Ok I don’t even know where to start or what to say about today.  The entire day sucked.  Horrible I tell you!!!  I didn’t even call Steve.  Steve called me.  That’s just wrong.  I don’t know why, it just is.  We took our normal trip to QT and then I think we went to Fry’s Electronics to find something for his computer window.  We didn’t find it because Fry’s is part of the establishment.  That’s what gives me the fear.  Then we went to Ryan’s house.  When we got there he cooked us breakfast or something.  It was intense because I don’t think Ryan knows what he is doing when he cooks; it just like turns out better than you would think.  So like we were there doing something.  I don’t remember what because it was boring I think. Yeah then Steve and I left because Steve had to work.  So like, I went home.  Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah BAM!!!!! Night just jumped through my window like a crack head breaking into a Columbian warlord’s lab of coke.  I had to perform fast; I had to produce miracles because we were going to go bowling and like no one knew what was going down.  So like, I injected myself with 100% raw caffeine. I didn’t have time to play around I had to get down to business.  So I called Steve all crazy and shaking from the overdose of the caffeine.  I had to call him like 500 times and he never answered once.  So I had to sit in one spot shaking and like telling Karen how to ask for the money from her dad.  I was like Karen just say, “Dad there comes a time in every girl’s life when she comes to her father and asks for the $15 dollars to go to the extreme bowling with some friends.”  Then I think I said something like this; “Just tell your dad that there will be the alcohol and the drugs, but there will be adults there to supervise the usage of the substance.  Also, tell him that I don’t let the 9 year olds do bad things.”  This worked out because Karen is only 9 and I and her dad go way back like since Vietnam.  Ahhhh!!!  So like Steve called me all crazy and I was like, “let’s go!!’  So we like left to go pick up Karen.  While driving there some weird guy in a Z3 pulled in front of us all crazy.  I flipped out and had a ‘nam flashback and like jumped on the roof of Steve’s car while he was driving and yelled. “You god-damn pussy!!”  Like everyone on the street heard me and like all the cars around us suddenly just slowed down for some reason.  There were no cars for like a mile in every direction.  I gave them the fear.  Well anyway, we got to Karen’s house and like I had Steve ring her doorbell because it was like 9:30 at night and I was scared or something.  So like after a long wait of 10 minutes at her front door Karen finally answered.  She said bye to her step-mom or something. After that I was like, “awe, give her a hug too.”  For some reason she didn’t.  So we left Karen’s house driving like 90 and listening to the 80’s music.  We went to Steve’s house real quick to pick up the jeep instead because Steve’s car wouldn’t shut up about the damned left door being opened and plus his car can’t handle more than 3 people because he has no rear suspension.  So like when we switched vehicles I was like, “Karen you are so sitting in the front because the front is made for the midgets and you are like 2 feet tall so it works.”  It’s funny because Steve is like the jolly green giant and had to sit in like a small compact area and drive. He was like curled up into a little ball when he drove.  It’s great.  We left Steve’s house and like his jeep is intense because it has like 1 gear. Well not really but it might as well because he has to be in forth when he is going 25 mph.  So anyway, we were driving to Ryan’s house to get him and he kept calling all commando and stuff so Steve wasn’t even answering the phone.  Ryan left a voice message or something and when I heard the special ring I was like, “who the hell leaves a voice mail, seriously…”  Steve was like, “Everyone but you….Dildo.”  I was like, “OK.”  So we got to Ryan’s house and he was like, “pull up here,” and he pointed over to the side of his house.  So Steve did it.  Ryan then like ripped apart his circuit breakers.  It was funny because he was like, “ha-ha, take that you motherless son of a pig English man!!”  Yeah….. Then Ryan gave Steve his QT cup back that he almost washed.  It would have been a great tragedy if this were to happen.  Well anyway, Steve took Ryan’s phone and put it in his mailbox.  Yeah so we then left to the bowling alley to partake in the most extreme night of bowling that anyone could imagine.

            We walked into the building like ruthless thugs.  With a look in our faces as if we just killed 15 random people and didn’t even think twice about it.  I had made plans to just mess with people all night because I was poor.  So while waiting in the line that was like 7 people strong, Ryan made an intense discovery.  There was a contest to win some phat Sponge Bob stuffed animal things. Ryan filled out the little contest paper and put it in the box. I called him a homo for doing that, but right after I filled one out too.  The only difference is the fact that I’m hardcore and I wrote on the paper that bowling contests suck and that I am stealing their pen. Then I had an even greater idea… I filled another one out but this time I put on the paper that there was a bomb in the box.  Yeah after that I stole the pen while some little kid was watching. It was funny because the little kid was giving me weird looks after that.  Yeah then we moved up in line a little bit. I tell you, even thought this line was tiny; it still took forever to get to the place where we paid.  So yeah, we were waiting in line and I see this box type thing made of plastic. This made me furious; I don’t know why so don’t ask.  Well anyway, I started to mess with it because I have the ADD or something and when I looked behind me there was this guy that worked there with a silly looking grin on his face.  I got scared or something so I stopped messing with the plastic beast.  Yeah, then I looked over at the Sponge Bob thing again, and there were people there looking for the pen that I had stolen.  With a demonic look on my face I just patted my pocket and looked at the little kid that saw me take the pen.  So finally we reached the counter and Karen, Steve and Ryan paid the people their money.  I just looked at the guy and said, “NO!”  Well anyway Ryan went to get his shoes and I went to talk to my connections within the bowling establishment.  With no questions asked the guy gave me the size 10 ½ shoes and I went to the lane.  That’s right I didn’t make the payment of $15 dollars of small unmarked bills to the filthy register man.  While walking to the designated lane, some madman ran into me.  I though my cover was blown for sure, but it was only someone I knew from bowling club.  So I make my way to the lane when Cody Grimes jumps out of no where and puts his arm around my shoulder.  Mistake.  I grabbed his weak man arm and threw him across the place into the rack of bowling balls.  He came back to us and was like, “ok.”  Then he gave Karen a hug and she was all scared and confused.  So anyway, we get are clown shoes on and Ryan attempts to put the names into the computer.  After beating on the thing like a small monkey for quite some time, he finally gets the names in.  Although, I don’t think they were spelled all too great seeing as my name was Chuckuckuk and his was Rufus.  I don’t know maybe he stuttered while typing mine in.  Ok then came the bowling.  Karen went first.  We laughed at her bowling technique. I’m really not sure why we did this because she beat us that last few games, but I so owned everyone on the first game.  The rest of the night, I caused nothing but trouble.  First of all, there were these black people right next to us bowling. Normally this would not be a problem, but I was struck by lightning twice at once.  After that the force from the negatively charged ions in my body threw the ball out of whack and it went down the wrong lane. I busted out laughing.  It was pure madness the way that I laughed.  I also pointed at Ryan and was like, “he did it.” J (the black guy’s first initial) then said, “All hell no. Look what this cracker did. God damn you white boy!”  He then pulled off his belt from his pants and was like making threatening gestures at me all night.  Sometimes when I looked over at them, the guy was busting a move to the mystical music that played from nowhere.  During that same game, the guy came over to me and was like, “If I don’t get over an 88 it’s me and you in the parking lot after this.”  I was like, “OK!!”  Then I turned my head and silently whispered, “I’m making a run for it.”  Yeah, so anyways we bowled some more.  Although, I still acted all crazy while bowling, throwing the ball and like pretend tripping and sliding down the lane like it was game point and a world series game and I was going for home.  Once, I stepped on the lane and lost all control.  I was tripping and sliding all over the place and I flew off the lane and by the seats.  It just so happened that Ryan and Steve were there, so they decided to pummel me with kicks and such.  This was not a good thing because Ryan basically smashed my ankle.  Yeah, my ankle should still hurt but I don’t have the pain so I don’t have to worry.  Also, I got abrasions on both my knees from the superior skids that I was doing down the lane.  Ok so I think it was the second game when these “old folks” were getting pissed by the fact that we were having the mad fun.  So some lady decided to yell at me and Karen about the lane courtesy, while we were fighting over the bowling ball that she was going to throw down the lane on my turn.  The lady was like, “F**king  kids, have you ever heard of lane courtesy!! S**t wait your turn!!!”  So basically, I yelled back “OK YOU BIG DUMB ANIMAL!!”  She didn’t like this too much.  I’m just guessing though, maybe she did.  Well anyway, so like every time that I had a turn and the lady was up I would be all “AHHHH!!!!!,” and just throw the ball down my lane as fast as possible and run back to my seat.  I was like, “Time me.” Whooooosh!!! “3 seconds, not good enough! AGAIN”  Uhh all that running made me tired and I had the thirst. Trust me, I could have drank an ocean and asked for more.  Although, I am poor white trash, so I don’t have the money to spend.  I just lingered around the food area for the right moment to make my move.  After about 15 seconds, I saw the light. “Go Go Go,” I said to myself out loud.  I moved in quickly and grabbed the guy by his shirt and was like, “Ok listen up, I don’t want to make a seen but if I have to my nine will do some talking if you know what I mean.”  The guy so pissed himself and was like, “whatever you want just name it.”  “Yeah just get me a free drink” “How about you give me a dollar and I will give you 4 quarters back and a cup” “OK sounds like a plan”  So I gave the guy Ryan’s dollar that I ganked from him.  It’s ok because Ryan is rich and doesn’t know what to do with the money he has.  Then the guy was about to give me 4 quarters and a cup and I was like, “Bah just give me the cup.”  I think my cup was broken so I didn’t really use it that much anyway.  It’s the last game and I’m up to bowl.  I was totally feeling a strike when out of nowhere comes Karen and a bowling ball.  She rolled it all slow down my lane.  ‘Intense’ I thought to myself and then cried because my turn was ruined……Or was it.  I was like, “screw it” and I tossed my ball down the lane anyway.  I so didn’t get a strike.  Well that kept going on for about the rest of bowling.  Then it came time to go.   I just remembered at that time that at least 7 people wanted me dead and I didn’t pay.  Also, I think we messed something up because the screen on our lane was flashing yellow and said “SERVICE.” Not good.  So like I quickly switched from clown shoes to real clown shoes and ran all fast to the front desk and gave them their shoes back.  I cautiously walked to the front of the place and freaked out and screamed “IM MAKING A RUN FOR IT!!”  Then I bolted out the front door and one of my shoes decided to take a walk without me.  Not cool because I was like, “Man down!! Leave him!! No man gets left behind!!”  So I darted back and grabbed the shoe and took off once again.  When I got outside I realized that Steve parked like right next to the door. “Easy getaway.”  I was wrong, Steve was no where to be found.  Like 5 minutes later he walks out of the door and him and Karen just laughed at me.  So we got into his vehicle and started to drive away.  We got to this curb thing and like too many cars were in front of us and we didn’t have the time to wait.  Off rode!! We drove over a curb and through a small dirt area and over another curb then peeled out all hard.  Steve is now the coolest person and can never be called a “pussy” again. So like, we dropped Ryan off. Nothing special there.  While driving to Steve’s, I was in the back of his jeep.  Steve turned around the corner all hard and I busted a sweet trick in the backseat.  Actually I was holding onto the roof and like I fell and twisted all around and it looked like a trick and it was funny.  I couldn’t stop laughing, neither could Karen.  I don’t think Steve knew what went down.  So we were on our way to drop Karen off at her house, when some freak in a riced out Integra pulled in front of us all turbo like thinking he was cool.  The road rage hit me like a train.  We got to a red light and pulled up right next to the guy.  I looked over at him and simply said, “You pussy.”  Then we drove off.  The guy must have flipped out or something because he raced in front of us and like stopped.  Thus, forcing Steve to slam on the breaks.  We had this situation under control and pulled into the median and pasted him.  He then began to follow us.  He so wanted to kill me.  I told Steve, “Dude just stop and I will get out and talk to him.”  Karen was all scared and stuff and Steve didn’t want to deal with anything at the moment so he did some skilled driving in attempt to lose the guy.  We turned on some dark ‘dead end’ street and like pulled up into a driveway that we saw sporting a Highway Patrol car and a Police van.  The guy so got the fear and like just waited until we came out.  So anyway we drove out that neighborhood with the guy still following us.  I told Steve that if he wasn’t going to let me get out then he should just drive around and mess with the guy.  So we drove down random streets and like did u-turns and stuff.  The guy finally got tired after about 15 minutes and left.  Karen felt so relieved that he was gone.  Yeah so then we dropped Karen off at home and I got banned from yelling things out of Steve’s car.

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