I'm God and he knows it! -- Frasier Crane
It's a major pride blow thing playing without properties. -- My bro Peter, playing Monopoly
You can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time. -- Abraham Lincoln
It is better to be hated for what one is, then to be loved for what one is not. -- Andrew Gide
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde. -- Dolly Parton
Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted. -- Fred Allen
Courage is walking naked through a cannibal village. -- Leonard Louis Levinson
I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas? -- Jean Kerr
The worst thing about new books is that they keep us from reading the old ones. --Joseph Joubert
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them. --Mark Twain
I went to school to become a wit, only got halfway through.
The first rule of holes: If you are in one, stop digging!
Funny, I don't remember being absentminded.
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing. -- Phyllis Diller
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