Today I did the decision I almost avoided to make.

I dropped one of my subjects under the masteral program and deep inside myself I felt that I had already given up my little fight on that class. It took me quite a while before arriving at the final decision. It is actually time itself that forced me to make it. I dropped my programming language class. It was really so hard to give up. I, who never dropped any subject since I was in the BS Math program is now in front of my instructor asking him to sign my dropping slip-and he did-an indication that he was really expecting me to quit. I never wanted to do this but I know it is my fault. I tried to take the full semester load in spite of my full-time employment. Now I am ready to say good bye to my 1,500 bucks tuition for the 3-unit load, good bye to my chance of getting the dean?s list award, and the most bitter good bye, which was to accept the fact that I would still not graduate 2 semesters from now.

On my way home, I bought a pizza for the family. I used to bring goodies at home every time I get an accomplishment. But this time it is different. I brought home food alright after I dropped my failing subject. And all I have to do now is to regret-which I should have avoided only if I studied well for this subject.

But how can I do that given this miserable situation that I have in the office? I almost died out of lack of sleep every night just to finish my office tasks and always skip my classes just to do what was expected from me by my superiors. It is alright with me at first since I feel that I?ve done well despite of sacrificing my study load just for the sake of my work. It is from my salary that I get my tuition and if I will not be paid then I would not have the money to send myself to school. Add to that fact the recent event where I was evaluated as needing further improvement which caused my salary not to be increased for the rest of the fiscal year. It also caused me to get irritated every time I hear the words ?fiscal year?, ?annual process?, ?performance feedback?, ?solutions workforce?, and some other filthy jargons that are being used in the office to brag to the clients that we are well off.

However, looking at it in the bigger picture, dropping my programming language class is not really quitting at all. For me, that was just a part of the contingency plan that I am doing to salvage the rest of my school loads. I am expecting bulk of work from now on that may require me to render more and more hours of overtime that I ever had before and I also think that my remaining subjects will become demanding as well. What I had really done was to unburden myself of further pressure and worry that would prohibit me from getting sleep every night. Just a contingency plan-for I have already messed up the original plan of getting both study and work done with flying colors.

But with, as I?ve said above, the recent ?win? of evil against my hard work in the office, I got literally upset and pissed off for I have not gained anything in both aspects of my career. In work I got no salary increase and in school I got to drop a subject. Oh boy! What a very miserable life! A change of plans is in need.

Find strength in what remains behind.