[4/22/2003 4:12:19 PM] You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Feeling and almost knowing that you've failed an exam... as for me? I'm about 85% sure that I failed my chem exam today and possible my biology one last thursday... what am I going to do? =*(

[3/29/2003 8:31:51 PM] Many things were confirmed for me this week.. despite all that's happened, I really thought, even more so, hoped and wished that things would get better between the both of us. What a fool I've been to think that all along while we were getting closer, we were in fact, growing further and further apart. Never once did I question motives of friendship but as days and weeks have passed, I have seen nothing more than that... evidence and proof that all my suspicions, all my fears... were coming true. All this time, I had always thought that out of everyone, we were the closest... i've never been so wrong in my entire life...

So overall, on a personal and emotional level, things are not going well... so how am I dealing with all this drama? Again.. not so well.. so now what? Focus more on an academic level? I guess.. but of course, thoughts will still linger and worries will still surface.. regardless, I can't escape....

[3/16/2003 2:50:06 PM] One of the reasons why I choose to write in this BLOG is because some people don't know it exists and for that reason and that reason alone.. I can sort of write anything I want in here.. I know that most AA users on my friends list do know that this exists but that's only because most of them are my friends anyway and I really don't mind that they read what I have to say.. actually.. it's sort of a compliment that they do ^_^

I finished writing up my notes for organic chem and am in the process of studying for this week's midterm. Summer school is right around the corner and I'll probably be taking two courses this year: Chem 233 and Micb 202.. just cause I don't feel like taking it this year in regular school term(s). Hopefully it won't be too bad since I have a friend in one of the classes..

I'm listening to the theme of Autumn Fairy Tale as I'm writing this.. it comforts me like the rest of the instrumental pieces I have on my computer..I've been thinking alot lately... about how we've all grown up and changed. For some of us, we changed for the better while for the rest, we've changed for the worse. Some friendships have become tighter while others are slowly dying. As days, weeks and months are passing, what i've been learning is not to get too close to someone.. and although that doesn't sound so good, it's a defence mechanism designed to prevent future pain from being inflicted. There will always be those select few people that will remain in your life forever and for those people, I am forever grateful. It's not to say that I don't cherish those who have entered my life and then left, but sometimes, you just have to let them go.. gaining wisdom and perhaps strength from those around you and then having to learn to move on in life without them..

[3/12/2003 8:42:26 PM] Have you ever wished you were wrong about something you suspected was right? That the worst case scenario turned out to be untrue and that everything will feel normal again? I really hoped that my wish would come true but unfortunately for me, it hasn't... A while ago, I had this gut instinct that someone had extended his/her hand in friendship for a reason other than the fact that they wanted to be my friend. It's a tough thing to think about but sometimes things just don't feel right and the more I become this person's friend, the more I feel that I'm getting closer to someone who doesn't even think of me as a friend. For them, I am a REASON friend.. one that is there simply to meet a need they have expressed... to complete this task and then disappear from their lives forever... I'm so confused about what to do and whether or not to do anything.. but most of all... I'm just hurt...

[3/11/2003 9:23:37 PM] Woke up Sunday morning with the feeling of dehydration.. must have been the alcohol... it always gives me some weird side effects... when drinking, it gets me sleepy and when I wake up I'm left with this dry feeling left in my mouth.. just great.. ^_^

So yeah I received my chem midterm today and guess what? I passed that as well... I almost didn't though, I basically JUST made it.. 30/60 to be exact, which means I have to kick @$$ in the last one... which will be organic chem >_<

A friend just called me to do a survey about coffee.. after doing it I realized that I drink that alot along with lots of green tea and such.. conclusion? I have a lot of caffeine in my body.. even as we speak. I should really cut down.. no wonder I'm not getting any good sleep nowadays.. ahh just as well, I have lots of reading to do anyway.. I just bought some books from chapters yesterday afternoon to be exact. I'm really looking forward to reading Nicholas Sparks' "The Notebook" A friend of mine started to cry last time in class when she was reading it so I'm ready to have my heartstrings tugged at =)

So two days after the incident and to be honest, I'm still a little peeved here. I mean, I understand that she was hurt and all but does making another person feel guilty about it really change anything? I mean in the end, you feel bad, you make another person feel bad who later feels angry which ultimately makes those around her even more mad.. it's a domino effect with you, meaning "her", being the target. It really sucks what you did and you know what? I don't think any of us will forget it.

O0o.. imagine mixer on thursday which means I'll be staying at school until 11pm again.. I just hope it ends early so I can get a good night's rest.. looking forward to the weekend.. why? Clinique consultation plus hanging with my girls again =) I'm so loving this ^_^