"Loving, Losing, and Living"
by Court
Author's note: This is a very personal piece for me for a number of reasons. I've experienced a few things here that Joey will have to face throughout this story. I tried to pour as much realistic/heartfelt emotion into this as possible. This story is going to be about Joey and Dawson, at 18, the summer before entering college, dealing with Joey facing a cancer scare. It is definitely a D/Jo romance. I hope for it to be dramatic, emotional, witty, and very romantic.
This is the prologue.
Rating: This part, PG
Disclaimer: As usual, I don't own the characters. They belong to the highly imaginative/genius-like mind of Kevin Williamson, and the WB. I also like to think they belong to James and Katie too.
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"Loving, Losing, and Living"-Prologue
by Court
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Dawson Leery nervously bit his thumbnail as he paced around his room. He repeatedly ran his fingers through his hair and shifted his eyes all around the room. At the littlest creak of the ladder he would jump up and run over to his window, only to see that it was a tree branch tapping against the metal ladder yet again. Dawson flopped back down on the bed and layed his head against the pillows. He tried to close his eyes and rest, but all he could see was the image of Joey crying when he did that. He shook his head and tried to shake away the pain he was feeling inside. Dawson reached over to his nightstand for the TV remote. He channel surfed for about 5 minutes before he threw the remote across the room and it hit the door. He bit his lower lip as he tried not to cry.
"Oh God, please let Joey's mom be okay. Please let Joey be okay," he whispered.
Dawson took many deep breaths but it was no use. Before he knew it, he was crying. He clutched his E.T. doll, something he hadn't done for a few years, and let the tears go. Just as Dawson had finally gotten a handle on himself again, he heard a noise at the window. He leaped off the bed.
"Jo!"
Joey climbed in through the window slowly and wiped at her eyes quickly, so that he wouldn't see that she had been crying. Dawson did the same.
"Hey Dawson," she answered and walked walked over to the edge of the bed. "So, what movie are we watching tonight?" she said nonchalantly.
He stared at her in disbelief. "Jo, you actually want to watch a movie tonight? I mean, uh, what about your mom? Is she?... Did she? I mean,--"
Joey looked away from Dawson and started to shrug when her eye caught sight of the picture on Dawson's nightstand. She got up from the bed and walked over to pick it up. Her mother's eyes stared right back into hers. This was when Joey realized that she couldn't do this. It was real. Her mom had died. She was no longer going to be around to scold her, laugh with her, punish her, hug her... Joey wanted to act strong, so Bessie wouldn't be all over her, but it was too hard. This was real. Her mother was gone. The tears started to fall again.
Dawson looked over at Joey and mentally kicked himself for leaving that photograph up. The picture was of him, Joey, and Joey's mother one summer ago. Joey's mom was healthy and they all looked very happy in the picture, which they were. It was before Joey's mother had found out that she had cancer. It was taken before the chemotherapy had begun. It was taken in happier times.
"Daws... she's really gone. Isn't she?" Joey's lower lip quivered. Dawson was speechless. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know if there even was a right thing to say. He had never really seen Joey like this. She was always the tomboy with the tough attitude. She never let anyone get her down. She wasn't always like that, though. She was very sensitive, sweet, and very caring. She liked to keep that side of herself hidden, though. So Dawson wasn't prepared to see her like this. His heart was breaking for her.
Joey silently closed her eyes and felt the tears slip down her cheeks. She wrapped her arms around her body, like she was hugging herself. Dawson couldn't take it anymore. The pain was too much for her, and he felt her pain. He crossed the room and wordlessly took her in his arms.
"Jo, I'm so sorry," he whispered, not knowing what to say.
She laid her head against his shoulder and the tears flew faster. Soon she was all out sobbing. Dawson soothed her by gently holding her in his arms while carressing her hair.
"Shh...Jo, it'll be okay..."
"Okay? Dawson, it won't be okay!" Joey pulled out of his embrace and looked like she wanted to hit him. The pain she felt inside was unbearable. She needed some kind of a release to make some of it go away. She hit him on the shoulder. Lightly at first, but soon harder and harder. Dawson just responded by lifting her up with all of his twelve years strength, and he gently laid her back against the pillows on his bed. Immediately after putting her down, Dawson felt a little empty. This was the first time that Joey let her guard down enough for him to do that. He wanted to comfort her in any way that he could tonight.
Joey layed still across the bed. She didn't even bother to wipe away the tears that were still falling. She felt absolutely numb. Her mother was dead. Gone...forever... It didn't seem real to her. She wished it was just one of Dawson's dumb movies, and that it wasn't reality. Joey cried harder. Hard, heart-wrenching, body-shaking sobs.
Dawson sat next to her on the bed and felt the urge to take her in his arms again. He couldn't bear to see her in so much pain. He felt so powerless, and he hated how he had absolutely no control over the situation. He couldn't bring Joey's mother back, he knew, he just wanted to do something to make losing her a little more bearable.
He thought about his own mother. What would he ever do without her? His father would fall apart without the woman that he loved so much. Even after many years of marriage, they still were very affectionate, sometimes too affectionate for Dawson's tastes, around each other. He knew that his parents were still deeply in love. He hated to think how his father would act in the same position Joey's dad now was.
Joey's dad. The thought of Mr. Potter angered Dawson. He had always seemed very nice, and treated Joey, Bessie, and Mrs. Potter good. At least that's how it had seemed. Joey had told him a while back that her father was cheating on his dying wife. That seemed downright despicable to Dawson. How can someone even think to do that? His actions didn't just affect Mrs. Potter, they affected Joey as well. Joey was in such agony over the whole thing. Her family life had never been perfect, but it was good. She thought her parents loved each other, and Joey, deep down, was a sucker for love.
When she had found out about her father's affair she just wanted to die. She couldn't bear to confront him, or her mom, so she kept quiet, foolishly hoping it wasn't real or it would just go away. Dawson had seen how hurt Joey was. It made him so incredibly angry that someone would hurt Joey like that. Now that Joey's mother was gone, Joey didn't have real parental figure. Sure, Bessie was older, but she was still like a kid herself. Joey refused to speak to, or even see her father since she had found out. She kept Mr. Potter away from his wife, for fear that he would do something to upset her. Joey loved, and idolized her mother so much, she would have done anything to spare her pain. She probably would have even taken the cancer away from her mother and given it to herself, if she could.
Dawson looked back over at Joey who looked like she was about to hyperventilate from breathing so heavily while she sobbed. He cursed himself for hesitating to reach out and comfort her. Dawson reached for her hand and laid back on the bed next to her. Her arms immediately wrapped themselves around his torso and she clung for dear life to him. Dawson made soothing sounds and held her protectively in his arms. He looked down at her and her eyes made contact with his. Her face was inches from his. Dawson suddenly felt the urge to kiss her. Without thinking or analyzing, he cupped her chin and brought his lips down to hers softly. Joey was in such a daze that she didn't even think before she willingly kissed him back. The kiss was slow and tender. They had never kissed each other before, and the sensation was amazing. After the kiss broke he looked away from her and she rested her head back on his shoulder.
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PROLOGUE CONTINUED
