Joey looked around Dawson's room for a hole to swallow her up. Could she
really have just said *that*!!?? Did she actually ask Dawson if he wanted
her? No. No way. No way in hell. It's all a dream.
Then she heard it. Did he actually just gulp? Could he be just as nervous
and excited about this? Could he actually still have feelings for her? Joey
couldn't help raising her eyes to his face to look for a clue as to what
he was thinking and feeling inside.
The sparkle in Dawson's eyes had vanished and instead his eyes had become
very dark and glassy. Her heart got caught in her throat as she saw the
look in his eyes. Then he blinked and the sparkle and brightness returned.
It was so fleeting that Joey wasn't sure she had even seen it. He gulped
again and ran his fingers through his hair. She smiled inwardly and somehow
found the strength to continue.
"Uh,...Daws--"
"Joey, I---, They both began at the same time. Dawson uncrossed his
legs, got up from the bed, and started to pace around his room. Joey held
her breath.
"Joey,...I,...uh..." Dawson tried to find the right words to say.
He didn't want to hurt her. He didn't want to hurt himself. Finally he stopped
pacing and looked at her. "Joey, you're my best friend. Nothing could
ever change that. Nothing will ever change that. Don't you understand?"
Joey stared up at him and nodded. Tears were beginning to form in her eyes
again. She was so damn sick of it all. She was sick of being afraid of saying
something, or doing something to change their friendship. She wanted to
be his best friend. She wanted to be his girlfriend. She wanted someday
to be his lover and his wife. It was all so overwhelming. These thoughts
scared her. After all she was only fifteen years old. What was she doing
thinking about stuff like that? But she was more afraid of not telling him.
What if she never told him, and Jen or some other girl became all those
things to him? She knew she couldn't live with herself if that ever happened.
Joey swallowed down the lump in her throat and looked him squarely in the
eye.
"I understand. Dawson, I...I've never been very secure about myself.
Sometimes I act like I am, but I can't fool you. You must know it's just
an act. One thing I am sure about, or at least used to be sure about, is
you and me. I've always known that we'd always be best friends. I do trust
that. It's just...I'm not sure I trust anything else."
Dawson looked at her warily and took a seat by the window. "Jo, I trust
you. I trust us. We're just so compatible... it's the best relationship
I've had in my life. Better than the one with my parents, my relatives,
Pacey,... even my romantic mishap of a relationship with Jen. Even when
I was with her, though you and I were fighting almost constantly, I still
felt more connected to you. It's weird..."
Joey sighed. "So Dawson, where does that leave us? I mean, how do you...,"
she paused, "how do you really feel about me?"
Dawson found himself flashing back to when they were little. All the fun
times the two of them and Pacey had played together. He thought to when
Joey lost her mother. Dawson had stuck by her side through the hardest time
of her life. He thought to all the movies she helped him make, and all the
late night sleepovers. He thought about their recent relationship. Somehow
Jen's arrival had thrown their simpatico off balance. They hadn't been getting
along the same way. Memories of their kiss in detention entered his head
without warning. Dawson found himself licking his bottom lip and closed
his eyes, remembering. It had felt so good. It was unlike anything he had
ever experienced. That was exactly how a real kiss was supposed to be. That's
what his father had been talking about. A deep soulful kiss.
Except it hadn't been real, had it? It was a "dare" kiss. What
he felt from her end wasn't real. She was just doing it because of that
dare. And now? He couldn't believe he had just started to get his hopes
up again. Dawson had long given up on anything more than friendship between
him and Joey. It was too hard, and at this stage in their lives it was too
complicated. He tried to convince himself of that, but when he looked into
her eyes he saw the emotion written all over her face.
She was serious.
Dawson felt his life about to change. The ramifications of this conversation
were so huge. He wasn't sure if he was ready to take that kind of step.
He was about to shut down emotionally when he looked at her again. Joey
had begun to play with her hair, and her bottom lip was quivering. How could
he not be honest with her? He loved her.
"Dawson?" she said, then cleared her throat nervously when he
didn't respond. "Okay, I guess you want me to do the talking. Only
I don't know what to say..."
Dawson suddenly found his voice. "Well, for starters, you can tell
me what's going on here. I mean, why now? Why tonight...?" He trailed
off, thinking. "Life imitates art, and art imitates life. I've seen
enough movies to know what comes next here. This is the big scene where
one or both of the characters break down and confess their... But I can't,
Jo. I just can't. Not now, and not this way. God, is there even a way to
do this? After all we've been through together. Your mother's cancer, my
mother's infidelity, my relationship with Jen... Joey, you were my first
friend. You're even the first girl that I've bedded," he laughed. "You
were my--"
"First kiss," Joey added softly.
Dawson stopped pacing- which was a good thing because he had just worn a
hole into the carpet- and turned to look at her. "What?"
She took a deep breath. "First kiss, Dawson. I was your first kiss."
She looked around for the TV remote, briefly paused to wipe her face free
of the tears that had fallen throughout Dawson's "speech," and
pushed play.
His jaw dropped as the characters he had created, David and Victoria, took
center stage in the forms of himself and Joey. As he watched the tape, not
once daring to look at Joey, he inched closer and closer to the bed until
he was sitting on the edge of it.
The tape soon ended just as quickly as it had begun, but neither of them
moved or spoke. Joey carefully watched Dawson's face. His brow was furrowed
and he was intensely biting down on his bottom lip. Slowly she moved to
sit next to him, reached out, and put her hand in his. She watched his expressionless
face for a few minutes. Just when she thought all hope was gone she felt
his fingers entwine with hers. She lifted her head, and gave his hand a
soft squeeze.
"Dawson, I'm just as scared as you are. I don't know why I'm doing
this. I just know that it's even scarier not to. I can't walk away from
this anymore. I can't go on pretending that it doesn't hurt me when you
talk about Jen, or anyone else. These feelings I have are just too overwhelmingly
strong. As much as I want to put on my 'happy face,' and pretend everything's
alright...I can't. Dawson, please don't hate me for doing this..."
"Jo, I don't want you to put on your 'happy face.' And I don't want
to put on my 'clueless face' anymore either. I, uh, I've always known there
was something more between us. You obviously know that, after watching the
tape... When Jen came to town, I saw someone who liked me, and I liked her
back. I thought she was the missing piece in my heart... I thought I wanted
her. But I realize now that I never knew what I wanted... No, that's not
right. I've always known it was you. I thought by being with Jen I could
protect myself from my feelings for you. Obviously it didn't work. She's
not you. Joey, I could never hate you for doing this. How could I hate you
when I really--
"No!" Joey's eyes widened and she turned to face him. "No.
Let me say it. Dawson, this is something I have to do. No more playing games.
No more chickening out." She took a deep breath and forced herself
to look into his eyes. "Dawson, I...I..."
Joey's confession was postponed when he suddenly brought his hand up to
her face, and gently stroked her cheek. All words flew out of her head and
she felt breathless.
"I...I...," she tried again. He gazed adoringly at her, weakening
her sense of movement and train of thought.
Then she lost all coherent thought as his face leaned towards hers, and
their lips met in a sweet kiss.
Dawson tried to remember what his father had said about letting his lips
dance when kissing, but all that flew out of his mind as she kissed him
back intensely. She tasted sweet and salty from the tears of happiness that
were falling down her face. He wanted to kiss the life out of her. Joey
pulled him closer to her and reached up to run her fingers through the soft
curls in his hair. Dawson's eyes opened slowly and he pulled his lips away
from hers. He looked at her lovingly and began to kiss away the tears that
had fallen. She sighed contentedly. Then she remembered the importance of
what she had to say. She pulled all the way back from his embrace and smiled
shakily.
"I love you, Dawson. I'm not even beginning to fall in love with you,
either. I'm already there. I'm sooo there. You're my best friend, and my
soulmate. And I'm not sure I even believe in that stuff," she grinned,
and took a very deep breath. "I want to bring things to the next level.
I want to be your girlfriend too. I just want to be with you. Whatever it
takes. Even if I have to recite this mushy stuff all over again," she
giggled, "I'll do it. I love you, Dawson."
He couldn't keep a smile from rising to his lips. "I'm glad to see
some of my romanticism has rubbed off on you, Joey." They both laughed.
He wrapped her in his arms and tenderly kissed her forehead. "I couldn't
have said it any better myself." He looked around the room. "So
what movie you wanna watch now?"
Joey leaned her head against his chest, and sighed happily. "I don't
care. As long as it has a happy ending. I'm a sucker for those, you know."
"I know," he replied. "Me too, Joey. Me too."
***
<sigh> If you liked it, tell me please. I would love to write another
DC fic. Feedback to: Dcreeker98@aol.com Thanks for reading!
