Loving, Losing and Living-part 8
by Court
Feedback to: dcreeker@bigfoot.com
Disclaimer: I have never, and will never own these magnificent characters.
Rating: This part is PG
Classification: D/J
Author's Note: Thanks to all the wonderful people that write me. Feedback is wonderful and really inspires me to write more. Thanks to Chris for his wonderful feedback, and to "J" for always inspiring me to dig deeper and always keep on writing. I love you, hon. :o) Oh, and Tam... I will get Joey's ass to the doctor soon enough I promise!! Thanks to you for keeping on my case to get this done. On a personal note, it's been almost a year now since I went through this whole ordeal. While it made me a stronger person, I don't wish the experience on anyone. So this part is for all the people that know someone, or personally, struggle with cancer. My prayers and thoughts are with you.
Summary: Dawson and Joey, at 18, face the biggest threat to their relationship yet...cancer.
Enjoy...
***
A warm breeze filtered in through Dawson's open bedroom window, stirring the peacefully sleeping couple.
Joey rolled over to her side of the bed, slinking out from Dawson's comforting arms surrounding her. She smiled at him tenderly, and leaned over to brush a stray lock of hair away from his forehead, so she could kiss him.
Dawson was so wonderful last night. They'd sleeping together for quite awhile now, but it was always magical and undeniably romantic and sensual when they made love together. She had noticed last night that he held her in his arms so affectionately and carefully, as if she were fragile, breakable fine china. She loved him for that exact reason, because he always knew what she needed.
Joey stepped out of bed, located her discarded clothing and began to dress. Today was going to be one of the hardest she'd ever have to face. She knew she couldn't run from it, no matter how tempting that idea seemed. It wasn't an option. Being by her mother's side in her final hours and praying that things were different, had taught Joey that. No amount of hope could change the problem. As much as it scared her, she knew she had to face it head on.
After dressing quickly, Joey headed toward the window, finding solace in the quiet. She curled up on the windowseat and watched Dawson sleep. He really was a cute sleeper. She recalled the time that she had crawled through his window late at night after working a long shift at the Icehouse. He had fallen asleep waiting for her. So, when she climbed through the window she gave him quite an awakening.
***
The ladder softly clanked against the Leery's house as Joey slowly climbed it late at night. Glancing at her watch, she cursed Bessie for making her stay later than usual to sweep the place. It was movie night, and although that didn't always mean 'movie night' nowadays...it still was a time honored tradition they kept.
She reached the top of the ladder, peeking her head over the edge into his open window, and smiling to herself. He had fallen asleep with the remote in his hand waiting for her. Joey gingerly stepped through the window, careful not to disturb him.
She kicked off her shoes, glancing around the room. It was aglow in soft candlelight-cheesy but romantic. Classic Dawson. The room had a flickering glow to it and she realized that he had fallen asleep watching their other Speilburg favorite, Jaws. She grinned to herself, thinking of all the fun they had in his closet as kids acting out that movie.
Shrugging out of her navy blue zip up sweatshirt, she quietly perched herself by Dawson's sleeping form on the bed. A mischeavous smile stretched across her lips as she leaned over and kissed his right cheek, and then brushed her lips to his as she leaned over to kiss his left cheek. Joey pulled back, straightening her hair and curling beside him. She was amazed he hadn't flinched once. She could hear the steady sound of his heartbeat from where her head rested on his chest.
A thought suddenly occurred to Joey, causing her to pull away from Dawson quickly. She sat up, peered over at his door, and breathed a sigh of relief when she saw it was locked. Being caught in the act of arousing her sleeping boyfriend would have made her die of embarrassment on the spot.
Joey sank back down beside him, slinking her arm around his waist, and then under his gray t-shirt. Dancing her fingers across his tight abdomen, she noticed him starting to twitch. Before he could open his eyes, Joey quickly sat up on her knees and positioned them on either side of him. Sitting on his chest, she rubbed her hands across his hard muscles. Dawson's eyes flew open and he rubbed them tiredly before gazing up at her.
"Hi," she flashed him a quick smile before leaning back down to kiss his chest.
"Mmm, hi Jo," Dawson smiled, running his fingers through her silky hair. Joey 's kisses finally reached his mouth and she let her face hover there, just smiling at him.
"Hi. Sorry I was late. Did you miss me?" Joey whispered, wriggling her butt around on top of his body for effect.
He couldn't help but crack a grin. "More than you know," he smiled, carressing her face with the pads of his fingers. "C'mere baby," Dawson said, closing the distance between their lips.
***
Joey smiled at the memory. Things were so simple then. They had so much fun together, and it was even better because they were in love too. She laughed a little remembering how much fun it had been seducing him. She tried to smother the laughter with her hand unsuccessfully.
Dawson rolled over and slowly opened his eyes, allowing time to adjust to the light. She watched him automatically reach other to the other side of the bed. When his hands came up empty, he blinked and looked around the room. Finally he noticed her and paused, seeing that she was dressed.
"Good morning," he smiled at her gently.
Joey quickly sobered, remembering the importance of today.
"Is it?" she asked, playing with her hair and looking away from him. Suddenly Dawson's carpet was very interesting.
He frowned, knowing that look. "I thought you had left," he said.
She bit her lip. "Still thinking about it," she replied.
His eyes softened. He wished he could do something to make this day a little easier for her. "Come here, Joey," he said softly, pulling back the covers for her.
She wearily smiled at him, and sank back into his arms in their bed. It wasn't just his anymore, Dawson had explained to her once. She always had a side of his bed, and now that they were together, there were no more sides. No more boundaries and restrictions; he let her into all of his bed, as he had let her into all of his heart.
"Mmm, there's the feeling I missed this morning," Dawson smiled, kissing the soft skin of her shoulder. Joey reached a hand up to his cheek and touched it gently to let him know she felt the same, even if she didn't have enough strength to say the words right now. Dawson didn't say anything, he just stroked her hair gently.
After awhile he broke the silence. "Scared?" he asked. Noticing the look on her face, he continued.
"I know I am. It's okay to be scared, Jo. I want you to know that I'm not going anywhere. If you had left this morning, I would have run right after you. I'm not going to let you hurt alone, Joey."
Dawson stopped speaking suddenly, and rolled over touching her forehead with his thumb. He moved his finger around her forehead in circles soothingly. Her eyes were to the ceiling and at his words she felt herself crumble inside.
"I'm glad I didn't run," she finally admitted, breaking the heavy silence.
He nodded, knowing she couldn't say anymore. It almost hurt too much to speak about the fear and pain she was experiencing. He just held her tighter in his arms, knowing that just each other's presence was a comfort. It was all they had.
***
A knot formed in Joey's stomach as each step toward her house brought her closer to her sister. It was time to finally confront the issue. Bessie was her sister, and she had a right to know what was going on with her. Joey just wished it wasn't so hard.
She walked up the steps after tying up her rowboat, and stood in the doorway, watching as Bessie put her cranky toddler down for an early afternoon nap. She looked at Alex and immediately choked up. She wished her mom was around. She would know what to say and do, and maybe it wouldn't be so scary and painful.
"Oh hey, Joey," Bessie smiled, noticing her standing in the living room. "I haven't seen much of you lately, little sister. How's Dawson?" she smirked.
Joey forced a smile, trying to convince herself that everything would be okay. She sat down on the couch and whispered back so she wouldn't wake Alex.
"He's good...," she said slowly, trying to figure out how to tell her.
Bessie nodded. "That's good to hear. I was worried about you two yesterday when he was all doom and gloom at the Icehouse. I tell you, Joey, you're lucky to have a guy that cares so much about you."
She grinned crookedly. Just the thought of Dawson and how wonderful he'd been lately brought a smile to her face. "Yeah, I know." She looked down at her hands, falling silent again. This was harder than she thought it would be. Why did life have to suck so much? Why did her life have to suck so much?
Joey sighed. "Dawson and I are great... Um, it's me I'm worried about."
Bessie's face fell. She quickly eyed her sister up and down. "Joey, you're not pregnant..." she trailed off, fearing her sister had made the same mistake she had.
Joey shook her head, laughing nervously. "No, nothing like that. Thank God. I love Dawson, but I can't even imagine having kids now," she admitted.
Bessie nodded quietly, exhaling a big sigh of relief. Then she frowned again, leaning forward. "So, what's wrong?" she whispered, eyeing her sister warily.
Joey bit her lip nervously, and tucked a strand of hair behind her ears. She took a deep breath. "I, well... Bess, I found a lump."
It felt good to say it finally. She wasn't close to her sister, but she was practically all the family Joey had. She watched as Bessie sighed and tried to compose herself.
"Um, it's under my arm. Dawson and I... We were...nevermind. We found it a few days ago," she stammered out, her heart pounding wildly in her chest.
Bessie folded her hands in her lap, and met her sister's eyes. "Okay. Well, if it's under your arm it might not be...anything."
Joey shrugged nervously. She could tell this was just as hard for Bessie. It was like it was happening all over again. She felt like she was twelve and her mother was sitting them both down and revealing her illness. The memories were just too painful.
She started to cry. Joey wiped her eyes and nose, and reached a hand out to her sister. As much as she needed the comforting she knew Bessie desperately needed it too. Joey had a few days to deal with it, Bessie had just found out.
"Bess, I know it's hard. I just needed to tell you. I, um, asked Dawson to take me to the doctor today."
"Dawson knows?" she interrupted, glancing down at Joey's hand covering hers.
"Yeah. I told you that we found it together. He's been great, Bessie. It's almost made up for the fact that... you know, mom's not here..." Joey felt a lump forming in her throat. Talking about it physically hurt her. Bessie sniffled and a few sobs escaped her mouth. Joey tried to be strong.
"It might be nothing, but I have to know," she said firmly.
"Yes, you do," Bessie agreed; the tone of her voice shocking Joey. Bessie looked at her sister seriously. "I'm coming with you, Joey."
She shook her head. "No... Please don't take offense, but it would be too hard for me to have you there. I need Dawson today. I don't know how I can get through this without him."
Bessie nodded silently. "I love you, Joey. If you want to come home tonight, I'll prepare a dinner for you, me and Dawson. He's been really good to my baby sister, and I want to thank him properly. And besides, you're my only sister, and I want to do something nice for you."
Joey smiled. "Thanks, I'd like that too."
Bessie returned Joey's smile and leaned back from her, into the couch. Joey looked around awkwardly. She kind of wished that Bessie had held her and stroked her hair liek their mother used to when they were sad. But she understood that it was difficult for Bessie. She stood up and gave her sister a small smile.
"Um, I'm gonna go get changed. I slept at Dawson's last night," she said, turning around to retreat to her room.
She was halfway there when she heard her name called. Joey turned around, tucking her hair behind her ears, and looking at her sister hopefully. Bessie wiped her eyes and held her arms open to Joey.
***
"Piece of shit car!" Dawson yelled, kicking the car angrily. It had stalled yet again. He appreciated that his parents had bought him one, but it would have been nice if it actually worked. Especially today. He leaned against the car, burying his face in his hands.
"You look like you lost your best friend. What's wrong, son?"
Dawson looked up as Mitch wandered into the driveway. "Dad, don't even joke like that," he warned. He had filled his father in on Joey's condition the other day, so he was surprised to hear him say that.
Mitch's eyebrows rose and he realized his slip. "Oh, Dawson. I didn't mean it that way." He walked over to lean agains the car next to his son. "How's Joey?"
Dawson rougly raked his fingers through his hair, in frustration. "As well as can be expected for someone who's life might change within a matter of seconds today."
"Today?" Mitch echoed.
He nodded grimly. "Yeah. I'm taking her to the doctor. Thank God she agreed to go, or else I know I would be going absolutely crazy right now. It's like it's eating me up...the constant worrying and fear."
Mitch patted his son on the shoulder. "I'm proud of you. I know it sounds corny, but I couldn't have asked for a better son. You care so much for Joey. It's obvious to anyone who sees you two together. And I have always known that she cares deeply for you. You have something special."
Dawson nodded eagerly. It was as if Mitch had been reading what was going on inside his mind for the past few days.
"I love her, Dad. I have something else to tell you also."
"What's that?"
"I... Dad, if Joey's sick I'm staying with her, whether she goes to school or not." Dawson's determination showed on his face. He was absolutely serious.
"Dawson..."
"That's not all. If she's not sick, I'm going to stay with her too."
Mitch listened carefully to what Dawson was saying, and tried not to let his face show any negative reaction. He was worried about his son, but he also knew that he'd be wasting his time arguing with Dawson. He knew his son wouldn't budge when it came to Joey.
"I see. Dawson, I know you love her... And well, you are eighteen, so you are free to make your own decisions. I'll have to trust your judgement on this."
Dawson was shocked he hadn't protested. As soon as the words had come out of his mouth, he expected a long lecuture about being too young etc... It felt good to know that his Dad trusted him.
Dawson grinned, and leaned over to hug his father. "Thanks," he whispered.
When the men pulled back, Dawson looked at his watch. It was time to go. He turned around and sighed, looking at his worthless car. Mitch caught his eye, and reached into his pockets handing the keys to his car to Dawson.
He smiled appreciateively and waved goodbye to his Dad, seeing him walk back into the house. Dawson checked to see if he had his wallet, and then he hoped in the car, started the engine and was gone. It was time to face the inevitable.
***
Joey examined herself in the mirror to see if she looked any different. She knew it was silly. Almost like looking in the mirror to see if she looked any differently after experiencing sex for the first time. The lump, or whatever the problem was, didn't show in her appearance. However, Joey did notice she was thinner than usual. But that was natural, because she hadn't been able to eat much lately with all the worrying.
She pulled her hair up into a ponytail because it was a pretty hot day out. She put on deoderant and brushed her teeth twice. She hated going to the doctor. It only reminded her of the painful times with her mom, and she didn't want to remember her that way.
Joey startled when she heard a knock at the door. Bessie had gone out and Alex was at the sitters, so she had to go answer it. She knew who it was anyway. Examining her appearance once more, she hit the lights on the way out of the bathroom.
She reached the screen door and saw no trace of Dawson at first. She noticed the Leery's car parked in her yard, but that was it. She was about to open the screen door when a fat fingered alien who eats Reeses pieces, and flies around on a bicycle, appeared in her screen.
Joey couldn't help smiling. She bent down so she was eyelevel with the doll...er, collector's item.
"Hey, ET. Have you seen Speilburg's biggest fan lately?" she smiled.
The stuffed "collector's item" nodded it's head.
"Great. Well, can you tell him that I appreciate this sweet attempt at cheering me up-and it helped a little-but unfortunately we have to get going."
ET nodded it's head again and blew her a kiss goodbye. Joey grinned and opened the door. Dawson stood up and smiled at her.
"I'm glad it cheered you up a little," he said, taking her hand.
She closed the door behind her, and let him hold her hand. He wasn't sure how close she'd want to be with him right now, but he wanted her to know that he was here, and not going anywhere ever.
Joey leaned into his body and clutched ET in her hand. He watched her fidget with it nervously as they neared the car. He kissed the top of her head.
"It'll be okay no matter what, Joey. I promise you," he said comfortingly.
She nodded and leaned in closer to him, hoping to soak up some of his strength. She sure needed it now.
***
Next...
