Yes, hello, this is Timmy Williams and I'm here with a simply smashing lady....Mrs. Nellie Air-Vent, mother of Boxer: Ken Clean Air-Systems. (crew takes rocking chair off of car) Nellie, it's simply smashing to have you here, really, lovely! I really enjoy your Naughty Bits.

Nellie: "Pardon?"

Timmy: "The board, Nellie's Naughty Bits"

Nellie: "Why, what's the matter with my naughty bits then?"

Timmy: "OH, get on with it!"

Timmy: "Nellie, just how long have you been luring unsuspecting, young men onto your boards ?

Nellie: "oh, not bloody long enough Timmy"

Timmy: "Tell us a little about yourself won't you? For example, I notice that you have lovely long black hair, and soul-searching brown eyes, and I adore your rosy complexion, but tell the audience something that they might not know.

Nellie: "Ooh, that's a toughie, Timmy. I usually don't like to talk about myself, but oh, you had to force me, Bloody Hell, stop twisting my arm, stop hitting me! thank you!….well, Timmy I came from England to Boston at age seven, and have stayed ever since.

Timmy: "Well that's bally boring! No give us juicy, gory details…Sex, woman! We want spicy information!(no pun intended). Some deep dark secrets. Anything to keep the people from going to another site…Hurry, they're leaving! Take off your clothes! no, wait..sorry, got carried away there.

Nellie: "oh, well, why didn't you say so! Well, I like long walks in the…ugh..boring. Well, I'm a musician, and I'll do anything for a man that can play the beginning of Roundabout on the guitar, and I've a strange attraction to short, balding men.

Timmy: "What are your ambitions?"

Nellie: "To have passionate, unbridled sex with Phil Collins, Dave Matthews & Sting in the same day, or all at once. Oh, and be a famous singer."

Timmy: "Well, that was a little more than I expected. Nellie, do you have any deep, dark secrets that you'd like to share?

Nellie: "Why yes, Timmy I do. I'm glad you asked. For example: I post in the nude, I sleep in the nude, I swim in the nude, and I bathe fully clothed."

Timmy: "You bathe fully clothed?"

Nellie: "Of course, I mean c'mon, what kind of exhibitionist do you think I am?"

Timmy: "Do you only like balding men?"

Nellie: "No, you idiot, I like all men, Now I'm off, I've got to buy some Semprini at the Chemists. Let me ask you one question Timmy.

Timmy: "Erm, ok"

Nellie: "How long is it?"

Timmy: "What?"

Nellie: "How long is it?

Timmy: "Well that's a rather personal question isn't it?"

Nellie: "No, you snot-faced, toffee-nosed, malodorous, heap of parrot-droppings! I meant how long has this interview been going on…I've got to run home and catch my show…The Amazing Kargol and Janet!"

Timmy: "Too bloody long if you ask me!

Nellie: "I just did you git! Why don't you stuff a pomelo up your....

CENSORS: NELLIE!!!!

Nellie: "I was going to say nose, really!"