“Why don’t we just go for the all day ride passes?” Morton asked, glancing at the price board.
“That’s not a bad idea, Chip. That way we can go on our favourite rides as often as we want.” Crane said, knowing full well that Teresa would have to buy her own pass if she wanted one. Jethro’s two dollars would not be enough to buy one all day pass let alone two. “Come on, Elly let’s go get our pass.”
“Are you going to get us an all day pass, Jethro?” Teresa asked, as she gazed suggestively into his eyes.
“I’m sorry, Teresa. I only got two dollars. I have ta buy ya lunch with that. I can buy some ride tickets and we can go on the tunnel of love ride and the Giant Dipper ride though. Come on let’s catch up with Lee and Chip,” he said, grabbing her arm and forcing her to run through the sand in her high heels.
Teresa’s skirt proved to be her undoing as she lost her balance and pitched face first into the sand. Jethro reached down to pull her back to her feet, “Are ya all right?” he asked.
“I’m just peachy. I thought you told me your uncle gave you lots of money to take me out.”
“He did. Back home in Bug Tussell ya could take yer date anywhere with that much money and still have some extra ta buy somethin fer yerself. This here place cost a lot more than I thought it would.”
“It’s not fair. Look at me,” she said.
“I am, yer beautiful.”
“Sure I am. I wore this dress because you were taking me out. My shoes are ruined. You should have told me we were going to this childish place. I want to leave! It’s all Lee Crane’s fault!”
“How can ya say that? Lee asked ya if ya wanted ta change and ya said no.”
“Are you having a problem, Jethro?” Crane asked, coming up behind them.
“YOU!” Teresa screamed. “Why didn’t you leave me and Jethro to go out on our own? He would have taken me somewhere nice. Give me my boat ticket. I’m going home.”
“Sorry, Teresa, you’re out of luck. We bought the boat ticket and we all have to leave together. If I give it to you then we have no way home.” Morton told her.
“I’ll just buy my own,” she stated.
“I don’t think you can do that either. Tickets are only sold on the Santa Barbara side. You’ll just have to wait until we’re ready to go back,” Crane told her. “Well, Jethro it looks like you’re on your own now, Let’s go see how many tickets you can get for yourself.” ‘Maybe I’ll just pay for an all day pass for you,’ he thought.
‘Oh no, Lee. You’re not getting rid of me that easily.’ Teresa thought, “I’m sorry, Jethro. I was just being silly. I’ll pay for our passes and you can buy our lunch, OK?”
Jethro’s face lit up happily, “You’re gonna stay here with me and go on the rides.”
“I will, Jethro. Come on. Lets get our passes,” she said, smiling triumphantly over her shoulder as they passed the rest of the group. ‘See Crane, I know how to handle this boy,’ she thought.
“We almost got rid of her,” Morton said.
“Almost is not good enough,” Crane told him. “We’ve got all day to show her a real good time,” a Cheshire cat like grin plastered on his face.
“All set, Lee,” Jethro said, as the attendant finished attaching their wristbands.
“Ok, girls,” Crane said, deliberately looking at only Elly and Angie. “Where do you want to go first?”
“How about the funhouse?” Angie asked.
“Oh, yeah that sounds like fun,” Elly said.
“I don’t know,” Teresa stated, attaching herself like a leech to Jethro’s arm.
“Come on, Teresa. I’ll help ya. This is gonna be fun.” Jethro said, happily following Morton and Crane towards the fun house.
Lee was the first to enter the funhouse followed by Elly and the rest of the group. The hall of mirrors was the first stop. Crane pulled Elly to him and their bodies stretched in the mirror so they looked as is they were ten feet tall, large at the top and bottom and skinny in the middle. Chip and Angie stood at the next mirror, which turned them into teardrop shapes. Jethro pulled his date in front of a mirror, which gave them a short wide stature and everyone, but Teresa laughed.
Next stop in the funhouse was the twirling barrel. Lee and Chip were well adapted to the rolling of the barrel from working on a submarine and walked through almost nonchalantly. The other four had difficulty making it through and fell several times. Once again Teresa let her displeasure show through.
‘This is only the beginning, Teresa,’ Crane thought, as they walked into a roomful of slides. There were seven slides in all ranging from ten feet in height to thirty feet. “I think I’ll watch you guys this time,” he stated.
“Come on, Lee, ya ave ta come down the big one with me. Lookit those two, that looks like fun,” Elly said.
Crane watched as the couple came down the slide holding each other closely as they went over each bump. Smiling he said, “all right, Elly, you asked for it.” Lee and Elly climbed the stairs to the top while the others watched from the floor. As they sat on the small red mat Lee wrapped his arms possessively around her waist. Elly turned, smiled and kissed him as the operator pushed them off. Elly excitedly turned and watched as they made their way to the bottom. Laughing hysterically they jumped off the carpet and rejoined their waiting friends.
“Are you guys gonna try it?” Elly asked.
“Angie?” Chip asked.
“Sure, Chip. Let’s go,” she said and they ran for the stairs like two kids.
“What about you two?” Crane asked.
“I don’t think I can climb up there in my heels,” Teresa stated.
“Take them off. We’ll hold them for you.” Crane told her.
“I can carry ya,” Jethro told her.
“That’s ok, Jethro,” she said, bending down to remove her heels. “I can climb. Take care of these, Lee.”
“I’ll guard them with my sole,” Crane said, causing Morton and Angie, who’d just returned from their ride, to laugh at his pun. Teresa’s glare was murderous as she passed them.
“I didn’t know you were so punny, Lee,” Angie said jokingly.
They watched as Jethro and Teresa made their way to the top of the high slide and sat on the mat. Jethro wrapped his arms around her waist and she put her arms down at her side. The operator pushed them off and Teresa screamed an unladylike expletive as she picked up speed going down. “Are you all right?” Jethro asked, concerned for his date.
“I’m Fine!” she exclaimed through clenched teeth. “Can we get out of here now?” she asked when they reached the bottom.
“What’s the matter? You don’t like to have fun Teresa?” Morton asked.
“I love to have fun. But this is not my kind of fun.”
“This is great fun,” Elly told her, beginning to understand why Lee and Chip didn’t think much of her.
“For you maybe. I just want to get out of here. Can we go, Jethro?”
“All right, Teresa,” Jethro said, disappointedly. Teresa led Jethro to the exit turnstile and they went outside to wait for the other four.
“I guess we’d better be going as well. Can’t leave Jethro out there with that barracuda.” Crane said seriously.
“I agree. You don’t know what she’ll do to poor, unsuspecting Jethro.” Angie said.
“Maybe we can do the Giant Dipper and get rid of her for once and for all.” Morton said as they walked out.
“You wouldn’t be suggesting we throw her off the ride, would you?” a smiling Crane asked.
“Not at all. But if she didn’t like this one she won’t like the coaster. And if that doesn’t work, there’s always the tunnel of love.”
“I do believe your mind is just as devious as the Admiral’s, Chip,” Crane told him, as they walked up to Jethro and his date.
“We’re going to check out the Giant Dipper. You two want to join us?” Morton asked.
Jethro looked at Teresa, “Can we?” he asked beseechingly.
“I guess so, Jethro. But I really wish we could just go home,” she whined.
“I bet you do,” Crane mumbled under his breath.
“Pardon me?” Teresa asked.
“Oh nothing. Let’s just go to the Dipper.” Crane said, smiling brightly at her.
Jethro led them towards the famous roller coaster, “It sure is bigger then anythin we ever had back in the hills!” he exclaimed. Unable to control his excitement he began to pull Teresa quickly towards the ride.
“Jethro, slow down. Damn!” she said as her heel broke and she pulled him to a halt. “Now see what you made me do you stupid hillbilly!”
“Teresa, that’s uncalled for,” Crane began, but didn’t get a chance to finish as Elly grabbed the woman by the arm and pulled it roughly behind her back.
“Ya tell Jethro yer sorry right now or I’ll whup the tar outta ya,” she said angrily.
“OK, ok, I’m sorry Jethro,” Teresa said and rubbed her arm as Elly released it. She looked at her date and realized she’d made a big mistake, “I really didn’t mean it Jethro. You know I like you, it’s just that I hurt my ankle when you made me run and the heel broke off my shoe,” she pouted and smiled inwardly as she saw that he believed her. ‘What a foolish oaf,’ she thought.
Jethro reached down and picked up his date, “it’s all my fault. I’ll carry ya until we get on the ride,” he said.
“I don’t really want to, Jethro. Can’t we just sit here and wait for the others?”
“Come on, Teresa. He’s been looking forward to this ride. If you don’t want to go sit here, but let him have some fun,” Morton told her.
“It’s ok, Chip. It’s my fault she’s hurt. Why don’t you four go on without us?”
Crane and Morton cringed at the guilt Jethro was feeling because of his date. They both knew what she was capable of and knew she wanted Jethro alone so she could convince him to take her home. They were not going to let that happen.
“Jethro Bodine and Elly May Clampett. Is that really you?” the whole group turned to see a petite brunette smiling at Jethro.
‘Who have we here?’ Crane thought.
“Mary Sue Buford. When did ya leave home?” Elly asked, excitedly hugging the pretty young woman.
“I been livin in Santa Barbara with Aunt Martha fer nearly two months. It’s so good ta see a friendly face from the hills,” Mary Sue told them.
“It certainly is. Mary Sue I’d like ya ta meet some friends of ours,” Elly said, and she introduced everyone to the newcomer.
“Where are Granny and Uncle Jed?” Mary Sue asked.
“They stayed back at the hotel. Are ya here alone?” Jethro asked.
“Yes, Jethro. I work part time in the ticket booths. I just finished and was going to take a ride on the Coaster, but I’m a little nervous.”
“This must be your lucky day. Teresa just hurt her ankle and it looks like Jethro needs a partner to ride the coaster with him. I’m sure Teresa doesn’t want him to miss out on the ride because of her,” Morton said.
Teresa was trying hard to cover her anger, but it just wasn’t working, “I’m fine, Chip.” She turned to Jethro and said, “Maybe your little hillbilly friend can find someone else to take her.”
“That’s ok, I’ll jus wait here. I don’t want ta go by myself.” Mary Sue told them, disappointment evident in her face. It was obvious to everyone in the group that she had a thing for Jethro.
“Why bother waiting. You don’t have a date and you’ll feel funny being the oddball,” Teresa told her.
Jethro was beginning to see a new side to his date. Placing her none to gently on her feet, he realized just because she was beautiful on the outside she was missing the inner beauty that Mary Sue Buford had. “Mary Sue, if it’s ok with ya, I’ll take Teresa first and then come back fer ya.”
“Oh, Jethro, that would be great. Thank-you.”
“You can’t do that, Jethro. You’re my date.”
“Yer right, I am yer date, but Mary Sue needs a friend ta take her on the coaster and I aim ta do it.”
“Well if that’s how you feel why don’t you just take her?”
“That’s a great idea. You didn’t want ta go in the first place,” Elly stated.
“You stay out of it!” Teresa said, her anger finally showing through.
“What’s wrong, Teresa? Things not going the way you planned?” Crane asked.
“Shut up, Lee!” she shouted. “Come on, Jethro. You and I are going to ride the Dipper.”
“I don’t think so, Teresa. Yer not a nice person. Mary Sue, I’d be honoured ta take ya.” Jethro said.
“And just what am I supposed to do while you’re gone with this little hillbilly?” Teresa asked angrily.
“You can wait here or find yerself another date.”
“But I paid for your pass and you have my ticket for the ferry.”
“Here’s the money for the pass,” Crane said, passing the woman a five-dollar bill. “As for the ferry we’ll meet you at the dock when we’re finished.”
“NO! You did this on purpose. I wouldn’t even put it past you to find this hillbilly girl and bring her here to ruin things for me. I’ll get you back!”
“I don’t think so Teresa, but you’re welcome to try,” Crane told her, grinning happily.
“I have an idea,” Elly told them. “If Mary Sue has a single ticket fer the ferry she can give it ta Teresa and she can be Jethro’s date fer the rest of the day. Then she can use Teresa’s ticket ta come home with us.”
“That’s brilliant, Elly. What do you say, Mary Sue, Jethro? You two seem to be without a date.” Angie said.
“I’d love ta, but it’s up ta Jethro,” Mary Sue said.
“Me too, I’d love ta ave Mary Sue on a date,” Jethro said.
“Here’s my ticket,” Mary Sue said, passing the stub to the angry woman next to Jethro.
Teresa knew she was finished and she grabbed the stub and tried to walk away in a dignified manor, but with one heeled shoe and one not she was as gracious as a hobbled horse and she became even angrier as she heard the laughter wafting up from the group she was leaving behind.
“I’m glad we don’t have to put up with her whining anymore. Why don’t we forget about her and have some fun? Giant Dipper here we come,” Crane said.
The line up was a long one but without Teresa there to put a damper on things, no one minded and they laughed and joked until they were at the front. Jethro and Mary Sue were in the front car, followed by Lee and Elly then Chip and Angie. The car began the long climb up the ramp. Jethro looked at his date and smiled. “Are ya scared?” he asked.
“Not as much as I would have been without ya here,” Mary Sue told him.
Jethro beamed at his date, “I’ll look after ya,” he said reaching under the bar to hold her hand as they came over the top and began the most exciting ride they’d ever been on. The first drop lifted them slightly off their seats, eliciting a scream from each member of the group. Through the curves, twists and bends they went, screaming loudly at each new, sudden drop, laughing as they realized they weren’t the only ones screaming. The ride ended and they exited, laughing and shouting at each other happily.
“Where would you lovely ladies like to go now?” Morton asked.
“How about the carousel?” Angie asked.
“You’re wish is my command,” Morton told her laughingly.
They made their way to the Carousel where each man helped his date climb on her horse and then mounted the one beside her.
Lee leaned towards Elly, “Are you having fun?” he asked.
“Oh yes, Lee. Thank-you fer bringing me ere,” she told him as the music began to play and the carousel began to turn slowly.
“You’re welcome,” Crane said softly.
Two hours later they were sitting in the sand eating chilli dogs and drinking soda. “Granny seemed really taken with that pizza stuff, I wonder what she’d think of these. They are so good.” Jethro said, finishing his second dog and starting in his third.
“I don’t know what she’d say but I see you still have the same hearty appetite.” Mary Sue laughed as she wiped excess chilli from his chin.
“Thanks, Mary Sue,” Jethro said, grinning broadly at his new date.
“Yer welcome,” she told him.
“I think Jethro’s happier with his second choice of a date,” Crane said, returning from throwing his waste in the garbage.
“Mary Sue seems pretty taken with him,” Angie stated.
“Her and me was real close back home and I seem ta recollect she always did like Jethro. She got all upset when she found out he was movin ta Beverly Hills with us.” Elly told them.
“Well, maybe they can rekindle their friendship,” Crane said, watching the exchange between Jethro and his date. “She’s definitely better than the barracuda.”
“You’ve got that right,” Morton agreed.
“Hey, you guys want to go play some games?” Crane asked Jethro and Mary Sue.
“Sure Lee, but if it’s ok we’ll just watch. I spent the last of my money on the chilli dogs. These places are more expensive than back in Bug Tussel,” Jethro told them.
“Jethro, can I talk ta ya, alone?” Elly asked.
“Sure, Elly,” Jethro said and the two walked off from the group.
“I can give ya what Pa gave me. Lee’s been payin fer everythin, so I ain’t gonna need it.”
“Thank ya Elly,” Jethro said, vowing not to call her his dumb hillbilly girl cousin for at least a week. Elly smiled at him as they walked back and joined the other four. “Let’s go play some games,” he said, taking Mary Sue by the arm.
“You there. You fellas look like you’re all good shot. Come on shoot the turkeys and win the beautiful ladies a prize,” a barker called from behind his stand.
“Why not give it a try, Lee?” Morton asked his friend.
“How much?” Crane asked the barker.
“Well now that depends on if you want the lady to have a big prize or a small prize. It’s ten cents a shot. One turkey for a small prize, two for a medium and three for a large. Oh we also have an extra large prize if you shoot five turkeys. You’re choice, young fella.”
“Here’s fifty cents. Does it matter what order I shoot them in?” Crane asked, smiling at the barker.
“None whatsoever. You just have to shoot five in a row.”
Crane took the small shotgun and put it to his shoulder. He squeezed the trigger gently to get a feel for the gun and then fired his first shot. The head flew off the first cardboard turkey. His second shot took the tail off the second, his third, fourth and fifth shots found the exact centre of the remaining three birds and he placed the gun back on the counter. “Where’s the beautiful ladies prize?” he asked the surprised barker.
“That’s some shootin,” the barker said. “Hang on and I’ll get the prize.” He reached behind the turkey board and pulled out a large red stuffed wishbone. “Here you go little lady,” the barker said passing the big garish prize.
“Thank-you,” Elly said. “This is the first thing anybody ever won fer me,” she cried happily.
“Do you like it, Elly?” Angie asked.
“I love it. I’m gonna put it up on my bedroom wall. Thank-you so much Lee,” she said, placing it over her shoulders.
“Would you like me to carry it for you?” Lee asked as they walked to the next booth.
“No, that’s ok. I can do it,” she told him.
“Hey Elly, this is yer game,” Jethro called. “With yer arm ya should have no trouble knockin over the milk cans.”
“You want to try it, Elly?” Lee asked.
“I’d love ta,” she answered, excited at the prospect of winning something for her date.
“You understand young lady that you have to knock all the milk cans off the shelf completely with one baseball?” the barker asked.
“She can do that with her eyes closed. I have enough lumps on the back of my head from the times she threw things at me. She’s got a good arm,” Jethro said proudly.
“That’ll be ten cents, but wouldn’t you rather let one of these strapping young men do it for you?” he said, indicating Lee, Chip and Jethro.
“I can do it by myself. This is fer you, Lee,” she said, pulling her arm back and throwing the ball with all her strength. The milk cans flew off the table and landed with a resounding clunk against the floorboards.
“Wow, young lady. I owe you an apology. I’ve never seen a lady with an arm like that. Here’s your prize.” He passed her a large plush baseball and she passed it to Lee who grinned from ear to ear.
“Thank you, fair lady,” Crane said, bowing to his date.
“Jus don’t make her mad at ya, Lee. Cause she has great aim no matter how far ya think ya are from her,” Jethro explained, rubbing the back of his head in painful memory.
“I won’t,” Crane laughed.
By the end of the day everyone had a prize and they tiredly made there way to the ferry and headed home to Santa Barbara.
Their Limo was waiting in the parking lot and they bid goodnight to Chip and Angie. Lee opened the door and helped Elly inside. He smiled as he noticed Jethro was doing the same thing for Mary Sue on the other side. ‘You learn fast, Jethro,’ he thought.
Mary Sue gave her address to the driver and they dropped her off before going back to the Four Seasons Hotel.
Lee walked Elly to her door and held her hand as Jethro went inside. The door closed quickly and Lee pulled Elly into an embrace. He kissed her gently on the lips and gazed into her eyes. “I hate to see this weekend come to an end, Elly. I think if we had more time things could change between us.”
“Me too, Lee. I wish we had longer as well.”
“I know. But you’ll be going home tomorrow and I’ll be leaving this week for several months at sea,” he said, gently wiping a tear from her eye.
“I know that. I also knew what I was doing when I agreed to go out with ya. I knew there was no promise of a tomorrow, and I don’t regret the time we had together.”
“Me either. I like you a lot, Elly May Clampett and I hope we can be friends.”
“Course we can,” she told him.
“No regrets,” Crane told her.
“No regrets,” Elly told him, reaching to kiss him one last time. She felt herself melting and knew she’d better pull out of the embrace. “Sorry, Lee.”
“Don’t be. I’m not,” he said as the door opened behind him.
“Oops sorry,” Granny said quickly closing it again.
“Is it ok if I come by to see you off in the morning?” Lee asked.
“I’m sure Granny and Pa would like ya too.”
“What about you?”
“Of course,” she told him. She smiled as she looked up at him, “from now on we’re just friends havin fun, right?”
“Right, Elly,” he said, swallowing the lump in his throat with some difficulty.
Elly opened the door and went inside leaving a troubled Lee Crane standing alone. ‘I wish things were different, Elly,’ he thought sadly and walked away.
Lee Crane waved as the Clampett’s truck drove away from the Four Seasons Hotel, a look of profound sadness on his face.
“Well, Lee. I understand Teresa got what she deserved,” Nelson said from behind him.
“I take it Chip filled you in on our day at the amusement park,” Crane said.
“I told him everything from the bird droppings to the broken heel.” Morton said, smiling at his friend.
“Remind me never to get on the wrong side of either one of you.” Nelson stated.
“Funny thing is, Admiral, we didn’t have to do anything.” Crane said.
“Oh sure, Lee. Tell me another one.”
“It’s true. How could we have arranged for the gulls?” Crane asked.
“If it could have been arranged, you two would have done it. I’d love to have seen her face when it happened.”
“I think you would have had more fun if you’d seen her face when Jethro dumped her for Mary Sue.” Morton laughed.
“Oh well. I guess things can finally get back to normal. Any regrets, Lee?” Nelson asked.
“Not really. I just wonder what might have been.”
“Who knows, maybe you’ll find out someday? I know another lady who’ll help get your hillbilly beauty off your mind for a while. Let’s go get Seaview ready.” Nelson told him.
“Yeah, She always manages to do that.” Crane said.
“Duty calls, Lee.” Morton said as they walked to the waiting Limo.
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