Half an hour later, Chris still sat in the chair, comfortable in the welcome company of his six friends. He tried but couldn’t quite ignore the older man sitting across the

room. The others were watching a baseball game on the TV and he sat back enjoying the laughter and easy going banter. Once in a while everything would go deadly

quiet and he’d feel six pairs of eyes on him. Usually it happened if someone said a word or phrase they thought would remind Chris of the last couple of weeks. He’d

just look at them and smile, telling them he was fine and they’d turn back to the game.

 

The problem was he wasn’t fine. He was tired. Tired of having everyone watching him. He looked towards the window, memories of spotting Sharpe below them

sent shivers down his spine. He closed his eyes and tried to stop the trembling in his legs. ‘God, not now,’ he thought, the feeling reminding him of the convulsions

he’d suffered when Whelan injected the drug into his body. A hand on his shoulder startled him and he opened his eyes.

 

“You alright, Cowboy?”

 

Larabee continued to fight the oncoming spasms. He didn’t want to do this again. He didn’t want to have his friends see him helpless. He groaned and closed his

eyes.

 

“Chris, look at me,” he waited for the green eyes to open and focus on him. “I’m right here. I...We’re not going to let anything happen to you. We’re here,” he

waited for the trembling to subside.

 

“T...thanks, Vin,” Larabee swallowed deeply as he felt the familiar fear melt away.

 

“Anytime, Cowboy,” Tanner promised.

 

Chris swallowed deeply, the words from the younger man meaning more to him than he could ever know. All the pain of the last few weeks seemed inconsequential

when faced with the possibility of losing his family. He could not and would not let that happen. He glanced from face to face before coming back to the face standing

before him. “I won’t let him take what’s mine,” he vowed.

 

“Neither will I,” Tanner told him. “We’re a family, Chris, and families are there for one another.”

 

Larabee nodded his thanks and turned to the table beside him. “Think you could pass me my juice?” he asked.

 

Tanner smiled, knowing Larabee had just overcome a major part of his medical problems. The convulsions he’d been suffering from kept his body from healing

properly. The severity of most of them causing his wounds to re-open and setting the healing process back each time. He’d noticed his friend had grown quiet and

the look of fear, combined with the trembling in his legs reminded Vin of the convulsions he’d witnessed and he knew he had to try and help him ride it out. He

placed the straw in front of Larabee’s mouth and waited for him to drink his fill. He knew the others had turned back to the game but could still feel each of them

watching the scene playing out behind them.

 

“You ready to get back in bed, Cowboy?” Tanner asked as he noticed the blond try to stifle a yawn.

 

“Not yet,” Larabee told him.

 

“Chris, you can always get back in the chair later,” the younger man assured him.

 

“Tell you what, Cowboy, you promise to get some rest and I’ll do the same,” Larabee grinned.

 

“I’m not tired.”

 

“Vin, I have to agree with Chris. You’re still a patient here and that means you need your rest as well,” Jackson said as he joined the two men. “Buck, JD, would you

escort Vin back to his room. Ask one of the nurses at the desk to come help us get Chris back in his bed as well.”

 

“Nathan, I’m fine.”

 

“Don’t give me that, Vin, if you were fine you’d be home, not here at Saint Vincents.”

 

“Go, Vin, I am kinda tired,” Larabee told him, not bothering to hide the yawn this time.

 

“Alright, Cowboy, just remember I’m just down the hall if you need anything. I mean it, Chris, anything at all.”

 

Larabee watched the man leave, Buck and JD protecting him from either side. He moved on the chair, groaning as his wounds protested loudly.

 

“Are you ok, Chris?” Sanchez asked.

 

“Yeah, fine, Josiah, just a little tired.”

 

“Are you ready to get back in your bed, Chris?” the pretty brunette nurse asked.

 

“Think so,” he answered.

 

“Alright then. Don’t put any pressure on your hands. Mr. Jackson would you help me stand him up?”

 

“Yes, Ma’am,” Jackson answered. Carefully avoiding the injuries on the thin form. The man and woman helped Chris to his feet, gently sliding him onto the edge of

the bed and swinging his legs up.

 

Chris sank back into the relative comfort of the bed. Languishing in the feel as his tired body was stretched out on the mattress. Sighing he closed his eyes and was

asleep before he had a chance to say thank you.

 

Sylvie checked the IV, Isosource, and Morphine infusion to make sure everything was running smoothly. “He’ll probably sleep till his dinner gets here,” she told them

as she left the room.

 

“You gentlemen might as well go home. I’ll stay with Mr. Larabee for the rest of the day,” Standish told them.

 

“Alright, Ez. I’ll be here around ten to relieve you,” Sanchez assured him.

 

“I’ll be back to relieve Buck as well.”

 

“I’m amazed the Mr. Tanner has agreed to tolerate our company twenty four hours a day.”

 

“He doesn’t really have a choice, Ez,” Sanchez said.

 

“He’s getting out of here day after tomorrow,” Jackson told them.

 

“Yeah, he’s been reminding us of that all the time. Anyway, we’ll get going. Call if you need anything, Ez. JD’s volunteered to bring dinner for you and Buck,”

Sanchez grinned lopsidedly.

 

“Oh, Lordy, Pizza and wings I bet.” Standish gasped as the two men left him alone.

 

“I take it you’re not a Pizza fan?” Taylor asked the well dressed young man.

 

“Oh, I like Pizza but not from the places JD frequents,” Standish told him as he settled down to watch the rest of the game.

Chapter 72

 

Orrin Travis was a man of little patience and he’d run out of it shortly after meeting with the DA. The man refused to listen when it came to Gary Wilcox and the

perceived threat to Chris Larabee and Vin Tanner. The DA refused to reconsider charging Wilcox with any wrongdoing without first being assured that Chris

Larabee would be able to place the man at the scene. Right now Dr. Susan James, Dr. Stacy Midland, and Dr. Tom Parker would not let the police or the DA

question Chris, citing ill health as the reason.

 

Travis knew there was nothing else he could do until Chris was stronger and ready to face the torture these monsters put him through. He knew without a doubt that

the time would come but for now there was nothing anyone could do except protect Larabee and Tanner.

 

Travis stepped into Larabee’s room, smiling as he watched the stoic gambler feeding the injured man. “How are you feeling, Chris?” he asked.

 

Larabee’s face went white at the thought of his boss seeing him like this. ‘Don’t be so stupid, Larabee, he knows you can’t feed yourself right now.’ “B...better,

Orrin,” he stammered.

 

“That’s good to hear, Son. You certainly look better than you did the last time I was here.”

 

“Yeah, well, I’ve decided it’s time to get my life back,” Larabee said as Standish placed another forkful of mashed potatoes before him.

 

“Looks like they’re giving you some real food as well. How is it?”

 

Larabee smiled as he swallowed the offering. “Actually, Orrin, it tastes like heaven after the stuff they’ve been shoving down the damn tube.”

 

“When are you getting rid of that?” Travis asked.

 

“Well they took out the so called liquid nourishment just before dinner. Hopefully they’ll take the tube out in the morning,” the blond informed him.

 

“That’s wonderful news, Chris. I’ll let Mary know when she calls tonight. She’s been asking about you.”

 

“Tell her...,” Larabee thought for a minute before speaking softly. “Tell her I’m doing better.”

 

“I will, Son, I’ve got a couple of meetings to attend to but I wanted to see how you and Vin were doing.”

 

“Thanks, Orrin, I appreciate your concern.”

 

“Finish your dinner, Chris, I want to see that damn thing,” he pointed at the NG tube, “and all the other ones out as soon as possible.”

 

Larabee smiled as the older man left the room. He turned his attention back to Standish and the meal, intent on finishing every morsel. 

~~~~~~~~~~

“Buck, Vin,” Travis said as he entered Tanner’s room a minute later. Although pale, the younger man seemed to have gained back something he’d been missing the

last time Travis visited.

 

“Orrin,” Tanner smiled at the older man while Buck nodded in greeting.

 

“I’m glad to see you’re looking better, Vin,” Travis told him.

 

“I feel better, Orrin. Have you seen Chris?”

 

“I just left him in Standish’s capable hands. I must say I was surprised to see him eating.”

 

“He’s fighting back, Orrin,” Wilmington sounded pleased as he looked at his boss then back to the injured man. “We’ll have the old Chris back and glaring at us

before too long.”

 

Travis nodded then turned to the man on the bed. “I hear you’re getting out of here on Friday?”

 

“Yeah, they tell me I’m healthy enough to recuperate at home.”

 

“You just make sure you follow doctors orders and let one of the men stay at the ranch with you.”

 

“Don’t worry, Orrin, we won’t let him be alone. We’ll stick to him like flies to honey,” Wilmington assured the older man.

 

“Make sure you do, Buck.”

 

“Any luck with the DA?” Tanner asked.

 

Travis shook his head. “There’s nothing they can do without Chris’s testimony.”

 

“He’s not ready to testify yet,” the ladies man told him angrily.

 

“I know that but there’s nothing more we can do until the doctors tell us Chris is ready to be questioned.”

 

“Why isn’t Vin’s testimony enough for them?”

 

“It’s Vin’s word against Wilcox. The DA also needs Chris to place Gary Wilcox at the scene. He’s the only one who can do so,” Travis explained.

 

“But Vin can tell them what Gary said.”

 

“Buck, Gary would just deny it. It would still be my word against his. Without proof the case would be thrown out before it even started.”

 

“We have to get that son of a bitch before he does anything else to either of you,” Wilmington swore.

 

“We’ll get him, Buck,” Tanner promised.

Chapter 73

 

Josiah watched as Chris opened sleep laden eyes. The night had been relatively quiet with Chris seemingly oblivious of the nurse coming in to change IVs and make

sure the morphine was running properly. He’d woken once, bathed in sweat, but assured the ex-preacher that he was alright.

 

Josiah knew he was still having nightmares about the horrors he’d gone through but he didn’t want to push Chris to talk about them until the younger man was ready.

He knew Chris still had a ways to go and the final healing would only begin when he could openly talk about what Whelan did to him.

 

Sanchez smiled as the younger man came completely awake, “Good morning, Brother.”

 

“Hmm,” Larabee whispered, his throat dry from sleep.

 

“Want some water?”

 

“P...please,” Larabee drank his fill and turned away. “Have any of the doctors been around. I want this thing out.”

 

“They should be around any time,” Sanchez assured him, smiling as Larabee’s three doctors and the primary care nurse came through the door. He moved out of the

way so the newcomers could have full access to their patient.

 

“Good morning, Chris,” Midland said.

 

“Good morning,” Larabee answered.

 

“How are you doing this morning, Chris?” Parker asked.

 

“Not bad, Doc. I was kinda hoping you’d agree to getting rid of some of these accessories,” the blond grinned as he indicated the IVs and NG tubing.

 

“Let me take a look at you and we’ll discuss your accessories when I’m through,” Parker told him.

 

Chris sat back and let the doctors check everything over. He remained silent until Dr. Midland prodded his side, gasping as she touched the area around the

laceration on his right side.

 

Midland looked at him, her face full of sympathy for the injured man. “Sorry, Chris,” she told him as she cleansed the reddened area with saline soaked gauze.

 

“It’s ok, Doc, you just caught me by surprise,” he rasped.

 

Slowly the two doctors continued their examination. Chris held his breath as the doctors’ checked his hands. Examining the still swollen and discolored area between

thumb and index finger of both hands.

 

“I think we’ll be able to dispense with a lot of the gauze covering the fingers in a couple of days. That should give you some freedom of movement,” Parker explained

as he placed the hands in the saline solution.

 

“I guess that rules out going home tomorrow?”

 

“Chris,” Midland smiled at the blond, “You won’t be out of here for at least another week.”

 

“Ah, hell, Doc, another week?”

 

“At least, Chris,” James said.

 

“Damn, any good news?”

 

“Well, I think it’s safe to get rid of the NG tube.”

 

“Really,” the blond asked, the excitement showing in his eyes.

 

“Really,” Midland said.

 

“When?”

 

“How about right now?” Parker asked.

 

“Yes, please.”

 

Carol Locke carefully removed the tape from around the area. “Are you ready, Chris?” she asked.

 

“Yeah,” Chris hated the feeling of the tube being pulled up and out of his stomach. There was no pain just an uncomfortable feeling, as if his stomach was filled with

butterflies all taking flight at once. “Thanks,” he told her.

 

“You’re welcome,” the nurse said as she got rid of the tubing. “I’ve got your meds right here,” she told him.

 

He looked into the cup she held before his mouth, lifting his eyes to meet with James. “Do I have too?” he asked.

 

“For now you do,” James told him.

 

“What if I refused?”

 

“The tube would have to go back in. Your choice” James warned.

 

“You’re getting good with the blackmail, Doc,” Larabee told her.

 

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” she told him as he swallowed the Zoloft.

 

“Carol, continue with the wet-dry dressings for now,” Midland ordered.

 

“Doc?”

 

“Yes, Chris?”

 

“Can you get rid of the Morphine?”

 

“Chris, if we dispense with the morphine you’ll quickly become aware of the pain.”

 

“I’ll ask if I need anything.”

 

“I seem to remember you saying something to that extent the last time you were admitted,” Midland told him.

 

“I’ll ask, come on, Doc, I hate feeling so sleepy all the time,” Larabee told her.

 

“Alright, Chris, I’ll make a deal with you.

 

“What kind of deal.”

 

“Stacey, I have a couple of other patients to see before OR. I’ll talk to you later today.”

 

“Ok, Tom, thanks.”

 

“You’re welcome,” Parker said. “Chris, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

Larabee nodded as the man turned to leave and then glanced back at Midland. “What kind of deal?” he repeated.

 

“I’m not willing to remove the pump totally just yet. What I will do is let you control how much you take.”

 

“How?”

 

“We’ll change it so that all you need to do is press a button to receive the correct dosage. That way you only take it when you need it.”

 

“I get to control whether or not I take it?”

 

“That’s right, but don’t let me hear of you riding it out or I’ll rethink the deal.”

 

“Alright, Doc,” his cocky grin plastered on his face.

 

“Carol, I’ve changed the orders on his chart.”

 

“I’ll arrange to have it done after breakfast.”

 

Susan James stepped up to the bed, smiling at the difference she sensed in the man. “You’re a remarkable man, Chris. You keep going like this and we’ll have you

out of here in no time.”

 

“Just not tomorrow?”

 

“Chris?”

 

“Had to try.”

 

“Chris, do you feel like talking about what happened to you?” James asked.

 

Larabee glanced fearfully at the doctor, his green eyes showing he was far from ready to talk about the experience. “N...not r...right now, Doc,” he gasped, feeling

the familiar trembling begin in his legs. ‘God, not now,’ he thought as he struggled for control. He knew to give in to this attack would set him back and the doctors

might decide he wasn’t ready to control his own existence. ‘No, God, no! Not now, Dammit, not now!’ he moaned as the trembling became more pronounced,

closing his eyes in an attempt to concentrate on controlling his rebelling body. He knew the people in his room were speaking to him but he couldn’t hear what they

were saying. Every ounce of strength he had went into stopping the convulsion before it manifested itself in a full blown attack.

 

“Chris.”

 

He heard the voice and tried to concentrate on it. ‘Use it as an anchor, Larabee, concentrate on his voice. Come on fight it,’ he thought as he listened to the soft

Texas drawl. “V...Vin,” he gasped.

 

“That’s right, Cowboy, fight it. I’m right here with you. We’re all here,” Tanner assured his friend, sitting on the edge of the bed, reaching out and placing his hands

on Larabee’s shoulders.

 

“Trying,” Larabee hissed, angry at letting the memories take control once more.

 

“Think about getting out of here, Cowboy. Think about getting back to your ranch and the horses,” Tanner kept talking softly, gently stroking the shoulders in a

soothing massage, feeling the trembling ease once more as Larabee’s body relaxed in his grip.

 

Chris felt control coming back to him. He felt his breathing ease and the trembling stop. With the last of his strength he opened his eyes and smiled weakly,

“S...sorry.”

 

“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for, Chris,” Midland told him.

 

“Feel like a c...coward,” he told them.

 

“You’re not a coward, Chris. When you’re ready to talk we’ll talk. Until then we’ll work on everything else. All right?” James asked.

 

“Yeah,” the blond whispered angrily. “God, I hate being like this.”

 

“Chris, you’ll get your life back,” Tanner told him, not releasing the grip he had on his friend, hoping to give strength through the touch.

 

“Will I, Vin? Or will just thinking about W...Whelan or W...Wilcox set me off?” he stammered, shivering as he felt the cold tendrils of fear snake their way into his

mind. “Dammit, why am I always so tired?”

 

“It won’t always be this way, Chris,” James told him. “Everything is just so new right now. You’ve been physically hurt and your body has been fighting with

everything it’s got. The strength will come back and when it does you’ll be able to do everything you’re used to doing. Oh, I’m not saying it’ll all go away because

that’s not going to happen. No one can go through what you have and come away from it unchanged. The events of the last few weeks will be with you for the rest of

your life but it’ll be your choice whether you let them take over completely or use them to make you stronger.”

 

Larabee swallowed and glanced at the people in his room. He knew James was right and it would be up to him how he lived after he got out of here but he didn’t

want to talk about it now. He pulled away from Tanner’s hands, wanting to be left to his own thoughts. “Look, I just need to be alone for a while.”

 

“Alright, Chris, we’ll leave you alone for a little while,” James agreed.

 

Larabee watched the others follow the doctor out the door, his eyes falling on those of the sharpshooter. “Please, Vin, just for a little while.”

 

“Alright, Cowboy, but we’ll be right outside the door if you need anything,” Tanner walked dejectedly towards the door, closing it gently behind him.

 

Chris turned to the new sitter across the room. Jake Taylor had the day off and Chris barely acknowledged the new man. He sensed that he was trustworthy but he

didn’t want him there at the moment. “She said I could be alone.”

 

“I’m sorry, but my orders are to stay put at all times.”

 

“Dammit, I’m not going to do anything. I just want to be alone!” he snarled.

 

“I don’t have a choice.”

 

“Will you people ever leave me alone?” he asked as he turned away from the man. He pulled his legs up and curled into a ball. Slowly sleep overtook him and he

sank into the nightmares once more.

Chapter 74

 

The meeting was again held in Stacey Midland’s office. Parker, Locke, Leonard, and James were all in attendance. Once again Chris Larabee was the focal point of

the meeting.

 

“Susan, from your standpoint how’s Chris doing?” Parker asked. He’d read her report about the incident that happened after he’d left.

 

“To be honest he is making progress. I can guarantee there’s going to be more setbacks but from what I’ve seen he’ll persevere. The trembling today was caused by

my asking him if he was ready to talk about what happened to him,” she explained, glancing from one person to another as she spoke. “He’s just not ready to face it

and until he is this kind of thing will happen. In a sense it’s a panic attack. He feels as if to talk about it would make it more of reality than it already is.”

 

“So how do we proceed?” Midland asked.

 

“By letting Chris set the pace. Let him talk about it when he’s ready. Don’t force him to speak of Whelan or what he did. It’s too new and painful for him right now,”

James told them.

 

“That sounds reasonable. What about you, Kathy? Now that he’s off the Isosource what do you recommend in the way of nutrition?” Parker asked.

 

“Right now he’s on a special diet. One enhanced to help him regain some of the weight he’s lost and make him stronger. He kept yesterday’s meals down and I’ve

broadened his menu to include more solids. I also recommend he be given vitamins until we’re sure he’s getting enough of them.”

 

“Thank you, Kathy. Carol, do you have anything to add?” Midland asked.

 

Locke placed her notes on the table in front of her, glancing at the other professionals in the room. “I’ve been spending a lot of time with Chris and Vin. Dr. Marshall

has signed the release form for Vin. He’ll be released tomorrow morning.”

 

“That’s great news,” James said. “Just make sure he sets up an appointment with my office. He’ll need a chance to talk about his feelings and what happened to

Chris. I know he’s shouldering the guilt on this one and he needs the chance to talk it out.”

 

“I’ll see that it’s arranged before he leaves. What about Chris?” Locke asked.

 

“Is he any better this afternoon?” James asked.

 

“It’s hard to tell. He’s definitely happy to have the NG tube out and the control he has over the pain medication.”

 

“But?”

 

“But he’s not as open as he was this morning. It’s like he’s shut himself off again. Not as tightly as he did before but it’s harder to get him involved in anything. Peggy

said he all but ignored her during physio. He only ate about half his lunch and hardly touched his breakfast.”

 

“Keep an eye on that, Carol, we need to make sure he’s eating enough,” Leonard told her.

 

“I will.”

 

“Carol, let me know if things don’t improve by tomorrow,” Parker ordered.

 

“Yes, Doctor,” Locke said.

 

“There’s something else you should all be aware of,” James told them as all eyes turned to her. “I’ve recommended to the board that Chris be taken off suicide watch

and given over to the care of his friends. They’ve agreed to let his men watch him as long as it’s under my supervision. If anything goes wrong I’m the one they’ll

come down on.”

 

“Are you sure you’re ready to take the chance?” Parker asked.

 

“I don’t think I’m taking a chance. I’ve treated Chris Larabee before. You have to remember what he went through when his wife and son died. I’m willing to bet if

he made it past that he’ll make it past this. Especially now that he’s trusting Vin Tanner again.”

 

“I’ll back you up, Susan.”

 

“Thanks, Stacey, I just hope you don’t regret that decision.

 

“I’m sure I won’t. If there’s nothing else we can adjourn and I’ll meet you all here again tomorrow,’ Midland told them. When no one spoke she stood up and closed

the charts. “Thank you all for coming.”