Ted was a Pimp until he got caught f**kin his cat in the back yard by locals.

Back in the day when weed was legal, Ted went to value city with 50 cents in his trousers. He was lookin for a whole new "him" and walked back to look at the women's clothing, he found a shirt he liked and tried it on... ooh, he said... (i think that meant how tight it felt, he indeed liked it). Then later in the day, he walked throught the men's department, he saw some killer pimp suits... red, gold, black, purple and pink (the really hot pink that makes your eyes squint).  He put on the gold suit, and tucked a few of each color suit down the front of his pants.  As he was going out of the store, he set his 50 cents on the counter, the cashier lady asked "what's this for", and all ted could mumble was "pimp at ya lata bitch". As he walked down the streets of the ghetto all them fine black ladies were whistlin' at him, that didn't hurt his feelings a bit, but when a car full of black guys came racing down the street and were askin him if he liked doggie, he said yea he's the best rapper there aughta be. Then fat joe said, no i meant do you like doggie style, he said "isn't that where you throw the stick and make the dog run and catch it?". All the guys laughed and took off. He finally walked to his house down in the ghetto and saw granny drivin' a cadilac with 15's. He was like hell yea. Where the hell-jya find that piece?

 (Another episode of "Ted the Pimp" later to come)