The Backstreet Sense

Nick and Howie are sitting Nick's living room staring at their viewers choice award which they had "borrowed" from the other Boys.)
Nick: Oh Howie, now the whole world can see what we've accomplished.
Howie: Yes, they're saying my little Nicky has a gift...and you've put everything second including me to achieve this.
Nick: Oh Howie, let's take this into the bedroom and look at each other..oops..I mean the trophy. (giggles)
Howie: (sighs) Did I ever tell you that you remind me of Lou Pearlman when you're being naughty?
Howie: (rolls his eyes) And he doesn't cry after sex...

In their bedroom...
(Nick is wearing high heels and lipstick. He is putting on a private show for Howie who starts getting a horrible wink that won't go away)
Howie: Nicky, you forgot my favorite part of this.
Nick: But..but..Howie..they just bunched up when I put those spandex thingys on...(Starts to cry)
Howie: (Is about to slap Nick when he sees the broken window) Oh no, someone broke in through the back window..
Nick: (Stops crying) I love it when you tease me Sweet D.
Howie: NO, SOMEONE TRESSPASSED INTO YOUR HOME!!
(They hear someone in the bathroom, Nick wets his pants. AJ is standing there in his underpants.) *Side note: AJ in his underpants...ooohhh babeeeee*
AJ: (Singing) Like a Virgin, HEY!
Howie: (Checks AJ and tries to control his mad winking) Ummm...This is our (wink wink) home, I am the breakfast burrito man. There are no (wink wink) prescription drugs or (wink wink) needles in this (wink wink) house.
AJ: No needles or prescription drugs? (looks at Nick) Hey, she's like me with boobs.
Nick: Hey, I'm not a girl! We just make sure that anything that pops up, we nail it right in the butt.
Howie: (Slaps Nick) Dammit, you're not supposed to let our secret out. Remember all those screaming fans? They know I'm gay, but if they knew about you, the heartthrob of the group, we'd lose our jobs.
Nick: (Looks confused, then brightens) I resign in Florida.
AJ: (interrupting) Look, I didn't break in here for no reason. I have something to tell you flamers. (Turns to Howie)
Howie: And what would (wink wink) that be?
AJ: Do you know why Howie winks? I do, I do...
Nick: It's a Backstreet thang.
AJ: (Turns to Nick, annoyed) Do you know why you're a dumbass?
Nick: (smiles) I'ts Valentine's Day when St. Patrick comes and shoots you in the butt.
Howie: Oh Nicky, you know what all this butt-talk does to me. (starts to molest Nick).
AJ: Man, I can't take this sh*t anymore. (Points gun at Nick,pulls trigger) Hold the press. (Points gun at self, pulls trigger)

Next fall...
Nick: Why did you insist on us riding horses during our first session? I'm getting kinda sick from all this bouncing.
Kevin: You idiot. You're...on..backwards.
Nick: (looks down, reliezes the error off his ways, and turns around) Do you think I'm cute?
Kevin: Umm...how is our discussing...your cuteness..going to help...me with my mental...problems...because I have mental problems..and that is bad...because mental problems are bad...especially if you see...dead people...and I see dead people...which is REALLY bad...you know, that's why i have...mental problems...because of the dead people...I see them...they're everywhere...(Nick yawns and Kevin gives him a dirty look)
Nick: (looks thoughtful) If I was a Beanie Baby, I'd be Bronty or royal blue Peanut 'cause they're both rare and precious--like me. (giggles annoyingly)
Kevin: (starts speeding up)
Nick: Hey, go slower.
Kevin: (Goes even faster)
Nick: What are you doing? Are you trying to lose me? You never told me if you thought I was cute or not.
Kevin: I...don't...care...
Nick: (Is so shocked that someone doesn't care about how he looks, he falls aff the horse)
Kevin: Ha..ha..ha
Nick: Wait, sorry if I offended you. Sometimes I think TOO hard and when I stop to think, I forget to start again. (Starts crying) Where's my Mommmmyyyyy?
Kevin: (laughs so hard that he falls off HIS horse, and rolls spastically around on the ground, hysterical)
Nick: (panics) What? Did you see a dead person?
Kevin: No...it's just the idea...of you...thinking at ALL..
Nick: (crosses his arms and sticks out his tongue) Well, I resign in Florida and you don't.

Next session, Brian, Kevin and Nick are sitting in Kevin's living room.
Kevin: Mommy...how did you...meet...daddy?
Brian: Oh man, it was a long time ago, hello. I can tell you that much...I don't want to go into details, but there was a sauna involved.
Nick: (Runs out of the room screaming) My virgin ears!!
Kevin: Mommy..it wasn't that...Leighanne person...was it?
Brian: Hey look at my face, my name is B-Rok, and I'm gonna always love you, cuz I'll B-rockin' your house.

Nick: (Falls asleep outside) ZZZZ
Kevin: (Sees a ghost, it's Justin Timberlake) Omigod...it's..it's...that...one..guy...(Nick wakes up)...from that..group...(Nick goes to the bathroom and comes back)...you...know...N...Sync...(Nick bolts to attention)
Nick: What? Justin Timberlake? Is he dead? Yay. Now I will be the only blonde teen idol and everyone will worship me!! (Starts doing a victory dance)
(Justin is followed by an ugly girl, it's Britney Spears. She's chasing Justin around the room)
Britney: Come to me Justyyy...you know you've wanted me since the Mickey Mouse Club...come here babeee...
Justin: Get 'da hell away from me ya' crazy bitch. I jumped in front of dat' movin' car ta get AWAY from yo' sorry ass!
Britney: Wasn't it conveniant? You didn't know my fake silicon boobs would pop did ya? (giggles like a crazy hyena, and Justin runs out of the room. Meanwhile, Nick is still doing a victory dance)
Kevin: Mommy...I want to talk to you...now. You know...that stupid...girl Britney Spears? Well, her fake boobs popped and she...died.. (Nick stop dancing)
Nick: Hey, she told me they were real! (Kevin ignores him)
Kevin: And...Justin Timberlake died...because he jumped..in front...of a moving...car...
Nick: See, I am smarter than that Justin guy. The biggest thing I ever ran into was a tree... (States this smugly)
Brian: Oh Kevy, did you see that on TV?
Kevin: ..No...They just ran in the room, cuz I see dead people, that's...why I just...saw the...cuz...they were...dead..and it's because...of my ability...to..see dead people...so they're probably..dead...Lou Pearlman comes to visit me sometimes mommy...
Brian: Kevin, that's not funny, Lou died from that drug overdose, remember?
Kevin: He told me to tell you "Never". What did you ask him Mamma?
Brian: (cries) I asked him if anyone on the other side gave him back massages as well as me.. *sob*
Kevin: (ackwardly tries to confort Brian) That's my mommy...So...Nick...what do...think about my...problems?
Nick: (Thinks really hard and swear pops out) Maybe if you gave them makeup tips, they would leave you alone. (He gasps, exhausted from thinking too hard)
Kevin: How stupid... (Britney and Justin run back in followed by Lance Bass and JC Chasez. Kevin shrugs and decides to give it a try) I could...help..you guys..look better...like with makeup...and stuff..
Lance: Really?? Cuz I'm really having trouble deciding between the Sunset Rose or the Passion Purple. What do you think?
JC: Shut up Lance, he's going to help Justin. He needs it cuz he wants to look like me.
Justin: Shut up yo'. Ya need dat' more dan' me any day!
Britney: That's so sweet. They're fighting over me. Come to mama.. (They both slap her)
Lance: Guys, can't you just help me decide? It's so difficult..
JC: I'm hotter than you Justin
Justin: You'z trippin' fu'. I'm way da' hell hotter.
Lance: *sighs* I just can't decide, they're both so delicate for my light complexion...
Kevin: Oh sh*t, remind...me to..slap that..Nick...boy..

Kevin: Well, I...guess..that we'll never...meet again...(mutters under breath) Thank God...
Nick: (is choked up with tear) You remind me of my dear Howie D at home..
Kevin: Uhhh...maybe you should...go...see...her..and talk to her... *mutters* like...when she's ASLEEP..
Nick: Oh thank you Kevin. (hugs Kevin and leaves, turning and waving even after Kevin is out of sight)

At Nick's house...
Chris: OH Howie, you're so good for me Latin Lover..
Howie: You have no idea what watching those little braids of yours moving across my stomach does to me...
(Nick walks in)
Nick: AHHH!!! Howie, you're cheating on me! (Tries to push Chris over, but can't) What? What's wrong with me? (Britney walks in and amazingly, Nick can see her)
Britney: Duh, you're dead.
Nick: (gets angry) No I'm not, otherwise I wouldn't be able to TALK now would I?
Britney: (shrugs) Cute, not smart. Hey...now that Justin ran away, you want to stay with me?
Nick: Hey, you told me your boobs were real.
Britney: Umm...they are...they just popped cuz they..umm..got too big. Yeah, they got too big.
Nick: OH, okay, (gives one last loving look at Howie who is doing some kinky stuff to Chris) ok. I agree. (They run away singing and live happily ever after in mutual incompetence..*ahem* I mean companionship..)

THE END

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