Title:  You Were Mine
Author:  Celia Stanton
Email:  xfilesdiva@excite.com
Rating:  PG
Classification:  JAG Story, Romance, (Harm/Mac, Harm/Other), Angst
Spoilers:  General ones based on "Second Sight".
Disclaimer:  Harm and Mac and all other recognizable JAG characters do not belong to me.  ::sigh::  They're property of CBS and Donald P. Bellisario.  No infringement is intended, and Don honey, I always play nice, so hopefully Harm and Mac will come out of this (relatively) unscathed.  The song "You Were Mine" is copyrighted by the Dixie Chicks and can be found on their first album "Wide Open Spaces".

Summary:  What happens when the storybook ending fades?

Author's notes:  This is what happens when you: a) adore JAG; b) listen to too much country music; c) also watch the ABC drama "Once and Again"; d) read too many Harm/Mac romance stories on Ex Libris and e) are feeling angsty because of finals.
The timeline for this thing is kinda whacked (I'm an international relations major, not a math one) but in my happy little world, the year is 2009, Harm is 45 and Mac is 43.  They married in 2001 and separated 7 ½ years later.

More author's notes at the end!

Author's Thanks:  To the BSU gang (especially Goose) for keeping me laughing.  See you soon.  Oh, and Ryan—get ready for the music video.  <g>

Dedication:  To Maddie.
 

Sarah MacKenzie groaned as she rolled over to shut off her very loud—and very annoying—alarm clock.  She slowly opened one eye and faced the bright 6 o'clock sunshine.  She sat up slowly and waited, reveling in the silence before her morning visit.

 Sure enough, just as she had finished her thought, the door to her bedroom swung open and Sarah saw a head of brown curls stick tentatively in the room.  "Come on, you squirts, I'm awake."  Sarah said with laughter in her voice.

 The door swung open all the way and her seven-year-old daughter and 4 ½ year old son leapt on the bed for their morning hugs.  Sarah gathered them in her arms and held them for a few minutes until her son began to squirm.  Sarah let go of her daughter and pounced on her son, tickling him.  "Trying to get away from your mom, are you now?"

 His child laughter filled the room.  "Stop, Mommy!"  He finally cried.

Sarah sat up and said, "All right, troops!  We're late this morning.  Go make your beds.  Carrie, I want you to help your brother get dressed, okay?"

"Sure, Mommy."  The seven-year-old replied, taking her brother by the hand.

As they were leaving, Alexander looked up at his mother.  "Mommy, can we have waffles today for breakfast?"

Sarah pretended to think about it for a minute and then looked back down at her son.  His little blue eyes were huge in anticipation and when Sarah nodded, a huge grin broke out across his face.  "Thanks, Mommy!"  He squealed, and ran across to give his mother a hug.

Sarah held him to her and then separated. "Come on trooper.  Let's go get dressed, shall we?"

Carrie and Alex left Sarah alone, and she began getting ready to head off to work.  She wandered to her closet and pulled out her uniform.  After more years of being a Marine that she could count, she still secretly loved wearing her uniform.  She fingered the Brigadier General emblems on her uniform, remembering when she received her promotion and gave birth to Alexander all in one week.

Sarah took precisely 12 minutes and 34 seconds (her children adored her ability to tell time without a watch) to finish getting ready and headed downstairs to her kitchen.  Carrie was already seated with her bowl of cereal (she hated waffles) and Alexander was attempting to tie his shoes.

Sarah headed to the freezer and took out Alex's favorite breakfast in "the whole wide world" and popped two in the toaster.  She began to empty the dishwasher from its load the night before when Alexander's cry of "Mommy!"  broke her reverie.

Sarah hurriedly looked over to where her triumphant young son was standing in the breakfast nook. He pointed to his feet and proclaimed, "I tied them all by myself!"

Carrie leapt down from the table to give her younger brother a hug.  Sarah joined the party.  "Alex, I'm so proud of you!  Wonderful job!"  Sarah said, beaming at her baby.

Alex looked up at his mother and said, "Can I call Dad and tell him?"

Only Carrie noticed when her mother started just a bit.  "Alex, we're going to be seeing him this afternoon, remember?  You can tell him when he picks us up."  She replied before her mother could.

"Oh yeah.  It's Wednesday."

Sarah watched the exchange between her two children and said, "Alex, honey, if you want to call your father, you can."

"No, it's okay.  Anyway, the waffles are ready, and I'm hungry!"

Sarah laughed.  There wasn't a time when her son wasn't hungry.  "All right, then.  Let's get a move on!"
Brookside Elementary School
7:15 AM

 Sarah pulled her Jeep into the parking space in front of the school.  In a minute, Carrie and Alex joined her, with their backpacks and lunchboxes in tow.  She walked them into the morning program room.  "Hi Julia!"  She called to one of the attendants.

 "Hi, Ms. MacKenzie!  Hey Carrie!  Hi buddy!"  Julia said, coming over to them.  Julia was a high school senior who helped run the morning program for kids whose parents worked.  She helped Alex get his coat off and gave him a high five when he told her he had tied his shoes all by himself that morning.

 "Mom, I see Abby.  I'm going to go say hi, okay?"  Carrie said.

 Sarah leaned down and gave her daughter a hug and a kiss on the cheek.  "Bye honey.  Make sure you call me when…"

 "When we get to Dad's.  I know."

 "I'll see you on Saturday morning, okay?"

 "Bye Mom!  Love you!"  Carrie said and went across the room to her friend.

 Alex had already busied himself with the Legos in the playroom.  "Bye Mommy!"  he said after his sister left.

 "Bye sweetheart."  Sarah knew better than to embarrass her son in front of the playgroup.  Sarah turned to Julia and said, "Mr. Rabb will be picking the children up today."

 Julia nodded.  "Right."

 "Thanks."  Sarah took one last look at her children, nodded to Julia and headed back out to her car to try and beat the Beltway traffic to get to work.

11:35 AM
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia

 "Ma'am?"  Sarah looked up at Lieutenant Commander Bud Roberts, who was standing nervously in her doorway.

 "Yes, Bud?"  Sarah closed the file folder she had been reading as a pit settled in her stomach.  Bud only got this nervous when two things happened:  his wife was pregnant or…

 "Captain Rabb is here to see you."

 Sarah took a deep breath.  "Show him in, Bud."

 Sarah rose as Harm entered the office.  They looked at each other momentarily, and it was only at Bud's clearing his throat that Sarah quickly said, "Thank you, Commander, that will be all."

 Sarah motioned for Harm to sit down.  "What brings you back to JAG, Captain?"

 Harm smiled.  "Don't pull that on me, Mac.  You know my name."

 Sarah smiled tightly.  "What can I do for you, Harm?"

 Harm began to fidget slightly and after he said nothing, Sarah prodded, "Harm?  What is it?"

 Harm took a deep breath and concentrated on a spot on the wall above her head.  "I've asked Lauren to marry me."

 Sarah felt as if she had been punched in the stomach.  She blinked a few times and shook her head slightly.  "You've…"

 Harm looked at her.  "She's accepted."

 Sarah let out a long breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding.  "Well.  This certainly comes as a surprise."

 "I wanted to let you know…I plan on telling Carrie and Alex tonight."

 "Harm, you can't do that."

 Harm's brow knotted in confusion.  "What do you mean, I can't do that?"

 Sarah got up and began pacing behind her desk.  "They've just accepted that the divorce is final.  For crying out loud, Harm, Carrie wouldn't speak to me for days afterwards and Alex didn't stop crying for five hours after we told him.  They're so young, Harm, and they've had to deal with so much…" Sarah took a cleansing breath.  "It's not fair to spring this on them now."

 "Sarah, that's not fair.  The reason I'm telling you is that I realize the impact this will have on them, and I would like your cooperation when the aftermath comes."  Harm retorted, his tone rising in anger.

 "Oh, that's rich, Harm.  You want me to deal with the aftermath of your impending marriage?"

 "I didn't say that.  I'm going to try and resolve the issues tonight, but I realize that this isn't going to be easy.  And because they live with you the majority of the time, you're going to see the later affects.  I just would like your word that you're not going to try and use this against me."

 Sarah laughed shortly.  "I couldn't if I tried, Harm.  Those children adore you.  You are God to them.  They're probably going to hate having a new mom, but they'd never blame you.  They are going to blame me because it had to have been my fault we divorced."

 "You know that's not true."

 "Oh, I certainly know it's true.  But they don't.  They don't understand how two people grow apart.  They're 7 and 5, Harm, they need to assign blame."  Sarah sat down in her chair and sighed.  "And they're going to blame me."

 Harm ran a hand through his graying hair.  "This is not how I intended for this to happen."

 Sarah looked long and hard at her ex-husband.  Finally, she sighed and said, "I know, Harm.  But you need to understand what a shock this is for me.  I mean, we've been divorced, what, 6 months?  Why now?"

 Harm looked out the window.  "I don't know, actually.  Lauren is amazing…funny, smart, beautiful.  I just knew."

 Sarah nodded even as she felt her throat constrict with tears.  "Well, I appreciate you informing me, Captain Rabb."  She rose to indicate to Harm their meeting was over.

 "Mac…" Harm said, his eyes pleading.  "This isn't over."

 "Yes, Captain, it is.  You're due back at your ship and I have a case I need to prepare for.  Please don't forget to pick Carrie and Alex up from school at 3:30."  Sarah opened her office door and stepped aside, to allow him to pass.

 "I won't."  He stepped out into the bullpen.  "I'm sorry if I hurt you, Sarah."

 Sarah just nodded and as soon as Harm was in the elevator, she called out to Bud.  "Please hold all my calls until further notice."  Bud knew not to argue, so he just nodded.

 Sarah stepped back into her office, shutting the door.  She closed her blinds and collapsed onto the floor in tears.

MacKenzie Residence
7:08 PM

 Sarah was sitting on her couch eating her dinner and watching "Jeopardy!" when the portable phone beside her rang.  She jumped and then answered it.

 "Hello?"
 
 Sarah heard sniffling on the other end.  "Mom?"  A tiny voice said, breaking.

 "Carrie?"

 "Uh-huh."  The voice said before it dissolved into tears.

 "Carrie, sweetheart, what's wrong?"

 "Can you come pick me up?"

 "Where are you?"
 
 "Mrs. Lambert's."

 Sarah was on her feet and had one arm in her coat as she asked, "Why are you at Daddy's neighbor's house?"

 "I ran away."
 
 "Carrigan Patricia Rabb!"

 "I'm sorry, Mommy!  I'm sorry!  But Daddy said some bad things and I had to leave…"

 "What did he say, honey?"

 "He wants to marry someone else!"  Carrie crumbled into tears again.

 Sarah's heart broke for her daughter.  "Okay, baby, I'm on my way.  Is Alex there with you?"

 Carrie sniffled.  "Yes."
 
 "Okay, you tell Mrs. Lambert that I'm on my way to get you.  Hang on, sweetie."  Sarah hung up and dashed to her car.

Alice Lambert Residence
Outside Arlington, VA

 Sarah parked her car in the driveway and ran up the walkway to Alice Lambert's front door.  Harm lived just around the corner from this retired schoolteacher who served as crossing guard for the neighborhood children.  It always pained Sarah to come back to the old neighborhood where she and Harm had started their family after their marriage, but she admonished herself at this thought.  Her children needed her.

 She knocked on the door and Alice opened it.  She gave Sarah a hug and then silently led her into the den where Carrie and Alex were watching "Beauty and the Beast".  Sarah smiled her gratitude at Alice, but when she moved to join her children, Alice touched her arm and motioned her into the kitchen.

 "Sarah, darling, what's this about a new mother for the children?"

 Sarah smiled at the old woman.  "Harm is apparently getting married."

 "To whom?"  Alice seemed surprised.

 "Someone named Lauren.  I don't really know all the details, Harm just told me this morning."

 Alice touched her arm.  "I'm so sorry, dear."

 "Me too, Alice.  Me, too."  Sarah looked around the corner at her children, who were still engrossed in the movie.

 "How did they get here?"

 "From what I gather, Harm told the children and then went back to the kitchen to answer the phone or some such nonsense, and Carrie put on her coat and shoes and left, Alex trailing behind her.  They showed up at my door in tears, the poor darlings, and that's when I called you."

 "Thank you, Alice."  Sarah said.

 "Harm called here as well, and I told him the children shouldn't see him right now…I hope that was all right."

 "Yes, yes, thank you.  They all need time to digest this new…information."

 "So do you, Sarah."

 Sarah looked at the old woman, remembering the first time she had met Alice.  It was two days after the newly married Rabbs had moved into their new home.  Alice, the "neighborhood welcome wagon", as she had called herself, brought over a wonderful apple pie and every Saturday after that, she had joined Harm and Mac for dinner.  She had become a surrogate grandmother to Carrie and Alex and was equally devastated when Sarah told her she and Harm were separating.    But through her devastation, Alice had remained very close with the MacKenzie-Rabb household, and Sarah was thankful that her children still could go to her with their parental problems.

 "I know, Alice.  But right now I'm more concerned about their well-being.  This can be so upsetting for them, given the turmoil of the last six months."

 "I know, dear."  Alice patted her arm again and ushered her into the den.  "Carrigan, Alexander…your mom's here."

 The children looked up and Carrie dissolved back into tears, running towards her mother.  Sarah gathered her up in her arms and opened them wider when Alex came over.

 Sarah looked down at her children.  "Do you want to go home?"

 Carrie and Alex both sniffled and nodded.  "Okay then.  Let's get your coats on…are your bookbags at Daddy's?"

 Carrie nodded.  "But I don't wanna go back there!"  She said, her eyes filling with tears again.

 Sarah quickly hugged her daughter again.  "I know, baby.  How about this?  I'll go over to Daddy's and get your things and you can stay with Auntie Alice and watch the end of the movie.  How's that?"  She looked to Alice for her accepting nod and then back at her kids.  "Okay.  I'll be right back."

 Sarah left her car at Alice's and walked around the block to her old house.  She almost began to cry when she looked at the mailbox, with the painted names of the Rabb family adorning it.  She had felt terrible leaving this house, but with Harm's job based out of Alexandria, it seemed more logical.  When he returned to combat, the children simply lived full time with her in her townhouse in Georgetown.   Sarah took a deep breath and rang the doorbell.

 Harm swung it open immediately.  "Sarah…are they all right?"

 "May I have their bookbags and overnight bags, please?"

 Harm's eyes got a pleading look when he said,  "Please, Mac…I need to know they're all right."

 "They're fine.  Shaken, but fine.  I think they just want to go home, that's all."  Sarah moved past Harm into the foyer and began to go up to her children's rooms when she heard a female voice in the kitchen.  "Harm, who was at the door?"

 Sarah stopped dead on the stairs and looked down at Harm, who had been joined by the owner of the female voice.  She was in her early thirties, much younger than Harm, with shoulder length brown hair.  <<She looks like me at that age. >> Sarah thought to herself.  Shaking her head, she continued up to Carrie's room.

 Sarah angrily gathered her children's bags and slung them on either shoulder and walked down the staircase.

 "Mac…" Harm said.

 Sarah swung on her heel, losing the grip on Alexander's overnight bag.  "Of all the stupid things you've done, Harmon Rabb, this takes the cake."

 Lauren, who had watched this exchange, piped in with, "Oh my God, you're Mac."

 Sarah looked at the young woman and momentarily felt pity for her.  "Yes, I am.  And I prefer you to call me Sarah or Ms. MacKenzie."

 Lauren looked at her and then at Harm.  "I apologize, Sarah."

 Sarah simply nodded and then looked at Harm.  "If you don't mind, Lauren, I need to speak to the father of my children."

 "Not at all."  Lauren retreated to the back of the house.

 "What on God's green earth do you think you're doing?"  Sarah hissed.

 "What are you doing?  'Call me Ms. MacKenzie'?"  Harm shot back.

 "You told our children you're getting married with your fiancee in the room?"

 "I thought it might be good to have her there."

 "For what possible reason?"  Mac cried, her voice rising.
 
 "So they could see what a nice person she is…"

 "Oh!"  Mac cried, exasperated.  "This is your new wife, Rabb, not some babysitter.  Although, I don't know if they would be able to tell the difference."

 "Mac!"
 
 "I can't even believe you.  More concerned about whether or not your fiancee is comfortable with our children than the other way around!"

 "That's not true!"

 "The hell it isn't!"

 Sarah and Harm stared at each other in the foyer.  Finally, Sarah spoke.  "Congratulations, Rabb.  You've just screwed up the two most important relationships in your life.  And they aren't me and your precious Lauren."  Mac bent down to pick up the fallen bag.  "The children will be staying with me until further notice."  She turned around to open the door when Lauren called out, "You can't do that!"

 Mac spun around, Marine fury in her eyes.  "Excuse me?"

 Harm held his hand up to Lauren.  "No, Lauren.  This is between Mac and myself."

 "They're his children, too, you know."  Lauren said.

 "I know that very well.  But unfortunately, Harm has this great ability to forget it at the most opportune times."

 "Harm is a wonderful father!"

 Mac shook her head.  "I don't have any reason to get into this with you.  But if you must know, Harm is a great father.  When he's focused on his children."

 "Mac!"  Harm cried.  "I have always put our children above everything else."

 "I know."  Sarah said quietly.  "Except now."

 She stepped out onto the stoop and said over her shoulder, "When Carrie and Alex are ready to see you, I'll let you know."

 Sarah MacKenzie cried all the way back to her children.

12 Days later
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia
0134 PM

 "Congratulations, General!  That was the best closing argument I've ever seen you do!"  Bud proclaimed as they walked in the bullpen.

 "Thank you, Bud."  Sarah beamed.  "But I have to say, it was your detective work that was the clincher."

 "Well, uh, thank, thank you, Ma'am."  Bud stammered.

 Sarah smiled.  "Can you have the sentencing paperwork on my desk by 0300?"

 "Yes, ma'am!"

 "Excellent."  Sarah turned to head towards her desk when Lieutenant Tiner stopped her. "Ma'am, Admiral Chegwidden would like to see you in his office."

 Sarah nodded to Tiner and headed towards the other end of the bullpen.  The Admiral's door was open and she knocked quickly.  He looked up and motioned her in.  "Have a seat, Mac."

 "Yes, sir."
 
 "I just got a very distressing call from Brookside Elementary."

 Sarah straightened immediately.  "Sir?  Is everything all right?"

 AJ looked at his brilliant lawyer and saw a worried mother instead.  He softened his tone.  "Apparently Carrie got into a fight with one of her classmates.  It has become 2nd grade gossip that her father is marrying one of the middle school teachers."

 Sarah blanched and AJ continued.  "You didn't know?"

 "Well, Sir, I uh, I knew Harm was getting remarried, but I was not aware that she was a school district employee."

 AJ studied her once more.  "Carrie's in the school psychologist's office.  She's been acting up in class over the past few weeks, is having a hard time concentrating, et cetera.  Were you aware she was reacting this way?"

 Sarah shook her head.  "She's been exactly the opposite with me, Sir.  She's been clingy and reluctant to leave my side.  She's petrified I'll leave her, too."

 "Have you talked to Rabb about this?"
 
 "He's on deployment, Sir."

AJ looked at her.  "You have the rest of the afternoon off, General.  It seems as if that goddaughter of mine needs you."
Brookside Elementary
Office of Dr. Audrey Callaghan
0204 PM

 Sarah rushed up the stairs of her children's school and knocked on the psychologist's door.  At her beckoning, Sarah entered.

 "Ms. MacKenzie?  I'm Audrey Callaghan."  The woman held out her hand, which Sarah accepted.  Sarah took a quick look over the psychologist, who had short reddish hair and seemed to be in her 40s.

 "Hi, Mommy."  Carrie piped up quietly from the corner.

 "Carrigan."  Sarah said.  Carrie squelched her eyes shut; she knew what the full use of her name meant:  trouble with a capital T.

 "Ms. MacKenzie, why don't we have a seat and discuss the events of the past few weeks."  Dr. Callaghan motioned to the chair in front of her desk.  "Carrie, why don't you go play with the toys I have over there?"  She pointed and Sarah and Carrie saw a playroom off of the office.  Carrie nodded and left the adults to talk.

 "Ms. MacKenzie…"

 "Sarah, please."  Sarah corrected, still watching Carrie.

 "Sarah then.  Had you any idea that Carrie was having difficulty at school?"

 Sarah shook her head.  "No.  In fact, she's been the complete opposite at home.  She's more clingy."

 "Why do you think that is?"

 "She feels abandoned by her father.  I think she's afraid that I'll do the same."

 "Why do you say that?"  Dr. Callaghan continued.

 "My mother left me when I was fifteen, with an abusive father, nonetheless.  I know how abandonment feels.  I can only imagine what she's feeling now at seven."

 Dr. Callaghan nodded.  "How long were you and your husband married?"

 "Seven and a half years.  We, um, worked together for almost six years prior to that."

 "So you've known him for almost fifteen years, then?"

 Sarah laughed.  "Yeah.  I never realized just how long that was."

 Dr. Callaghan smiled.  "Do you mind if I asked you why you separated?"

 Sarah rubbed her face in her hands.  "Sometimes I ask myself the same question, Dr. Callaghan."  She took a breath and continued.  "Harm and I…we are both very focused people, almost to the point of obsession.  After the children were born, I focused on them.  He couldn't change his priorities as quickly, I guess…we just drifted apart, really."

 Dr. Callaghan held up a hand.  "Was it an issue with you two or the children?"

 "Us, I think."

 "Us, you think?"

 "It's complicated, doctor."

 "Sometimes, Sarah, it's not as complicated as you think."

 Before Sarah could answer, there was a knock at the door.  Dr. Callaghan called, "Come in!"  and in walked Harmon Rabb.

 Sarah quickly looked away as Harm introduced himself to Dr. Callaghan.

 "Hi, Mac."  He said quietly.

 "I thought you were on deployment."

 "I was.  The Admiral called me and told me to get my butt back to shore."

 Sarah finally looked at him.  "Really?"

 "Well, in less kind words than that.  So I took the first heli out of there."  He looked around the room.  "He wasn't forthcoming with information.  What's going on?"

 Dr. Callaghan explained briefly the events of that morning and Harm blanched.  "My God."  Was all he could say.

 "Sarah and I were just discussing your marriage, Mr. Rabb.  Would you like to shed some light on it?"  Dr. Callaghan asked, reclining in her chair.

 "What does our marriage have to do with Carrie's problems?"  Harm shot back.

 "Harm, Dr. Callaghan is just trying to help."  Sarah interjected.

 "She's certainly not a marriage counselor."

 "Actually, I was."  Audrey interrupted.

 "Excuse me?"  Harm said incredulously.

 "My first PhD is in marriage counseling, Mr. Rabb.  I decided to change a few years after having a private practice."

 "Really?"  Harm said.

 "Really."  Dr. Callaghan said with a smile.   She pointed to the wall above her desk.  Harm and Mac looked and indeed saw a counseling certificate next to its child psychology counterpart.

 Harm motioned sarcastically with his hand.  "Well, then, go ahead."

 "Well, from what I can gather, you and your ex-wife had a wonderful relationship.  That was portrayed to the children.  And then some impetus, something changed that.  And that's when you separated.  While it works out in your head, to a child, it seems faster than the blink of an eye, which is what I think Carrie is feeling right now.  Everything has happened so fast for her and she can't process it, so she has decided to control the situations she can at a pace she can handle.  But we need to cut the crap out right now, you two.  What happened that made you two split?"  Dr. Callaghan demanded, looking from Harm to Sarah and back again.

 The two looked at each other and finally Harm sighed.  "I left."

 "Left how?"  Dr. Callaghan prodded.

 "I was given a great opportunity to fly a mission with a classified agenda.  Mac—Sarah—didn't want me to go.  Alex had just been born, was maybe 4 or 5 months old at the time, and Carrie was 2, maybe 2 ½.  She begged me not to go, to think about my family, and I just couldn't. This was a dream of mine.  I was gone 8 weeks.  When I got back, Sarah was on the verge of a breakdown."

 "Breakdown because of what?"

 Sarah answered this time, sighing.  "I was overworked with two young children.  My husband had basically abandoned me…and my mother had just died."

 Dr. Callaghan nodded, understanding, and motioned for Harm to continue.  "She withdrew and I didn't go after her.  We got counseling and things were fine for awhile, and then I got another offer to go command a ship out of Alexandria.  I took it without hesitation…and without consulting Mac.  It's not something I'm proud of, mind you," He hastily added, "But it was another one of my dreams."

 "And Sarah, you felt as if he were choosing his life over yours and your children's?"

 Sarah nodded.  "When he got back from the first deployment, I had moved out.  I wasn't married anymore, and I hadn't been for quite some time."

 Dr. Callaghan pursed her lips and leaned back in her chair.  "And the children were so young that you couldn't explain it very well to them.  Now, Mr. Rabb, Carrie has told me about the night you told her of your proposal to your girlfriend.  Had the children met her before this?"

 "No."

 "No?"

 Harm shook his head.

 Dr. Callaghan shook her head as well.   "I have to tell you, Mr. Rabb, that probably wasn't the brightest idea."

 "I know that now, and I apologized to Sarah for that."

 "And to the children?"

 "I haven't allowed him to see them until they were ready."  Sarah said.

 "Well, that's our other problem."  Dr. Callaghan said.  "Ms. MacKenzie, I understand you want what's best for your children, and I understand that given your tumultuous history with parental figures, you thought keeping them away was best, but he is their father.  What I am recommending is that you two and Carrie, as well as your son, get together and talk this out.  You four are the family unit, even if you two aren't married any longer.  You need to be a team, just as you were before."

 "Thank you, Dr. Callaghan."  They said together and Sarah went to get Carrie.

 "Mr. Rabb, a moment."  Dr. Callaghan said as Sarah left.
 
 "Doctor?"

 "I've been married three times, myself."  Dr. Callaghan said, turning to the window. "I married a fellow med school student.  We hit a rough patch and I left.  Remarried within a year.  You know what happened?"

 Harm shook his head and she continued.  "I divorced him within three months and got back together with my ex.  I've been remarried to him for eleven years.  And I've never been happier.  Think about it, will you?"

 "Dr. Callaghan, with all due respect, you have no idea about Sarah's and my relationship."

 "Mr. Rabb, with all due respect, neither do you.  I've been doing this for twenty years.  I know soul mates when I see them."

 "Hi, Dad."  Carrie said sheepishly as she and Sarah came out of the playroom.

 "Hello, Carrie."  Harm bent down and gave her a hug.  "Let's go home, okay?"

 "It's Mom's day."  Carrie said as they walked out to the car.

 "We're going to have a little meeting, Care, okay?"  Sarah knelt down to see eye to eye with her daughter.  "Why don't you go to Daddy's house for the afternoon.  I'm gonna go pick up Alex and meet you there, okay?"

 Carrie nodded.  "Do we get to go in the 'vette?"  She said to her father excitedly.

 Sarah laughed and went back into the school to get her son.

Rabb Residence
Outside Alexandria, VA
0422 PM

 Sarah settled Carrie and Alex on the couch to watch some cartoons before going back into the kitchen to discuss with Harm how they were going to do this "family meeting".  When she arrived, he was hanging up the phone with Lauren, telling her to stay at her own place tonight.

 "Thank you for doing that."  Sarah said quietly.

 Harm shrugged.  "This is how it all started.  I just want to avert another crisis."

 Sarah nodded.  "So, how are we going to do this?"

 "I think we should just ask them how they feel about you and me not being…you and me."  Harm said, crossing his arms.

 Sarah nodded again.  "We'll see how it goes after that, then.  But, Harm, can I ask a favor?"

 "Sure."

 "I know you're bound to get defensive of Lauren.  I know you think you love her and you're sure of your feelings for her…but they aren't, okay?  Just remember they're only 7 and 5."

 "I will, Mac."

 They turned out of the kitchen and into the den where the kids' cartoon had just finished.  Sarah turned off the TV while Harm perched himself on the coffee table.  "Guys, your mom and I have something to talk to you about."

 Carrie flopped against the back of the couch while Alex perked up immediately.  "Are you guys gonna get married instead of you and that Lauren lady?"

 Harm had to restrain from looking at Mac and said, "No, buddy.  But this is sort of what this meeting is about.  Your mom and I want to know what you feel about our situation."

 "It sucks."  Carrie piped up.

 "Carrigan."  Her mother said warningly.

 "Sorry."  Carrie said immediately.  "Why can't you guys be like other moms and dads?"

 "Yeah."  Alex said.

 "Well," Harm began, "Your mom and I had some problems in the past. And we worked very, very hard to fix them.  But we realized that we couldn't fix them on our own, so instead of hurting each other any more, we decided it would be better if we were just friends."

 Carrie and Alex looked at him in confusion.  Harm ran a hand through his hair.  "You guys remember when we sat you down and told you we weren't going to live in the same house anymore?"

 "Yeah."  Carrie said.

 "Well, that's the reason."

 "I didn't get it then, and I don't get it now, Dad."  Carrie replied.

 "Carrie, when two people get married, they love each other very much.  Like Cinderella and Prince Charming.  But sometimes, things happen.  And these things can hurt the two people, even if they love each other.  So sometimes, people decide that because they love each other so much, they need to leave, so they don't hurt the other person anymore."  Sarah said, coming to sit on the couch with her kids.

 "So you guys still love each other?"  Alex said.

 "Yes.  Because your mom gave me you two."  Harm said, ruffling his hair.

 "But you don't want to be married to her anymore."  Carrie stated.

 "Right."  Harm said, and Sarah felt another piece of her heart break.

 "And you do want to be married to Lauren."  Carrie continued.

 "Yes."  Harm agreed again.

 "Because you love her more than Mom."

 "Well, I love her differently than I love your mom."

 "Oh."  Carrie said, looking at her lap.  "This still sucks."

 "Do you want me to get married to Lauren, Carrie?"

 "No!"  The child cried vehemently.

 "Why?"  Sarah asked.  "Tell him."

 "Because then you're replacing Mommy.  And then you're going to replace me and Alex."

 Harm gathered her up in his arms.  "Never."  He whispered against her dark hair.  "I would never replace you two."

 "But you could replace Mommy."  Carrie said, tears streaming down her face.

 "I can never replace your mother."  Harm said.  "She is very, very special to me."

 "So what's the problem?"  Alex cried.

 "Honey, it's complicated."  Sarah said soothingly.  "The point is, your dad needs to make sure that you're okay with having Lauren in your lives."

 "I'm not okay with it."  Carrie said evenly.  "But I'll deal with it."

 "Me too, I guess."  Alex joined.

 Sarah looked at Harm.  He was beaming.  <<Well, at least one of us is happy. >> She mused.

Rabb residence
That night

 "So what's the problem?"  His son's voice vibrated through Harm's head.  What was the problem?  There was a time that he couldn't see himself with anyone but Sarah MacKenzie.    So what the hell happened, Rabb?  He thought to himself before being broken out of his reverie by the dinging of his microwave.

 He took his microwave dinner into his living room and set it on the coffee table. He flicked on the CD changer and turned around to head back into the kitchen. As he went to go get some napkins, he passed by his grandmother's curio cabinet, which was swinging open.  Intrigued, Harm bent down to see what was causing the door not to shut.  He fished around inside the cabinet and found a leather-bound book.  He pulled it out and took a sharp intake of breath when he saw what it was.

Our Wedding.
Harm and Sarah, June 19, 2001.

He opened the first page and smiled at the not-so-formal picture of him and Mac.  He remembered when this picture was taken.  He and Mac had tried to steal a few moments during their reception and his mother had followed them armed with her camera.  He and Mac had stolen a kiss behind a tree, and Trish had snuck around while the newlyweds were otherwise occupied and oblivious, and snapped the picture.

Harm sat on the floor and thumbed through the pages, smiling even as the tears rolled down his cheeks.  The worry lines that adorned his face now were non-existent.  And even though he passed off their origin as age, he knew the stress of losing Sarah had added to them.  As he looked through the album, his CD changer switched and the strains of a violin filled the room.

I can't find a reason to let go
Even though you've found a new love
And she's what your dreams are made of
I can't find a reason to hang on
What went wrong can be forgiven
Without you, it ain't worth living alone

Sometimes I wake up crying at night
And sometimes I scream out your name
What right does she have to take you away
When for so long you were mine

Took out the pictures of our wedding day
It was a time of love and laughter and happy ever after
But even those old pictures have begun to fade
Please tell me she's not real
And that you're coming home to stay.

Sometimes I wake up crying at night
And sometimes I scream out your name
What right does she have to take your heart away
When for so long you were mine

I can give you two good reasons to show you love's not blind
He's 2 and she's 4 and you know they adore you
So how can I tell them you changed your mind?

Sometimes I wake up crying at night
And sometimes I scream out your name
What right does she have to take your heart away
When for so long you were mine

I remember when you were mine.

 The song ended and Harm sat in the silence between songs, clutching the photo album to his chest.  He turned back to the curio and began fishing through it again, finding the other family photo albums.

 He looked through Carrigan's baby book, complete with her first haircut.  He smiled, remembering the day he found out Mac was pregnant; he'd pulled a Bud Roberts and fainted right in the JAG bullpen.

 He saw Carrie's first ride in a Tomcat at age one; he was holding her in his lap as Mac took the picture.  He saw Carrie's first swim in Alice's backyard pool, Carrie's first visit to JAG and her Uncle AJ.  He saw this year's school picture, when he had remarked how much she looked like her mom.

He fished around in the back of the curio until he found Alex's baby book.  After Carrie was born, he and Mac had tried so hard to have another baby, and when they finally found out she was pregnant, it was AJ Chegwidden who fainted.  He smiled at his boy's first picture with his dad, red faced and screaming.  He smiled at the memory of Carrie yelling incessantly, "Bay-bee!  Bay-bee!"  He laughed when he recalled Alex's first steps, when he got up from his play area, walked over to Carrie and gave her a hug, then kept walking.

Harm opened the curio drawers all the way now and fished around for more albums.  He sat looking at them for hours, remembering all the wonderful times he'd had with his family—and his wife.

He looked back at the wedding album and thought of the psychologist—marriage counselor's—advice.  Was he marrying Lauren because he loved her or because she was…Mac?

It took Harmon Rabb all of thirty seconds to answer that question.

"Lauren?  It's Harm…"
3 weeks later
MacKenzie Residence
Georgetown, Washington, DC
 
 "There!"  Alex proclaimed.  "Perfect!"
 
 Sarah smiled at her son.  "It's great, Alex."  She admired the job he and his sister had done on the "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" banner that now adorned her living room.

 "What time is it, Mom?  When do the kids get here?"  Alex asked excitedly.
 
 Sarah held out her watch.  "What time does it say now?"  She asked her son.

 "Moooomm, it's my birthday.  Can't I not try to tell time today?"
 
 Sarah laughed and ruffled his hair.  "Okay.  They should be here in about twenty minutes."

 Carrie finished the table decorations and squealed, "I'll get it!"  when the doorbell rang.

 "Dad!"  She said and Sarah stiffened in the living room.

 "Hi there, sweetheart."  Harm gave his daughter a hug.

 "Daddy!"  Alex bounded out of the living room and into his father's arms.

 "Oof, what a heavy birthday boy!"  Harm proclaimed as he picked up his son.  "Wow, this place looks great!"  He said.  "Hi, Mac."

 "Hi, Harm."  Sarah surveyed her living room.  "Congratulate your kids, they did most of the work."

 Carrie piped up, "Yeah, 'cause Mom won like the biggest case ever!"

 Harm smiled.  "I know, I heard.  Congratulations, Mac."

 Sarah smiled and blushed a little bit.  "Thanks, Harm.  How'd you hear?"

 "Admiral sent me the Washington Post clipping via email last week."

 "Oh."  The doorbell rang before their conversation could continue.  <<Saved by the bell. >> She thought as she went to answer it.

 Ten minutes later, the party was in full swing, with fifteen little boys running around being Star Wars characters.  Harm and Sarah were able to feed them, play a few themed games and get all the presents open with little or no bloodshed.

 As soon as the last child had been picked up and Alex and Carrie were in Alex's room playing one of his new board games, Sarah plopped down on her couch.  "I am exhausted!  Carrie's 5th birthday wasn't that bad!"

 Harm joined her on the couch, laughing.  "They played Barbies the whole time, Mac, these are manly men!"

 Sarah rolled her eyes and hit him with a pillow.  After a moment, she got up and held out her hand.  "Come on, flyboy, let's go clean up this mess."

 Harm took her hand but didn't let go as she tried to move away.  "Mac," He said quietly.

 She turned and was captured by his intensive gaze.  "What?"  She said, moving quickly away.

 "I have something to tell you."

 <<Uh oh, here it comes. >> She thought.  "What?"

 "I broke up with Lauren."

 Mac stopped dead in her tracks and turned to face him.  "What?"

 "I realized the night of our family meeting what she was."

 Sarah raised her eyebrows and motioned for him to continue.

 "She was your replacement, minus the complications.  But you know what I realized?"  Harm said, walking towards her.

 "What?"  Sarah whispered as he invaded her personal space.

 "I like the complications."  Sarah looked up at him and he moved closer and closer…

 "Wait."  Sarah said, cringing.

 "What?"  Harm replied.

 "You can't just charm me back, Harm.  We have been through too much…we have histories, and I am not ready to get back with you, or anyone."

 Harm stepped back, sighing.  "I know.  I'm sorry.  But Mac…can we keep as an option?"

 Sarah sighed and stared out the window.  If she said no, she'd sever all ties with the only man she'd ever really loved.  If she said yes, she was opening herself up to all the heartbreak towards the end of her marriage.

 "I'll have to think about that one, Harm."

 "Okay."  He assented, and they went about cleaning.

MacKenzie Residence
2 months later
0642 PM

 Sarah adjusted the pearl earring and stepped back, evaluating herself and her evening gown in the mirror.  Carrie bounded into her bedroom.  "Wow, Mom, you look great!"

 Sarah smiled.  "Thank you, sweetheart."

 "I wish I could go to a ball.  Dress up like Cinderella."  Carrie said wistfully.
 
 Sarah joined her daughter on the bed.  "Nah.  See, Care, when you get to be my age, you turn into a pumpkin at midnight!"

 Carrie smiled.  "Are you going by yourself?"

 Sarah sighed.  "No, honey."

 Carrie reeled back.  "You have a date?"

 "Sort of."  Sarah smiled and left the bedroom, waiting for her daughter to follow.

 "Sort of?  Mom!  Come on, spill!"

 Just then, the doorbell rang.  Alex called upstairs, "Can I get it?"

 "Ask who it is first!"  His mom yelled back, smiling to herself.
 
 "Dad!"  Alex cried.  "Mom, Dad's here!"  He yelled with an obvious question in his voice.  Carrie looked at her mom, who just smiled.

 Sarah proceeded to the top of the stairs to see her ex-husband all dressed up in his dress whites.  Carrie, who had gone ahead of her mother stopped on the stairs and looked from her father to her mother and simply cried, "YEAH!"

 Alex, confused, looked to his older sister.  "They're going on a DATE, Alex!"  Carrie cried, bounding down the stairs and hugging her baby brother fiercely.  As soon as their embrace was done, Alex looked to his dad for confirmation.  Harm simply smiled and asked Sarah, "Mac, you ready?"

 "I think so."  She replied.

 "Julia, we're going now."  Harm yelled.

 Julia, who had been in the kitchen, called back, "Okay!  See you later!"

 Carrie and Alex followed their parents out the front door and stayed on the stoop as their father opened the car door for their mom, and waved as they drove off, huge smiles on both their faces.

 Julia came into the foyer and shut the door.  "What are you munchkins up to?" she asked as she ushered the kids into the kitchen for dinner.
 
 "Julia," Carrie began, "What do you think of winter weddings?"

THE END

The happy ending was for Maddie, because I knew if I didn't, she'd kill me.  J
Feedback's better than an A on my Poly Sci Final.  xfilesdiva@excite.com
So, should I do a sequel?

More author's notes:  (I'm long-winded, what can I say?)
A few in-jokes, just for the heck of it:

June 19, 2001:  Aside from being a huge JAG fan, I am also an even bigger X-Files fan.  There are three fanfic writers who, when the feature film came out on June 19, 1998, made Fox and Dana's Webpage, celebrating their "marriage" as us X-Philes celebrated the release of the movie.  Cracks me up.  Email me if you want the address.

Alice:  Alice is based on a wonderful woman from my childhood who I went to for all of my parental problems.  Alice, wherever you are, I love you and miss you.

Alex's first steps:  This is reminiscent of my sister's first steps; only she hit me instead of hugged me!

Carrigan and Alexander:  Carrigan came from Cathy Moriarity's character in "Casper", one of my favorite movies.
Alexander came from an X Files fanfic by Vickie Moseley entitled "To Boldly Go", a part of her "Dreams" series, where Mulder's mom sends Scully some of his childhood things and inside is a teddy bear named Alexander.  Vickie is one of my favorite fanfic writers, so this is homage to her and to all fanfic writers everywhere.  I hope she doesn't mind.  <g>

Lauren:  My English partner's name.  What I should have been doing rather than writing this.

Julia:  "Twister" is airing on NBC this weekend.  I love the scene where Bill Paxton's fiancee says, "I gotta go, Julia, we got cows!"