Chris tightened his grip on the blankets as the new nurse began suctioning the tube in his throat. He hated the feeling it caused, but knew he couldn’t stop what they were doing to him. He prayed for it to be over as he struggled against the intense feelings. His arms and legs remained immovable as the restraints held him fast. He could see Dr. Barrett standing beside his bed and making notations in his chart. He felt the sweat form on his own brow and slowly slide down his forehead.
“Not much longer, Chris,” Barrett assured his patient as he watched the green eyes open slightly. They didn’t stay open for long as Larabee clenched them tightly shut once more.
“All done, Chris,” Becca assured him as she finished suctioning the hose and reattached the ventilator.
Chris felt the ventilator take control once more and opened watery eyes. He felt the nurse’s hand on his shoulder and saw the sympathy in her eyes. His attention turned towards the doctor as the man took his stethoscope and listened to his lungs. The pain in his chest outweighed everything else in his body and he winced as the Barrett eased him onto his left side a little.
“Okay, Chris, I think that’s it for today.” He saw the question in the sea green gaze and looked deep into his patient’s eyes. “Do you remember why you’re back on the ventilator?” He saw the head shake slightly and confusion replaced the questioning look in the eyes. “Do you remember why you’re here?” The head nodded once. “Good. You’re on a ventilator because you’ve been having trouble breathing on your own. If things improve we may be able to get rid of it tomorrow. Right now you’re dealing with a punctured lung and pleurisy and it’s gonna make you pretty uncomfortable for a while. What I’d like you to do is get as much rest as you can and don’t fight the ventilator. Becca is going to give you something to ease the pain right now and we’ll be hooking the morphine infusion pump back up today. I don’t want you in pain when there’s no need of it, Chris, so relax and accept the help. Okay?”
Larabee knew he couldn’t do without the medication and he nodded slowly. He looked forward to the time when he could speak instead of trying to make everyone understand his gestures. He tried to move his hands and again turned his gaze on the doctor.
Barrett frowned until his eyes caught sight of his patient’s hand movements. “The restraints?” Again a slight nod of the head. “Hopefully we can dispense with those tomorrow as well.” He saw the hope flare in the green eyes and smiled as he patted the bare shoulder. “I said hopefully, Chris. It all depends on how things go over the next twenty-four hours.” He saw the hope dashed before it had a chance to be born and knew this man hated being tied down. He watched as the lids dropped over the sadness harbored in those eyes and sighed heavily. “Chris?” He waited for the eyes to open and focus on him. “I know that was probably not what you wanted to hear, but things will get better.”
‘Sure they will, Doc,’Chris thought and then berated himself for the self pity. He closed his eyes and tried to ignore the self condemnation he felt. ‘Shit!’ he silently swore as the tears slipped past his closed lids. He felt someone at his IV line and was grateful when the pain medication entered his system.
“Chris, do you feel like visitors?” Barrett asked softly, knowing this man needed company, more than he needed rest. He knew from his own experience just how much the mind wandered when left alone. The trips back in time to his own torture were sometimes as hard as the real thing had been.
Larabee heard the question, but didn’t open his eyes as he nodded slightly.
“We’re just about done here so I’ll let them know they can come back in. Becca, make sure he doesn’t overdo it. Chris your friends can stay with you, but you need to rest as well.” Barrett left the room, passing a lab technician as he did.
“I need to take some blood from Mr. Larabee.”
“Okay, Susan. Chris as soon as Susan is finished I’ll let the others come in,” Becca said as she washed his face. She watched as the lab tech checked the wristband on her patient’s arm, opened the A line, flushed it and extracted the blood samples she needed.
“All done, Mr. Larabee,” Susan said as she closed off the A line once more. “I’ll see you later, Becca,.”
“Okay, Susan,” Becca said as she looked at the pale form on the bed. She smiled as she saw the green eyes looking at her. “Would you like to see your friends now?” The head dipped once and she moved to the door. She pulled back the drapes and barred open the door. “Would you gentlemen like to come in now?”
Buck took the handles of the wheelchair and shook his head as the tracker was up and out of it before he could move it. He followed the other man into the room and they took up places on opposite sides of the bed. “Hey, Chris, good to see you awake.”
“You look a little better than ya did last night, Cowboy,” Tanner said and smiled at the look of disbelief on his friend’s face. “Would I lie about that? Now, ol’ Buck here still looks like shit.” he said and saw a sparkle of laughter in the greens eyes as he spoke. “Hell, Chris, he looks like he ain’t slept in months and we both know what that can do to his ah, constitution. Hell he’s probably suffering from constipation on top of everything else.”
“Where the hell did ya get those words, Tanner?” Wilmington asked, trying but failing to look stern. He saw the twinkle of mischief in the blue eyes and was glad to see it mirrored in the green ones. He knew what the younger man was doing and was glad he seemed to be able to lighten Larabee’s mood. “You listenin’ to this crap, Chris? You think this kid would’ve learned there ain’t no way for me to look bad! Ain’t that right,” he squinted across the bed until he could read the nurse’s nametag. “Becca?”
“Ya don’t have to answer this ol’ windbag, Becca. Me and Chris know what he’s like and he just hasn’t faced up to his, ah, hmm, shortcomings yet.”
“Chris, can I borrow your gun?” Wilmington asked as he realized what the sharpshooter was alluding to.
Larabee shook his head and wished he could join in the friendly banter. Instead he sent his feelings through his eyes and winced as he tried to move on the bed. The medication he’d been given was making it hard for him to concentrate and he felt his eyelids growing heavy once more. He fought to keep them open, feeling safe in the company of his two closest friends, yet he knew he couldn’t hold sleep at bay much longer. He hated the thought of what could be waiting for him once his eyes closed, but again there was no way to fight it off.
Buck and Vin grew silent as they watched Larabee surrender to sleep. Buck smiled at the sharpshooter and moved around the side of the bed. “Ya did good, Vin, but I owe ya for those wisecracking jokes of yours.”
“Who said they were jokes?” Tanner grinned as the ladies’ man tried to glare at him. “Face it, Buck, unless you’re Larabee ya just ain’t got the glare down pat.”
Buck watched as Tanner rubbed his injured shoulder. “Come on, ol’ man, let’s get you back to your room.”
“I ain’t old, Bucklin,” Tanner said with a grin.
“You might as well let him take you back to your room, Mr. Tanner. Chris should sleep for a couple of hours and you need your rest.”
“Ya also need some decent clothes, Vin. With those knees showing you’re liable to scare off the ladies I got my sights set on,” Wilmington laughed as the tracker blushed. “ ‘Sides ya don’t want to get a draft do you? I mean a scrawny thing like you might just blow away if there’s a strong wind.”
“Shut up, Buck, or I’ll get Chris’ gun,” Tanner hissed as he was led out of the room.
Becca watched the two friends leave before she turned back to her patient. She knew how hard the suctioning was on him and she reached for the basin of water. She picked up the cloth she’d placed there and gently wiped the perspiration from his fevered brow. She watched as he entered REM sleep and hoped this time it would be peaceful for him.
For Chris the pain and suffering of the past week were being relived, only this time there was no rescue, no friends to help him through it all, no soft voice calling to him, no one to help him past the pain. His dreams were filled with pain and emotional scars as Robert Maguire continued to do in his dreams what he’d been unsuccessful in doing in life. Chris Larabee was slowly losing control of who he was as Maguire forced him to his knees, something no man had ever been able to do. ‘NO!’ He screamed as he struggled to his feet, but something held him in place and he felt as if all was lost to him.
Becca wiped away the tears that slipped from the closed lids and wondered what was in her patient’s dreams to cause such a deep emotional display. She continued to look after him and prayed the dreams would lighten for him. Somehow, she didn’t think that would happen as Larabee’s arms twitched at his sides. Almost as if he was trying to protect himself from something only he could see.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The day passed in a haze of pain filled awakenings and nightmare filled sleep for Chris. The one thing he could always count on was opening his eyes and seeing one of his friends beside the bed. Orrin Travis came by to speak with him and to deliver a card from Mary and Billy.
Chris smiled when the older man showed him a drawing done by Billy Travis. It showed a horse and Chris standing beside it. Chris frowned as a shadow over laid the picture, a secondary figure fluctuated just behind the solid drawing. He blinked his eyes and the shadow was gone. The next time he woke up it was to find Vin Tanner and Josiah Sanchez keeping him company. The two men talked to him, telling him what was happening in the outside world and making sure he knew someone would always be with him. JD and Ezra were there the next time, but the two men seemed quiet to Chris, almost as if they were worried they’d say the wrong thing. Chris smiled as he thought of the gambler and how he’d react when he told him where the ace of spades was.
Buck and Nathan stayed long after he’d fallen asleep. Visiting hours were over, but the two men remained where they were. Chris seemed disturbed about something and it manifested itself in his dreams. Buck could tell his long time friend was dreaming and also realized there was nothing they could do to help him except wake him up. They did this only when he seemed to be getting violent. Barrett had left orders for the night nurse to begin the trial run with the ventilator. Things looked hopeful that Larabee would be rid of the offending tube by the next morning. The night stretched out before them as they settled in with the injured man.
The worst times for both men came when the nurse asked them to leave. They knew she was going to suction the tube running down Larabee’s throat. If he was awake they’d see the fear in the green eyes and do what they could to reassure him that he’d be fine. When they returned he was usually ready for something to help manage the pain and would drop off to sleep as soon as the nurse gave it to him.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Anne came in to start her shift at seven the next morning. She’d changed with a nurse who needed the time off and since she had no plans it was easy for her to take this change in the rotation. She hurried to the nursing station and walked into the morning meeting held in a room behind the big desk. She knew she’d be looking after Chris Larabee again and was surprised when butterflies erupted in her stomach at the thought of seeing him again. ‘Not very professional today,’ she thought as she listened to the updates on the patients in ICU. The meeting ended and she picked up her notes and walked towards the room where her patient was housed. She entered the room and smiled at the young man seated next to the bed. She recognized him in spite of the street clothes he wore.
“Good morning, Vin, how are you doing?”
“Morning, Anne, I’m better,” Tanner answered. He hadn’t slept very well and his body ached from tossing and turning. He’d drifted off sometime after three and was surprised to find the blue jeans and button up shirt sitting on the chair beside his bed. His slippers were beside the chair and he’d carefully dressed himself before coming to visit Chris. Nathan and Buck were there and the two men looked exhausted. Vin knew they would want to be around to see if the doctor was going to remove the tube from Larabee’s throat. He suggested the two friends get some breakfast while he stayed with Larabee since his own breakfast wouldn’t be delivered to his room until nine
“You certainly look better,” Anne observed as she moved to the bed to check on her patient. She smiled as she saw the green eyes gazing up at her. “Good Morning, Chris. Dr. Barrett will be here shortly and we’ll see about taking you off the ventilator. Would you like that?” She laughed as the head took a quick dip and the gaze returned to her.
Chris turned his head as she started checking the tubes running into his body. He was surprised to see Vin Tanner sitting beside the bed. When he’d finally slipped into a virtually dreamless sleep, Nathan and Buck were there. Now he eyed the younger man, worried about the pale features and the dark circles surrounding the usually exuberant eyes. His brows drew together as he tried to send his thoughts through his gaze.
“Hey, Cowboy, you okay?” the sharpshooter asked softly. He watched the frown form on Larabee’s face and wished he could hear his voice. He knew what his best friend was trying to tell him and he forced a smile to his own tired face. “I’m fine, Chris.”
‘Sure you are,’ Larabee thought. ‘You look like I feel.’
“Chris?” The blond head turned slightly towards the nurse. “Dr. Barrett is coming this way.” She saw the hope in the green eyes and smiled at him as Vin moved out of the way.
“Good morning, Chris,” Barrett greeted his patient. “I’ve just been going over your latest test results and blood gases. Everything looks good and I think we can get rid of the ventilator.” Barrett saw the relief on the patient’s face and turned to the young man standing behind him. “Vin, would you wait outside...”
“Can I stay with him?” Tanner asked.
Barrett looked from one man to the other and smiled at the friendship the two shared. He nodded and looked down at his patient. “I think Vin can stick around if that’s okay with you.”
Larabee nodded, only too glad to have his friend with him. He smiled as the doctor moved back and the nurse returned.
“Chris, I’m going to take off the tape,” Anne explained as she gently eased the tape from around his mouth. She saw him wince as it caught on the short hairs. Finally she had it all off and she knew Barrett would want to complete the last part himself. She respected this doctor, knowing he was a hands on physician, who sometimes got too involved with his patients. ‘You’re one to talk,’she thought as she reached for the basin to get fresh water.
“All right, Chris, you know the routine, right?” Again the blond head dipped once. “Breathe out now!”
Chris breathed out as the doctor pulled the tube from his throat. He cried out as pain erupted in his chest and hip and bile spilled from his throat. He tried to move on the bed, but the restraints were still in place. No matter how hard he tried he couldn’t rid his body of the pain lancing through it.
“Hang on, Chris,” Tanner soothed as he placed a hand on the trembling shoulders. “What’s wrong with him, Doc?”
“Just a minute, Vin! Anne, give him a shot of morphine and Zofran!” Barrett had seen the way Larabee moved and knew he’d jolted his hip. He watched as the nurse did as he ordered and eased Larabee’s heaving shoulder’s back down. “Chris, try to relax.”
“Try...ing,” Larabee’s voice was a raspy whisper as he once more forced the words from his ravaged throat. “Shit!” he swore and realized Anne was standing beside the bed. “Sorry,” he apologized.
“I’ve heard far worse than that, Chris,” Anne said as she dipped a clean cloth into the basin.
“Feeling better?” Tanner asked his friend.
“Think so. Only hu...rts when I breathe,” Larabee quipped and coughed violently. He felt the bed being raised, but his eyes were clenched tight against the agony in his chest. The burning spasms of pain in his lungs intensified as he was forced to give voice to the harsh cough. He didn’t hear the doctor order a bronchodilator immediately. He lost track of time as his head was lifted and an oxygen mask slipped over his head. He felt the cool mist entering his lungs and it wasn’t long before his breathing eased a little. He opened his eyes and waited for his vision to focus before looking gratefully at the doctor. “Th...anks,” the word was muffled by the mask, but the intent was unmistakable.
“You just lie there and breathe in that medication,” Barrett ordered and watched as Larabee fought the urge to cough. “Chris it’s important to get rid of the mucus in your lungs and coughing is the best way to do that. You have to do it....”
“Hu...rts,” Larabee wheezed as he felt the tightness in his chest ease slightly.
“I know it does, but you’ll have to do it if you want to get well,” the doctor told him.
“Try....tired.” Again the words were garbled by the mask covering his mouth and nose.
The green eyes closed, but the people in the room knew the injured man wasn’t sleeping. They watched as his face contorted with pain and a series of weak coughs came from his throat.
‘How much more has he got to go through?’ Tanner thought as he watched the suffering on Larabee’s pale face.
“Ah, hell,” the blond hissed as the attack eased once more.
“Hell’s right,” Vin said as the nurse lifted a cloth from the basin.
“Chris?” Again Larabee turned glazed eyes on the doctor. “I’m going to have Anne remove the restraints for a while.”
“For...ever,” Larabee wheezed.
“That depends on whether there are any more flashbacks,” Barrett explained as he picked up the patient’s chart and made a few notations regarding the broncohodilators and other medications. He quickly checked the tube running into the right side of Larabee’s chest. Barrett continued his examination, including the knife wound to his patient’s right shoulder and the immobilized left hip. Next he took the stethoscope and listened to his breathing. Once he was satisfied he draped the instrument over his neck and looked at the nurse. “Anne, I’ll be back in a couple of hours. Have me paged if there are any problems. You can give him some ice chips for now and we’ll see about getting him on a clear fluid diet this afternoon.”
“Yes, Doctor,” Anne agreed. She promptly took the spoon from the cup of ice she’d brought in earlier and lifted the mask.
Chris accepted the offering and smiled as the ice melted and eased some of the dryness in his mouth and throat.
“Chris, don’t hesitate to ask for anything,” Barrett ordered before leaving the room.
“I won’t, Doc. Thanks.” He turned to the tracker and smiled thinly. “Ya look like I feel, Tanner!”
“Hell, if that’s meant ta be a compliment I’m in deep shit!” the sharpshooter laughed.
“No compliment, Vin, I f...feel lou...sy,” Larabee admitted as the nurse removed the restraints from his wrists and ankles. He felt her soft hands slowly rub the feeling back into them and he smiled gratefully. “Thanks, Anne.”
“You’re welcome, Chris, now do as Dr. Barrett ordered and breathe in that medication!” She turned a stern gaze on her patient and realized she was in trouble when the green eyes seemed to dance mischievously in spite of his discomfort. She picked the cloth up once more and slowly washed his face and neck. She smiled as he sighed contentedly as she slid the warm material over his skin. She could still feel the warmth of fever, but it didn’t seem as bad as it was.
Vin watched the pretty nurse care for his friend and was glad Larabee was in good hands. He couldn’t help but smile as the blond charmed the nurse without even realizing he’d done so. ‘Hell, I thought Buck was the ladies’ man. Shit, Chris if he could see you now he’d be askin’ ya for tips and ya don’t even know what yer doin. Buck would say ya got the gift,’ he thought. He sat in the chair and thought about what they’d both been through since arriving in Four Corners. His mind wandered to the seven men who’d made a brief, but extraordinary appearance in their lives and he wondered if those men knew how grateful he and the others were.
“Vin?”
“Huh, what?” Tanner asked as he stumbled over his thoughts.
“Chris is sleeping and I think you need to go back to your room and do the same thing,” Anne ordered. She’d been watching the longhaired man and saw the weariness on his face. “Buck and Nathan are coming this way and I want one of them to take you upstairs.”
“I’m okay.”
“No, you were here for Chris when he really needed you and now it’s time you saw to your own needs. Nathan, Buck, would one of you please escort Vin back to his room.”
“I got him,” Wilmington said as he took the sharpshooter by the left arm and eased him out of the chair. He didn’t miss the fact that Larabee was missing the endotracheal tube, but the best thing for him was the lack of restraints. Chris Larabee was well and truly free and Buck prayed he would stay that way.
~~~~~~~~~
Anne continued to care for her patient, ignoring what she knew was a growing attraction on her part. She saw past the bruises and lacerations to the handsome man she sensed was underneath. She briefly wondered what he was like when uninjured, what kind of man he was, what he enjoyed doing. She’d look at his friends and realize he had to be special to earn the respect of the men who held vigil over him. She’d sent them out to lunch while she took care of her charge. She readied a basin of warm soapy water and was intent on giving him a bed bath. She knew he’d been awake for some time, by the change in his breathing and knew he would soon need a second dose of the bronchodilator. For now she just wanted to make him comfortable.
Anne went to the door and closed it before doing the same with the drapes covering the window. She placed a hand on his shoulder and smiled as the green eyes open and turned towards her. “How are you feeling, Chris?”
“I’m okay,” he answered automatically, and smiled as soft laughter bubbled from the nurse’s throat. It sounded good and he opened his eyes to look at her. Her eyes twinkled as she looked at him and he felt a soft warmth as she placed a hand on his forehead.
“I’m just going to clean you up a little and see about making you more comfortable,” she told him. She turned to the table, reached into the basin, wrung out the cloth and washed his face. When she finished she placed the oxygen mask back over his mouth and nose.
Chris knew from experience there was no point in feeling embarrassed as the nurse took care of his needs. His mother had once told him that when you came to the hospital you left your dignity at the door and picked it up on your way out. He finally understood just what that meant as he realized he wore nothing beneath the sheets. ‘Except bandages,’ he thought as the cloth was removed from his neck and once more dipped in the water. He listened as the water trickled from the cloth into the basin and his mind wandered back to a special time when he and Sarah had given Adam his first bath......
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