It's May 8th, 1999. I woke up this morning early so I could go down town to fill in an application for a job I'm getting. I'm recovering from a cold so I was getting myself some Tylenol and I hear my Dad say "oh my god. Oh my god..." I went over to him and he he was reading the paper and in it it said that an old friend of mine that I've known since the 6th grade and that I had just talked to 2 weeks ago had died in a car accident on her way to school. Actually she died at the hospital, but the point is she's dead. I cried. I don't usually cry. I cried for her, and for our old friend Amanda who had comitted suicide a few months ago after she had been raped. I had never cried for her. So I cried. I'm not ashamed.

I did go down to thet job and on my way to getting a triple shot mochaccino to calm my nerves I met up with some other old friends that hadn't found out yet. One of them happened to had been my best friend for 6 years before we grew apart. She told me her father had died in October. And to top it all off a friend of mine's father is in coma dying of brain cancer as I write this.

Even though it seems as if the world is falling down all around me and a lot is falling right on top of me I find myself trying to fix some things that have gone wrong. I hadn't talked to Danielle in a long time and then I met up with her at a store about 2 months ago. I'm so glad I was able to talk to her and see her again. And that brings up another point, never lose track of people you care about. With the thing in Kosovo I'm afraid some of my friends, one in particular, that are in the Army will have to go over. The one I'm talking about I've been good friends with for 2 years now and we did date a few months ago when he was back from basic. We had a falling out of sorts and I hadn't talked to him for 2 months. last night I tried calling him (something I might add that was hard for me to do because my pride was preventing me) but he wasn't home. He called me back and we talked like old friends again. I feel better now knowing that if he does go over, if there's a full scale war, and he dies (something I'm not sure I could deal with) I'll know that my pride didn't come between being friends with him still. So many people seem to being leaving. So many dying on me.

I guess the point is there is a lesson to be learned here. Something I've learned myself and that I want you all to know too. Sometimes pride and pure stubborness can get in the way of our own happiness and knowing people that may one day leave us feeling aweful that we never reconciled with them. Amanda I hadn't seen or talked to for some time, and I wish I could have now. All I can do is prevent the same thing from happening.