<b> This is for my girl Mandy. You know where it came from. I love ya hun! Get better soon!! For those that don’t know how this story came about, I saw a picture of Jeff Hardy dancing at the opening of the WWF Café from Sunday Night Heat on their official website <a href="http://www.mattandjeffhardy.com">Matt and Jeff Hardy.com</a> and I showed it to Mandy (who I suspect had already seen it) and she mentioned he looked like a dancer.. soooo I got inspired to write. Lucky yous!! Without further ado.. FFFFIIIINNNAALLLLYY!!!!!! The TYG!! has returned to story writing for BCE!!</b>

"Waitress!! Another round over here!" came the squawk from the biggest woman at a table of already drunk female business execs.

"Mandy! Get on that!" shouted a woman from a small room just off of the bar.

Mandy sighed and called that she would just be another minute as she placed three drinks on table 4. "Here ya go Tyg, Gin." She sighed and placed her drink on a napkin, hoping the ice would keep the Coke cold. "Just a sec girls, looks like I won’t be getting my break after all."

Melissa nodded and watched her friend go as she nursed her Sombrero. "Poor Manda.. where is all the help tonight?!"

Gin shrugged and sipped her Screwdriver. "No idea, but I tell ya.. that witch has been eyeing her all night. What the hell is her problem anyway? Its not like there are a lot of people here, us and them. At least Mandy came in, not like her other good for nothing help. Good thing it’s a slow night."

Mandy returned to the table, pulled a chair over from an empty table three and sat down. "I can’t believe its so dead and Odessa is still on my ass. Ya know, its her damn club, you’d think she could chip in a hand or two when the rest of the sluts that work here call out so her one faithful worker could take a friggin break!"

"Whoa hun, calm down," Melissa soothed gently. "You’re right.. she is a bitch, but she has good taste and pays real well."

Gin nodded. "No kiddin good taste! Who’s that new bouncer?"

Mandy shrugged. "Haven’t seen him."

Gin motioned her head towards the door. "That hottie standing just inside the door of the club, you didn’t SEE him? Poor baby, it must be cold outside."

Mandy looked. "Oh right! Damn, can’t believe I forgot. That’s Raven, real name Scott. He’s some sort of cousin of Odessa’s and apparently, he is hands off for the ‘help’"

Gin quirked an eyebrow, the ring shooting up as well. "He hands off for good paying customers too?"

Mandy smirked. "Can’t see how she can stop ya!"

The girls shared a laugh as another group of women came in and sat at table 1. Melissa looked up. "Hey Manda? Is that your table too?"

Mandy looked behind her and sighed. "Shut up, Tyg." Melissa chuckled and took another sip of the cream and kahlua combination. "Don’t drink that too fast now, you don’t want to over do it."

Melissa narrowed her eyes at Mandy. "Funny."

The owner of The Golden Star slammed her fist down on the table, startling the girls. "TOSH! I don’t pay you to sit and gab with buddies. You have some customers, I suggest you get to work."

"Yes, Odessa." Mandy sneered and got up. "Watch my drink girls, time to go make some friends."

Melissa and Gin smiled half heartedly and shot the cranky Odessa a look of contempt. "What a bitch. Can’t let the girl have a break for five seconds."

Melissa nodded in agreement and sat back. "Did Manda say who’s on tonight?"

Gin drew circles around the rim of her glass with her fingertip as she eyed the bouncer. "Umm, no, I think she said there were some new acts coming in. Something about Odessa wanting to make every Wednesday audition night, starting now." She shrugged. "She should hire more help, not more dancers."

"Yeah, she should. But some new blood can’t be that bad. The guys were getting boring anyway. I don’t know about you but I’m tired of watching Adam crawl across the floor, bite down and steal some chick’s napkin from under her drink. It gets old, ya know."

Gin nodded. "And the fact that his tongue stopped visiting your mouth and began taking residence in some other girl’s mouth has nothing to do with how old it got?"

Melissa frowned. "Yeah well, Adam was the last one. No more strippers! I can’t continue counting on The Golden Star for my love life."

Mandy sighed and plopped down hard on her chair. "I can’t stand it. I swear I am about to tell Raven to lock the door and not let anyone else in."

"So, new acts tonight, Manda?" Melissa tried to change the subject.

"Um, yeah, Odessa says they’re brothers."

"Seen em yet?"

"Nope! But I’m not into the whole brother’s thing so I don’t think I want to see them."

There was some feedback noise as Odessa climbed on stage with her golden microphone. "Ladies!! Tonight we have a special treat for you!"

"I wanna see the teeth guy!" A woman from the table of business execs called out.

"Sorry Miss, he didn’t show. In fact, none of our regular acts showed tonight, must be the snow." There was some groaning as the table of newcomers started to get up to leave. "But wait! Ladies! We have two new acts tonight! These guys are from down south and just dying to perform for yas! First a show together, then separately where you can show them your appreciation! Please welcome… The Hardy Brothers!"

The women at table 1 sat down as the lights went out and Odessa got off the stage. Two tall men entered from either side of the stage facing each other and stood with their hat covered heads bowed and their hands folded. An electric rumbling began as blue and red lights strobed across the hard bodies covered in solid black clothing. More lights came on as the guys slowly raised their heads with the music to look up at each other. A blast from a guitar had their heads turn quickly and look sightlessly into the not so crowded club. The guys stepped to the side, their whole bodies facing the audience and one of them threw off his hat and tossed it to the end of the stage. The one still wearing his hair tucked up in the hat took a seat backwards on an old saloon chair and watched his dark haired partner slide down the stage on his knees and buck his body upwards to the pounding beat of their music.

Melissa’s mouth dropped open and Gin leaned over. "Remember Tyggy, Adam was the last one."

Mandy smirked, overhearing her friend’s exchange and ducked down herself. "But look at that hard lean body girls! Can’t wait to see what he’s got for us!" The man onstage jumped to his feet and rocked from side to side before crossing his arms over his chest and pulling his shirt off quickly. "Close your mouth, Tyggy, you might catch something."

Melissa closed her mouth in reflex and swallowed as her eyes devoured the hard body moving with rhythm to the music blasting over the sound system. He took a step down the stage and when the light hit him she noticed that his dark brown hair was streaked with blond like her own. He placed a booted leg on the chair beside a woman at the table with the female execs and jutted his hips out at them before coolly sliding his leg out of the boot. When he turned around he stepped out of the other one and padded over to table 1 in nothing but his dark black jeans. He straddled a chair and leaned back giving the women there the full effect of his taut muscles. He sprang out of his chair as quick as he had sat down and made his way across the club to Mandy, Melissa and Gin.

He smiled noticing Melissa’s adoring expression and urged her in a silent gesture to undo his jeans. When she shook her head no and got slapped by her friends in the process he shrugged and quickly undid the buttons of his button fly jeans giving the women a peek at the purple material beneath. He turned and moved back up to the stage turning quickly on his heels and pulled the hard denim from his body in a way that made it appear as though he ripped them at the seams. He buried his hands in his hair and slowly rolled his shoulders in circles, the purple thong glittering in the lights as the other man on stage got up behind him and pushed him to a sitting position as if to say "this is how its done."

Holding his hat to his head, his forearms and elbows covered his face as he concentrated on moving. The first performer pulled on the new guy’s shirt and tore it off leaving his upper half clad in a green mesh shirt. He spun on his heels and looked at the man who had pulled off his clothes and kicked his boots to him. He looked up then suddenly flipped backwards and landed on his feet just off of the stage, multicolored hair of purple, yellow, blue and red spilled out as his hat landed on the floor by Mandy’s feet.

Mandy gasped as the acrobatic one smiled to his partner on stage then turned his attention to her and dropped to his knees next to her retrieving the hat. He jumped to his feet and put the hat on her head before turning and dancing over to the other two tables.

Melissa and Gin smirked at the "usually unmoved by the dancers" Mandy. "His hair is different colors!" Mandy hissed as he climbed back onstage having lost his mesh shirt at one of the other tables. He ran his hands through his hair and then let them slowly slide down his body as his hips jumped with each chord of the music. Mandy never took her eyes off of him as he carefully unzipped and seemed to slither out of his jeans. He turned his attention back to her table as the music began to die down but not before letting his body go almost limp as his pelvis undulated to the last pulses of the beat.

The lights went out as the club lights went back up and the stereo music came back on. Odessa got on stage. "Wasn’t that great?! First up with their solos will be your acrobatic gentleman Jeff then we’ll see if his brother Matt can top him. Stick around!" Odessa left the stage and tromped over to the table where Mandy was sitting. "What the hell do you think you’re doing, Mandy? Hands off the dancers!"

Mandy looked up, startled. "What?! I didn’t touch him, Odessa, what is your problem?"

Odessa snatched the hat from her head. "I’m talking about this! Their dances and shows aren’t for you, they’re for the paying customers."

Mandy snatched the hat back and pulled ten dollars from her pocket apron before taking it off and handing it to the owner of the club. "Then consider me a paying customer huney, cuz I just quit. Wait on your own damn tables. Here’s my cover and take the money for my drink from your apron. I don’t work here no more."

Odessa stood there, mouth agape, stunned. Her pride kept her from begging Mandy to reconsider, instead she huffed then turned on her heel screeching as she slammed the apron down behind the bar.

"Waitress! Another round over here!" Again the call of the burly woman at the table of execs.

Mandy couldn’t help it. "Odessa! You have customers!" She shouted before the three of them burst into giggles.

Odessa scowled. "RAVEN! Get her out of here! Get THEM out of here!" She screeched at the bouncer falling asleep by the door.

He looked up with a lazy expression on his face as he sauntered over to the table. He looked over the three girls as Gin winked at him. He smiled and winked back then pulled up a chair next to her and sat down. "My name is Scott, Odessa, and I’d really rather they stayed."

Odessa stomped her feet as the woman from the exec table called her again. "I AM NOT A WAITRESS! I OWN THIS DAMN CLUB!"

"Awww shuddap!" The drunk woman scolded. "We’re the ones that are gonna be paying those fine gentleman you have entertaining us tonight. They can make you a lot of money on a busy night but if we don’t give them something to come back to, you’ll be out in the cold with no talent. So I suggest you keep us customers happy and do yer friggin job."

"Ya know, for a drunk woman, she has a very good point," Gin pointed out to her friends. "Here, here!" She toasted as the women laughed back.

Scott looked up at the door in reflex as a handful of women came in shaking snow off of their clothing. They chose a table near the stage.

"Shouldn’t you go get their cover charges, Scott?" Mandy inquired.

Scott shrugged. "Fuck Odessa. Let em watch for free tonight. Hey ‘dess you got customers!" He called jovially towards the room behind the bar.

Odessa came stomping out of her room shooting Scott a look that practically screamed ‘traitor.’ She took their orders nearly slamming her book down in frustration as they hemmed and hawed and changed their minds several times. Just as she delivered their drinks and was about to go back to her room and shut the door table 1 summoned her and demanded she refresh their drinks as well.

Mandy couldn’t help but laugh as she figured the customers were now acting on purpose to piss off the cranky club owner. Turns out it was going to be a good night after all.

<b>Alright, I promised I would go back and finish all the stories I have left hanging this past year that I have been writing (my anniversary was last month, one year and still typing!) I started with this one, cuz, well, I was commanded to work on this one first. The Hardy brothers will be dancing to Eurythmics songs.. hehe.. you want him, Manda.. you got him.. Jeff Hardy is up first! Lyrics are from: http://www.vibber.dk/eurythmistan or something… the words and music belong to the Eurthymics and their production companies.. I don’t make anything for writing these stories… I just borrow. The Hardys belong to themselves… my girls are my girls.. Raven belongs to himself and all other characters are the figment of my demented imagination and any similarity to people imaginary or real past or present is entirely coincidental… yada, yada, yada.. don’t sue me.. its sooooo not worth it.</b>

The lights went down and the multicolored lights of the club came back on. The first cords of the song struck as Matt walked calmly on stage with a microphone. Tyg bit her lip.

"I’d like to introduce a very special friend of mine and Jeff’s. She also hails from North Carolina and she just wants to entertain you…. here is Jackie Hardy with "I Need A Man!" Then Matt disappeared, much to Tyg’s disappointment.

Mandy shot up in her seat and looked around the club at the faces of all the women. What was this? A woman was going to perform at a male strip club for women? Oh, this wasn’t going to go over well. She turned her gaze toward the stage as a shapely leg in a fishnet stocking and a thin spike heel showed itself between the curtains. She raised an eyebrow.

<I>I don't care if you won't
Talk to me
You know I'm not that kind of girl. </I>

Long, blood red fingernails wrapped around the curtain and tore it aside as the ‘woman’s’ lanky body pivoted and caressed the curtain.

<I>And I don't care if you won't
Walk with me
It don't give me such a thrill.</I>

The woman turned then, showing her whole body and began walking across the stage. Mandy nearly had to bite a hole in her hand to keep from laughing loudly as the woman faced the crowd. Wild, rainbow colored curls covered her face.

<I>And I don't care about the way you look
You should know I'm not impressed</I>

Mandy smiled as her eyes traveled the length of "Jackie’s" body. She was well endowed with plump breasts that seemed to push out against a tight purple lycra half-top. Her thin waist spanned out to wider hips, just molding every inch of her against a mini micro black leather skirt.

<I>'Cause there's just one thing
That I'm looking for
And he don't wear a dress.</I>

Mandy giggled and leaned over to her companions who still hadn’t quite caught on. "Nope, he’s wearing a skirt!"

Tyg, Gin and Scott’s mouth all dropped as "Jackie" strutted downstage and the lights shone on "her" face. It was now obvious that the woman who had emerged with bright blue eye shadow and horrendously long press on nails was, in fact, Jeff Hardy in drag.

<I>I need a man...
I need a man...

Baby baby baby</I>

He pumped his hips as the chorus coursed through the not so crowded room and the other women, no matter how drunk, had begun to catch on to his little game. He jumped off the stage, slowly peeling off his gloves as he came over and placed a high heel on the chair next to Mandy.

As he draped both gloves over her lap he slid his hand slowly up his legs to the beat of the next verse, acting it out as if just for Mandy.

<I>Don't you shave your legs
Don't you double comb your hair
Don't powder puff
Just leave it rough
I like your fingers bare.</I>

Jeff trailed his fingers lightly over her face and traced her lips, smiling brilliantly at her and winking. Just as she was about to reward him and stick some bills in his garter he pulled away and shook his head shimmying his gorgeous behind across to the other side of the room to thrill the woman over there.

<I>When the night comes down
I can turn it round
I can take you anywhere.
I don't need love
Forget that stuff
You know that I don't care

I need a man...</i>

The drunk women paid him handsomely and as the song neared it’s end he danced his way back to Mandy in just his garter, stockings and thong. Mandy nodded appreciatively and stuck a large bill into his garter. He smiled brilliantly at her and danced around the table. Gin crooked her finger and he bent to her ear. She whispered something to him and stuffed a bill into his thong. When he stood upright he nodded and grinned again, ear to ear, and walked back around to Mandy. Mandy eyed Gin just as Jeff pulled her chair out, with her on it and climbed over her lap. At each word he thrust his hips at Mandy and sang to her despite the whoops and hollers from all the club’s patrons.

<I>I need a man...

I don't need a heartbreaker
Fifty-faced trouble maker
Two timing time taker
Dirty little money maker
Muscle bound cheap skate
Low down woman hater
Triple crossing double dater
Yella bellied alligator... </I>

He bent then and kissed her lips. "Meet me later?" he mouthed. Her jaw dropped and her heart raced as she nodded silently, not trusting her voice to speak. He pushed back from her lap and climbed back onstage. He did cartwheels up the short stage and undulated against the pole there, never taking his eyes from Mandy’s.

<I>I don't care if you won't
Talk to me
You know I'm not that kind of girl.
And I don't care if you won't
Walk with me
It don't give me such a thrill.
And I don't care about the way you look
You should know I'm not impressed
'Cause there's just one thing
That I'm looking for
And he don't wear a dress.</I>

When the music ended Jeff had disappeared offstage and the lights came up again to reveal Mandy’s flushed face. "GIN!!" she hissed, "What did you say to him?"

Gin smiled her secret smile and leaned her head back against Scott, she had somehow wound up in his chair, in his lap. She shrugged, "Nothing! I just, might have suggested that it was your birthday and you needed some company."

"GIN!!"

"What?" she looked around innocently. "Alright, alright, all I did was I asked him to give you a lap dance…" she trailed off and Tyg knew she wasn’t through.

"And?" Tyg probed.

"And I mightamentionedthatitwasherbirthday" Gin mumbled, turning her head and burying her face against Scott’s chest, inhaling its leather scent.

Mandy giggled. "Gin, tell me you didn’t."

"Do you want me to lie?" Gin blinked innocently.

"Oh no," Mandy groaned. "I agreed to meet him later, what am I going to tell him?"

Gin giggled and tossed her ripped up napkin at Mandy as if it were confetti. "Happy Birthday toooooo yooooooouuuu." She shrugged and sipped her screwdriver. "I think you’ll think of something. Besides, I don’t think talking was on his mind after we all saw him poking out as he straddled you!"

The table broke into laughs as Mandy flopped her head down on the table. Tyg grinned and smiled at her friends. "If Jeff did it in drag," she thought to herself. "I can’t wait to see what Matt’s angle is going to be."

<center> To be continued…</center>

Any guesses?? LOL!

After some of the guffaws died down, Jeff stepped onto the stage, his press on nails gone but his face still made up very pretty. He wore no shirt but he had thrown on a pair of cowboy boots and tight black jeans. He took the microphone and returned the favor for his brother. "Alright ladies, one last act for the night… my brother.. "Missionary Man" Matt Hardy."

Tyg held her breath, not sure what to prepare for, unable to understand Jeff’s reference. The lights blinked off and when they came back on again Matt sat at a table, his head bowed, his body hidden by a long black robe Tyg found to be most disappointing. The second the music struck it occurred to her as she immediately recognized the song.

<I>Well I was born an original sinner.
I was borne from original sin.
And if I had a dollar bill
For all the things I've done
There'd be a mountain of money
Piled up to my chin...</I>

He turned his head to the crowd and the women at table 1 whooped for him as a white priest’s collar band peeked through around his neck.

<I>My mother told me good
My mother told me strong.
She said "be true to yourself
And you can't go wrong."
"But there's just one thing
That you must understand."
"You can fool with your brother -
But don't mess with a missionary man."</I>

Matt stood and gathered the robes and extremely large cross and shuffled down the runway. He jumped down the stairs and headed to and danced around the table of executives, peeking around each of them to look toward the other side of the room where he obviously held Tyg’s rapt attention.

<I>Don't mess with a missionary man.
Don't mess with a missionary man.

Well the missionary man
He's got God on his side.
He's got the saints and apostles
Backin' up from behind.</I>

Matt smiled as if just struck with a brilliant idea as he moon walked backwards towards the table of Gin, Tyg and Mandy in accordance with the words of the song. He danced around each woman, peeling the long robe off wearing only his cross and some black briefs. He stopped in front of Tygress and caught her eyes as he danced.

<I>Black eyed looks from those Bible books.
He's a man with a mission
Got a serious mind.</I>

Matt backed up a bit then dropped dramatically to his knees as he crawled toward her.

<I>There was a woman in the jungle
And a monkey on a tree.
The missionary man he was followin' me.
He said "stop what you're doing."
"Get down upon your knees."</I>

Matt straightened his back and leaned on his knees, tossing his head back as Tyg looked at him between her legs. She slid a large bill down his briefs and encountered a thong. Her eyes met his, puzzled, he nodded and it was somehow understood that as he stood she ripped the briefs exposing his thong. He glanced over his shoulder and squeezed his cheeks at her then jumped back onstage and out of view as the song came to an end.

<I>"I've got a message for you that you better believe."

Don't mess with a missionary man.
Don't mess with a missionary man.</I>

Tyg bit her lip and looked at her friends who were looking at her waiting for her reaction. "Gin? Does this make me a godless whore because I am thinking naughty things about a man of the cloth?"

Gin shook her head and tried to keep from giggling as Raven tickled her and she squirmed in his lap. "Friad not Tyggy… when he got done, he wasn’t wearing much cloth."

Mandy nodded. "True, but Tyg.. you ripped his underwear off!"

Tyg blushed and held up the shredded material still dangling from her finger. "Ohmigawd! I can’t believe I did that.."

<center> To Be Continued </center>

Be merciful… I have NO idea where I am going with this next!! Any ideas??