The injured man just lay on the bed, not talking, not showing any interest in what they told him. He lay quietly through the ministrations of the nurses, therapists, and

doctors, answering only when someone asked him a question. He pretended to watch the TV but never saw anything that happened on the screen. He never

complained, never laughed and his friends were getting worried. They knew something had to be done in order to bring him back to the fold. They also knew it

wouldn’t happen till he came to grips with the horror of what happened to him.

 

The dream came every time he closed his eyes, whether he was asleep or not, it assaulted his very being. He’d lost his family to a mad person who remained

unknown. Now he’d been told he’d killed them. In his heart and deep in his subconscious he knew he hadn’t done it but the horror of the last two weeks convinced

him it was all his fault. He wanted so much to talk with Vin. To tell Vin he understood why the younger man thought he should be punished but he didn’t want to face

the loss of the sharpshooter’s friendship again.

 

His hands were healing, as was the rest of his body, but his mind continued to dwell on the fear and pain Whelan had wreaked on his body and mind.

 

He’d called himself every degrading name he could think of in an effort to get past his nightmares but nothing helped. He stared straight at the TV not seeing anything

on the screen but afraid to close his eyes. Suddenly he heard the words his wife had spoken to him on the day of their wedding. ‘Chris, you are the strongest man I

know but your heart is filled with a tenderness beyond anything I’ve ever known. You’ve shown me what love can be like. You’ve shown me what

friendship can mean between two people who love each other. You’ve proved to me that you are a man who can overcome anything. If there ever comes a

day where you think you haven’t got the strength you need then reach out for me. I’ll be there. I’ll hold you in my arms. I’ll show you that any and all

things are possible. Lean on me, Chris, and let me lean on you. I love you, Christopher Larabee and I always will.’ His eyes misted with unshed tears as her

remembered words gave him strength and hope.

 

“Chris?”

 

Larabee turned to Buck Wilmington, his eyes giving away the fear he felt. He knew Buck wanted to help him. He’d always been there, always cared for him. Chris

couldn’t remember a time when the ladies man had not been in his life. The moustached man’s friendship was something he valued but he’d been neglecting that since

the death of his family. Something about their friendship gave Chris a ray of hope and he once more grasped for it.

 

“Chris, can I get you something?”

 

“My family,” Larabee answered, not realizing the devastating effect those two words had on Wilmington.

 

“You know I can’t do that, Chris. Ask me for anything else and I’ll get it for you.”

 

“Can you give me back my life? Give me back the freedom I had before that bastard came after me and Vin,” Larabee shouted, his eyes narrowing as he said the last

name. “Buck, they took Vin from me.”

 

“No they didn’t, Chris. Vin’s just down the hall and he’d like nothing more than to see you.”

 

“Then take me to him,” Larabee ordered.

 

“Chris.”

 

“Please, Buck, I have to see him. I have to know that this nightmare will end. I have to know that I can face him without letting the terror come over me. I need you

to do this for me. I need him. I need you both. I need you all,” Larabee whispered.

 

“Let me talk to Dr. James. If she says I can take you to his room then I’ll do it.”

 

“Thanks, Buck,” Larabee said, closing his eyes and fighting against the images he saw there. He moaned as he relived everything Whelan did to him. He waited for

Wilmington’s return with a mixture of hope and fear. He knew he had to face Vin Tanner before it was too late and he lost that friendship forever. His mind

wandered back over the two years that had passed since he’d met the younger man. They’d gone from a simple friendship to calling each other brothers. He wanted

that friendship, that brotherhood back and he was going to fight to get it.

 

‘The man you’re tormenting is my friend and so long as I’ve got breath in my body nobody will ever hurt him again. Do I make myself clear?’ The words,

spoken in anger by Vin, came back to him and he finally understood what he’d heard. Vin never wanted to hurt him. He’d been trying to stop Sharpe from

tormenting him.

 

“Chris.”

 

Larabee looked up into the eyes of Susan James. “Doc.”

 

“Buck tells me you want to see Vin,” Larabee nodded hopefully. “Alright, but you have to do as I say.”

 

“I will. I have to do this, Doc. I need to know I can do this.”

 

“Alright, you just wait here till I get a wheelchair,” she ordered.

 

“I can walk.”

 

“I don’t think so, Stud,” Wilmington said as James left.

 

“Thanks, Buck,” Larabee said, his face conveying the honesty behind his words.

 

“For what?”

 

“For being here. For always being here,” the blond told him as James and Carol Locke walked back into the room.

 

“Let’s get you out of that bed,” Locke said with a grin.

 

Larabee fought the vertigo as they helped him from the bed. He groaned as his injured leg came to rest against the bottom of the chair.

 

“You alright, Stud?”

 

“I’m fine, Buck,” he answered automatically.

 

Once he was seated Locke draped a thin blanket over his legs, then reached for the IV pole and the Isosource pump. It wasn’t long before the little entourage,

including the hospital appointed sitter made their way to Tanner’s room.

 

Chapter 66

 

Tanner was caught in his own nightmare world. He was angered that Wilcox had managed to take away the one thing he valued above all else. His friendship with

Chris Larabee meant more to Vin than he’d ever admitted before. Chris was his brother, a chosen brother who he thought would always be there. Gary had taken

that away from him. He knew JD was in the room with him but he wasn’t in the mood to talk so he kept his eyes closed and let the nightmares play out behind his

closed lids.

 

JD looked to the door as it opened, his mouth dropping open as he saw the people standing there. He never said a word but moved away from the bed.

 

Vin heard the younger man move away but still didn’t open his eyes. He knew he’d have to talk with the kid sooner or later but right now he wanted to be alone.

 

“Vin?”

 

The sharpshooter’s eyes shot open at the familiar voice. He sat up too quick and groaned as light danced before his eyes.

 

“Take it easy, Vin,” Wilmington said as he stepped up to the bed.

 

Tanner’s eyes never left the frail looking body in the wheelchair, “Chris,” he drawled hopefully.

 

“I had to see you, V...Vin. Had to make sure my mind wasn’t playing tricks on me,” Larabee said, nobody interrupted as they moved away from the two men,

affording the blond a chance to talk openly. “Whelan’s words keep repeating in my head,” he cried as he grasped at his temples. “I keep hearing him say you were

the one doing this to me. I know in my heart it’s not true but my mind hasn’t registered the fact yet,” Larabee dropped his gaze, afraid to meet the blue eyes of his

friend.

 

“Chris,” Tanner spoke softly, reaching out and placing his hands on the blond’s trembling shoulder. “Look at me,” he waited for Larabee to comply. It seemed to

take forever before the sorrowful green eyes lifted to meet his. “I would never do anything to harm you in any way. I swear if I could take it all away I would. What

they did to you was my fault and I should have been able to stop them!”

 

“No! Not your fault! You did nothing wrong, Vin. You tried to protect me from Sharpe and what did I do? I accused you of being the one to hurt me. Oh, God, I

was so wrong,” he gasped. “I’m sorry, Vin, I didn’t mean to hurt you!”

 

Tanner came off the bed and knelt before the man in the chair, his own eyes misting as he heard the pain in the older man’s voice. “Chris, you did nothing wrong,” he

almost laughed as he used the same words Larabee had just said to him. “Whelan and Wilcox caused all of this. They’re the ones who deserve our anger.”

 

“Whelan’s an animal,” Larabee hissed softly, as his mind wandered back to the warehouse.

 

“Whelan was an animal. He’s dead, Chris, and he’ll never be able to hurt either of us again.

 

“He’s in my dreams, Vin, he’s always there to punish me. He’s always carrying that damned nail gun. Do you have any idea how bad it hurt to have a nail driven into

your flesh? To feel it tear into your body an be h...helpless t...to s...stop it.”

 

“No, Chris, I don’t,” Tanner drawled.

 

“I h...hope you never do, V...Vin. I couldn’t do anything to stop him. I k...knew he w...was taping e...everything he d...did to me. I...I’m s...sorry you had to watch

t...that. Must’ve b...been hell for all of y...you.”

 

“Hell for you is more like it, Chris. I wish I could’ve done something to stop this from happening to you.”

 

“There was n...nothing you could do. N...nothing a...anyone could do. I...I c...couldn’t stop him, V...Vin,” Larabee muttered as he looked down at his injured hands.

“He just forced my hands down on the arms of that fucking chair and pressed the button. God, Vin, I screamed. I screamed like a baby. Nothing but a simpering cry

baby. I should’ve been able to take that and not make a sound,” Larabee shouted, banging his hands on the arms of his chair in frustration.

 

Tanner held up his hands and stopped the doctor from coming forward. Slowly he reached down and placed his hands on Larabee’s arms, gently restraining him

from doing any more damage. “Chris, you’re the strongest man I’ve ever known but even the strongest man can only take so much. We all saw what he did to you

and there’s not one man amongst us who wouldn’t have screamed.”

 

“You wouldn’t have,” the blond stated frankly.

 

“Yes, Chris, I would have. I’m human and there’s only so much we can take.”

 

“I’d like to take everything that’s happened and make it disappear. I’m so tired of it all,” Larabee said, yawning as he struggled with the emotional turmoil of the last

two weeks.

 

“I think it’s time to get you back to bed, Chris,” James suggested.

 

“Not yet,” Larabee pleaded, forcing himself to sit up further in the chair.

 

“Vin needs to rest as well. If you both behave I’ll let him come see you this afternoon,” Carol Locke told them.

 

Tanner smiled, once again hopeful that things were going to be alright. “It’s ok, Cowboy, I’ll come see you soon.”

 

“T...thanks, Vin, I’m sorry I blamed you for all of this.”

 

“Not your fault, Chris,” Tanner assured the blond. He watched as Carol Locke and

Susan James wheeled Larabee out of the room. Suddenly he was alone with JD Dunne and he smiled at the kid. He lay back on the bed and felt a sense of peace

come over him. Things were going to get better. He groaned as he turned over in the bed, forgetting about the wound in his shoulder.

 

“Vin, are you alright?”

 

“I’m fine now, JD,” he answered.

 

“You want me to get the nurse to give you something for pain?”

 

“No, thanks, JD. I’m fine the way I am,” he thought, knowing his friend had reached out to him and this time he hoped things would continue to improve.

 

Chapter 67

 

“We’re going to get you back in bed now, Chris,” Locke told him.

 

“Can I just sit by the window for awhile?”

 

Locke looked at James and the two smiled. “Sure you can, Chris, but you have to tell us when you’re ready to go back to bed,” James told him.

 

“I will,” he told her as Locke pushed him up to the window.

 

Carol opened it partway, knowing there was a safety lock that prevented it from opening further. Her patient had shown some positive signs today but she knew he

was still a suicide risk. The danger was not over and they needed to keep on their toes with him. “I’ll check on you shortly,” she told him as she followed James out

the door.

 

Chris sat in his chair, feeling the slight breeze wafting threw the narrow opening. He sighed as his flesh tingled, grateful for the respite from laying in the bed.

 

“You alright, Stud?” Wilmington asked.

 

“I’m fine, Buck,” Larabee told him, feeling the truth of the words for the first time.

 

“Want to watch some TV?”

 

“Naw, but you go ahead. I just want to sit here for awhile.”

 

Wilmington turned on the TV and settled back to watch the afternoon movie.

 

Chris watched the people in the parking lot, wishing he had the freedom they had. Wishing he could walk in the park and not worry that someone might be hiding

behind the nearest bush. ‘Stop it, Larabee, you can’t let them run your life. You’ve got to take control back,’ he thought.

 

Sharpe looked up at the window, surprised when he made out the face of his nemesis. Larabee was looking out at the park and hadn’t spotted him yet. He stepped

into his field of view and waited for some kind of reaction.

 

Chris felt someone staring at him and he searched the area below his window. His eyes fell on those of Tony Sharpe and he shivered involuntarily. ‘He can’t do

anything,’ he thought as the man stared up at him.

 

Sharpe smiled at the man in the window. He lifted his right hand, revealing a dark blue object. He knew Larabee would recognize the device and wished he could be

there to see his reaction.

 

Larabee’s breathing grew labored as he recognized the nail gun held in the other man’s hands. His eyes never wavered as Sharpe pointed the gun towards him and

depressed the trigger.

 

Buck turned from the TV as soon as he heard the sharply indrawn breath and the small moaning sounds coming from his friend. “Chris, what’s wrong?” he asked

hurrying over to the injured man. “Chris! Look at me!” Wilmington ordered but the green eyes never left the window, his breathing becoming more and more

labored. “Jake, call someone,” the ladies man ordered as he stood up and glanced out the window. He searched the area but could see nothing out of the ordinary.

 

Sharpe hurried from the front of the window as soon as he saw Larabee’s reaction to the nail gun. ‘This is gonna be better than I thought, Larabee,’ he smiled as

he hurried back to his car.

 

“Come on, Chris, look at me,” Wilmington tried again as Midland, Locke, and James hurried into the room.

 

“What happened?” James asked as she saw the difference in her patient.

 

“He was looking at something outside and he just suddenly started trembling and breathing funny.”

 

“Chris, look at me,” James tried. “What’s wrong?”

 

“Chris you’re safe,” Buck soothed.

 

“Never be safe. Never again,” Larabee gasped, his eyes never leaving the open window.

 

“Let’s get him back in the bed,” James suggested

 

Larabee didn’t protest when he was wheeled back to the bed and lifted onto it. He felt someone taking his blood pressure, pulse, and temperature. He soon felt the

cooling mist as Nasal canulas were once more placed over his head. His body trembled as he snuggled down in the blankets, knowing he’d soon drift from one

nightmare into another. ‘God, will it ever end,’ he thought.

 

Chapter 68

 

 

Vin walked towards Chris’s room, JD at his side. They’d come in earlier and removed the IV from his hand and he was enjoying the freedom of movement. He

couldn’t believe how excited he was about this trip to his friend’s room. He stepped into the room and wasn’t surprised to see Wilmington seated next to Larabee’s

bed. What did surprise him was the worried frown that marred the handsome features. “Buck?”

 

Wilmington looked away from the pale blond. “Hi, Vin, JD.”

 

“What’s wrong, Buck?” Tanner asked, noticing the oxygen being given to his friend again.

 

“Come sit down, Vin.”

 

The sharpshooter sat in the chair next to the bed. “Buck, what’s wrong?” he repeated softly, not wanting to disturb his friend’s sleep.

 

“We’re not sure, Vin. When Chris returned from your room he seemed fine. He even asked to sit by the window. Dr. James said it was ok and he even managed to

smile at her. I turned on the TV and everything was quiet until I heard Chris having trouble breathing. He was just staring out the window and wouldn’t answer me at

first. Then he said something about never being safe again.”

 

“I should’ve killed that son of a bitch when I had the chance,” the sharpshooter swore softly.

 

“That wouldn’t have helped Chris,” Wilmington said. “He needs you, Vin. He needs to know you’ll be here.”

 

“He needs us all, Buck. You, me, JD, Ez, Nate, and Josiah. He needs us all to protect him from Wilcox.”

 

“We’ll be here, Vin,” Dunne told him and the three men lapsed into silence as they watched the sleeping man.

 

Sometime later a small moan escaped Larabee’s throat and three sets of eyes waited anxiously for him to awaken.

 

“Chris?” Tanner said softly.

 

The blond opened his eyes and searched for the face that went with the soothing voice. He swallowed the pain his nightmares brought him and tried to smile. The

result was more of a grimace as he tried to sit up in the bed.

 

“You want me to raise your head, Chris?”

 

“P...please, JD,” Larabee answered.

 

“How are you feeling, Chris?”

 

“Could ask you the same thing, Vin.”

 

“I’m doing better.”

 

“Me too,” the blond lied. His mind kept replaying the scene he’d witnessed in the park. He wondered if it had been a dream or reality. His fear of Sharpe made him

tremble and he tried to cover it by pulling the blanket up over his body.

 

Vin knew his friend was lying and didn’t miss the anxious look on his face. Neither man spoke for a few minutes as they sized up the others injuries.

 

“They tell you when you’re getting out of here?” Larabee asked.

 

“Hopefully I’ll get out of here on Friday.”

 

“That’s only two more days,” Larabee tried to keep the fear of being alone out of his voice.

 

“He’s been a real good boy, Stud,” Wilmington laughed in an effort to lighten the mood.

 

Tanner saw the spark of fear in Larabee’s eyes and knew what caused it. “Chris, one of us will be with you at all times. No ones gonna get past us. We’ll keep you

safe. You have to believe that.”

 

Larabee lifted his eyes and met those of the sharpshooter. “I keep telling myself that, Vin, keep repeating it over and over in my head but it doesn’t work. I keep

seeing Whelan and h...his t...toys.”

 

“Chris, Whelan is dead. He can’t hurt you anymore,” Wilmington told his friend.

 

‘Wilcox and Sharpe are still out there,’ Larabee thought but couldn’t voice his fears. He didn’t want to show his own vulnerability in front of his friends especially

the youngest member of his team. He couldn’t show them how hard it was for him to even speak the names of his own personal demons. Somehow he’d find a way

to defeat them without dragging his friends into it.

 

“Chris?”

 

“I’m alright, Buck,” the blond muttered softly.

 

‘I wish you were, Cowboy,’ Tanner thought. He knew his friend was thinking about Wilcox but he didn’t know if he should bring him up or not. ‘Maybe you’d

better wait until Dr. James is here,’ he thought. “JD, I’m kind of thirsty. Would you mind going down to the cafeteria and getting me an apple juice?”

 

“Sure, Vin,” Dunne said. “You want something, Chris?”

 

Larabee gazed to his left and watched the ever present Isosource pump as it fed him the nutritional formula. ‘Do you want to stay on that thing forever, Larabee?

You’ve already lost more weight than you can afford,’ he thought. He looked away from the pumps and his eyes met the hopeful eyes of the younger man. “Bring

me the same, JD,” he said.

 

Dunne’s eyes widened as he heard the welcome words. “Sure thing, Chris, I’ll be right back.”

 

Tanner and Wilmington’s eyes met and they couldn’t suppress the flicker of hope they felt.

 

Larabee closed his eyes wondering if he would ever feel as light-hearted as JD Dunne. The kid seemed to bubble over with energy sometimes and Chris envied him

that ability. He closed his eyes and was soon drifting towards sleep. His eyes opened wide and he gasped as he fought his way out of another nightmare.

 

“Chris, are you alright?” Tanner asked worriedly.

 

“I’m fine, Vin,” Larabee heard the tremor in his own voice and wondered if the others picked up on it.

 

“Here comes JD,” Wilmington told them.

 

“Here you go, Vin, Chris,” Dunne said as he placed the cold juice in front of the two men.

 

Larabee reached for the bottle, his eyes coming to rest on his injured hands. Suddenly a deep laugh welled up inside of him and he looked at the other men. His body

shook as he looked from his hands to the faces surrounding him and back to the bottle on the table.

 

“What’s so funny,” Dunne asked, not understanding the look on Tanner and Wilmington’s faces.

 

“Chris what’s wrong?” Tanner asked.

 

“What’s wrong, Vin? Look at me Sharpe is right,” he laughed, the tremors getting stronger as his eyes held the glare from the bottle. “I’m a pathetic bastard who

can’t even pick up a bottle of juice. I can’t do anything on my own,” he whispered as the laughter turned to sobs. “A totally useless, pathetic bastard.”

 

“Don’t say that, Chris.”

 

“Why not, Vin,” Larabee’s green eyes snapped towards the blue eyed sharpshooter. “It’s true. Look at me. I’m scared of my own Godamned shadow! I can’t even

look out the window without seeing someone from my nightmares. I don’t want to live like this!” he shouted as he struck the glass bottle, sending it flying off the table

to shatter against the edge of the nightstand.

 

“Chris,” Wilmington said as he came to stand beside his friend’s bed.

 

“Just leave me the hell alone, Buck. All of you get out of here! I don’t want anyone seeing me like this! Get out! Can’t you hear me? I said get out!”

 

Carol Locke hurried into the room, summoned by the sound of shattering glass and the resident sitter who’d come to the door as she’d been about to enter. “What’s

happened?” she asked as she saw the wild eyed man on the bed. She turned to the nurse behind her and ordered five milligrams of Haldol before stepping towards

the bed.

 

“Get out! I don’t need any of you!”

 

“Chris, we’re your friends,” Tanner’s soft voice was barely audible as Larabee continued in anger.

 

“Friends, no, Vin, I don’t want any friends. I don’t want your pity and that’s what I see in your eyes. You’re all thinking the same thing and you’re all right!”

 

“What are we thinking, Stud?”

 

“Shut up, Buck, just shut up and get out!” He watched a nurse pass something to Carol Locke. “No!” he shouted as he recognized the familiar item she held in her

hands. “Dammit, don’t you give me any more drugs. Whelan’s paying you to do this isn’t he?” Larabee screamed as Locke flipped the cap off a syringe.

 

“Chris, I won’t give this to you if you calm down and tell me what’s wrong,” Locke told him.

 

“What the hell do you think is wrong? Nobody listens to me. Nobody hears what I tell them!”

 

“I’m listening, Chris, just tell me what you want me to do,” Locke’s words were soft and lilting as she tried to calm her patient.

 

“I want you to leave me the hell alone!” he continued to shout even though his throat showed signs of strain. His voice coming out as a harsh croaking noise and

lacking the strength it usually carried. “Just get the hell out of my r...room and leave me alone. All of you and that includes that Godamned sitter over there. I don’t

need him! I don’t need any of you! Just get out! Get out!”

 

Locke had little choice but to administer the sedative and hope it would calm the injured man before he did more damage to his healing body.

 

“I told you I didn’t want it,” Larabee swore. “Goddamit let me out of here!” his voice and body quieting as the sedative began to take hold once more.

 

‘You son of a bitch, Gary. I swear I’ll make you pay for everything you’ve done to him. I’ll find you and I’ll tear out your fucking throat,’ Tanner vowed to

himself. “I’m sorry, Chris,” he whispered as he touched the blond’s shoulder.

 

Larabee met the younger man’s eyes, unshed tears in his own, “N...not your fault, Vin. I k...keep thinking e...everything’s gonna be alright but it’s never gonna

happen. They won’t ever leave me alone.”

 

“Who won’t leave you alone?” Tanner asked softly, not wanting to disturb his friend’s quiet thoughts.

 

“Whelan, Wilcox, Sharpe, they’re all there. They’re all in my nightmares. Won’t leave me alone. Why won’t you all just leave me alone?” his quiet voice was edged

with grief and pain as he closed his eyes and tried to escape what he perceived as their pity.

 

‘Sharpe?’ Dunne mouthed but a shake of the ladies man’s head told him not to say anything right now.

 

“You don’t really want to be alone, do you, Chris?” the sharpshooter asked.

 

Larabee’s green eyes focused once more on his friends. Whether it was the sedative or the calming influence of Vin’s soft drawl no one knew, but something got

through to the injured man. Tears filled his eyes once more and he reached out to the man standing beside his bed. “N...no, Vin, I...I d...don’t,” he sobbed and soon

found his thin body held in the protective circle of the sharpshooter’s arms. “D...don’t ever want to be a...alone again.”

 

“You won’t be, Stud,” Wilmington assured him. “We’ll be here for you. We’ll help you take your life back.”

 

Larabee swallowed past the lump in his throat as he felt the truth in the ladies man’s words. He knew no matter how hard he tried to push his friends away they’d be

there for him. Buck proved that every time he stuck by him and Chris lost count of just how much he owed him.

 

Vin held his friend through it all, ignoring the trembling of his own body. Pain lanced through his injured shoulder as he’d pulled it from the sling. His chest throbbed in

tempo with his heart but still he held his friend.

 

“He’s sleeping, Vin,” Locke said as she noticed the pain in the blue eyes. “Let me help you settle him back on the bed.”

 

Tanner nodded and helped her place Larabee back on the bed, covering him to his shoulders with the thin blanket.

 

“He should sleep for a while now, Vin, why don’t you go back to your room and get some rest. I know it was difficult to see that and it will probably happen again

until he comes to terms with what happened to him.”

 

“I’d rather stay,” Tanner told her.

 

“I know you would but I think it’s best for you to get some rest. JD, help Vin back to his room and, Vin, if I don’t find you resting I will give you something to make

you rest. You’re not well yourself and I can see you’re in pain from holding Chris like you did just now.”

 

Tanner looked at his sleeping friend once more, his own legs trembling as he stood next to the bed. “I’ll be back, Cowboy,” he promised before turning away from

the bed.