"Ha! Touchdown! Oh yeah. Go team me."
"Anybody ever tell team you the quarterback throws like a girl?"
"I do?"
Buffy and Riley
"Start with those."
"Start? Where is finish?"
Giles and Willow
"Xand... what if somebody had a secret, and that somebody promised somebody else that they wouldn't tell anyone."
"News flash, Will. Everybody knows."
"No, thi-this isn't about me and Tara."
"Oh. Well, not that I wouldn't be all ears if you wanted to tell me a secret about you two. Even if it was very, very naughty."
"Sorry, this is of the non-naughty variety."
Willow and Xander
So lemme get this straight. You're... Dracula. The guy, the count."
"I am."
"And you're sure this isn't just some fanboy thing? Cause... I've fought more than a couple of pimply overweight vamps that called themselves Lestat."
Buffy and Dracula
"Nice. Look who's got a bad case of dark prince envy." "I have no interest in you. Leave us."
"No, we're not going to "leave you." And where'd you get that accent, Sesame Street? Vun, two, three -- three victims. Mwa ha ha!"
"Xander, I'm pretty sure that's Dracula."
"Wow, really? Hey, sorry, man, I was... just jokin' around."
Xander, Buffy, and Dracula
"I told you he'd heard of me, right? I mean, can you believe that? Count Famous heard of me."
"I couldn't believe it the first twenty times you told us, but it's starting to sink in now."
"I'm sorry. Am I repeat-o-girl? I was just... blown away."
"It's not that surprising that he's heard of you, Buffy. You are the slayer."
"I guess. Just - the way he said it, you know, I mean, he made it sound so..."
"Sexy? I bet he made it sound sexy."
"Kinda. He of the dark penetrating eyes and lilty accent."
"I wonder if he knows Frankenstein."
"You thought Dracula was sexy?"
"Oh! No. He, he was... yuck."
"Right, except for the whole tall, dark, and handsome thing? Yucko."
"How would you know?"
"Well, we hung out a few times. Back in my demon days, you know, once or twice. He's pretty cool. You know, from, from a whole... evil thing perspective."
"Please. He was no big whoop."
"No big whoop?? What about that thing where he turned himself into a bat? That was awesome!"
"It must have been, yes. I must admit, I'm sorry I missed that."
"Me too! The whole time I was thinking, 'Gosh, I wish Giles were here, he'd know what to do!'"
Riley, Buffy, Tara, Willow, Anya, Xander, and Giles
I doubt he'd remember me. I was just a silly young thing. I mean, like seven hundred or so. But he did say that this guy I cursed was doomed forever, which was really sweet, don't you think?"
"Adorable."
"It was a great spell. I made this jerk incredibly fat, like a human minivan."
"You should just mention my name if you see him again."
"Or better yet, why don't you just go sit on top of a crypt and flaunt your neck cleavage until Dracula shows up? Then you two can talk private."
Anya and Xander
"Great. Perfect. You know what? You're not so big. One round of old-fashioned fisticuffs, you'd fold like a bitty baby. Okay, let's do it. And no poofing. Come on, puffy shirt. Pucker on up, cause you can kiss your pale ass-"
"Silence"
"Yes master."
Xander and Dracula
"What can you tell me about Dracula?"
"Dracula? Poncy bugger owes me eleven pounds, for one thing."
"You know him?"
"Know him? We're old rivals. But then he got famous, forgot all about his foes. I'll tell you what. That glory hound's done more harm to vampires than any slayer. His story gets out, and suddenly everybody knows how to kill us."
Riley and Spike
"You have been tasted."
Buffy: "He was-"
"Unworthy. He let you go. But the embrace... his bite... you remember."
"No."
Buffy and Dracula
"Well, I think we have Dracula factoids." "Like any of that's enough to fight the dark master... bator."
Willow and Xander
"Where is he?? Where's the creep that turned me into his spider-eating man-bitch?"
"He's gone."
"Dammit! You know what? I'm sick of this crap. I'm sick of being the guy who eats insects and gets the funny syphilis. As of this moment, it's over. I'm finished being everybody's butt-monkey!"
"Check. No more butt-monkey."
"It coulda been worse. At least you weren't making time with the dracu-babes like Giles here."
"I was not making time! I, I was, uh, just about to kill those, uh, loathsome creatures when Riley interrupted me."
"You were gonna nuzzle 'em to death?"
"Of course not! I was in complete... control."
Xander, Buffy, Riley, and Giles
"You think I don't watch your movies? You always come back. I'm standing right here!"
Buffy
Real Me
"I don't think Buffy's Watcher likes me too much. I think it's 'cause he's just so... old. I'm not sure how old he is, but I heard him use the word 'newfangled' one time. So he's gotta be pretty far gone."
Dawn
"Blast!"
"You put it in neutral again, huh?"
I'm just not used to this automatic transmission. I-I loathe this sitting here, not contributing. No, i-it's not working out."
"Giles, are you breaking up with your car?"
"Well, it did seduce me, all red and sporty!"
"Little two-door tramp."
"I-I-I don't know, I just - I was so at loose ends, I-I found myself searching for... some way of feeling more..."
"Shallow?"
"Perhaps, as I am to act as your Watcher again, a modicum of respect might be in order."
"Do I have to?"
"I'm serious, Buffy, there's going to be far less time for the sort of flighty, frivolous-"
"Hey, there's Willow and Tara!"
"Ooh, they haven't seen my new car."
Giles, Buffy, and Dawn
"Whatcha doin'? What are you doing here? You can't loiter. There's no loitering. That's why I'm a cat. Quiet. See, cat's in the cupboard but they find you there anyway, and it hurts. Please, make it stop. Shut up, shut up, they'll hear you!"
"Buff-"
"I know you. Curds and whey. I know what you are. You... don't... belong... here."
Dawn and Crazy guy
"Well, I've cross-checked the inventory list, and things are definitely missing. Mostly books. Including A Treatise on the Mythology and Methodology of the Vampire Slayer."
"Oh, shoot! Was that the only copy?"
"Come on, Buffy, this could be very serious. Whoever's leading this pack of vampires appears to be interested in learning more about you. Perhaps searching for weaknesses or... good lord."
Willow, Buffy, and Giles
"What'd they take?"
"I should think an item of, of value, or-or power, possibly even a-"
"A unicorn. 10-inch ceramic unicorn imported from Thailand."
"Was it valuable?"
"List price, $12.95."
"Which begs the question, what kind of an unholy creature fancies cheap tasteless statuary?"
Buffy, Giles, and Willow
"Okay, hi. First of all, I wanna thank everybody for a really successful raid on the magic shop last night. Good job, minions! Yes, you deserve it. Secondly... somebody remembered to pick me up the sweetest little unicorn!"
Harmony
"Dawn, be good."
"Oh, we will. We're just gonna play with matches, run with scissors, take candy from... some guy... I don't know his name."
Joyce and Xander
"Oh, crap. Look at this! Now I'm burdened with a husband and several tiny pink children, more cash than I can reasonably manage..."
"That means you're winning."
"Really?"
"Yes. Cash equals good."
"Ooh! I'm so pleased. Can I trade in the children for more cash?"
Anya and Xander
"What do you mean, she's not in there? She has to be. I'm calling her out!"
"Then I bet she'll be real sorry she missed your call. 'Fraid you and your buddies are gonna have to come back and be killed by Buffy later."
"They're not my buddies. They're my minions."
"They're... what now?"
"Minions! You know, lackeys? They work for me. What's so funny?!"
"Nothing! What could be funny, just 'Look out, it's a terrifying Harmony gang, ooh!'"
"Stop laughing!"
"I just, I just can't picture anyone pathetic enough to be following- Is that Brad Konig? Huh! Hey Brad, who'd have thought when you were beating up kids in gym class, you'd end up Harmony's lapdog?"
Harmony and Xander
"All right, once again, nice work, minionators. I'm really, really proud of you guys. Ah, Mort. I trust you made our guest... comfortable?"
"You told me to chain her to a wall."
"Yeah, I know, I'm being, you know, sarcastic or whatever?"
Harmony and Mort
"So, slayer, at last we meet."
"We've met, Harmony, you halfwit."
"I'm the halfwit? Um, excuse me, but look who's fallen into my... trap."
"Harmony, when you tried to be head cheerleader, you were bad. When you tried to chair the homecoming committee, you were really bad. But when you try to be bad... you suck."
Harmony and Buffy
The Replacement
"Wish I had something food-like to offer you guys, but the hot plate's out of commission."
"We think the cat peed on it."
"I do have Spaghetti-O's. Set 'em on top of the dryer and you're a fluff cycle away from lukewarm goodness." "Hmm. Yeah, I had dryer food for lunch."
Xander, Anya, and Riley
"Yeah, maybe it's definitely time to start looking for a new place. Something a little nicer. Buffy, you've been to Hell. They have one-bedrooms, right?"
Xander
"If you get the apartment, this'll be your hallway. We'll walk down this hall, and we'll say, 'La la, I'm on my way to Xander's.'"
"Just warning you, Xander, I probably won't be doing that."
"Really? I will."
"Hey, we're just lookin'. Rent's way high, so don't get your hopes all carbonated."
"But you have references."
"No, I have Albert, which is me doing an important voice. 'Xander Harris? An excellent tenant. And a very nice-looking fellow.'"
Willow, Buffy,Riley, Xander, and Anya
"What are you doing here, Spike?"
"Oh, there's a nice lady vampire who set up a charming tea room over the next pile of crap. What do you think I'm doing? I'm scavenging, ain't I?"
Riley and Spike
"Don't be scared, Will. Just listen. It's me, Xander. And I can prove it."
"Um... okay."
"Let's see. Stuff only you and me know. Okay! On my seventh birthday... I wanted a toy fire truck, and I didn't get it, and you were real nice about it, and then the house next door burnt down, and then real fire trucks came, and for years I thought you set the fire for me. And if you did, you can tell me. For a while last year, I thought I was lactose-intolerant, but it was just some bad Brie. Oh! Every Christmas, we watch Charlie Brown together, and I do the Snoopy dance."
Xander and Willow
"Hey, wait till you have an evil twin. See how you handle it."
"I handled it fine."
Xander and Willow
"Oh, dear lord."
"Buffy, our Xander, did he seem a little-"
"He seemed kind of forceful and confident."
"That's not Xander."
"I said, 'Oh, dear lord.'"
"You always say that."
"Well, it's always important!"
Giles, Buffy, and Riley
"Ooh! What number am I thinking of?"
"I don't think that's gonna do it."
"Eleven and a half."
"Wrong. Oh! But see?"
Buffy, Riley, and Both Xanders "Oh, but he has a thingie! In his pocket! A shiny disk that stuns and disorients!"
"What disk?"
"Cover your eyes!"
"This?"
"It'll melt your brain!"
"Look."
"It's a nickel someone flattened on the railroad track. I found it on the construction site and I thought it was cool. It's not magic."
"No, I... huh. It is kinda cool. Washington's still there, but he's all smushy. And he may be Jefferson."
Both Xanders and Buffy
"Psychologically, this is fascinating. Doesn't it make everyone wanna lock them in separate rooms and do experiments on them? Just me, then."
Riley
"Well, maybe we shouldn't do this reintegration thing right away. See, I can take the boys home, and... we can all have sex together, and... you know, just slap 'em back together in the morning."
"She's joking."
"No she's not! She entirely wants to have sex with us together. Which is... wrong, and, and it would be very confusing."
"Uh, uh, we just need to light the candles. Also, we should continue to pretend we heard none of the disturbing sex talk."
"Check. Candles and pretense."
Anya, both Xanders, Willow, and Giles
"What'll we do if this doesn't work?"
"Kill us both, Spock!"
"They're... kinda the same now."
"Yes, he's clearly a bad influence on himself."
Anya, Both Xanders, Buffy, and Giles
Out of My Mind
"Oh! I saw that. Looks like neither boy's entirely welcome. You should take him home, Slayer. Make him stay there. I've got knitting needles he can borrow."
"Spike... I just saw you taste your own nose blood, you know what? I'm too grossed out to hear anything you have to say. Go home.
"It's blood! It's what I do!"
Buffy and Spike
"Thank you guys so much. You're like my... fairy godmother and Santa Claus and Q all wrapped up into one... Q from Bond, not Star Trek."
Buffy
"Well, well, well. Looky here."
"Is it safe? Has Buffy gotten to you yet? I saw her patrolling just now... with a stake! She won't give up until she's killed me to death!"
Spike: "Buffy's looking for you."
"Of course! That's why I'm on the lam. Didn't you hear? I'm totally her arch-nemesis!"
"Is that right. I must have missed the memo."
"There was a mem-? Spike, oh my god! This is like a real emergency! Uhh! I need a hideout so bad. You're my only hope. We're just gonna have to rise above... our petty differences... Listen, Spike ... I'm desperate."
"Desperate, are you?"
"Come on, Spike. Pretty please? I'll do anything!"
"Anything, will you?"
"Yeah! I said I'll do anything. Ohhhh. You mean will I have sex with you? Well, yeah."
Spike and Harmony
"Did you know that one time the CIA tried to kill Fidel Castro with poisonous aspirin?"
"Dawn, please. I know I have to do something, I just don't know what."
"Another time the CIA-"
"Dawn!"
"It's important."
"Tried to make Castro go crazy by putting itching powder in his beard. It's about the government!"
Dawn and Buffy
"It's not about him. It's about us. You're getting stronger every day, more powerful. I can't touch you. Every day, you're just... a little further out of my reach."
"You wanna touch me? I'm right here. I'm not the one running away."
"Not yet."
"So you have this all figured out? I'm bailing because you're not in the super club."
"It's human nature."
"Don't Psych 101 me. Not now. Not after everything that... Nobody has ever known me the way you do. Nobody. I've opened up to you in ways that I've never opened up to... God, you're just sitting back there thinking that none of this means anything to me."
"I never said that."
"Because it obviously doesn't mean anything to you. Do you really think so little of me-"
"Buffy."
"No! No. Do you think that I spent the last year with you because you had super powers? If that's what I wanted, then I'd be dating Spike. Riley, I need you. I need you with me... and I need you healthy. But if you wanna throw it all away because you don't trust me, then... then I'm still gonna make you go to that doctor."
Buffy and Riley
"You are not going to die."
"Bet you say that to all the boys."
"No. There is one peroxided pest whose number is up."
Buffy and Riley
"It's a good thing Buffy found you when she did, 'cause you were about to detonate big-time. Always said she's pretty impressive."
"You know, she really is."
"But you know you don't belong here, right? This town? I mean, you're nothin' here."
"Hey. What are you saying?"
"Come on, man. You know it's true. There's nothing for you here."
"There's her."
"Okay, right, there's her. And? You used to have a mission, and now you're what? The mission's boyfriend? Mission's true love? You belong with us."
Graham and Riley
"Buffy, I love you. God, I love you so much... Oh, god, no. Please, no."
Spike
No Place Like Home
"I've always wanted to kill the Slayer."
"And I've always wanted piano lessons. So really, who's surprised we have all this unexpressed rage? But honestly? I think I'm expressing mine better. Tell you what... you find yourself a good anger management class... And I'll jam this pokey wood stick through your heart. I think that sets the world speed record for closure."
Vampire and Buffy
"Miss, if you're looking for one of those rave parties, I'm afraid you're late. Chased a bunch of kids out of here last night."
"Oh, right. Yeah. Darn. My fellow ravers will be so disappointed. It was my turn to bring the Bundt cake."
Night Watchman and Buffy
"So neither of you is pregnant, failing or under indictment?
Joyce
"I told you you couldn't ditch me! Whoa... Mr. Giles! This place is so... wow. I mean, check out all the magick junk."
"Our new slogan..."
Dawn and Giles
"Hey! It's Buffy, isn't it? Ben... but you can call me man-nurse. Everybody else here does."
Ben
"Your conjuring powder is grotesquely over-priced."
"Anya..."
"I'm sorry. I'm nearly out of money. I've never had to afford things before and it's making me bitter."
Anya and Giles
"You know, when you think about it, I'm the victim here. First off, I don't even want to be here. And I'm not talking about this room or this city or this state or this planet. I'm talking about the whole mortal coil now, you know? It's disgusting! The food... the clothes... the people. I could crap a better existence than this. But... okay- and feel free to tell me if this next part gets a little too personal, because I'm told I have boundary issues- but I'm hurt! Yes, by your incredibly selfish behavior. Newsflash, hairdo: it's not always about you. All I want is the Key! Why? Why can't you tell me where the Key is? Oh! Forgive me... monk-y. Sometimes I just... I get so anxious- like there's something deep inside of me and it's swelling up and it's making me crazy!- that I forget there's all that duct tape on your face!"
Glory
"Anya, the Shopkeeper's Union of America called. They wanted me to tell you that 'please go' just got replaced with 'have a nice day'."
"But I have their money. Who cares what kind of day they have?"
"No one. It's just a long cultural tradition of raging insincerity. Embrace it."
Anya and Xander
"What are you doing?"
"My boyfriend. Go away
Dawn and Buffy
"Don't take this the wrong way but..."
"Ow!"
"What are you doing here? Five words or less."
"Out... for... a... walk... bitch."
"Out for a walk at night by my house. No one has time for this, William."
"On your merry way, then. You know, contrary to one's self-involved world-view, your house happens to be directly between parts... and other parts of this town. And I would pass by in the day but I feel I'm outgrowing my whole 'burst into flame' phase."
"Fine. Keep going, I cut you a break."
"Oh, yeah. Okay, let me guess... you won't kill me? Wooo... the whole crowd-pleasing threats-and-swagger routine. How stunningly original. You know, I'm just passing through. Satisfied? You know, I really hope so because God knows you need some satisfaction in life besides shagging Captain Cardboard and I never really liked you anyway and... and you have stupid hair."
Spike and Buffy
"Would someone please rip that bloody bell off its hinges?"
"Would that involve moving?"
Giles and Xander
Family
"Ow! Thumb! Necessary opposable thumb!"
"Sorry. Crybaby."
Xander and Riley
"But we just helped her move the stuff in a few days ago... and it was fun!"
"People help each other out, Anya. It's one of our strange customs."
"Giles, I noticed you're doing the smallest amount of helping that can actually be called helping."
"Well, I saw myself in more of a... patriarchal sort of role. You know, lots of pointing and scowling. You two, stop that!"
"He started it."
"He called me a bad name. I think it was bad. It might've been Latin."
Anya, Buffy, Giles, Xander , and Riley
"Nothing like gettin' your ass kicked to... make your ass hurt."
Buffy
"Yeah. You learn her source, and, uh, we'll introduce her to her insect reflection... Um... that, that was funny if you, um, studied Taglarin mythic rites... and are a complete dork."
"Oh, then how come Xander didn't laugh?"
"I don't know that Taglarin stuff."
"Oh."
Tara, Riley, and Xander
"Thank you for coming. We value your patronage. Please come again for more purchases!"
"Could we please be a little less effusive, Anya? Don't want to frighten the people."
Anya and Giles
"So, any breakthroughs on the identity of Miss Congeniality?"
Buffy
"So... what'd you get her?"
"Huh?"
"Tara. You said you got a present already."
"Yeah, that was a tangled web of lies, sweetie."
Buffy and Xander
"You want me, Slayer, come and get me."
"Oh, I'm coming. I'm coming right-"
"-now! ... What are you thinking?"
"All about you, baby."
"Aww. You're my little lamb."
Spike, Buffy, and Harmony
"So all these books got spells in 'em? Turn people into frogs, things like that?"
"Yeah, we're building a race of frog people. It's a good time."
Donny and Xander
"What? She shouldn't be going over there."
"Yeah, a lot of young people nowadays are experimenting with shortness. Gotta nip that in the bud."
Buffy and Riley
"We... could go somewhere else. Someplace more... private."
"Ohhhh, Sandy, Sandy. It's no good. My heart belongs to another. Besides, I don't go out with vampires. Never interested in my intellect."
Sandy and Riley
"No, see, 'cause your insect reflection represents your insignificance... in terms of the karmic cycle."
"But it's still not funny."
Tara and Anya
"This place is so cool. 'Cept I have to wear this stupid stamp on my hand."
"That's to keep you from boozing it up."
Dawn and Xander
Fool for Love
"You know, it's probably none of my business but I just gotta ask... You smell this bad when you were alive? 'Cause if it's a post-mortem thing, then boy, is my face red... But just so you know, the fast-growing field of personal grooming has come a long way since you became a vampire."
Buffy
"I can't believe I passed out. Do you think I'm a total wuss now?"
"Oh, yeah. I like a girl who can play a few hard sets of tennis with a major stab wound."
"You said it wasn't that bad."
"I said I've seen worse. There's a difference."
Buffy and Riley
"So you traded up on the food chain. Then what?"
"No, please. Don't make it sound like something you'd flip past on the Discovery Channel. Becoming a vampire is a profound and powerful experience. I could feel this new strength coursing through me. Getting killed made me feel alive for the very first time. I was through living by society's rules. Decided to make a few of my own. Of course, in order to do that... I had to get myself a gang."
Buffy and Spike
"Lesson the first: a Slayer must always reach for her weapon. I've already got mine. A good thing, too. Become a vampire, you've got nothing to fear. Nothing but one girl. That's you, honey. Back then... it was her."
Spike
"Lesson the second: ask the right questions. You want to know how I beat 'em? The question isn't 'How'd I win?'. The question is 'Why'd they lose?'."
"What's the difference?"
"There's a big difference, love."
Spike and Buffy
"And the thing about the dance is, you never get to stop. Every day you wake up, it's the same bloody question that haunts you: is today the day I die? Death is on your heels, baby, and sooner or later it's gonna catch you. And part of you wants it... not only to stop the fear and uncertainty, but because you're just a little bit in love with it. Death is your art. You make it with your hands, day after day. That final gasp. That look of peace. Part of you is desperate to know: What's it like? Where does it lead you? And now you see, that's the secret. Not the punch you didn't throw or the kicks you didn't land. Every Slayer... has a death wish. Even you. The only reason you've lasted as long as you have is you've got ties to the world... your mum, your brat kid sister, the Scoobies. They all tie you here but you're just putting off the inevitable. Sooner or later, you're gonna want it. And the second- the second- that happens... You know I'll be there. I'll slip in... have myself a real good day. Here endeth the lesson. I just wonder if you'll like it as much as she did."
Spike
"Get out of my sight. Now."
"Oh... did I scare ya? You're the Slayer. Do something about it. Hit me. Come on. One good swing. You know you want to.
"I mean it."
"So do I. Give it me good, Buffy. Do it!"
"Spike... What the hell are you doing?"
"Come on. I can feel it, Slayer. You know you want to dance."
"Say it's true. Say I do want to. It wouldn't be you, Spike. It would never be you. You're beneath me."
Spike and Buffy
"Beneath me... I'll show her. Put her six bloody feet beneath me. Hasn't got a death wish? Bitch won't need one."
Spike
Shadow
"I'm just saying, I think it's rude."
"I wouldn't call it rude."
"Rude-ish. Rude-esque. Whatever you want to call it. When a person makes a 'destroy all vampires' date, it's simple courtesy to wait for your co-destroyers. Am I right, Giles?"
"I'm almost certain you're not, but to be fair, I wasn't listening."
Xander, Willow ,and Giles
"Were you... were you just smelling her sweater?"
"No. Well, yeah, all right, I did. It's a... predator thing, nothin' wrong with it. Just... know your enemy's scent, whet the appetite for a hunt. Ah, that's the stuff! Slayer musk, it's bitter and aggravating!"
Riley and Spike "Hey, watch it! Easy, you're bruising the leather! Look. I know for a bleeding fact the Slayer wouldn't mind me being here."
"Right. What's a little sweater-sniffing between sworn enemies."
"Your girl in the habit of buying her enemies drinks? 'Cause she spent the better part of last night with me, doing just that."
"'Cause you guys are such tight pals."
"Yeah."
"That's good. Tell me another."
"Okay, how 'bout this one. Twice in recent memory, she's had the lover-wiccas do a deinvite on the house. Keep out specific vamps. Ever ask yourself why she's never taken my name off the guest list?"
"Because you're harmless."
"Oh yeah, right. Takes one to know, I suppose. Least I still got the attitude. What do you got, a piercing glance? Face it, white bread. Buffy's got a type, and you're not it. She likes us dangerous, rough, occasionally bumpy in the forehead region. Not that she doesn't like you... but sorry Charlie, you're just not dark enough."
Spike and Riley
"It's bad."
"I know."
"I... I have to do something."
"Do something?"
"Yeah, like, you know, magic, like a healing spell."
"Buffy... people get sick. I don't think magic-"
"That attitude's not helping. I have to try."
Buffy and Riley
"Hey. Hey! HEY! HEY!!"
"Anya, your heys are startling the customers."
"And-and pretty much the state."
"You sold someone a Khul's amulet and a Sobekian bloodstone."
"Yes, I believe I did."
"Are you stupid or something?"
"Allow me to answer that question with a firing."
"She's kidding! An, we talked about the employee-employer vocabulary no-nos. That was number five."
"You never sell these things together, ever! Bad news! Don't you know about the Sobekites?"
"Oh! I do. It was an ancient Egyptian cult, heavy into dark magic."
"And the Khul's amulet, wasn't that a transmogrification conduit?"
"Damn straight!"
"Be that as it may, I still see no reason for concern. I mean, the-the Sobekian transmogrification spells were lost thousands of years ago. And besides, the young woman to whom I sold them would have to have had enormous power-"
"Young woman?"
"Oh, dear lord."
Anya, Giles, Xander, Willow, and Tara
"I'm really glad you're here."
"Thanks."
"Buffy's glad too."
"Yeah?"
"She sure cries a lot less with you than she did with Angel."
"Angel... made her cry a lot, huh?"
"Everything with him was all... eee, you know?" "All...?"
"You know... 'my boyfriend's a vampire' crazy crazy. Every day was like the end of the world. She doesn't get all worked up like that over you. I think you've been really good for her."
Dawn and Riley
"Anya broke a... bippity boppity boo. A thing. Don't worry about it."
"I did not! I didn't break-"
"Anya, Buffy doesn't need to hear about your... clumsiness right now."
"My clumsiness. I mean, that is so- ...like ... me. Slippery, slippery ... butterfingers."
"What happened?"
"Nothing to concern you, uh-"
"Giles!"
"The, uh, demon woman was here, the one who attacked you."
"It's no biggie, she-she just got an amulet and a bloodstone."
"That can create a monster."
"Okay, biggie."
"My god, are you guys okay though? I mean, did - no one got hurt, right?"
"Oh no, thankfully, no, uh, no violence to speak of."
"Okay, so, that's good... How did she get away with this bad mojo stuff?"
"Giles sold it to her."
"I, I, I... I didn't know it was her! I mean, how could I? If it's any consolation, I may have overcharged her."
Xander, Anya, Willow, Buffy, and Giles
"The power is yours... to see what is unseen. To find what is shrouded in shadow. Already, you know what I seek. I have given you form, now find for me the key. Seek it out in the holy places. Yes, yes, yes! Let your vision guide you to its hiding place, and then return to me and tell me where it lies. Now would be good. Fun, fun, fun!"
Glory
"You okay? You look pretty beat up."
"Minimal damage of the fighting kind. It's all the other kind."
"Come here. It's okay. Just let it out. I'm right here."
"I can't. Not now. They need me. If I start now... I won't be able to stop."
Riley and Buffy
Listening to Fear
"Listen you two, I know this creamed spinach is pretty delicious, but I promise, I won't be offended if you go out for some real food."
"You kidding me? This is the good life. Relaxing in bed while people bring you food on trays."
"I like the Jello."
"Help yourself. There's something about food that moves by itself that gives me the heebie-jeebies."
"It's good and wiggly. This girl at school told me that gelatin is made from ground-up cow's feet, and that if you eat Jello there's some cows out limping with no feet. But I told her I'm sure they kill 'em before they take off their feet. Right?"
"You're the one who insisted on teaching her to talk."
Joyce, Buffy, and Dawn
"My god, what a rough night."
"I just did two of 'em! Yay on me! That was pretty cool. Except the part where I was all terrified and... and now my knees are all dizzy."
Giles and Willow
"Care package! Special delivery for the Summers girls. Now, let's see what I have in this sack of mine. Oh, I feel just like Santa Claus, except thinner and younger and female and, well, Jewish."
Willow
"Oh, Buffy- I have this for you."
"Homework? Oh. I don't believe in tiny Jewish Santa any more."
"And a yo-yo."
Willow and Buffy
"You know what's weird?"
"Japanese commercials are weird."
Willow and Tara
"I bet it's not even hooked up to anything. Just like the push buttons at the crosswalk that are supposed to make the signal change."
"I'm sure someone's on - What, the push buttons aren't hooked up to anything?"
Joyce and Buffy
"Oh, that might be toxic, don't touch it."
"Oh yeah, touching it was my first impulse. Luckily I've moved on to my second, which involves dry-heaving and running like hell. Oh, man, does that smell."
Riley and Xander
"Don't touch me! You - you thing!"
"Mom, please!"
"Get away from me! You're nothing, you're, you're a shadow!"
"Mom-"
"I don't know what you are or how you got here!" "Mom, it's Dawn."
"Dawn? Honey, what's wrong?"
Joyce, Dawn, and Buffy
"Look at how teeny Mercury is compared to, like, Saturn. Whereas in contrast, the cars of the same name-"
"Xander, please, we have work to do here."
Xander: I still don't get why we had to come here to get info about a killer snot monster."
"Because it's a killer snot monster from outer space. I did not say that."
Xander and Giles
"We've been scouring all the international periodicals for any other meteorite landings in the last week."
"Big zippo."
"Well, then it would appear that the world is not being invaded."
"I'm pretty pleased about that."
Tara, Anya, and Giles
