As the sky lightens in the East, and the first rays of dawn are cast over the land, birds begin to sing in the trees and happy unirabbits climb out of their burrows to approach the new day with expediency and happy thoughts. However, not everybody has happy thoughts....
Over in Judge Mason’s courtroom, Gnat King Cole is glowering at his accusers over the defense counsel’s desk. Werelawyer Rufferto turns to Cole, and attempts to reassure him. "Now then Cole, don’t pay any attention to them. They’re lower than an insect’s belly, err, no offence. What I mean to say is that they have no case. It’s absolutely hopeless. Justice is on our side. The facts are stacked against them. They have no hope whatsoever." Rufferto glances to both sides then hunkers down and whispers, "By the way, I have absolutely no idea what the facts even are. Could you fill me in on what happened? Letting me know whether you’re guilty or not would be a good place to start, I should think."
Cole gives a final glare at King Beeby and then turns to Rufferto. "Alright hound, let me fill you in on what’s happened, why I hate King Beeby, and why he’s able to accuse me of treason today..."
Elsewhere:
Down in the depths of the ocean, a ragged band of
Wolf-creatures flail about as an army of evil clams
speedily approaches them. They frantically try and swim for
Bohdid Li’s house, just around the corner of the coral
outcrop, but the clams are faster in the water. Each clam
spies a wolf’s bottom and speeds in to chomp! Just as
they’re about to bite their bums a sudden rush of bubbles
clouds up and obscures the area. There are several strange
sounds and when the bubbles clear - there are a bunch of
people floating in the water (and one cat)! The clams
shreak in surprise and high-tail it out of there.
Gasping for breath they burst through the doors of Bohdid Li’s underwater house and crash onto the floor of his airtight apartment.
"What was that?!" exclaimed Bohdid Li, who had been working quietly in his office.
"I don’t know, daddy-o!" replied his infuriatingly retro Golem.
"Well go and find out you stupid automaton!" ordered Li, and the Golem lumbered off towards the door.
"Later cool cat," he said and slipped out the door to see what the commotion was about.
Meanwhile Cole was wrapping up the second hour of his narrative. "...And then I slept with his wife, cannibalized his children, turned his Private Guard (and his pet cat) into werewolves, while continuing to rob the Demes of taxes, and slavelabouring the citizens. Next I - "
"That’ll do for now," sighed Rufferto, shaking his head. "This is impossible. You’ve transgressed ever possible law of your kingdom, abused your position of power, committed high, low and mild treason, and even slept with White House aides. I have no idea what to say..."
Just then Judge Mason ordered, "Defense’s opening remarks before the jury."
"...but I’ll have to think of something fast!" Rufferto gathered up his legal papers, donned a pair of thick rim glasses and approached the bench.
"INTRUDERS!!!!!!!!!" cried the Golem upon entering the room where Groo and his pals were squeezing the water out of their clothes. Tabi was shaking herself dry like cats do, and Groo was eyeing her hungrily, like Groos do. Kawphee rushed the group swinging his big thick arms, ready to do some serious damage. "Groo, do something!" shouted one of the soldiers.
"I think I will," replied Groo, who wandered off to find cheesedip to go with his cat for lunch.
"No, fight the Golem!" they cried but Groo was busy doing what Groo does quite well.
Fenris, who was once again a lawyer, stepped in quickly to do something about the immediate peril. "I learned some tricks in law school that can be used against the bereft of mind, and this Golem here is the perfect candidate." Before Kawphee could crush his skull, Fenris quickly wiggled his fingers and said, "Stop!"
Kawphee stopped. "You don’t need to kill us," said Fenris. "I don’t need to kill you cats," replied Kawphee. "We can go about our business," suggested Fenris. "You dudes can go about your business," replied Kawphee. "Move along," commanded Fenris.
"Move along, move along," said Kawphee. In wandered Groo, looking dazed. He was saying, "You can go about your business. Move along, move along."
"Groo! Snap out of it!" shouted Fenris.
"I AM THE PRINCE OF CHICHESTER!" exclaimed Groo looking around suddenly. "Oh, sorry. Must’ve slipped off for a minute then."
Before the groop could revel in their safety from the Golem, Bohdid Li stood at the door. He popped open Kawphee’s head and tossed in a new brain. "Thought you could sneak by my clams, my Golem, and myself, did you? Well think again! I have just given Kawphee the brain of King Krag of Tundra. The fiercest groo hater EVER! BWA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The Golem came back to life, and went beserk. The groop was in very real danger, and the insane Golem rushed toward them...
Meanwhile, Rufferto cleared his throat, and began to attempt the impossible; defending the biggest lawbreaker since O. J. Simpleton....
Next up:
Chapter 9 by Eric Chun
A SOLEMN COLUMN OF GOLEM GONNA KILL ‘EM
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