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Honey Buzzers

~Instead of mousetraps, what about baby traps? Not to harm the babies, but just to hold them down until they can be removed.

~If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them, because I hate that song.

~Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.

~Once while walking through the mall, a guy came up to me and said "Hey, how's it going?". So I grabbed his arm and twisted it up behind his head and said "Now who's asking the questions?"

~Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the persons house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of it's head with a note that says "You." After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.

~Too bad you can't buy a voodoo globe so that you could make the earth spin real fast and freak everybody out.

~Sometimes I think I would like to be named The Prince of Weasels. As the Prince of Weasels, I could sneak up behind people and bite them. Then they would turn around and say, "what the...oh, it's just you the Prince of Weasels."

~I wish a robot would get elected president. That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad.

~I think one way the cops could make money would be to hold a murder weapons sale. Many people could really use used ice picks.

~I think a good product would be "Baby Duck Hat". It's a fake baby duck, which you strap on top of your head. Then you go swimming underwater until you find a mommy duck and her babies, and you join them. Then, all of a sudden, you stand up out of the water and roar like Godzilla. Man, those ducks really take off! Also, Baby Duck Hat is good for parties.

~There should be a detective show called 'Johnny Monkey'. That way every week a criminal could say, 'I ain't gonna get caught by no monkey'.