Housecleaning With The Hunks

By: Isa Bedigian


Buffy slammed the front door to her house and found her mother working 
at her desk, as usual.


"Hi sweetie. How was.........your night?"


"Big Slayage. I gotta tell you something."


She kept on typing. "What?"


"I saw Spike again."


"Oh?" she tried her best not to show her distaste for the Vamp.


"Yeah, he was telling me he's giving up his lair here."


"His what?"


"That's where Vampires stay. Anyways, he's giving it up, and he asked me 
if I wanted it."


"His lair."


"Yeah.


"Why would you want his lair?"


Buffy took a deep breath. "I wanna move out."


*****
Giles tossed his glasses onto his desk and smiled at Joyce. "Hello. 
Won't you have a seat?"


"I'm here on business, Mr. Giles."


"Please, call me Rupert."


"Fine, Rupert. Buffy has told me she wants to move out."


"Buffy is business?" he questioned.


"She is with us. She wants to move out."


"I know."


"You're okay with this?"


"I didn't say that. I suppose I don't have much say now that I'm no 
longer her Watcher, however I do feel that if she gets a taste of being 
on her own--"


"She had that over the summer."


"Yes, but she was upset and lonely. That was about breaking away and 
this is about independence."


"That's true."


"Give Buffy a week with this idea and I'm sure she'll give it up."


Joyce stood up. "I think you may be right. I'll talk to Buffy when she 
gets home tonight. Thank you Mr--Rupert."


"You're very welcome. Good afternoon, Joyce."


She smiled and walked out. He watched her as she left and realized where 
Buffy got her wonderful walk from.


******


Buffy smiled when she walked in. "It's big."


"It's a mess!" her mother declared. "Oh, God, Buffy, I detested the idea 
of you moving, but moving HERE?"


"It would be free!" she reminded her. "Free! As in no rent. No bills. 
Just a place to crash."


"You have to place to crash. For free. It's called home."


"Right, with a mom - no offense - and rules and I just need some space, 
all right? I'm not going to live here all the time, just occasionally."


"Like six nights a week?"


"Ri--" she smiled sheepishly at her mother. "Let's just look at the 
kitchen."


Joyce walked over to a filthy bar accompanied by a sink so mildewed it 
was hunter green in colour. "I believe this is it."


"So we get some of that Kitchen Miracle stuff they sell on 
Infomercials......"


Her mother stared at her.


"Or I won't eat when I'm here." she walked over to the bathroom door and 
kicked it open, not wanting to touch it. "The bathroom isn't bad."


Her mother peeked in. "The toilet seat is black."


Buffy backed out of the bathroom and walked around the main floor again. 
Dust flew up into the air. 


"Your friend Spike has some taste," Joyce remarked.


"He was just trying to be nice, Mom."


"Next time, tell him to try harder." she put her arm around her. "Come 
on. You know, you could always build a clubhouse or something in the 
yard. Lots of people do that."


"Sure, Mom." Buffy laughed.


*****


"You're not taking it? I'm shocked."


Buffy moved towards the only free table at The Bronze and motioned for 
Spike to sit with her, which he did.


"It's not that I don't want it, I do, but my mother cannot deal with the 
idea of me living in such a pigsty--"


"Hey!"


"Spike, really. What would you call that place?"


"I wouldn't know. I haven't seen it in at least two hundred years.


Buffy rolled her eyes. "Here," she handed him the key back. "Let me know 
what you think. I've gotta go meet Angel."


"Hot date?"


"Actually, we're going to have a threesome with Faith. Willow and Oz 
might drop along too. You're welcome if you're free."


"You never fail to amaze me, Slayer."


"Well, what do you want? Swinging is very hip amongst the undead and we 
don't wanna be left out."


*****


Spike grunted when he saw the mess that had become his old lair. She was 
right. It was awful. He put his boombox in one corner and turned it on, 
jumping around the room to GreenDay. When the song mellowed a bit, he 
began to clean. He wore a mask and used some infomercial-worthy chemical 
to clean the mildew off the sink. He had a lowly Vamp put a new toilet 
in. He swept, he dusted, he moped. He whitewashed the walls, put 
carpeting on the floors. He bought a mini fridge and put it in there for 
her. The whole bit.


He was just about finished with the kitchen counter - it was yellow now 
that you could see it - when his most favorite song in all his life, 
November Rain came on. It made him think of Dru whenever he heard it. If 
he would have been capable of it, he would've cried. He threw his sponge 
in the brand new sink (the grunge just wouldn't clean off of the old 
one) and stripped down to his boxers. It was always easier to sulk in 
your underwear. Before he knew it, he was dancing. It wasn't a happy 
dance or a sad dance, it was just a release. Of what, he didn't know. 
When he'd finished, he realized the song had been over for some time. 
GreenDay was again blasting at him, something about how the nice guys 
always finish last. He smiled, thinking he was never a nice guy anyway, 
and went back to scrubbing the last mildew stain he found on the 
counter.


Without telling Buffy, he also had some of his cronies remove the black 
ceramic tiles that covered all the windows. He had them replaced with 
new windows and put a sliding door to the balcony. He was willing to bet 
money Buffy didn't even know about it.


Time passed, and he realized the smell of the informercial cleaner was 
getting to him. He opened the door to the balcony and went outside, 
looking down at the city below him. There wasn't a whole lot to 
Sunnydale. Small homes, small buildings, big evil. He remembered the 
first time he'd wreaked havoc in Sunnydale. It was in the 1950's. He'd 
brought Dru with him and they'd killed the family that lived in the 
apartment and made it there own. He truly was surprised it was still 
standing after all these years.


Returning to the indoors, he played with the tuner on the radio, grabbed 
a broom to use as a mic and went nuts when Elvis came on. 


"Oh let me be, your Teddy Bear," he sang, totally off key but completely 
happy. He went through about thirty more tunes, and when he was in the 
middle of his rendition of "Please Mr. Postman", someone came out of the 
bathroom and announced that it was completely done. Spike, feeling self 
conscious the way he looked, hid behind the counter and threatened the 
Vamp's life if he didn't get lost. He complied, and Spike went back to 
his dancing. The station, he realized, played oldies from four decades, 
form the forties to the 70s. He was getting annoyed with the disco stuff 
until Donna Summer came on.


"At first I was afraid," he sang, picking up the broom again. "I was 
petrified. Kept thinkin' I could never live without you by my side." he 
broke a piece of the handle off to use as a hand held mic and went on. 
"But then I spent so many nights, thinkin' how you' done me wrong and I 
grew strong. I learned how to carry on."


He sang on, feeling liberated. He felt like the song was his final 
goodbye to Drusilla. He didn't know where she was, and he didn't care. 
He was hoping that fixing up the apartment would win the heart of the 
Slayer. Or, at least, make her stop hating him.


"Spike......what is this place?" Buffy couldn't believe it. There was an 
inflatable couch and ottoman in the living room of the place, the 
kitchen was all fixed and there were curtains in the windows. The 
bathroom had been fixed too, there was even soap in the dispenser. "Who 
did this?"


"Who do you think, Slayer? Me."


"Why?"


"For you."


She was baffled. "Why?"


"Can't I do something nice?"


"Not without wanting something in return."


"This place is yours, if you want it."


She looked around. "Oh, it's great. But I can't take it. My mom and I 
already decided that I'm going to just crash with Angel a few nights a 
week."


Spike growled.


"That'll be good for both of us, it seems like we never see each other."


Spike felt his Vamp face urging to come through but he fought it. If he 
killed her, he'd have to answer to Angel. He didn't want that.


"But don't worry. I have a friend who would LOVE this place!"


*****


"Man, B, you were right, this place rules!" Faith settled on the couch 
with a box of Crunch and Munch. "Who'd you say fixed this up?"


Buffy grinned. "Angel. He did it all himself."

Just one more, one more, one more!