by Court
Special Author's Note: This part is for Michelle, without which there would be no part 6 to this series. Mich, you inspire me in ways I can't even describe sometimes. I'll keep writing as long as you do. Have the best birthday ever sweetie!!!
<big hugs>
:o) Court
***
Dawson took a deep breath of salty sea air into his lungs and sighed. Capeside
may not be the most exciting town but the beach was incredible. It was so
tranquil. Dawson felt like just being there could lighten his and Joey's moods
significantly. It had worked for a little while. They exchanged mindless
chatter on the way over while trying to prepare themselves for that inevitable
talk that they would have to face later on.
He wasn't sure how to begin the talk. All he knew was that Joey was very
tortured and he couldn't stand it. He wanted to alleviate all of her pain
anyway he could. He felt like that scared naive little boy who comforted his
best friend when she lost her mother. He was in pain himself. Their seemingly
perfect relationship was now facing its biggest challenge.
Joey's hair blew around her face, framing her beautiful features. She was so
breathtaking. Dawson could swear that he fell more in love with her as every
day passed. Her petite little body fit so well sleeping beside him. Ever since
the lump had been discovered Joey liked to be held at night. He always held
her before, but now it was as if Joey thought it was the only thing protecting
her from her fear and troubles.
They had taken a picnic lunch to go from the Icehouse but hadn't yet touched
it. Food was the furthest thing from their minds.
Joey rolled over onto her chest beside him on the blanket spread against the
soft sand. Dawson gave her a small smile which she quietly returned. He
glanced at her back and saw that it had become a little pinkish from the sun's
intense rays. He instinctively grabbed a bottle of sunscreen and squirted a
little of it into his hands. Joey jumped when she felt his hands glide over
her back.
"Uh, sorry, Jo. You're just getting a little burnt. We can't have you looking
like a lobster, now can we?" Dawson explained quickly, cracking a joke to calm
the surprise in her eyes. She looked back at him warily at first but then
smiled gently and closed her eyes, nodding at him. "Are you sure you don't
mind?" he asked, concernedly. She shook her head and then rested it lazily
back against the blanket.
Dawson grinned and began to work the lotion into the warm skin of her back. He
moved his hands in equal strokes all over. Soon the act of applying lotion
turned into a relaxing back massage. Dawson was happy when he felt the tension
leave her body and he heard her moan peacefully. Just the little stuff he
could do for her during this difficult time was enough for him. All he wanted
was for Joey to smile and be happy.
"Feel good?" he whispered, moving a few stray hairs away from the back of her
neck. She moaned again in reply and he lovingly pressed his lips to that
delicate spot, as he continued to knead the kinks out of her shoulders. "I'll
take that as a 'yes,'" he chuckled, not able to hide the smile from his face.
Joey was in heaven. He had such good warm hands, and gave the best back
massages. He sure knew how to use those long fingers. She had been tense ever
since the day she found the lump. Joey hated the uncertainty of it all. She had a
no-bullshit type of personality, so this drove her nuts...and scared her to
death at the same time.
She had tried to be optomistic. This trip to the beach had been very calming.
There was just something about the sea air and the sun shining radiantly down
upon her while waves crashed in the background. But the best thing about this
day was Dawson.
She knew how terrified he was for her, but he hadn't pushed her further than
she could go. Now, acknowliging the issue was hard enough. She knew she was
lucky to have him. He knew what she craved, how she felt, and how to love her
the way she desperately needed to be loved. Without Dawson, Joey would be a
mess. He was her rock, and she thanked God everyday for bringing such a loving
person into her life.
Dawson sat up beside her as he continued his back massage. He handled her body
with care and listened for her moans to tell him what felt good. He trailed
his hands further down her back to the middle of her spine where the strings
to her bikini top were.
He quickly untied them without thinking, and was a little surprised when he
felt Joey grow tense beneath him. She had been loving the massage and he
couldn't figure out why she'd want him to stop.
"Dawson, can you move over a little?" she mumbled, not bringing her eyes to
meet his.
"Uh, sure. Sorry." Dawson backed away and watched as she retied the strings
to her top and sat up.
"Joey, what's wrong?" he asked, pushing a blonde lock of hair out of his eyes
to focus on her. She had grown very quiet and had a distant far-away look in
her eyes. Joey took a deep breath and faced him, hugging her legs to her
chest.
"I'm scared," she whispered, eyes still fastened on the sand.
Dawson's heart broke again. He closed his eyes slowly and reopened them,
wishing this nightmare for her would end.
"Jo...," he choked out. She looked up at him, startled by the crack in his
voice.
He reached for her and she immediately snuggled up next to him underneath his
arm. They held each other without saying a word for awhile.
Joey took a few more deep breaths and tried to slow down the accelerated
pitter-pat of her heart. This felt right. She wasn't quite sure what had
freaked her out before, but this was Dawson, her true meaning of home. How
could this not feel right?
She nuzzled his nose and cheek with her own, just wanting to be as close to
him as she could. He managed a weak but happy smile.
"I love you," he whispered.
She felt the tears coming again. "I know. Thank you."
***
"Oooh! I'm going to get you for that!" Joey shrieked as wet seaweed landed on her back.
She jumped up from her comfortable position on the blanket, grabbed the seaweed and
proceeded to chase Dawson into the ocean.
He laughed and splashed her as she drew nearer. Joey scowled at him before laughing
wickedly. He swam further away from her, but she eventually caught up to him. He
grabbed her gently wrapping both arms around her small torso. She struggled and
pounded against his chest lightly with one fist. He laughed and pushed the wet strands of
hair away from her face.
"Dawson, you are so going to pay for that prank!"
He chuckled at her pouting red face. "Promise?"
Joey smiled an trailed her hands down his body. His grin faded and desire quickly filled his
eyes. She raised an eyebrow and leaned forward as she played with the waistband to his
swim trunks.
"Joey," he breathed, capturing her lips for a kiss. She kissed him back passionately as she
slipped her hand inside his swim trunks.
He groaned as she touched him lightly, before stuffing a handful of seaweed down his
shorts.
"Aaah!" he yelped. She threw her head back with laughter and quickly started to make her
escape. He recovered from the shock and grabbed her by the ankle, drawing her to him
again.
"Where do you think you're going, Jo?" he asked playfully, accepting that her revenge
made them even now.
Joey smiled coyly and wrapped both her arms and legs around him. Dawson held her
tightly.
"You deserved that, you know," she whispered next to his ear, blowing her hot breath
onto his neck.
"Yeah, I know. And you deserve..." he trailed off, moving his face closer to hers,
tightening his grip on her body, "this." Dawson bent his head down to nibble his way down
her neck.
"Mmm, that feels good," she sighed. "I think I like my payback," she said laughing before
his lips covered hers again.
***
A little while later Joey munched thoughtfully on a cracker as she sat in Dawson's arms,
surveying the beautiful sights, sounds and smells around her.
"Dawson?"
"Hmm?" he murmured, snuggling his head closer into the crook of her neck.
Joey struggled with the words, trying to find exactly how to say what she wanted.
"Dawson, I... Thank you," she finally said.
He lifted his head to peer at her face. "What for, baby?"
She smiled at her pet name. She never thought she was the type of girl who liked to be
called 'baby' or 'honey,' and she really wasn't. There was just something about the way he
said it. It made her feel really special.
"I just wanted to thank you for being here for me. I know I've been distant, jittery, and
pretty much just a big basket case, ever since I found out..." she bit the inside of her cheek
and closed her eyes. "I'm just so scared, Dawson."
He kissed her forehead blindly, and instinctively connected. He tightened his arms around
her, wanting to give her the feeling of being 'safe.'
"What are you scared of Jo?"
'What aren't I scared of?' she thought. She took a deep breath and the words came out all
in a rush. "I don't know... everything? I'm scared of what might happen to me. I know I
need to tell Bessie about the lump... but it's scary. It's not monsters under the bed scary,
this is real life and death... Telling her makes it so real... I think that's why I've been trying
to avoid it, foolishly hoping that it might go away and I won't have to deal with another
imperfection in my life. Oblivion is much nicer, as you must know," she added the last part
as an attempt at humor. Dawson furrowed his eyebrows and rubbed his hands up and
down her arms.
"Jo, listen to me please. Oblivion may seem nice now, but what about a week from now?
Aren't you ready to jump out of your skin? I know I am. And oblivion doesn't last. When I
finally snapped out of it and realized how good we could be together, it was the best
decision of my life. It was scary, of course. But it was most definitely worth it."
She nodded her head, thinking about what he said. "I'm scared for us too, Dawson," she
said barely above a whisper, trying to fight back the tears she knew would start as soon as
she told him how she really felt.
He wouldn't let her doubt anything about them a minute longer. "Joey, I'm not going
anywhere. We'll be fine. I'll support you through everything. Just lean on me a little. I've
got two perfectly good shoulders, and my heart is already yours." He paused for a second,
realizing how much this frightened him also. "Jo... I'm scared too. But running away from
us is not the answer," he said emphatically, kissing her forehead for effect.
She smiled weakly. "I know. I don't want to run away from us. I just needed to hear that."
"Believe it, Jo. But please...you're scaring me. I know I don't have any right to tell you
what to do... but I have to ask you this. I'm sorry if you don't like hearing it. I care for you
so much it scares me..."
She turned her head to face him and saw the utmost concern and love in his eyes. She
knew she'd agree to almost anything.
"Dawson, what are you saying?"
He took a deep breath before answering her. He knew how fragile she was and that one
push would send her running from his arms, back into oblivion. "Please go see a doctor,
Jo. Who knows? We might be agonizing over nothing... And if there is a health problem,
um, cancer or something else... We'll handle it. I'll hold your hand throughout it all."
She sighed, and felt her defenses automatically going up. "I know I have to go. Don't you
think I know about cancer, Dawson? You were the one that saw me breakdown after I
lost my mom...God," she sighed, tilting her head back into his chest. "This sucks. I just
can't believe this is happening to me..."
He wiped away her tear. "Whatever happens, I'm here."
She sniffled and wiped away the rest of her tears and turned around to face him, feeling
her heart full again. She held his face in her hands tenderly, smoothing a thumb over his
soft cheek.
"I love you," she said. There were no other words to describe how she felt at the moment.
Those three words seemed so small, but they held so much meaning for both of them.
Dawson's lower lip trembled a little as she gazed at him, trying to read his clear blue eyes.
She gently stroked the blond curls on his forehead, and leaned her head into his and gently
kissed his lips as a symbol of their love. He smiled happily and she kissed his forehead as
well before jumping up from the sand and pulling him with her.
"I'm tired of all this angst. I'm sick of worrying every second of my life. I just want to
live."
He nodded his head and took both her hands in his. "I know Jo, I'll help you all I can."
"Dawson, I want you with me but I do need to deal with some of this on my own, okay?
So if I get in bitchy moods, just ignore me. Sometimes it's my only way of dealing with
things."
He smiled. "Okay. It's just so hard for me. I love you so much, and I want
to help. It really drives me crazy knowing I can't."
"You can, Dawson. You are helping just by being here." She tugged his hand. "Come on,
you can help me right now."
"How?"
She smiled playfully. "Well, I want to have some fun. There's a game of volleyball over
there about to start up. What do you say we go kick a little ass?"
He glanced in the direction of the game and then back at Joey who was watching him,
eyes wide with anticipation. He knew how desperately Joey ached for things to be normal
again.
He grinned and in one smooth movement grabbed her gently and lifted her up in his arms.
She giggled and kissed his shoulder.
"Sounds good to me," he whispered.
***
"That's game!"
A cheer went up through the crowd as the winners of the volleyball game were
recognized. Dawson and Joey couldn't help smiling happily as they headed back to the car.
"Man, we sure got our asses kicked," Dawson laughed. He had never been that athletic,
and still didn't care much about sports. "I don't think this was exactly what you had in
mind. Did you have any fun, Jo?"
She smiled broadly and jumped on his back. Dawson quickly grabbed her legs to support
her.
"I had a great time. Thanks for playing. I know you're not into that stuff."
"Anytime, Jo. I actually did have fun. I really-- Ouch!" Dawson exclaimed. He stopped
walking and Joey leaped off his back, looking at him in concern.
"What? What happened?" she asked frantically.
He moved his foot and shook his head. "I stepped on something I think..." He bent down
and picked up the object. "Look, it's a sand dollar."
She leaned her head in closer for a better look. A smile began to spread across her
beautiful features. "Oh, I love these! They're so hard to find sometimes, especially in
whole pieces," she added thoughtfully.
Dawson watched her, totally content. He reached out to stroke her hair. "It must be a
good luck sign then," he said, watching a small smile creep back up onto her face.
"Yeah... I hope so," she replied, as the distant look reappeared in her eyes.
He took the sand dollar from her, brushed the sand off gently and then bent his head to
kiss it before handing it back to her. "Now, it's definitely good luck. Keep it Jo."
She felt herself grow warm inside as she accepted the offering happily.
"God, Dawson, you are so sappy!" she laughed.
He raised an eyebrow at her knowingly. She rolled her eyes. "Okay, okay, I love it.
Thanks Dawson." She leaned into his embrace for a kiss. His lips slid gently onto hers and
filled the kiss with nothing but love. She slid her tongue into his mouth, deepening the
kiss, just wanting to be close. She didn't care who saw the public display of affection. She
was living.
Dawson wrapped both arms around her and spun her around, breaking the kiss. She
reveled in the feel of his warm arms around her, as the radiant sun beat down on them
both. Joey laughed happily, feeling more alive and content then ever.
***
Next...
