I had such a strange dream last night, but similar to
other dreams I've been having. I dreamt that I was having
sex with James C., a "boy" I had a crush on in high school.
We were at an amusement park, though there weren't any
rides around where we were. I was still engaged to J.,
but I was enjoying this sex immensely though with some
anxiety about J. I stopped the sex when the anxiety got
too intense saying, "I'm engaged. I can't risk it."
I've had dreams like this several times before. Some with
ex-boyfriends or guys I wished I'd dated. And it's the
same scenario: great sex, but J. is always in the forefront
of my mind and I never want to risk our relationship.
James C. was such an interesting character. I don't know
where he is, but he was once living on the streets in Northampton,
working as a computer programmer and running an anarchist group.
He dropped out of high school to do that. But while he
was in high school, I had such an odd crush on him. He
was goth before his time. He read my poetry with appreciation,
and hugged me deeper than I'd ever been hugged. He
was a skinny little kid, probably ADHD, and had drug
problems. He always made me laugh, though, and took me out
once to see a local folk singer for the first time at a
coffee house.
He was also part of a wonderful "tea party"
that my brother and I hosted for the high school literary
magazine group on Halloween. After everyone had left,
James, my brother, our friend Vic, Erin, and Jess all
sat around and sang. Later, my mom made us potatoes
with cheese and brocoli for dinner, and we said a universal
prayer--which seemed so appropriate. James said it,
calling together the Jewish, Christian, and Wiccan faiths.
It was incredible.
Back to my search for free web space.
|
