05/16/01 Well, I know I missed out in writing in here for a few days. I just didn't feel like writing. I was going to the other night, or today I think, because I KNOW I had something on my mind, but because I didn't do it right away, I've forgotten what it was. Oh well, c'est la vie right?

Today's been stressful for me. Mike has been in a bad mood all day, and HE is stressed out too. He practically flipped on me today when I went to have some spaghetti that was already cooked. I was going to eat it with some sauce, and he got all upset with me because it was the last serving of spaghetti I had made the night before to go with sauce and scallops. I told him I could always make another serving, but then he said "At least let me have SOME control - the kitchen is the only place I have control over. I was like, WHOA, ok there, here's your spaghetti back. :\ It was weird.

I have been doing a lot today. Well, a lot for me at least. I dusted, did 3 loads of laundry, folded them and put them away, cooked myself some food, and now I'm about to do a few more things here like dust and pick up things off of the floor. Sometimes I feel like I'm a housewife, and I hate feeling like that. I mean hell, if I was a housewife I'd be married already! :\ UGH. Just once in my life I would like to have a day ALL to myself, with no one hassling me about things to do or things to buy. All I wanna do is just drive somewhere and go exploring. I never seem to have the time to do that. I almost feel like a drone just constantly doing the work it's supposed to do. I really don't think that's how a person is supposed to feel. If anyone disagrees with that, then they need a damn vacation.

I have to bring in the Grand Am to Enfield Pontiac tomorrow morning at nine for a recall notice on the ignition switch. I HATE getting up that early on my day off, but I guess it's the only time I have available to really get it done. I've made myself a little To Do list, and as I get things done I check off the things I've finished. I guess it sorta gives ya a sense of accomplishment when you complete something.

Well, I'm off now. I need to archive the last week's entries, and then I have to go back to "Housewife" mode. Blah.

05/23/01 Let me tell you, it's so nice to have something of your own to write in, whenever you want. I feel like writing about my childhood today. I was talking with Mike one night when I came home from work. I told him this story about how one day my dad got really pissed off at me, pulled out the kitchen chair I was sitting on, and my head hit the window sill as I fell backwards. It wasn't just a bump I got, I got a bump plus it was bleeding a little bit. My childhood wasn't the best kind of childhood you could have. I mean sure, I was spoiled like crazy. I loved getting things just for myself. But I always complained about how I was an only child, never had a lot of friends that lived on my street. I lived all the way across town, while others lived on the OTHER side. I guess I felt I lived too far away from everyone, so I kinda had a lonely childhood. My parents were always EXTREMELY strict with me. For example, when I was a freshman in high school, I had more guy friends than girl friends. I don't know why, but oh well. Well anyways, there was this guy I had an ENORMOUS crush on. You know the deal. Start out as friends, and thwn you start seeing him as someone who is kinda cute, then the more you think about it, the more you like him. That's how it was for me. So this guy ends up asking me if I want to go to the movies with him a a couple of our friends, and I said sure. I came home that day all happy because a guy had asked me to the movies, and told my mom and she flat out said NO. I was like, huh? I mean, hell, the movie we were planning on seeing was during the DAYTIME. I dunno, it was just pretty dumb. The another time I was on the phone with this guy around 7pm or so, and my dad comes in the room and just says, "Hang up the phone." I look at him and go "Why?" He never gave me a reason. he just comes towards me, takes the phone from my hand, and hangs it up. I'm like, WTF? I go to him, "I wanted to at least tell him I was hanging up dad!" All he could manage to say was "Sorry." That pissed me off.

Another time I remember was only a couple of years ago. I don't know WHAT happened to set my dad off so much, but he was PISSED OFF. I don't mean pissed off like, I had a bad day pissed off. I mean like, crazy, whacked out, enraged pissed off. He was so pissed I was SCARED he would he do something to either myself or my mom. I remember going to my room, and locking both doors (one door went into the bathroom and then my room), and my dad came upstairs and was POUNDING on the door yelling at me to open it up, which I refused to do. Eventually he got the door open somehow, and came in yelling and screaming at me for whatever reason. I tried avoiding him as best I could, but all I remember was him trying to grab me so he could hit me or smack me, or hell, maybe both. What pissed me off even more was that he took the one dozen long stemmed red roses Mike had given me (they were dried) and smashed them against the wall so they all broke up into tiny pieces. It pissed me off because I had been saving them, and wanted to save them for along time. So by then my mom had come in and was yelling at my dad to get away from me, so he turned on her and hit her across the face. By that time I was really scared, so I locked myself in my little closet with my cordless phone, and called 911. I was scared because he had already hurt me and my mom, and I didn't know if he had been drinking or not (probably was though). So I called 911, and the police came to our house. Not one, not two, but THREE cops came. My dad acted like nothing was wrong, and so did my mom. I was pissed that he was acting like that too. I told the cops he had hit my mom and I. So the next thing was for me to get out of the house. Why couldn't my dad have been the one to have gone away somewhere, like out to our beach condo or something? It didn't seem fair to me, because all my belongings were at home. But no, it ended up having me going to my grandmother's in St. Pete for a few days. I was so stressed out from what happened, that as soon as I got to my grandmother's, I laid down on the couch I fell asleep literally in one minute.

I think I'm done now. Mike is home, and now he's all stressed out, and I hate putting up with it.