Trap
Dreamers Lovers friends
Wings
My love for you
Presious nothing
Possess a mess
Old
Not yet
I
These hands are loved
Cheat me
Sux
Please don't deny
Need you
Free
Hurt
T.girl
Love learner
Poem For Me
S.island
Sleep
P.Bastard
P.Within
Ring
S.teen
Sad place
Sad
She
Trip
back
6/4/98
Trap
here I stand
and I've lead myself into the same trap again
last I recall
I had just broken away
and it was ok
all calm
but here
here I stand in this same trap again
it hurt
oh it hurt to brake away
myself in peaces
where I lay
then finally a deep breath
and I was alright
no one I needed
so I held myself tight
it was ok now
the future seamed bright
but now here I am
in this same trap again
my mind screams no
while my body dances yes
I finally got away
but now I'm dressed in a mess
I cant belive I could be so nieve
I cant see why I let myself cry
I don't want to know
that you've let me go
I don't want to face
that I've come to this place
I need to forget
I want to
and yet here I stand
and I've lead myself into this same trap again
3/6/98
Dreamers Lovers Friends
friends
lovers
destine to be
we
as one
not two
as we use to be
compatible
and sweet
always eager to greet
when away
we miss
when close
we kiss
to be around each other
sweet awe's
there is no other
I've found something precious
that I never want to let go of
this thing we share
is so there
so awsome
so true
a big peace of my happyness
is brought to me by you
you
a sweetness
who's heart glows
who's mind knows
that consistantly our love grows
I treasure you
I am
a peace of you
and you
the same
a peace of me
your warm gentle arms
around me
hold me
squeez me
touch me
love me
make me feel safe
I lay with you
eyes closed
aware of your presence
cause I can feel you there
I've never loved like this before
with others
I've always wanted more
you please me
and make me feel
wanted
we have cream colored days
and chocolet nights
candy dreams
so full of life
we see life
in the same ways
half of our lives in a far of daze
the art
of living
being
sits there
waits there
for us to approach
when we find ourslefs there
complete happiness
bliss
joy
makes life a toy
to be played with
he teaches me
I can be happy
even when I'm sad
I can have a good day
even if it started out bad
he's always there for me
sad when I'm sad
glad when I'm glad
he makes me laugh
even when I'm depressed
and together
we get dressed
take naps
and collapse
I am happy now
so show me how
we can stay this way
together
forever
dreams
lovers
friends
97'
Wings
I want wings
cause
with wings I could fly
nothing would matter
away away
I could stay
and play every day
everyone would know
who I was
what I was
just because
I'd rise above
the eath
the sky
the world
I'd be alone
but free
so free
wouldn't have to be
what people want to see
just me
only me
for all to see
a girl who
might be like you
but just a little different
hey gee
its me
that I've been searching for
I thought I lost me
but then I found me
and scraped me off the floor
and now I've built myself up
and molded myself straight
and now here I am
all alfoat
above all of your heads
my old self is lost
and thats fine with me
cause I'm all I want
now
I'm all I need
thats right plane old me
cause
I have wings now
inside of me
97'
My Love For You
oh how do I love the
more than any sound could ever be heard
more than a flower loves the sun
more than cats love there young
more than winter loves the summer
more than love a plumber
more than grass loves the sun
moer than happiness hates pain
more than sweetness hates bitter
more than streets hate litter
more than fear dreads laughter
more than happiness ever after
more than all the riches in the world
more than caterpillars are curled
more than anything money could ever buy
more than every tear feels falling from your eye
more and more and more each day
my love for you shines in a special way
I could never love another
the way that I love you my lover
more than anything in all the world
I love you
and without a dought
they'll be a drought
in my heart
whenever we're apart
but remember this my sweet
love stays true
between two
if it be strong
it will last so long
97'
Precioud Nothing
hang on to precious
sweetness
that cant be seen
not heard
wonder
such wonderfulness
little things
that no one esle notices
but you
remember
all the little things
and your life will be full
forget them
and there will be little pieces missing
not enough for others to notice
but
inside you
there will always be something missing
11/13/97'
Posses a mess
you don't make me glad
you only make me sad
you make me dream
of what I wish I had
you
yourself
hold the key
that shinning key of jealousy
well I can see
that you don't care
so I promise you
I won't be there
when you loose your hair
and need someone
with life to share
I like the way you act
when your not stabbing me
in the back
I love the way you treat me
when your feeling sweetly
you confuse me
so
I'll just let go
I need don't need you
I won't feed you
with what your heart desires
to take control
and play the roll
of leader
with no competer
thats what you want
I know it is
so I won't give you the satisfaction
I'll simply act
and make your attempt to posses
a mess
97'
Old
sit and stare
into the cold dry air
no expression really
cause your not all there
so many thoughts
running through your head
you think you wouldn't mind
if you were alive
or dead
your speechless
and a bit disturbed
but calm
sitting
just sitting
letting time pass on
no sweetness
no feeling
nothing really
only quick unrealized images
passing
into your head
and out
no love
no life
nor anything anymore
all that you have loved
have left
gone are all your visions
no time
cause time doesn't matter
when your hearts about to shatter
the days are long
but nights are longer
it's to late for you
you'll never get stronger
cant stand this any longer
you spend most of your time waiting
for your time to end
it's been a month now
since you've seen the soft glow of the sun
when will your time be done
for you it's your time to worry
as the rest of the world
moves in flurry
you've got no life
no more
your dreams flew out the door
cause your old now
old and helpless
and alone
12/9/97'
Not Yet
how do I deside
why can't I have both
he doesn't understand
and
he wants me there
I wish I could have
to seprate lives
one for me
to do what I want with
without worrying
about hurting
or having it bad
or wrong
I think he expects to much
from me
I want more space
but
since I don't have it
I'm forced to take it
when he's not around
I love him
but
I don't want to only belong to him
I don't think I'm ready for that
yet
I want to be with him
and to know that I have his love
but
also to be free
is that asking to much
11/18/97'
I
I am my own healer
I teach myself
if I want to know
then I'll find out
I work out my own problems
and I help myself out
I talk myself into things
and I talk myself out
I am my own person
I make my own decisions
I tought myself right
from wrong
and where I belong
and how to be strong
I know myself better
than anyone else
I love myself more
than anyone else
I know why I'm here
why I was put on this earth
and its my own knowledge
to keep to myself
97'
These Hands Are Loved
these hands are loved
this face
this smile
this happy person
is loved
this hair
so gentle and soft
is loved
these eyes
full of innocence
this neck
yearning for another kiss
these lips
trembling
all of me is loved
not only by him
not just by the ones whom I love
but by the girl who sits
staring at this quickly filling page
5/6/98'
Cheat me
You are so close
but yet so far away
I can touch you
but I don't feel you
you caress me
and I depress me
I don't see what you see
I wish I knew
what you know
I can be with you
but not when you are around
your friends
I don't love you
I might want you
do I need you
I don't know
2/12/98'
SUX
everyone sux
everything sux
nothing's going right
I'm getting pissed off
I'm fucking angry
god damnit shut up
or I might kick your face in
my fucking head hurts
and my face is a fucking mess
my neck is killing me
there's pain insidda me
my stomach hurts
I hafta pee
my hair's OK
but uh
the rest of me...
I'm not all there
and I wanna go home
damnit
don't blame me
if I can't seem to stay up
I didn't get enough sleep
and my mind is in a heap
on the floor
where it's dark
and all mad
and sad
my eyes feel like weights
my tongue is all dried up
there were tears on this face
but now they've melted into my skin
where they make my face glimmer
like a mirror
I feel like shit
have to find something
to hit
I don't want to cry
I'm not sure why
but I'm sure
this day couldn't suck much more...
I wish I could just shut the door
to sit and groan
and be alone
and mope around
like a dog at the pound
and wait for this crappy day
to turn into
a crappy night
so my mind can fight
with all this shit
until its bit
the dust...
1/28/98'
Please Don't deny
You can push me away
You can go
Or stay
You could turn your eyes away
And never look my way again
But
Just please don't deny
That you loved me
Once apon a time
Please don't say
You never felt that way
You know you could hurt me
If you act that way
You know you could make me cry
If you told that lie
Those memories
Are all I have left
So just let me enjoy them
Don't say they didn't happen
Or
That they're only in my mind
Please tell me that you loved me
Once apon a time
97'
Need You Now Forever
So grateful now
Something to do
Someone to be with
Someone like you
Some place to go now
Somewhere to be
Someone to act like
Other than me
You gave me a letter
Now something's are better
I hope you realize
I hope you know
Wherever you are
That's where I'll go
Whatever you do
I'll stay with you
Whatever you say
Its always ok
However you treat me
Is ok
You know
You could defeat me
Anyway
I want you
I need you
I won't go
Away
I'll stay here
Beside you
Every day
If I were not with you
I'd go insane
Please
Please
Please
Tell me
That you feel the same
5/6/98'
Free
There is always more there
Than you think there is
Always something you can't get out
Or something you won't let in
A thought that's been burning you up
Inside
That you just can't seem to share
With those who care
You try to act
Like everything's alright
But it's not
Because you're dying inside
But you think
What's so different
These feelings
The're normal to me
Can't you see
I try to hold them inside
Thinking that they'll just go away
But
They never do
They always find a way
To stay
They bury themselves
Deep into my soul
And then
Out of nowhere
They jump out at me
Screeching
And moaning
Crying for help
Trying so hard to get me to see
That
The're a part of me
And I have to let them out
Let them be free
in 97'
5/6/98'
Hurt
She doesn't know what to say
to make it through the day
she doesn't know what to do
to be close to you
she can't find her way
her eyes
they close so slowly
her lips are trembling
they've been touched
by the wrong one
and she whispers
and she can't stop the pain
it pierces her heart
again and again
why can't anyone hear her
why can't anyone see
the gleam in her eyes
the life will soon be gone
gone to a lifeless pale
why won't anyone help her
I don't know
but her sole
it slowly fades away
8/27/98'
TeNdEr GiRl
Tender girl
so small
spends her life at the mall
little girl
knows it all
dabs brown crud there
some white shit here
brushes and combs
fuses and fits
until she creates what she calls perfection
then off to frolic in a fake world
filled with unrealistic situations
and artificial happiness
poor girl
doesn't know better
and this society won't let her
delusion overfills her existence
caught in a web of confusion
she's lives on in her elusion
tender girl
so small
is she really a girl at all?
8/24/98'
LOVE LEANER
baby to lover
how could this be
how does one grow
to be
how does one know to be
find out
what love is
and how does it
work
play
act
do
whats in the mind
of a lover
what do they know
can it be
this lover's me
whom I ask about
or shall it be some other she
aw queen of love
shine onto me
brighten my eyes
and let me see
what she see's
what he see's
let me see please
darkness take me no more
unlock this door
free me
see me
touch me and tell me
love
how to
where to
please
I'm down on my knee's
how crazy this is
what I want is his
his touch
his love
his knowing
he
will set me free
and then I see
these hands
these lips
this skin
all of this body
me
I must Do
I must Feel
a ray of sun hit my heart
bleed into myself
greed out of myself
experience
and then...
will I know myself
will I know love
how to
when to
with who
love
myself I found
him I've found
him I praze
his eyes do gaze as I praze
he feel's
we feel together
now I've found
and now I know
how it glows
and it shows
crazy this is
but happy am I
cuz I found
and I drown in it
ocean
sweet soft nurchering lovley bright watery ocean
Ocean of love
1/28/98'
(a poem my friend atom wrote for me when we were going out)
Caught in a never ending dream
looking for the end and finding you
You who I have looked for all my life
The one I love, my perfect angel
Every move and every thought
my eyes focused on that neverending figure
I want you
I miss you
I love you
The beauty that fills my eyes
as nothing else on this earth can
A dream,a hasy loft of perfection
passion
joy
fear
bliss
All mixed into one overwhelming
happiness which fills me to the core
Remembering a time when I was truely alive
nothing could stop me, I was invinsable
That overwhelming sense of excitement
Burning red through my hot viens
I want you
Lost. The thing I love the most
It is far away and out of reach
I cannot find it, but I want it so bad
Lost, leaving an empty void in my soul
I miss you
Dreaming of the perfect sunset
As the golden orange sun turns
the clouds purple over a blue horizen
The sun giving me all it's life unconditionally
I love you
Words; Speech,
Cannot contain my feelings for you
Beond words, beond simple conversation
Beond this world of understanding
Lies my love for you
So I say "I love you"
knowing that you know I am saying more
than 1,000 words, 1,000 picutres, or 10 dozen red roses
could ever say
I love you
I love you
I love you
97'
Sunset Island
One a beautiful sunset island
away from everything I sit
The wind is soft
It plays sweet melodies
in my ear
The big grand god-like tree's
stand high above me
And act as a protector
from all harm
I wish that I
could stand that high
Rising high
above the earth
Seeing all around me
for miles and miles
I am tired now
So
I drift off to sleep
And in my dreams
I can fly
Flying so high
that I reach the tops of the tree's
And there at the top
I make a soft bed for myself
My body splits in three parts
So that each can experience a different joy
An individual joy
Each of a different purpose
And bound together
These feeling
express the meaning of life
97'
Sleep
When one is tired
one must sleep
When one does not sleep
One becomes unaware of the world
Around ones self
When one becomes unaware of the world around ones self
One cannot function well
When one cannot function well
One cannot get things done
When one cannot get things done
One will most likely fail
When one fails
One's dreams begin to look unreachable
When one's dreams fad away
Things begin to look hopeless
When things look hopeless
One starts to give up
One gives up
Because things look hopeless
Things look hopeless
Because one's dreams die
One's dreams have died
Because one has failed
One failed
Because
One could not get things done
One was not able to get things done
Because one could not function well
One couldn't function well
Because one was not aware of the world
Around one's self
One was not aware of the world
Around one's self
Because one hadn't gotten enough sleep
When one is tired
One must sleep
97'
PLASTERED BASTARD
I've lost myself again
The fluid in my brain
Have begun to drain
The acids in my stomach
Start to burn
My head is spinning
I feel sick
The contents in my stomach
Form a small earthquake
And begin to spew out
Like a volcano
I fall to the floor
not thinking anymore
and it seems as there's no life
around me
slipping into a dream
where I stay for a while
loosing some brain cells
I think that I'm in hell
is this all real
and why do I deal
Man life's a bastard
When your plastered
96'
Power Within
The water is calm
the breeze sets
in the tree's
the sun comes up
the birds are flying peacefully
in the hazy yellow sky
the sun glows
on the brisk blue water
a great strong object emerges
from the water
it takes a deep breath
and looks around a
at the world
it's fingers stiffen
and up higher
it goes
for inside
it knows
that
it's power is ready to grow
1/21/98'
Ring
When he handed me this ring
It made my heart sing
Such a beautiful thing
It meant so much to me
It looked so pretty
In the light
I'd ware it all through the night
When morning came
I'd see it again
Sparkling
In the thin shin of light
That crept in
Through my half open window
I'd only take it off
When I thought that it would get lost
Wearing this ring
Is a special thing
Cause who its from
Makes my heart beat like a drum
He's so loving
And sweet
He knocks me right off me feet
He's my angel
My joy
My lover boy
When he gave me this ring
It made my heart sing
97'
97'
Strong Teen
Its not fare
They don't care
Why do they have all the power
Around here
Boy
When I live on my own
They'll be sorry
And all alone
Its not hate
But more anger
I feel like
A trusted coat hanger
I did nothing wrong
So why should I suffer
I'm only acting my age
But there acting tuffer
Quiet cry's
In the night
I'll be all right
Just another stupid dream
From my low self-esteem
Should I sleep with this guy
Well first tell me why
Cause he'll leave me if I don't
And then I will cry
Do I want this drug in my system
No
But
Well
Now that I've kissed him
Its in my system
And its not coming out
Never
Oh my
Mix up life
Oh my
Jesus Christ
Tell me
Please
While there's still time
Tell me please
While I still have a dime
Before I commit that crime
Try me
See if I can take it
I'm strong enough
I'm sure I'll make it
12/10/97'
Sad Place
I've been around
This lonely place
Before
I've been around
Those lying eyes
Don't wanna cry no more
There's nothing left
For me to say
I can not stay
I won't
Let it happen again
I'll turn my head
Hiding my face
So that
I can't see you
And pretend
That it never was
The same
As it is now
97'
SAD
Sad
And wanting muchly what I cannot have
He is away
And will be until the passing of the third day
These feelings come as they may sit on display
For all to see
Lonely
Lonely me
I sit
Arms draped around my shoulder
Wishing these feelings would grow older
Deep sighs
And unfulfilled cry's
Sitting and thinking
With a blank face
When up I walk a quiet slow pace
I wish that there was something I could do
Some way we could be together
And stay
But I'm powerless
I must just sit and yawn as time passes on
Time moves so slow
And without a glow
Soft whispers in the air
He will be there
Only a little longer I must wait
Oh this time I truly hate
Wait and wait and wait and wait
Love is so strong
And so gainful
Yet sometimes so painful
Hours pass
or are they minutes
There is no time
He's all that fills my mind
Oh sweetness
Oh love
Oh pain
Why not now can I talk to him again
Oh this day I praise
when my eyes will gaze upon his face
Dream do I
But do not cry
not one single tear from my eye
I only sit and sigh
Sad and wanting
Wanting and sad and alone
12/17/98'
She
she is here
she is now
she is happy
she is proud
she is graceful
she is pleasent and peaceful
she is creative and full of spirit
she is brave
she is relaxed
she is alive
she is happy high
she is shy
she is little
she is meak
she is depression
she isn't strong enough
she can't take it
she needs
she hurts
she crys
she crys in the bed where she lays
she trys
she is me
3/15/98'
Trip
Trip two a place
happy to be there
but boring it gets
and we become pets
at least we're not at school
where we'd sit and drool
and at least we got free stuff
free stuff is cool
a lady talked
of powerful things
in poetry she spoke
it made our ears ring
we laughed
we stared
we learned
we gave queer looks
they gave us little books
to dine
didn't cost a dime
cause it was paid for
the whole time
