even funny.
> reaction to finding out that her daughter had > inherited "Dad's" roaming eye.Xach: One of my bloods had a roaming eye. It kept ending up behind the couch...
> "Ugh, what hit me?" Nabiki and Kiyone turned to > Jiro Kuonji pulling himself up from his enforced nap. > "According to reports you pissed off the walking > earthquake and then took a swan dive into Kiyone > here," Nabiki said simply. > "Uhh," he tried to consider this. "Did you see a > brown haired girl with pointy ears..." > "Your wife and daughter are in a dimensional pocket > discussing matters," Kiyone explained hostilely, after > all this guy had missed Mihoshi and bowled into her.Triad: [Kiyone] Or they should be if they had any air...
> ~Not bad looking for an older guy though, hmmm.~Dan: ...
> "Oh that guy is awake!!!" Mihoshi yelled loudly.Kyo: Yes, indeed! Yelling is rarely soundless! [facepalms] D'oh!
> She bounced over and stuck her face into Jiro's. > "Hey, do you know what the name of the guy that thew > you was?" > "Uh...Ryouga.." he said. > "YATTA!!" Mihoshi yelled happily, jumping up down > happily. "Hey Kiyone!! You can meet my brother!! > OooCyrus: Behold, a mutant emoticon.
> I wonder if A-Ko is here too!!" Kiyone sweatdropped. > ~Mihoshi's family??~ Kiyone wondered what she had > down in herZenith: ...pants. It felt furry, and distinctively... slithery.
> previous life to deserve this. > "Ah HA!!" Nabiki turned to the diminuitive pink > haired scientist that had seemingly appeared out of > nowhere. "I found that anomaly." A surprised > half-elf, quarter-elf fell out of thin air as Washu > typed on her console. > "Hey! They paid me for that!" Nabiki said as the > elf-bloods disappeared again. > "That pocket is messing up my calculations!" > Mother and daughter popped into existence.Xach: Pop goes the weasel!
> "People expect to get what they pay for!" Leaf andZenith: Oh yes, they do. They certainly do.
> Ukyou popped out again. > "You compare money to scientific discovery?!?" > "I made a deal, and I'm HOLDING that deal!"Zenith: And that, friends and foes, is the unyielding rule.
> Kiyone, Mihoshi, and Jiro watched as Ukyou and Leaf > kept appearing and disappearing with hardly a time to > get a word in. > "QUIT IT!!!" Leaf and Ukyou shouted at once over > several pops.Triad: They cloned Genma? AAAAAH!
> "You two are pathetic." Most people didn't noticeXach: The aspects of feet. There's more than meets the eye.
> the phrase, but Kiyone and Nabiki, feeling a now VERY > familiar sensation, both turned in the direction and > groaned. Nabiki's distraction resulted in a fuming > pair of girls about reading to tear into Washu and > Nabiki.Kyo: MAH GOD! THE CARNAGE!
> ******************************************************* > Xellos suddenly felt irrationally paranoid, almost > as if some cosmic force were out to get him.Dan: The Goddess of Destruction, baby?
******************************************************* > "Umm, Ihrie, you didn't sleep with him or anything > did you?" TenchiDan: [tapping his finger] Did someone white-out parts of the fic or something?
> "Ryoko that's a rather rude question."Kyo: And that requires a rather rude answer, doesn't it?
> "Oh please Lord Tenchi, as if she knows ANYTHING > about social graces." > "What's going on?" Ryouga scratched his head, butZenith: [Ihrie] You've got dandruff there.
> decided not to go off anywhere since he'd probably > just get lost. > "NO, I did not sleep with him, not that it is anyTriad: ...improvement.
> of your business," Ihrie said. > "Your father wouldn't happen to be Xellos > Metallium," Ryoko asked, ignoring the looks she was > getting. "Would he." Ihrie suddenly felt a little > scared. > "Yes," Ihrie said nervously. "Why?"Zenith: [Ryoko] Rat bastard owes me money.
> "Metallium-sama?" Ayeka blinked. "He was a friend > of my mother's." Ihrie and Ryoko took a moment to > look at Ayeka, and then nodded.Dan: [Ryoko] No doubt about it. It has to be butter.
> "Suddenly the hair makes sense," Ryoko mumbled. > Then she blushed and turned back to Ihrie. "Well > isn't it funny what travelling over time and > dimensions can cause."Xach: Lady, you don't know the half of it. I mean, you go back in time, you kill one little archbishop, and all of a sudden, everybody gets all pissed. Jeez...
> "No its not," Tenchi put in, remembering his own > experiences with alternate universes. > "What is it Ryoko," Ihrie asked angrily. > "You shouldn't be mean to Ryo-chan, Ihrie!" Fam > retorted innocently. > "Well, you see, Ashram is my son," Ryoko started, > pointing her fingers together.[Zenith takes out a notepad and scribbles furiously]
> "IHRIE!!" Fam's voice reached painful tones. "That > was my GRANDSON you were flirting with?"[Zenith sighs and shreds the paper]
> "Ah HA!!" Ayeka pointed. "You see what kind of > woman she is Tenchi, she's just not fit for you! > There is NO way this demon woman is blood of Jurai." > "Ayeka," Tenchi said wearily. "Not right now." > "Ah Akane, I was almost back to house anyway!" > Ranma-chan's voice whined. > "You are going to stay here and be polite to your > cousin's girlfriend's mother!" The surprising thing > was that Akane didn't find that an awkward statement.Dan: She's desensitized.
> "Ranma no Baka!!" > "But she's a c-c-c-c-c..." > *THWACK* > "Oww!" > "I'm sorry, did we miss anything?" Akane asked > sweetly as the Tenchi crew, Fam and Ihrie all blinked > at her. > "The scarred girl was dating the silver-haired > girl's son." > "Oh, so?" > "It gets worse," Ryoko said, nervously. Everybody > looked at her. "Ashram's father is Xellos Metallium." > Ihrie turned green and really silent for a moment.Triad: AGH!
> ******************************************************* > "MY FATHER IS A DEAD DEMON!!!!!!!!" > Xellos was not certain he had actually heard that, > but it made him nervous anyway. > ******************************************************* > "Anybody you know?" Nabiki asked, as everybody > turned to the shout. They had been talking to the > three exorcists about one Kodachi Kuno when the shout > rang out.Xach: [Lurch] YoU rANg?
> "Nope, that's a new voice," Kiyone said. "I wonder > what the purple-haired breeding program left behind > this time."Zenith: Oh, shut up. [brushes back her own purple hair]
> The green-haired woman had her shoulder grabbed andTriad: [green-haired woman] My shoulder! Come back with it, you lousy thief!
> she was twisted about to look at a snap shot. The > angry twin was holding it and looking down with barely > restrained anger. Kiyone sweatdropped while Nabiki > shrugged. > "Oh, we recognized what you two were when hit the > top of the stairs," Nabiki said.Zenith: Scientiologists.
> "I'm Yohko's sister AND I'm half demon," IakoTriad: Aww, close...
> muttered. Then she did something she had never, in > her life of martial and supernatural discipline, ever > done.Cyrus: Read a book.
> She fainted.Kyo: Damn!
> Ayaka Kisaragi snatched the > picture as it drifted down and looked at it again. > "You know I thought he looked familiar," she said.Zenith: [Ayaka] This was the guy I bought the Tokyo Tower from!
> "My parents know him and his oath-bound, well wife I > guess." > "Hey, he's one of the top people on my ex's home > dimension!" Washu declared looking at the pic. > "I think its time to have a little family > discussion," Kiyone said to Nabiki. > "Unfortunately so," the younger girl sighed. "I > was hoping not to let Akane find out about this."Triad: [Nabiki] You know what she thinks about interdimensional rednecks.
> ******************************************************* > "So if you felt this familiar tug towards your > half-brother," Ranma's mouth was working him towards a > grave.Noe: My god! His mouth is possessed! Like that hand from the Evil Dead movies!
> "Why'd all three of you feel it towards each > other?" He looked around and realized he had just > said something stupid.Kyo: And that's honestly more perceptive of him than his origin lets on.
> Akane, Ayeka and Ihrie regarded each other > curiously. Ihrie had it pretty much figured out by > now, but the other two took a little longer. > "This has to be some cruel joke," Ayeka said. > "Well I can think of someone who can probably > answer some questions." > "Oh?" Ihrie asked. > "I as well," Ayeka noted. "Since I am thinking of > someone else that I've felt that same 'tug' as you > call it with before." > "NABIKI!!!""KIYONE!!!" And they as a crowd rushed > towards the shrine.Dan: ...so, is there anybody who isn't related to everybody else? I've lost track.
> Family Trees - Chapter 9 > Wind and Sea MixDan: I was hoping for the techno-house mix, myself.
> Warning and Disclaimer: don't take this too seriously and don't really own > any of these characters.Noe: OK we won't.
> Last Episode: Ayeka, Ihrie and Akane begin to figure out why they all > feel sort of familiar to each other. Ihrie finds out that her old > boyfriend wasDan: Kinky.
> Fam's grandson and her half-brother. The Manos discover thatNoe: Diet Pepsi doesn't taste like regular Pepsi.
> they're > half-demon. Ryouga is revealed as Mihoshi's brother. And Nabiki and WashuDan: Yoiko?
> have an argument over dimensional pockets.Zenith: Take your hands out of your dimensional pockets! It looks sloppy.
> ******************************************************* > "What's the matter Skuld?" Urd asked her rather frantic sister. The > younger goddess looked up from her scanner. > "LOOK AT THIS!! There are multiple time-distortions all in one place!![All starts shuffling nervously]
> How did this happen?" Urd took a moment to look and then put her own > powersXach: In one basket.
> to the test.Kyo: But she failed, and had to take history all over.
> "Oh, that explains it," Urd said finally. Skuld looked at her sister > questionably. "Sis's great-grandaughters."Dan: I can't say I like the look of that look.
> "Oh please," Skuld sniffed. "Her grandaughter wasn't even born on this > world, besides aside from this Keiichi person you want to hook her up > with she hasn't had a boyfriend in millennia. If her relatives really > really were here there'd be..." Skuld looked at her scanner and slumped. > "Multiple time-distortions all in one place?" Urd smirked.Zenith: [Urd] Ha! Gotcha!
> "Okay, Okay, but THESE three have been here all their lives," Skuld > pointed out. "And they haven't set off any of my scanners....well two of > them are half-mazoku, but that's a different story...Noe: With some luck, one we won't have to read.
> and what about them and that half-elf!?!"Cyrus: I've heard they're part of an invading alien fleet.
> She looked at her scanners a little longer. "HOW MANY > HALF MAZOKU ARE ON THIS PLANET!??!? SAIYAN?!? They haven't even evolved > yet!!! ARRGGG!!!"Cyrus: Good God! She's frenzying!
> Urd was unsuccessfully trying to hold in her laughter. This whole set up > was well worthZenith: the $300 she paid for it. Or so the salesperson said...
> the look on her youngest sister's face. > "Oh my," Urd stopped laughing and turned to face her sister. "Perhaps we > should pay them a visit."Zenith: Perhaps you should pay the audience for sitting through this sludge.
> ******************************************************* > While Nabiki and that green-haired woman were talking to the three > exorcists,Noe & Kyo:[exorcists] The power of Christ compels you! The power of Christ compels you!
>Ukyou and her mother had their own discussion. Jiro sat off to > the side looking rather nervous and annoyed. > "You mean I could stay young FOREVER?"Dan: o/Forever young, I wanna be forever young... o/
> Ukyou asked, her eyes began take on the appearance of stars.Noe: They soon grew several billion miles wide, and immediately incinerated the planet. The end.
> "Hey, this is not as great as it might seem!" Leaf snapped. > "What could be bad about living forever?" Ukyou asked, confused. Leaf > sighed expressively.Kyo: [Leaf] For starters, it'll cost your soul...
> "Well there is the tendency to outlive many of the people you care about,"Zenith: Hmm... on the other hand, you'd be able to outlive many of the people you just can't stand. I'd say it evens out.
> both turned to look at Nodoka and blinked. > "Err, how would you know what that's like?" Leaf asked, confused.Cyrus: [Nodoka] Duh. Haven't you seen "Highlander"?
> "Oh, I'm about three hundred years old," Nodoka said serenly. Ukyou face > faulted, while Leaf tried to figure out what she was. "I'm Father's > oldest child you see, at least as far as I know."Zenith: [Nodoka] I'm really ignorant. I don't know why.
> "How!?" both demanded at once.Kyo: [Nodoka] Well, one night, daddy loved mommy a lot... OW!
> "The power of Jurai,"Noe & Kyo: [exorcists] The power of Jurai compels you! The power of Jurai... [Both get dropkicked by Cyrus and Dan respectively]
> a new voice said. Leaf irritably turned to face the > older man. "It keeps our people young for a long time,Triad: Like Oil of Olay, only without the smell.
> I myself have been > around for several thousand years, and been on Earth for a little over > eight hundred years."Xach: [Older man] I'm hiding. They found out I wrote "Zentraedi just want to have fun".
> "Okay, I'm glad to meet another few long-lived people, but this is a > family thing so SHEW!!" Leaf waved the intelopers away doing her best toDan: Really big shew.
> ignore the amused looks on their faces. She turned back to see her > daughter smirking conspiratorily.Kyo: [Ukyou] Wait 'til they find out I blew up the house.
> "That means all I have to do is outlive Akane! If that's Ranchan's mother > and grandfather he could live practically forever too!"Zenith: One-track mind?
> ~Great, I wonder if she'll by able to hear the other consequences now.~ > Leaf sighed expressively, this was going to take longer than she thought. > Privacy would be nice but she was not about to trust that greedy girl > again.Cyrus: I share that sentiment. [looks at Zenith]
> Even supposing her intentions were good.Cyrus: The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
> ******************************************************* > After being shewed away by the irritated half-elf, Nodoka walked over and > stared at Jiro Kuonji.Dan: So much for the well-mannered Nodoka we all knew and loved.
> Having been on the recieving end of a lot of abuse > lately this made him very nervous.Xach: Work a little harder on improving your low self-esteem, you stupid freak.
> "You are Ukyou's father then?" she asked.Kyo: [Jiro] No, I'm Batman.
> "Uh yes," he shifted nervously, aware that this was how a lot of badDan: Fanfics began.
> things had started recently. > "So I assume you met my husband through the children." > "Well, actually no," he said, sweatdropping. "We both were taking thisZenith: [Jiro] Box of dinner bagels, and neither wanted to let go.
> class on parenting and ethics, I guess Ukyou and Ranma started theirNoe: Blood ritual to the pagan gods.
> friendship while waiting around for us." > "Parenting and ethics?" Nodoka blinked. "He took a class and still turned > out as hideous a parent as that?"Cyrus: I wouldn't be surprised if he skipped class.
> "Considering my wife's reactions I'm beginning to think I didn't quite > soak all the information either."Dan: Fortunately, the teacher was only doing 2d6 of damage.
> "What was the name of this class?" > "Parenting and Ethics, like I said," Jiro hmphed in frustration at the > obtuseness of women. "The instructor's life has even been made into an > American sitcom." > "Oh really, and what is this instructor's name?" Nodoka asked, curious. > "Al Bundy, I think," the elder Kuonji shrugged.[Massive facefaults abound.]
> "By the way," Nodoka arranged her kimono momentarily. "You are aware that > Genma is Ranma's stepfather, are you not?" > "No," he said slowly, looking at her nervously. "Why do you bring that > up?"Noe: [Nodoka] Kimch'i breakfast. *burp* Sorry.
> "Well, you see the only engagements Ranma really has an obligation to > uphold are those that I agreed to," she noted. "And I believe that the > only one I was aware of until recently was the Tendo agreement. You see > I left myZenith: [singing] ...heart in San Fransisco, but I left my legs in New Orleans...
> son's martial arts training up to my husband, but I kept control > otherwise." > Jiro blinked for a moment. > "SAOTOME MUST DIE!!!!"Dan: You know, both Genma and Ranma seem to get that a lot...
>******************************************************* > "Nabiki!!" the named person turned to see her sister stalking out of theDan: Now, now. Paragraphs are our friends.
> woods. Following her were the princess, and a third girl, who, surprise, > surprise, felt familiar.Noe: They, too, had no names.
> Behind them came virtually everybody else, aside from Ranma, Sasami > and Ryouga.Triad: They were busy hiding their names in the cellar.
> However, the occaisional, "Ryouga-san you're > going the wrong way," or "THAT WAY STUPID!!" could be heard. > "Detective Kiyone! You know something about all this I know you do!!"Triad: [Kiyone] I do?
> "Yohko Mano," Nabiki said dryly to the demon-hunter that was still > trying > to wake up her sister.Xach: She should try the Snowhite method.
> "Meet more of your sisters." > "Huh?" Yohko blinked letting Iako's head fall back to the ground.Noe: *THUMP!*
> The > more serious demon hunter woke up and snatched Yohko down to face her.Triad: Then she kissed her full on the lips and shot her.
> "Let's find the Kuno and get out of here," she growled. > "In case you're interested," Kiyone said as the crowd began to approachKyo: With torches and pitchforks.
> them. "Our father is supposed to be here with my mother to visit in a > little while." > "In that case we can probably stay a little while longer," Iako said with > a vicious smile that drew sweatdrops from Yohko and Kiyone.Xach: I got a pair of sweatdrops, what do you have?
> "Okay, ONE of you two has got to know what's going on here," Akane > snapped. "You've been getting along well since we got here!"Triad: [Akane] This is anime! You're supposed to beat the snot out of each other for little or no reason! So get a grudge running NOW!
> "Yes, Detective Kiyone, almost like you know each other from somewhere," > Ayeka put in. Nabiki and Kiyone glanced at each other. Kiyone sighed > expressively and hesitantly handed Nabiki a wad of cash. > "Well, Akane, you see Mother....had an affair," Nabiki said quietly. > "We're not Daddy's children, not genetically at least." > "WHAT!!?" Akane blinked.Xach: She's got the loudest eyelids in the entire district.
> "Finally got here," Ranma muttered as he and Sasami guided Ryouga into > the courtyard. Upon hearing Akane's shout he and Ryouga leaped over.Zenith: Hop, hop, hop! [giggles]
> "What's going..."Triad: [singing] ...on?
> "RYOUGA-CHAN!!" Ryouga barely had time to register the voice before he > was glomped. "I'm so HAPPY to see you again!!" > "AGGG!! Mihoshi??" Ryouga sputtered, trying to breathe. "You're crushing > me, could you calm down please?" Everybody paused a moment to watch,Triad: [Akane] Sadism is fun!
> Ranma > and Akane's jaw dropped. Somebody was squeezing Ryouga hard enough to > cause pain. > "But I like my hair blonde," Mihoshi whined.Kyo: Coming up next is Mihoshi, in "Natural Blonde Killers".
> "Hurts, hurts, calm..." > "Well, okay, if you really want me to," Mihoshi released a breathXach: [Mihoshi] Fly free, little breath! Fly free!
> almost > like a spoiled child who is reluctantly doing what she is told. She let > Ryouga go, and calmed down. All the Tenchi group jumped as Mihoshi's > blonde hair darkened to black. The Nerimans just looked to where Ryouga > was trying to get his breath back.Triad: [confused] So Mihoshi took Ryouga's breath and released it into the wild?
> "Damn, she's strong," Ranma muttered. > "I like blonde hair," Mihoshi whined holding her hair in front of her > face. > "What just happened?" Kiyone asked, everybody was distracted from the > former discussion. Washu did some quick calculations. > "Hey, its gone!"Noe: No, it's in her sleeve.
> "What's gone," Tenchi asked, blinking. > "That energy field around Mihoshi," Washu explained. "The one that I > always attributed some of her clumsiness to."Triad: Have you checked under the seat cushions? All my energy fields keep ending up there.
> "Oh please, like everything that idiot does can be explained by some > energy field," Kiyone noted. > "I did say SOME, not all, or even MOST," Washu noted. "This is > interesting." > "Its not fair, me and A-Ko are the fighters," Ryouga grumbled. "And that > ditz figures it out first?!"Dan: Well, I'd put her and Goku on a similar mental level.
> "Come on girls," Nabiki noted. "Shows over and we have our own problemsNoe: Do you ever.
> to attend to." She waved over the various girls. "You come too, Ranma, > this has to do with you."Zenith: [Nabiki] You're going to get made into spam.
> "I think Ryoko and Fam should come as well," Ihrie noted. > "Umm why?" Kiyone asked suddenly nervous. > "Because Fam is Ryoko's mother," Ihrie explained. "And Ryoko had a kid > with on Xellos Metallium." Kiyone turned a slight shade of green, Nabiki > noticed. > "Problem, sis?" > "Great, of all the things I didn't want to share with Dad," Kiyone > muttered.All: ...
> "KIYONE!!" Ryoko shouted as everybody looked at her wide-eyed. Nabiki > and Ayeka smirked. > "Oops, uh, sorry Ryoko," Kiyone laughed, embarrassed. > "It was one time!" Ryoko protested. "I was drunk around Jupiter and she > pulled me over. Next thing I know I wake up next to her."Xach: Oh, yeah. Happens all the time, ain't it right, (V)ajin? [nudges Cyrus]
> "You forgot about karaoke night with me and Mihoshi," Kiyone noted, > enjoying the teasing now that she could do a little. ~Well if one story > is out its all coming out.~ > "Ryo-Chan!" Fam gasped.Zenith: [Fam] OXYGEN!
> "You, and Kiyone?" Tenchi blinked. > "Oh come on, Tenchi," Kiyone said. "You know I can pretty persuasive, > something a picked up from dad." > "LORD TENCHI!!?"Triad: [Ayeka] How could you! And you didn't invite ME?!
> "Incidentally, that duplication trick of hers is great." Ryoko blushed > with the renewed attention. "Though Washu has some...interesting skills > as well."Cyrus: ...I can never watch this show again.
> "What about Ayeka," Ryoko asked, noticing that the princess hadn't been > mentioned yet. > "What are you implying Ryoko!?" Ayeka snapped.Xach: [Ryoko] Baby, I've been sleeping with your sister.
> "Hey, I'm a blood relation of Ayeka's," Kiyone said. Everybody blinked at > her. "Well, I think so anyway." > "No you are not!!" Ayeka snapped. > "So who haven't you slept with?" Tenchi asked, trying to recover from the > relevations. > "Sasami and Ayeka," Kiyone admitted. Everybody turned to look at Yosho > and Nobuyuki who were standing a ways back. "Sasami's way to young."Triad: ...Like that'll stop you?
> "I could give you a longer list," Nabiki added dryly, remembering nights > in a stable trying to escape the noise.Cyrus: That's a lot of effort to just avoid a web page.
> "Wait a minute," Tenchi said, sort of green. "Why are you so disgusted by > sleeping with the same person as your father, and then go around with MY > family?"Cyrus: Wait, if she's blood related to Aeka, shouldn't she be blood related to Tenchi, Sasami, Nobuyuki, and Yosho as well?
> "I won't be imagining you three as my mother when I go to sleep tonight," > Kiyone noted. Ryoko thought about that a moment and turned green. > "As you can see," Nabiki coughed. "Our sister Kiyone has inherited some > of Daddy's....habits."Dan: I see the author thinks well of Kiyone.
> "If Yohko had more courage," Iako noted snidely. "She'd have a fairly > long list as well." > "I refuse to believe that I can be related to such a...a...hussy!" Ayeka > snapped. > "You are," Washu said, revealing a few scans. "The seven of you are allCyrus: [Washu] Republicans.
> at least half-sister to each other." > "Wait a minute," Ranma said. "If you're not really Soun's daughter, thenZenith: You must be...
> the Tendo promise doesn't apply to you!" > "You're HAPPY about that baka!?" Akane shouted. > "Don't you see," Ranma said. "We can get married now because we want > to...not because of some STUPID agreement." Akane blinked. > "You're right!" Nabiki looked on in mild shock as Akane and Ranma jumped > up and down happily. "It's OUR decision now!!" This she hadn't expected.Dan: Wow. Ranma and Akane are really in love with each other and decide to get married on their own. That sure doesn't happen often in fanfiction.
Stinger: