People always ask me why I don’t have my license or a car since I'm 18. I really had nothing to say to them before because their feeble young minds couldn't handle the thought that one single human-being on this relatively small sphere of dirt and water, could not care. Throughout my nomadic travels across mass distances I came upon my one and only fear in this pathetic life that I live. |||THE CAR||| Let me tell you, don't take moving vehicles too lightly. One minute you're there, the next you are in a dab, dark place. Where sunlight doesn't shine. A place where the Italian's hide their enemies after the MOB transforms them into hideous abominations that are cast into the flames of a fiery dumpster (OR ANY BODY OF GLOOMY WATER WHERE A BOTTOM DOES NOT EXIST). I would have rather been in purgatory than this grimy visage of space. While laying there I was wondering if this was real life or one of my messed-up melodramatic dreams. It turns out it was real because my shady captors popped the trunk and told me to get out. As my head was protruding from my newfound metallic home, the driver (a shell of a man), ripped at the E-Brake. As the car came to a wicked stop, I was jerked, rapidly, to the left. I swear, as I was pressed up against the side of the trunk, I could see the rear wheel lifting off the ground. I thought to myself, "THAT CANT BE NORMAL!" It's cool though. I survived the wild ride, secluded in the back of the machine. If that's not enough to convince you that I fear |||THE CAR||| ,then take this into note. The same dreary night, as I attempted to walk away from the designated establishment of which I was to consummate some ravishingly, savory hamburgers, my fate was determined. It's not as if I didn't hear the roar of the beast or it stampeding toward me, it couldn't be missed. The key part of this incident is the fact that I had a helmet on. This was no ordinary helmet. This protective head gear was crafted from the finest of KEVLAR. Foolish of me to think, "THIS THING CAN STOP BULLETS MOVING AT AN INCREDIBLY FAST AND FORCEFUL RATE, SO WHY NOT A CAR MOVING AT A SLIGHTLY SLOWER RATE?" If that wasn't enough, I got the idea that if I was to race toward the vehicle like a BULL, I would destroy it. As the gap enclosed between us, I had a second thought. TOO LATE! It hit me, like a ton of bricks, approximately between my left knee and pelvis. As I flew through the air I thought to myself. "SO THIS IS WHAT BATMAN FEELS LIKE WHEN HE USES HIS SUPER BAT POWERS TO FLY AROUND!" "I WANT TO BE BATMAN." Then I hit the ground and everything went black. When I opened my eyes, I had hoped to see my future flash before me but all I saw was the driver. I think he was enraged that I ran toward him because he was kicking me hard. He chased me around the parking lot until I was tired beyond all hope. When I awoke from the trance that was brought upon by passing out and hitting my head on the curb, I thought I should check my cell-phone for the date and time. To my surprise the phone was cracked all to hell. I left the phone how it was. It gave it character. Although, my phone drops half the calls I get because of the devilish vehicle's impact. Other than that, I was fine. Well I guess it's all cool because I lived through that night. A couple of days later I was sitting back and relaxing on the hood of |||THE CAR||| . Suddenly, the vehicle started moving at an incredibly fast rate (25 MPH). I was like, "OHH, HOW AM I TO EAT MY SPAGHETTI-O's AND DRINK MY NICE COOL REFRESHING DR. PEPPER?" The vehicle, as if it had a mind, decided to turn hard. I swear falling off of this tool of transportation wasn't that bad. In-fact it was quite thrilling. Basically, the part that sucked was the landing. I might as well have jumped from a plane without the parachute (THAT WOULD HAVE HURT LESS). My leg twisted completely around, 360 degrees (I CAN'T BACK THAT UP). I lay there for quite awhile. The knee was torn apart. It was as if a grenade was taped to my leg and exploded violently. What can you do though? Walk it off! So after walking around on it for like 2 seconds I jumped into |||THE CAR||| and rode off into the beautiful sunset. Even though I said I fear |||THE CAR||| now, I don't. That part was the only part in this entire compilation of words that bears a false identity.
