Bringer of Light newsletter

Welcome to the


A new year? Wow, so hard to believe how time continues to pass. Many of us are facing our FIRST new year without that special someone. It is difficult to leave behind the last year that they lived and loved and died in, to now take on another year. Never will the year 2010 come again. Sometimes it can make us feel as though we are drifting further and further away from the one that died in 2010. My son, Luke, died in 2001 and it seems like an eternity sometimes since the last time I touched him, and then again, it seems like yesterday that he died. But almost 10 years has passed since that day, and I used to feel like I was loosing touch with that LAST moment that we had together because it was getting so far away from me, but as the years have passed I have come to realize that I am closer to the FIRST moment that we will be together in Heaven. A new year means that we are further away from "goodbye", but closer to "hello".

January and a new year has arrived, whether we wanted it to or not!!! Sometimes when we are in the midst of a cold, lonely winter we wish so much for the warmth of springtime. It is much the same in our grief. Oh, how we wish for the days when the world seemed so much warmer. We have suffered the loss of someone so very special that it is very difficult to break away from that long, cold winter and look for the sun. It feels so dark, and cold, and dreary in this place of grief, and we feel so alone. We find ourselves frozen in the icy shadow of death, and in the fear of grief, and in the pain of tears. The cold we feel inside is a reminder of all of these things that we now have been forced to live with.

Spring is coming.... even though it seems as if the long, cold winter will never end. The spring that is coming is very different from the spring that we used to share with that someone special. In those days we took for granted how wonderful a morning breeze could feel as it skimmed across our face, how beautiful the sunrise was, and how mystical the thunder and rain were. The fragrance of the blooming flowers was something that we breathed in, not knowing that one day soon, for us, the flowers would loose their beauty and fragrance.

If only we could have those days back again, but we know they are gone forever. What we can have is the knowing that our loved one is with us in all of these things that we long for. They are in the morning breeze, the sunrise, the thunder, the rain, and the fragrance and beauty of the flowers.

With time.... a different kind of spring will come again. We have to open every one of our senses to the possibility that our loved one is close, and is here, and is saying "hello". So step out of that cold, dark, dreary room and find the wonders that await you, because.... here comes the sun.

Find and be found to discover your..... BRINGER OF LIGHT.

Thanks so much for your request to receive the monthly


~ by Christine Ross in memory of
Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

I feel him in the morning breeze
As it skims across my face.
I see him in the sunrise
As it brightens up this place.

I hear him in the thunder
Before the sky begins to drip.
I taste him in the raindrops
That trickle down across my lips.

I smell him in the fragrance
Of every flower that's in bloom.
But these things I just imagine
From the corners of my room.

It's winter here in my room.
There's a chill down to my bones.
It's dark, and cold, and dreary
And I feel so all alone.

The cold is a reminder
Of this frigid, frozen fear
That casts those icy shadows
Of death, and grief, and tears.

I'm hoping for the sunshine,
Fragrant breezes, thunder, rain.
But most of all I'm hoping for...
A very early spring.

© 2008 - Christine Ross

In memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

APRIL 2010, Volume 25 No. 4
Bereavement Publications, Inc.


Bringer of Light newsletter

Welcome to the

February and talk about love and sweethearts and Valentines...... Many of us have that special someone that we will always hold in our hearts; that someone that has crossed over to the other side. We often wonder how did this happen? How could they have possibly died? We held their hands, we held them in our arms, we tried to protect them. But we know that these children that we now hold in our hearts are very special souls. When they were here on earth, no matter their size or age, they proved to be strong. We had that special bond with them that cannot be broken by time or death.

We were always the ones that told them "It will be alright". But now, we cry inwardly and outwardly because of the awful pain that comes with missing them. Roles have changed and we are the ones that need comfort and encouragement from our heavenly children. If we listen really close we can hear them whisper to us from the other side..."I see your tears and I will protect you. I will keep you safe and warm. I know you feel so small in your world of grief, but know that I will be there when you feel alone. Feel my arms around you. You'll be in my heart... always."

Our children that have died talk to us in their own special ways, but many people don't understand that. They don't understand how we feel because others have not had to experience what we have had to experience. The world just doesn't trust anything that the world cannot explain. We are not really much different from the rest of the world. There was a time when we did not have this awful pain and a time when we did not understand the pain of those that had experienced the loss of a child. We were so unaware of all of this. It is amazing how one unimaginable event can transform us from a place of not knowing to a place a wisdom, although it is a wisdom we do not want. As days and years pass, others will join us in grief. At this very moment those others do not know that they are next in line for this unbelievable pain. They do not understand the depth of this pain. But when their day arrives we will greet them with open arms, and tell them we will be there for them. For not only do we understand, but unfortunately now so do they.

We wish that we were still in that place of not understanding, but the reality is that we do understand, and we do know, and we do possess that unwanted wisdom. Our destiny has been laid before us, and although we don't like it or want it, it is ours and we must be strong and carry on in honor and in memory of our children. That special someone may not physically be with us, but the wisdom of their soul tells us daily to..."Hold on, in time we will be together again, and we will once again have our arms around each other".

This life that we have been left with is a difficult one, but we know that one day we will be with the one we miss so much. Together, us and our spiritual children, will show the world that life goes on even after death has come. Death may have taken our children from our arms, but it has not, and will not, and cannot take them from our hearts. They will live on, through us, for their hearts will continue to beat inside our own hearts.

Let us turn our hearts and souls, and turn our thoughts and eyes up towards Heaven and shout those words that we only know through the wisdom of a parent's grief.... "YOU'LL BE IN MY HEART ALWAYS"

Find and be found to discover your..... BRINGER OF LIGHT.

Thanks so much for your request to receive the monthly


(as performed by Phil Collins)

Come stop your crying.
It will be all right
Just take my hand
Hold it tight

I will protect you
from all around you
I will be here
Don't you cry

For one so small,
you seem so strong
My arms will hold you,
keep you safe and warm
This bond between us
Can't be broken
I will be here
Don't you cry

'Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more

You'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be here in my heart, always

Why can't they understand
the way we feel
They just don't trust
what they can't explain
I know we're different but,
deep inside us
We're not that different at all

And you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more

Don't listen to them
'Cause what do they know
We need each other,
to have, to hold
They'll see in time
I know

When destiny calls you
You must be strong
I may not be with you
But you've got to hold on
They'll see in time
I know
We'll show them together

'Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on,
Now and forever more

Oh, you'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be in my heart, always


Since you've been gone my heart is blue.
But death cannot keep me from you.
For you live on My Valentine.
Your heart still beats inside of mine.

© 2007 - Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

Published in
Spring 2010, Volume 25 No. 2
Bereavement Publications, Inc.

MARCH 2011

Bringer of Light newsletter

Welcome to the


March is here..... the third month into the year 2011. This is the month that brings us springtime, rebirth, and hope. There are signs of springtime everywhere with the once barren trees beginning to bud, and the once buried flowers beginning to bloom, and the discrete little animals peeping out of their winter hideouts, all within the presence of a mystical rainbow. The springtime air carries the promise of new birth and the reborn landscape is adorned with color. This is such a contrast from the faded, seemingly dying winter. But as those barren trees begin to bud, and the cold ground warms and produces flowers we realize that winter did not die at all. Winter only appeared to be lifeless, when underneath it all, springtime was waiting to be reborn.

My son, Luke, died almost 10 years ago, on April 3rd, 2001. I used to think of springtime as that awful season that took my son from me. But as the years have passed I realize that he too was reborn in springtime and he is now in that place of forever springtime... that place he now calls home.

For me, springtime represents the beginning of life, summer the prime of life, fall the latter years of life, and winter the end of life. But springtime is that magical season that cannot only represent the beginning of life on earth, but can also represent a life that has left this earth being reborn on the other side. This is the hope of springtime, with its promise of rainbows, flowers, and warmth.

It took me many years to realize the hope of springtime. I honestly never thought that I would be alive in the year 2011. How can a body go through so much pain and sorrow and still survive? But I did survive, and you have too. I guess my only explanation for survival is the knowing that there is 'something' in the promise of springtime, 'something' on the other side, 'something' above the stars, 'something' beyond the sunset, and 'something' at the end of the rainbow. You have probably heard the legend about that pot of gold that is waiting at the end of the rainbow. The pot of gold that I long for at the end of that rainbow is my son, and I am anxiously waiting to find him at the end of this life, when my winter finally arrives. Maybe you and many others that live in this world of grief have that same wish and that same hope.... that hope for something magical to happen and that hope for that wish upon a star to come true.

Oh if I could only get to the end of that rainbow now, if only for a moment or two. I can't, not yet.... not until my winter arrives. But I know for sure that the end of the rainbow can come to me. Sometimes I can see his face, Luke's face, there in the midst of things, and I can hear his voice at the quietest times. At night I feel his spirit near, and at other times, unexpectedly, I feel his touch. There are many things out in this world that remind me of him, things that bring him to me in the most tantalizing and unsuspecting ways. Just the scent of something.... and there he is, or just the whisper in the wind will make him appear in the corners of my mind. That is how the rainbow comes to me and brings my Luke back to me, over and over and over. Even though he died, and even though I want him back physically, I am so very thankful for the gifts of him that I receive from the sunlight, the starlight, a soft breeze, a fierce wind, a gentle snowflake, a summer rain, a flower in bloom, and a spectacular rainbow.

I can't go where he is, and I can't see where he is, but I am sure of one thing... I know exactly where he is and someday, beyond that rainbow, beyond the sunset, beyond this life... my heart will jump with joy as I see him waiting for me in the distance, in a field of grass covered with flowers that are touched by the magic of a beautiful rainbow. I will no longer be prevented from going where he is because I will be there, at last! No longer will I need the gifts from the sunlight and the wind and the seasons, for I will have what I have longed for all these years. Someday, the path will be found to that heavenly place that seems so mysterious from here on earth. But for now, I will wait and I will hope and I will listen and I will feel all the things that I am supposed to, as I make my connection to the other side.... because I know the place he went, and I will get there by and by, in due time. No matter how long it takes, I will always recognize those things that bring him to me, until I finally get to him.

So, wish upon a star, dream upon a rainbow, wonder what's beyond the sunset, but most of all be aware of all the wonders that surround you in all the seasons of your life and beyond. In those wonders you can find that someone special... your very own pot of gold.

© 2011 - Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

Find and be found to discover your..... BRINGER OF LIGHT.

Thanks so much for your request to receive the monthly

The featured POEM this month is....



When the morning sun gets in my eyes
I can almost see your hidden face.
When the evening winds blow fiercely
I feel the strength of your embrace.

When an autumn breeze becomes a whisper
I can almost hear you quietly speak.
When the snow falls from a winter sky
I feel your touch upon my cheek.

When the starlight casts a shadow
I can almost see your spirit drift.
When the rain in summer trickles down
I taste your kiss upon my lips.

When the flowers in the springtime bloom
I can almost smell your faded scent.
But... where the rainbow touches the sky
My heart knows the place you went.

© 2008 - Christine Ross

~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

The featured SONG this month is....

"Rainbow Connection" is a popular song written by Paul Williams and kenneth Ascher and originally performed by Kermit the Frog (Jim Henson) in the Muppet Movie, in 1979.

This song has come to epitomze the ideals and artistic spirit of Henson and his company as much as "When You Wish Upon A Star" represents Walt Disney. It was also credited that "Rainbow Connection" serves the same purpose in The Muppet Movie that "Over the Rainbow" serves in The Wizard of Oz.... The purpose being that the songs provided the characters a driving urge for something more in life. This song was also nominated for the Golden Globes for Best Original song in 1979.

This song's name has been used by a number of charitable organizations wishing to evoke its message including a children's charity similar to the Make-A-Wish Foundation, a summer camp for seriously ill children, and a horseback riding camp for people with disabilities.

The American Film Insitute named Rainbow Connetion the 74th greatest movie song of all time.

The original (Kermit the Frog's) version of "Rainbow Connection" reached #25 of the Billboard Hot 100 in November 1979. The song remained in the Top 40 for seven weeks total.

Many artists have covered "Rainbow Connection. Some of them include The Carpenters, Sarah McLachlan, Kenny Loggins, The Dixi Chicks, Justin Timberlake, & Willie Nelson.

SOURCE: Wikipedia


as performed by Sarah McLachlan

Why are there so many songs about rainbows
and what's on the other side?
Rainbows are visions, but only illusions,
and rainbows have nothing to hide.
So we've been told and some choose to believe it.
I know they're wrong, wait and see.
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection.
The lovers, the dreamers and me.

Who said that every wish would be heard
and answered when wished on the morning star?
Somebody thought of that and someone believed it.
Look what it's done so far.
What's so amazing that keeps us star gazing
and what do we think we might see?
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection.
The lovers, the dreamers and me.

All of us under its spell. We know that it's probably magic.
Have you been half asleep and have you heard voices?
I've heard them calling my name.
Is this the sweet sound that called the young sailors.
The voice might be one and the same.
I've heard it too many times to ignore it.
It's something that I'm supposed to be.
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection.
The lovers, the dreamers and me.


"Just remember in the winter far beneath the bitter snows lies the seed that with the sun's love, in the spring becomes the rose".
(The Rose as performed by Bette Midler)

"Seasons come and seasons go and nothing stays the same"
(Holes in the Floor of Heaven as performed by Steve Wariner).

APRIL 2011

Bringer of Light newsletter

Welcome to the


April and springtime have arrived. Winter is gone and summer is not here yet. We are in the time of spring. A time when the earth comes alive again, no longer buried beneath the cold days of winter. The memories of winter still warm our hearts and the anticipation of summer brings with it more memories of days gone by. The warm sun of Springtime reminds us how wonderful life used to be, and the spring breeze carries with it a freshness of new life, but we are sorrowful with the absence of a special life. A life that knows no more time.

Time? What is it really? Time no longer allows us to be with the physical presence of those special souls that have gone on before us. Those that used to run and play and be happy. Those that were consumed by illness or accident or something else that allowed death to take them away from our arms. We miss having them close and we miss knowing that they are waiting for us when we get home/ if only we could speak their name and have them to come to us or look at us in that special way that only they can. But because of the passing of time and the events that time brought with it, it seems that we have lost those things we once had. Are they really lost?

Time is the only thing that separates me from my son, Luke, who died 10 years ago on April 3rd, 2001. Time is such a strange thing. When you are in the midst of something awful it seems as if time passes so slowly, and if you are in the midst of something wonderful it seems as if time passes quickly. But as years pass, this thing called time is still confusing. Sometimes it seems as if Luke was here with me only yesterday, but at the same time it seems as if it has been forever since I touched him and held him.

Time has brought many things for me since April 3rd, 2001. I went through all the stages of grief over and over and over and over. Anger stared me in the face and for a time I let it stay. Denial was there full force too, but the years have given me the reality of it all. Bargaining lasted only a few months for me as I begged to trade my life for his. Depression is something that still comes and goes and will be with me until the day that I join Luke in Heaven. Acceptance has been the most difficult stage of grief for me, but it has finally found a place within my heart and mind.

There was a time when I thought that I could never be at peace with Luke's death. But it happened! Much to my surprise, slowly over time, without myself even realizing the transition..... I felt different. I don't know when it happened, where it happened, or how it happened, but it did indeed happen. I wasn't crying every single day anymore. Somewhere along my journey I quit asking why? I had found some peace, some unexpected peace, in just knowing that he lived a good life, and then he died, but more importantly.... his spirit didn't die.

A dog can sense when his master has turned the corner and headed for home. I often think of when Luke was here on earth, at the house, but in another room. I couldn't see him, I couldn't hear him.... but I knew he was in that other room because I possessed that sixth sense that we all take for granted. His spirit was all around me even though he was in the other room unheard and unseen. It is no different now than it was then. He is all around me unheard and unseen. His spirit has survived! Death could not take his spirit away from me, nor could time.

This pain will never go away, but it is not as sharp as it used to be. Instead of fighting away the pain like I used to do, I have learned to live with the pain. It is just as much a part of me now as breathing is.... a breathing that has finally calmed to a slower pace. I have embraced this pain and I own this pain and it will always be with me, so I just decided to let it be what it is. I have realized nothing can be changed, no matter how many times I go over thoughts of 'what if.' I have finally put to rest all the horrible thoughts that have haunted me throughout the years of grief.

So many of my friends and family didn't understand my pain and because they didn't, I think they were afraid of my pain. It used to make me sad and angry because they didn't reach out. How could they not understand? The passing of time has made me realize that they had never experienced what I had experienced. So how could they possible understand? I am so glad that they do not understand this pain. O how I wish that I did not understand it.

I never thought I would smile again, but I did. And I really never thought that I would laugh again, but I did. And you know what I discovered when I finally did? I discovered that he was in my laugh and he was in my smile and he was still in my life.

I didn't believe that any of these new feelings could possibly happen, but they did, and I am so glad that they crept in without me knowing. I am now at peace with his death, and because of this I remember not only the time that he died, but the time that he lived. And oh how he lived, and oh how wonderful the memories of his life are. Those memories give me back the time that I thought was lost forever.

Death may separate me from his physical self, but time gives me his spirit and his love. I will relish this time that I have with his spirit until I reach that place where he is, where we will meet again, without the constraints of time. I will remember the good times, cherish my peaceful times, and look forward to another time and place. Time was, time is, and time will be again.

Springtime is a time for flowers, a time for birds, a time for rain, a time for love, a time to be born, and a time to die. There is a beginning of life and an end of life, but at the end there is another beginning.

Time is waiting for us all..... somewhere.

© 2011 - Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001


Was yesterday really a few years ago,
Or was yesterday just a few weeks?
Maybe yesterday never existed at all.
But yesterday is the day that we seek.

Is today really here in the present,
Or is today when we said goodbye?
Maybe today has never really arrived.
But today is the day that we cry.

Is tomorrow really tomorrow,
Or is tomorrow years from this pain?
Maybe tomorrow will never come.
But tomorrow is when we'll meet again.

© 2003 - Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

Find and be found to discover your..... BRINGER OF LIGHT.

Thanks so much for your request to receive the monthly

The featured POEM this month is....

I'M NOT SURE WHEN IT HAPPENED. I wrote this poem during my 7th year of grieving. It is a poem of hope and was published last month in LIVING WITH LOSS magazine.



I'm not sure when it happened
But I do know that it's real.
Somewhere between then and now
Something changed the way I feel.

I don't cry every single day
But these eyes of mine still cry.
And I don't have a need to ask
That same old question 'why?'

To know he lived a good life
Has given me some peace.
And I've accepted that he died
But his spirit never ceased.

Passing years erased the anger
Of loosing what was mine
By receiving lots of comfort
Knowing that... "it was his time".

The nights have been more gentle.
The dawn has turned to day.
I've finally embraced this pain
That will never go away.

Realizing I can't change things
I have buried all my guilt.
I've forgiven all the others
That didn't know the way I felt.

I've learned to live without him,
Just because I've had no choice.
His pictures bring me happiness
Just like the memory of his voice.

I've heard his laughter in my own
Although I thought I never would.
I've seen his smile in my own smile
Although I thought I never could.

That stabbing pain within my heart
Has turned into a dulling ache.
The breath I used to gasp for
Has quieted to a slower pace.

Those deep dark thoughts that haunted me,
The ones of death and fear and time,
Have found a special place to hide
In the corners of my mind.

I don't know when it happened
But I know I'm glad it did.
I have found the "peace in knowing"
That he died, but that... HE LIVED!

© 2008 - Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

March 2011, Volume 26 No. 03
Bereavement Publications, Inc.

The featured SONG this month is....

'Somewhere In Time' is the theme song for the movie Somewhere In Time. The original theme for the movie did not have lyrics. Years later lyrics were added to compliment the beautiful music and has been recorded by several artist.

Somewhere in Time is a 1980 time travel romance. It is a story about a love so strong, it can overcome the obstacle of time itself.

A young playwright is met on the opening night of his first play by an old lady who begs him to "Come back to me" and leaves him with a watch that contains a picture of a ravishing young woman. This elderly lady dies that very night. Eight years later, he visits the Grand Hotel on Mackinac Island and comes upon a photograph of the same woman, whom he discovers was an actress who made an appearance at the hotel in 1912. Mystified, he tries to find out about her, and becomes smitten by the photograph. Becoming more and more obsessed with her, he manages, by self hypnosis, to travel back in time to the year 1912 where he meets her and they fall in love. Can their love outlast the immense problems caused by their "time" difference? And can he remain in a time that is not his? The film is adapted from the 1975 novel, Bid Time Return.

SOURCES: Wikipedia & The Internet Movie Database & Answers.com


as performed by Michael Crawford

Where there is time, there is tomorrow
Somewhere in time, all sorrows pass to memory
And the end is the beginning
Somewhere in time, we are as we're meant to be

Where there is time, there is a circle
Somewhere in time, the circle yearns to be complete
Though you may feel this is illusion
Somewhere in time, I know we're certain to meet

Somewhere in time love is forever
A love that's here, a love that's now, to last for all time

Somehow I know this moment's waiting somewhere in time

Where there is time, there is a circle
Somewhere in time, the circle will be complete
Somewhere in time love is forever
A love that's here, a love that's now, to last for all time

Somehow I know this moment's waiting somewhere in time


"Is there any way that I can tell you how my life has changed? Any way at all to let you know what sweetness you have given me? There is so much to say. I cannot find the words. Except for these: I love you".
(From the movie 'Somewhere in Time')

The space between your heart and mine is the space we'll fill with time
~ Dave Matthews


October 31, 1979 - April 3, 2001
21 years old
Acute Bronchopneumonia

Luke was born on Halloween in 1979. Luke my little spook had arrived full of tricks and treats. He was a wonderful baby, a darling little boy, a funny teenager, and he grew into an amazing man. Luke was so excited to be 21, so on his very last birthday we went to Las Vegas as a family. At 11:59 pm on October 30, 2000 Luke was sitting at a slot machine at the Star Trek Hilton. I was standing right next to him as he sat in the chair with a quarter in one hand and his other hand on the slot lever. We counted down the last few minutes together.... four, three, two, one.... and at exactly 12am on Halloween morning Luke dropped his quarter in the machine, pulled the lever, and told the waitress..."I'll have a JD and coke." She said... "I'll need to see your ID, and with a big smile on that beautiful face of his he reached in his back pocket and said.."No problem". The waitress looked at his ID and said.... "You just turned twenty one this minute." He smiled and placed a tip on her tray. She walked away and I leaned over and gave him a kiss on his cheek and said..."HAPPY BIRTHDAY LUKE!" What a wonderful last birthday it was... celebrating his becoming a man in Las Vegas with his sister and his parents. My heart still jumps with joy knowing that he wanted to spend his 21st birthday with his family.

We didn't know it would be his last birthday.... after that night we had only 5 months and 3 more days with him. They were good days, mostly at home or out to lunch. Luke was living with us again.

On the morning of April 2nd, my husband and I went to our little cabin in the mountains of northern Arizona, just a few hours away. Luke worked all day, came home, passed out, and lay on the floor of his room for 8 hours while his lungs filled with fluid until he took his very last faint breath. He wasn't even aware that he was ill, and neither were we. We could not contact him, so we headed home early and he was found on the floor of his room 18 hours after he had left his beautiful life behind. He died in the early morning hours of April 3, 2001. Six weeks later the autopsy report concluded that Luke had died from natural causes due to Acute Bronchopneumonia.

A life well lived was no more. But it is a life well lived that now lives on in heaven forever and ever and ever. We will be together again.... in that land of no time.

MAY 2011

Bringer of Light newsletter

Welcome to the



Oh, to be a mother.... a blessing not matched by anything else on earth. I remember gazing into the eyes of my very first newborn baby girl and wondering what life had to offer her, and where she would go, and who she would love. My long awaited Mothers Day had finally arrived. A few years later I was gazing into the eyes of a sweet little baby boy wondering all the same things. I found myself holding a beautiful bouquet of flowers for him that were announcing..... "hello".

Nothing in this world can compare to the feeling a mother has when she first greets her little one and sings that very first lullaby. That in itself is something that not everyone gets to experience. Some mothers lost their babies before their child ever took that first breath. And some mothers lost their babies soon after they were born, never getting that opportunity to sing that first lullaby before their child died. I feel so fortunate to have had that opportunity. That first lullaby for my little baby boy was 'You Are My Sunshine'. As I sang, I watched as his eyes sparkled like the sunshine I was singing about. I will never forget that moment as long as I live.

I am so very thankful that I had "my baby" for 21 wonderful years. I was able to hear him say that most precious thing to a mother's ears....Maaa Maaa Maaa, then Mommy, then Momma, then Mom. All those different ways that he said my name represent epochs of those 21 cherished years. What incredible memories I have of baby bottles, and diapers, and little cries and giggles, and kisses, and cuddles, and sweet soft whispers. Time moved on and just like that, he was playing in the backyard and swinging really high, and riding that little tricycle everywhere. Next he was off to school with artwork piling up on the refrigerator door, and coming home with torn pants and a sad little face. More time passed and there were girlfriends, and hanging out with the guys. Before I knew it he was in high school, and going to dances, and driving a car, and working at his first job. Graduation came, then college, then a career. But just like that, in a blink of an eye, it was all over. All the things that I thought would come next, never came.

The next thing I knew, I was standing at the cemetery staring down at a gravestone with my son's name on it. It was early morning and the sun was just beginning to peak over the mountains as the tears streamed down my face. I was seemingly alone on this special day, and I begged the sky for understanding. My long dreaded Mothers Day had arrived. I soon felt my son's presence there with me on that very special day. I found my trembling hands holding a beautiful bouquet of flowers for him that were announcing..... "goodbye". I began to sing that lullaby to him. As I sang I watched his stone sparkle in the sunshine that I was singing about. It is a moment that I will never forget as long as I live.

A sort of peace came over me as I stared at that stone. As I read those dates I began reminiscing on all the amazing things that were between those two dates. Those were the times of his life, the times to be remembered, the times to be celebrated. I told him I loved him. I told him I missed him. I told him how thankful I was for all the great times we had between those two dates. Mothers Day had come again, and it was good because those memories of him filled my heart, and my soul, and my mind with an awakening..... a lullaby of a lifetime.

© 2011 - Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001


The day he was born and the day that he died
Are the beginning and end of a dream.
I cherish those things from the days of his life,
The days in the space between.

"Memories of sweet soothing lullabies
And the bottles, and diapers, and tears.
Warm cuddles and kisses all through the night
And faint whispers in soft little ears."

"Swing me real high, want you Mommy?
Kiss me and sister night-night.
Mommy I wanna help, please let me help.
My tricycle fits me just right."

"Momma, see what I made at school today!
Look, Daddy taught me to ride my bike.
I like my teacher, but not more than you.
I tore my pants, Momma, I got in a fight."

"Guess what Mom, I have a girlfriend.
Look, I made you something in shop.
I've really got a lot of cool friends now,
See ya Mom, I'll be down at the bus stop."

"Hey Mom, I've got a date for the dance.
Wow, driving a car is really cool.
Look, Mom I got my first real paycheck.
I can't wait to graduate from school."

"Oh Mom, college is really tough.
A new job and life is moving on.
Goodbye for now, I'll wait for you.
Thank you Mom, for all you've done."

He came to me one fateful day
And he left too soon, it seems.
So I cherish the days that matter the most,
The days in the space between."

© 2002 - Christine Ross
revised 2011
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

Find and be found to discover your..... BRINGER OF LIGHT.

Thanks so much for your request to receive the monthly

The featured POEM this month is....

I wrote this poem during my 6th year of grieving after a visit to the cemetery. It is a poem of hope and belief that was published this month for Summer 2011 in the quarterly print edition of LIVING WITH LOSS magazine.


I saw her in the distance
As she was kneeling down to pray.
Tightly clutching a bunch of flowers
That she brought for Mother's day.

The sun was just arising
Casting shadows on the ground.
As she cried there at the headstone
There was no one else around.

She arranged the flowers in the vase,
Blew a kiss from her trembling hand.
Then she turned her eyes to heaven
Saying "Please help me understand."

I watched as teardrops trickled down
And fell upon her lone bouquet.
I knew that she was hurting
So I gently wiped her tears away.

She shuttered when she felt my touch
Because she thought she was alone.
So I wrapped my arms around her
Right there at that granite stone.

I heard her sigh and saw a smile
Appear on her tear stained face.
She was glad that I had joined her
At this final resting place.

She stared fixated on the stone,
The proof her child no more remains.
Her lips whispered what was engraved
As she sadly read... my name.

© 2007 - Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

Summer 2011, Volume 26 No. 05
Bereavement Publications, Inc.

The featured SONG this month is....

Brahms' Lullaby or Cradle Song is the common name for a number of children's lullabies with similar lyrics and the same melody. The original was written by Johannes Brahms' and titled: Wiegenlied: Guten Abend, gute Nacht ("Good evening, good night")and was published in 1868. The first verse is taken from a collection of German folk poems. The second stanza was written by Georg Scherer in 1849. The lullaby's melody is one of the most famous and recognizable in the world, used by countless parents to sing their babies to sleep.

Johannes Brahms was born May 7, 1833 and died on April 3, 1897. He was a German composer and pianist, and one of the leading musicians of the Romantic period. Born in Hamburg, Brahms spent much of his professional life in Vienna, Austria, where he was a leader of the musical scene. In his lifetime, Brahms' popularity and influence were considerable.

Brahms composed for piano, chamber ensembles, symphony orchestra, and for voice and chorus. A virtuoso pianist, he premiered many of his own works; he also worked with some of the leading performers of his time, including the pianist Clara Schumann and the violinist Joseph Joachim. Many of his works have become staples of the modern concert repertoire. Brahms, an uncompromising perfectionist, destroyed many of his works and left some of them unpublished.

Like Beethoven, Brahms was fond of nature and often went walking in the woods around Vienna. He often brought penny candy with him to hand out to children. Those who were his friends were very loyal to him, and he reciprocated with equal loyalty and generosity.

SOURCE: Wikipedia



Guten Abend, gute Nacht,
mit Rosen bedacht,
mit Näglein[N 1] besteckt,
schlüpf unter die Deck!
Morgen früh, wenn Gott will,
wirst du wieder geweckt.

Guten Abend, gute Nacht,
von Englein bewacht,
die zeigen im Traum
dir Christkindleins Baum.
Schlaf nun selig und süß,
schau im Traum 's Paradies


Good evening, good night,
With roses adorned,
With carnations covered,
Slip under the covers.
Tomorrow morning, if God wills,
you will wake once again.

Good evening, good night.
By angels watched,
Who show you in your dream
the Christ-child's tree.
Sleep now peacefully and sweetly,
see the paradise in your dream.


Lullaby and good night,
With roses bedight,
With lilies o'er spread
Is baby's wee bed.
Lay thee down now and rest,
May thy slumber be blessed.

Lullaby and good night,
Thy mother's delight,
Bright angels beside
My darling abide.
They will guard thee at rest,
Thou shalt wake on my breast.


“Golden slumbers kiss your eyes, smiles awake you when you rise. Sleep, pretty wantons, do not cry, And I will sing a lullaby.”
~ Thomas Dekker

“Somewhere, over the rainbow, way up high, There's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby”
~ Lyman Frank Baum

*Bart "Dylan" Ross*
11/22/1973 - 8/27/2010
36 years
Pulmonary Embolism
written by: Rhonda Ross

Early on November 22, 1973, Thanksgiving Day, we were blessed with a precious baby boy. That tiny 5 lbs. 10 oz. bundle brought more joy to our lives than we imagined. He was a good baby, a cuddly toddler, a bright little boy and a funny teenager. He grew up to be a burly 5' 11', 200+ lb. man with a gorgeous smile and amazing blue eyes. He was a very smart, witty, easy going man with a big heart. Dylan "entertained" family and friends from a young age right up to the day he died. He could read a book or watch a movie once and commit it to memory. He called himself "an encyclopedia of useless knowledge". More than anything, Dylan loved his family. He was always close to us and his sister. He enjoyed great relationships with and was loved by his grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, numerous friends, and coworkers. Above all, Dylan loved his children. He enjoyed his job and worked hard. He loved fishing, duck hunting, drag racing and Walt Disney World. On Friday, August 27, 2010 while at work Dylan called his boss to say he thought he was having a heart attack and needed help. He was alive when the paramedics arrived, but he died in route to the hospital and could not be revived. We got the call and raced to the hospital praying and begging God to take one of us... but a doctor and nurse came out to tell us our beloved son was gone. Our worse nightmare came true except this pain is worse than we imagined. We love you Dylan and we will miss you until the day we join you in heaven.


Lucas Christopher Ross "Luke"
October 31, 1979 - April 3, 2001
21 years
written by: Christine Ross

When Luke died on April 3rd, 2001 he was living at home with us. About one week after Luke died Robin (my husband, Luke's dad) and I were leaving the house. I got in our Jeep with Robin and remembered that I had forgotten something inside. Robin gave me the keys and I went back inside. While inside alone I said out loud "Luke, I miss you so much. I need so much to know for sure that you are around. Give me some kind of sign. Make the phone ring or something, but whatever sign you give me, make sure that I have no doubt that the sign is from you." Well, I waited in the house for several minutes and nothing happened. I walked out the front door feeling very disappointed. Luke's car was parked in the driveway and had not been moved or opened since the day after he died. His car was locked and the keys were locked in the house. I got in our Jeep with Robin. Robin had no idea of my request to Luke. Well, as we were backing out of the driveway, I started screaming. Robin said: "What's wrong"!!! I said: "Look at Luke's car!". The emergency flashers on his car that was parked, and locked, and had not been touched, came on.... by it's self. Robin looked up and said: "Oh, my God, Thank you Luke." It was so amazing!! We got out of our Jeep and sat in the driveway and just watched Luke's emergency flashers blink for an hour while we cried and thanked Luke. We finally decided to unlock the house, go get the keys to Luke's car and unlock it and turn off the flashers.

This is probably the most spectacular thing that has ever happened to us that confirms that life goes on beyond this earth. We have told this story many times through the years. It was even featured on the JOHN EDWARD'S SHOW... CROSSING OVER in 2003. This is just another amazing sign from Luke for this story to be shared with the world. Since that day we have had many, many signs from Luke. Some simple, and some unbelievable. But one thing is sure... our loved ones on the other side can communicate!

JUNE 2011

Bringer of Light newsletter

Welcome to the


There is a kind and gentle man that is the type of dad that dreams are made of. He never misses a soccer game, or an awards day, or a school presentation, or anything for his kids. When his kids are sick, he is there. When his kids are honored, he is there. When his kids just need their dad, he is there. Working hard and long hours is done only to produce wonderful family vacations and to provide his children with the things they need or the things that he wants them to have. But the most important thing he provides for his kids is....LOVE. His FAMILY comes first..... above and beyond anything else. It is understood at his job that NOTHING comes before his family. My children are lucky enough to have this kind of dad.

I reacall a time long ago when there was a sound of joy that came from deep within the soul of this dad as he stood there in the delivery room and first learned that he was the father of a "son". He held his baby so close as his eyes filled with tears. As his little baby grew older he became his dad's piggy back partner, his pitch and catch partner, his fishing partner, his camping partner, his mountain biking partner, his skiing partner, and his partner at work as they shared a job together. The death of his son literally brought this man to his knees. He prayed, kneeling below the window of his son's room, his eyes once again filled with tears and then that sound that came from deep within his soul was released, but this time not because of joy, but because of knowing that his son lie dead just beyond that window.

Sometimes a father and son have that 'special' relationship that is created because of a love that is shared. Their love is not an obligated love, but a love that transcends expectation. A love like these two share cannot be separated by the lack of physical presence. They continue to share in each other's spirits on this earth. One day this dad's eyes will fill with tears and that sound from deep within will be released because of joy, as his soul and his son's soul will reunite as father and son....... FOREVER on the other side.

There are many that have been a special father figure in some child's life. Sometimes this father figure comes in the form of a mom who has taken on both roles of a parent because of reasons beyond her control. Some father figures are those men that have loved a child and that child loved them and looked up to them. But whatever the situation, the nature of a father is to be with his children, not to be without them.

Oh how we long to just see our children once again and be with them once again. We can imagine that we see them, but is it really our imagination or are they really there? When we see someone that resembles our child, it takes our breath away and tears begin to fall. We can hear their voices in our minds, those voices that have a direct line from Heaven. Sometimes we think we need that reassurance that we see them, or that they speak to us.... but in reality, we need nothing but what we know from the nature of our hearts.

The nature of the earth is probably one of the best healers of grief. We can see our children in the sunrise, and we can taste them in the rain. The afternoon breeze brings their scent to us and we can feel their touch in the shadows of the evening. When the world is at its quietest that is when we can hear our children the most. The spirits of our children fill up all of our senses. We long for their love, we long for their laughter, we long to always be with them.... but most of all we long to be the one that dies in their arms, the one that dies first. But all of these senses that are aroused by the gift of nature returns our children to us in ways that we thought were impossible. Our children are here with us always because that..... is their nature.

© 2011 - Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001


Sometimes in the early morning.....
When the sun is just beginning to peek over the mountains
I see a glimpse of you as the light fills my tearful eyes.

Sometimes in the midday.....
When the rain is just beginning to sprinkle down from the sky
I savor a taste of you as the drops flood my quivering lips.

Sometimes in the afternoon.....
When the the breeze is just beginning to blow through the trees
I smell the scent of you as the wind engulfs my lonely soul.

Sometimes in the evening.....
When the stars are just beginning to twinkle in the sky
I feel a touch of you as the darkness shadows my broken heart.

Sometimes in the night.....
When the sounds are just beginning to fade from the earth
I hear a whisper of you as the silence quiets my troubled mind.

Sometimes I know you are here

© 2007 - Christine Ross
~ memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

Find and be found to discover your..... BRINGER OF LIGHT.

Thanks so much for your request to receive the monthly

The featured POEM this month is....


I wrote this poem during my 6th year of grieving after a very long sleepless night. It is a poem of mystery and belief that was published SUMMER 2007 in the quarterly print edition of LIVING WITH LOSS magazine.


I woke up early this morning
Just as the sun was beginning to rise.
I reached out for my husband.
He wasn't there, to my surprise.

I arose and went to the window.
On the porch was his shadowy form.
He was probably just reminiscing
In the misty veil of the dawn.

Silently I remained inside
Hidden secretly from his sight.
Allowing him his solitude
Outside in the pale moonlight.

His silhouette took my breath away.
The eerie resemblance of our son
The one that died many years ago
Leaving us grieving and so alone.

Quiet tears began to fill my eyes
With memories of life and joy.
Longing once more for days gone by.
Wishing my husband still had his boy.

I pondered in the stillness
The pain this man should have been spared.
I wanted to go out and hug him
And tell him how much I cared.

I dared not disturb his reverie
Because I know how I cherish mine,
So I waited inside just watching him
As the clock ticked away the time.

I felt a warm hand on my shoulder,
A whisper "You can't sleep either hun?"
I turned quickly away from the window.
Standing next to me was my husband.

So I gazed back out the window.
The silhouette I had seen was gone.
Then my husband said "It's okay sweetie,
"He's been out there all night long."

© 2007 - Christine Ross
in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001
Published in
Summer 2007, Volume 22 No. 2
Bereavement Publications, Inc.

The featured SONG this month is....

"Annie's Song" is a song recorded and written by singer-songwriter John Denver. It was his second number-one song in the United States, occupying that spot for two weeks in July 1974. "Annie's Song" also went to number one on the Easy Listening chart.

"Annie's Song" was written as an ode to Denver's then-wife, Annie Denver. Denver wrote this song in about ten minutes one day on a ski lift in Aspen, Colorado as the physical exhilaration of having just skied down a very difficult run and the feeling of total immersion in the beauty of the colors and sounds that filled all senses inspired him to think about his wife.

Annie Denver recalls: 'Initially it was a love song and it was given to me through him, and yet for him it became a bit like a prayer.'

This song has been adopted by Sheffield United Football Club, from Sheffield, England. The first few lines are played to a home crowd at the beginning of each half of the game, the fans then sing along but with altered words that relate to the Club.

Denver was an avid pilot and died while flying his personal aircraft at the age of 53. He was one of the most popular acoustic artists of the 1970s. His renown in the state of Colorado, which he sang about numerous times and where he lived in Aspen, influenced the governor to name him Poet Laureate of the state in 1974, and for the state legislature to adopt "Rocky Mountain High" as one of its state songs in 2007.

source: Wikipedia


You fill up me senses like a night in a forest
Like the mountains in springtime, like a walk in the rain
Like a storm in the desert, like a sleepy blue ocean
You fill up my senses come fill me again.

Come let me love you, let me give my life to you
Let me drown in your laughter, let me die in your arms
Let me lay down beside you, let me always be with you
Come let me love you, come love me again.

(words and music by John Denver)


Nature possesses all the spirits of those that have gone from this earth. Heaven resides in nature.
~ clem

To me a lush carpet of pine needles or spongy grass is more welcome than the most luxurious Persian rug.
~Helen Keller


Radomir /Rade/ 5/15/1964-11/14/1997
33 years
brain tumor
written by: his mom Donna

My son my only child Rade was sick or 13 years of awful brain tumor medulloblostoma and had an operation in 1985 after that he was recovered and lived a normal life.He merried and got two boys. Sudenly in the oktobar of 1997 disease came back and took his life after one month. When I lost him I lost my life, my hope my dreems and evrything. Now I live the life in the hell trying to go on untill god call me to heaven home.I think only my mothers friend can understand how awful pain and grief this is. I pray god for each of you to find some peace in one heart. Sending to all of you my love and support.Donna Ciric Radesmom forever in pain.God Bless you.


Tyler Alan Vanderwall
20 years

(caused by a chemo drug. HVOD does something to the veins in your liver so that blood cannot flow through it properly which in turn causes the veins in your esophagus to turn into varicose veins that ultimately burst.)

written by: Michelle Vanderwall

It was February 4, 2010, three years since we had lost our oldest son. My husband and I had taken the day off from work as we always do. Around 3 in the afternoon, my husband suggested that we go get something to eat. We walked in the restaurant-it was deserted at that time of day-and the hostess looked up at us and said "Party of three?" We looked at each other and said "Noooooo-just the two of us." She quickly looked up again from counting out the menus she was going to give us and said "OH! I'm certain I saw three people come in the door!" She strained her neck to look around us and then kind of shrugged. My husband and I just looked at each other and smiled and said "Tyler!" It was so comforting to know that he was with us even though WE couldn't see him!

The next time that happens, I am going to remember to ask the girl to describe who she saw. I'm sure she'll say " A tall,cute guy in his early twenties."


"Luke" Lucas Christopher Ross
October 31, 1979 - April 3, 2001
21 years
Acute Bronchopneumonia
written by: Christine Ross

When Luke was 11 years old, not too long before we moved to Arizona, we lived on a lake in Louisiana. Robin (Luke's Dad) and Luke, were together building a pier out over the lake, to extend just past the bank. Well the bank area was very, very muddy. Robin and Luke had built the frame and had laid the boards on the top of the frame for the walkway, but had not yet nailed them down. We were all standing there admiring our new pier and Luke decided that he would test the walkway out. Well, he walked too far-out on the end of one of the boards. It popped up, slapped him in the back of the head, and Luke fell face first into the muddy bank. OMG.... It was the funniest thing I had ever seen. We were all laughing and at the same time running to see if Luke was okay. He rose up from the mud, his face completely covered with mud, but you could still see those white teeth shining through his laughter. We then knew he was okay and we all laughed until our sides hurt.

JULY 2011

Bringer of Light newsletter

Welcome to the



It was mid summer at the lake and we were sitting at the end of the pier with our legs dangling over... my little boy and me. Oh, he was just a little fellow of three years old. With our hands clutched together we were looking out across the lake. The warm water reached just below my calf, and he was stretching his little toes so that they just skimmed the surface of the water. It was quite, with only an occasional sound of a ripple. In the distance we could see the rain coming across the lake. He pointed and then looked at me waiting for my reassuring smile. As our eyes met, he smiled back as he clutched my hand just a little bit tighter. We both waited quietly, no words were spoken, no words were needed. Slowly the rain got closer and we patiently waited together for the 'dance'. Then, it finally reached us, one gentle plop at a time. Then, more and more plops until warm summer rain was dancing across the water at our feet, and dancing across our skin. It was a welcomed rain. It was a musical performance. The sound was so calming and soothing, as was the touch of the drops as they kissed our lips. The warmth engulfed us and we sat quietly enjoying each other and the wonderful gift of nature. Nothing can ever take away the memory of that beautiful moment in time...

That was almost 30 years ago. That little boy grew into a man of 21. Even at 21 I saw the little boy behind those deep intriguing eyes. Our hands still clutched at times when no words were spoken, and no words were needed.

The little boy no longer exists behind those eyes that no longer exist... they died with the man of 21. But when I need that clutch, or that smile, or that warmth, or those intriguing eyes..... with no words spoken, and no words needed, I retrieve that most treasured memory all... 'summer rain'.

© 2009 Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001


A cloud formed on the horizon,
I knew a storm was on the way.
I searched and ran for cover
While the sky darkened to gray.

I curled up scared beneath a tree
For protection from the storm.
As the heavens began to drizzle
I thought that I was safe from harm.

The rain poured down, the thunder rolled,
The lightening struck the tree.
Everything came crashing down.
The storm was right on top of me.

The weight of all the branches
Were crushing through my soul.
The rain mixed with my teardrops,
It was all out of control.

I didn't even try to move
Or try to find the light.
I lay there underneath it all
Thinking I had lost the fight.

I listened to the thunder
I felt the pouring rain,
The lightening flashed around me,
My body filled with pain.

My mind was reminiscing
Of the days before the strike,
Back when things were calm and clear,
When I could see the light.

My memories sustained me
Until I regained my strength.
I cried for all that came before
And I cried for where it went.

I reached out for the branches,
One by one threw them aside.
Although bruised and battered
It wasn't me that died.

The storm continued through the night
Then finally morning came.
The sun shone down upon me.
But nothing felt the same.

The gray cloud still surrounds me,
Through the haze I see the dawn.
The sun may never shine as bright...
But I've survived this awful storm.

© 2009 - Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

Find and be found to discover your..... BRINGER OF LIGHT.

Thanks so much for your request to receive the monthly



This song was written by John Fogerty, from the band Creedence Cearwater Revival, a band that was most popular during the late 1960s and the early 1970s. This song was first released in 1970. The song is about the sadness that John Fogerty felt when his brother departed from the band. The song can also be interpreted in many ways by the listener, which is what makes a good song excellent. It can be thought of as any bad thing happening in times when things seem to be going well. (Have you ever seen the rain coming down on a sunny day).

sources: Wikipedia & SongFacts.com


Someone told me long ago,
there's a calm before the storm.
I know, and it's been comin' for some time.

When it's over, so they say,
it'll rain a sunny day.
I know, shinin' down like water.

I want to know, have you ever seen the rain?
I want to know, have you ever seen the rain
comin' down on a sunny day?

Yesterday, and days before,
sun is cold and rain is hard.
I know, been that way for all my time.

'Til forever on it goes
through the circle fast and slow,
I know, and it can't stop, I wonder.

I want to know, have you ever seen the rain?
I want to know, have you ever seen the rain
comin' down on a sunny day?

I want to know, have you ever seen the rain?
I want to know, have you ever seen the rain
comin' down on a sunny day?

(words and music by John Fogerty)
originally recorded by Creedence Clearwater Revival


The best thing one can do when it's raining is to let it rain.
~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Rain! whose soft architectural hands have power to cut stones, and chisel to shapes of grandeur the very mountains.
~Henry Ward Beecher



Samantha May Zima
09/20/1982- 05/28/1998
15 years old
Auto Accident
written by: Jan Below (Zima) Mom

Jan's note about her poem:
This was written by me Sept 8th 1998 on one of my many sleepless nights that first year.... My daughter was in her accident on May 18th and was in a coma... She never woke up... One early morning the song how do I live without you started to play on the radio and I laid next to her in her hospital bed and sang this in her ear while crying...
Thank you for letting me share...
Jan mom to Samantha May forever 15

How Do I Live without U?

My days are dark and stormy,
my nights are sleepless and long.
You left without a warning,
while I played the titanic song.

You were my backwards baby,
you loved to see the world from upside down.
So now I understand young lady
why you had to leave the ground.

What better way to see this place
than from heaven up above.
As an angel with all your beauty and grace
sending us down all your love.

We could not keep the angels from calling
and will you answer me true?
I can not stop these tears from falling.
How do I live without U???



Joey Whiteman
21 yrs. 360 days old
Auto Accident
written by: His Loving Mother

Joey died five days before his 22nd birthday. He had left to go to the Mall to buy all the things needed to go away for his birthday weekend. He then was in an auto accident and died on impact. His funeral was on his 22nd birthday, making it a full circle of life.


Dennis Murphy, Jr.
28 years old
Auto Accident
written by: Yandell Murphy mother of Dennis Murphy Jr.

It's a horrible pain for a parent to have to bury a child, my son was 28 years and killed on his way home, actually 3 miles from home, he was a mama's boy, and to make matters worse it was the day after Christmas. He was a very hard worker would do anything to help a friend, he loved his brother and that is the one time he would fight you is if you did something to his brother. Dennis Jr. could not walk in the house without pinching me, pulling my hair or touching me in some type of way. He loved to go fishing with his dad or even working out in the yard with his dad. When Dennis Sr. and I got married we planned the home with the picket fence and 2 children because that is what we knew we could provide well for, our son's were 22 months apart but no where in the picture do you plan for the loss of a child. I wish someone could come up with a magic potion that makes this pain easier for a parent in the loss of a child. Not knowing the butterfly is a symbol for the loss of a child I had a tattoo put on my leg of wings with a halo and above it says I have earned my wings, I guess one of these days we will understand.........Why?

Yandell Murphy mother of Dennis Murphy Jr. 2/16/81-12/26/09


Geoffrey Philip James Edwards
6 May 1984 - 22 May 2002
18 years
heroin overdose given to him by a "friend"
written by: Karen Lyn Jenkins, Mom to Geoffrey P. Edwards


On 22 May 02, our 18 year old son, Geoffrey P. Edwards, died in his sleep.

In one day, I went from a mother of a Senior in high school to a mother of the child who had died. I went from the excitement of attending his Graduation from Middletown South, planning his Graduation Party, attending Wesley College's Freshman Orientation, choosing college courses and all the things that graduating seniors go through to burying an 18 year old who had his life before him.

My husband and I are grieving and heartbroken. We are trying to find ways to cope with our loss but time seems to be the only healer. Talking with other parents who have lost children, we have found that coping with the loss is easier as time passes but the heart never really recovers. There seems to be a scar on the heart where once there was a hole of pain and grief.

Our pain is so intense - what have we left of Geoff? Memories that are wonderful but there is no one there to hug or kiss. We have things of his such as football cleats, clothes, his high school ring, CD"s, pictures but not him. Pictures that make me weep when I look at them because he is in the Cap and Gown that he never got to wear. The invitation to the Senior Ball he was never able to attend. His Tassel, his Yearbook and his Diploma that we picked up at the school; all the tender, loving memories but no Geoff.

To never see your child again is heart-rending, and it is hard, if not impossible, right now for us to cope any better than we are. We have to learn to live without Geoff and I, for one, cannot believe that he is dead.

We have been working toward coping in the only ways we know how. Thanks to friends, relatives, and supportive people we are mending our lives, albeit slowly. We are working to raise Scholarship Money for "The Geoffrey P. Edwards Memorial Scholarship Fund" through The Middletown Township Board of Education for High School South. We are raising money by selling T-Shirts (a great thank you to Mrs. Sandra Protz). The t-shirt has #67 on the front "Chewy" (Geoff's nickname) in a blue oval on the back and under "Chewy" "Geoffrey P. Edwards," and under his name "Unforgettable." We are also making Bumper Stickers and selling them to raise money for this Scholarship Fund (great thanks to Ms. B. J. Voorhees).

As Mrs. Protz has said: "When my son sprained his knee on the football field no one, helped him, except #67, Geoff Edwards, who had a heart as big as his body." Mrs. Protz is right Geoff had a heart as big as his body but a young person's mind. He was 6'5" tall but still a child not an adult. This young man, Geoffrey P. Edwards was precious to me and I now have to live without a young man who was always protective of those who could not protect themselves from bullies in school, who was loved by his friends and his friends' parents, who was compassionate, kind, generous, gentle and loving.

We are cleaning things from his room; many of those things grieve us because of a life taken away before his time. Things that we have decided to keep, things that we have given away to his dear friends, things to donate, and things that we have to dispose of. Toys, beany babies, "I love you" heart, video games, Boy Scout memorabilia, his Scout shirt, Merit Sash and neckerchief, his football shirt, 6 pairs of almost new shoes buried under tons of stuff because he hated them, videos, an unknown number of mismatched socks and some of my husband's T-shirts that he'd been looking for and were folded inside out, numerous empty bottles of water, and many other items we had to decide what to do with. Some were too precious to dispose of but too painful to look at.

What do we do when everywhere we look, there are memories of him. We have visited a Grief Counselor, will attend meetings of Compassionate Friends, and Bereavement Groups. But it all comes down to this: we lost a child too young to die because a "friend" gave him an overdose of heroin the first time Geoff foolishly experimented with the drug and never bothered to tell us that Geoff was in severe distress when the "friend" left our house. Geoff had a urine test, taken not 5 days before he died, and it was negative for any type of drugs or alcohol.

My husband and I are also determined that something good will come out of this tragedy and that we will speak to children about the dangers of drugs. We give thanks to Mr. Mike Slover, Director, Drug/Alcohol Abuse Prevention Programs and the Mr. David Toma, who speaks all over the country about the deadly dangers of drugs, for allowing us to share our story with young people. We have lost our son but we will not give up the fight to keep other children alive and healthy.

We are also working to enforce two New Jersey State Laws N.J.S.A. 2A:4A-26 and N.J.S.A. 2C:35-9. N.J.S.A. 2A:4A-26 states: A juvenile 14 years old and over who is charged with a drug-related offense can be treated as an adult in criminal court. N.J.S.A. 2C:35-9 states: New Jersey law provides strict liability for drug-induced deaths. Even if the victim voluntarily takes the drug, the person who distributes or dispenses the controlled dangerous substance can be prosecuted for a homicide.

We feel that these two laws, among a list of 11 laws, need to be used to stop the growing threat to our children from Drug Predators and Dealers.

Young people must also know that FRIENDS DON'T LEAVE A FRIEND TO DIE if that friend is in distress from using drugs. Calling 911, parents, or even other friends to take a youngster to a hospital can save many lives. They must have the courage to face the consequences of what they do and save a friend's life.

To find out more information about the T-Shirts and Bumper Stickers, go to:


We would appreciate any comments you might make that are positive and helpful to us. Anyone's child can make a mistake like this, it is up to the adults in this area to try to make a difference and to help children realize that the consequences of their mistakes can be death and sorrow to their families.



Michelle Marie Greever
8/24/84 ~ 11/5/93
9 yrs 2 months, 12 days
written by: Cindy Jo Greever

~ The Coleus Seed

~Once upon a time ~ A long, long time ago There lived the sweetest little girl that you could ever know ~

This little girl was a treasure to her family and friends Always loving beyond measure and steadfast to her ends ~

One day at school she planted a tiny little coleus seed Her plant grew so beautifully, then she proudly gave it to her beloved Mommy ~

It was long ago on Mother's Day Back in 1993 Who then would have ever known ~ What joy this plant would always be ~

She was only eight when she planted that tiny little seed None of us then knew her fate, What a few more months would bring

The plant was nurtured and adored with every fiber of her mother's being And when this little girl had died, what comfort and joy this plant would bring

The years went on and the plant stayed strong, It grew with such beauty and meaning, And continued to daily touch the very core of her Mother's being

Some fourteen years had come and gone, one day it seemed the time had come The plant was bound to die, it had Lived its life, and there were no questions why

But could they be given some renewed hope, some faith to assure them now As this plant had served so long and it's continued life was this mother's vow?

What that they could find another to somehow tide them along A new beginning perhaps, as a reminder of the old?

A cherished living reminder of her sweet love and song The very seed that she had planted such a very long time ago?

Hearts searched on for a new seed but one could not be found To ever come close to the one, she so long ago had planted lovingly in it's ground

Days went by, hope diminished, they'd have to settle for another To remind them of the "One" seed brought long ago to her beloved Mother

That Mother's Day back in 1993 when the little girl now in Heaven This plant had so joyfully nurtured and then so lovingly given

But this story is not over for there is joy yet waiting to be discovered And when they thought all had been tried an Angel led a new seed to her very Mother!

Found tucked inside a can that had been closed up tight for years Long forgotten by her Mother were the very seeds from the plant of her tiny little peer

From a past time so dear when the plant grew and prospered here The Angel had spoken and led her Mother there

The message from her Daughter, it was so loud and clear Life does not end Mom! It just starts over! She said with a cheer!

And so the seed was planted, the one from it's mothers vine It would grow and prosper to forever remind

That life is Eternal and Forever, so never lose hope! The little girl was still working from her place in Heaven called Home!

And so it was decreed for this tiny little seed Because you see it truly happened, and it happened to me!

Lovingly Written In Loving Memory of My Youngest Daughter Michelle Marie August 1984 ~ November 1993

© CindyJo Greever March 4th 2006 ~



Dennis Christopher Tucker
June 11, 1960 - Sept 16, 1986
26 years
Accidental, wrong RX
written by: Dolores Tucker

I can think of one particular event when my family and I visited Ottawa, Canada. Dennis Christopher was about 5 yrs old. We had approached the sentinel (guards) in front of the gate. They are the ones that wear the high bear fur hats in their red uniform. They looked like tin soldiers. Dennis tried speaking with them, saying hello and looking up to them, but of course there was no response from the guards. They stood perfectly still and did not veer their eyes away, looking straight ahead. Dennis was always jovial and acquired friends easily, being outgoing. He could not understand why the silent treatment. One would have to see the photo taken at the time to appreciate the look of wonderment on his face. It was funny to me, but not to Dennis.


Daniel Scott Forester
February 28, 1970 - January 10, 2001
30 years old
Non-hodgkins Lymphoma
written by: Arlene Gundersen

One night, Danny was in SO MUCH PAIN......more so then usual, and I tried everything I could think of but he had no relief. I called the emergency room and they said it's from all the chemo. and radiation and that the only thing they would be able to do was increase his pain meds. which I already did. So, I sat with Danny and I couldn't help but cry.........and I said "Danny, I'm so sorry for all you're going through.....I wish it were me instead of you"..... Then he took my hand and smiled and said "ME TOO" !!!!! He nudged me and we both laughed out loud. We laughed in between the tears,. (SIGH)



"Luke" Lucas Christopher Ross
October 31, 1979 - April 3, 2001
21 years
Acute Bronchopneumonia
written by: Christine Ross

The very first dream visit that I had of Luke was on April 3rd, 2001 at 3:30am. This was the exact time of Luke's death, although at the time, I was not aware that Luke had died. I was physically 100 miles from Luke and I had a dream that he was dying on the floor of our home. He was lying on the floor saying..."Help me, Mom, help me." I was aware in my dream...that he was dying. I awoke, sat straight up in my bed, looked at the clock and it was 3:30 a.m. Luke was found the same day, dead on the floor of his room, and the coroner's estimated time for Luke's death was 3:30 a.m. I was haunted for a very long time because I felt my son was asking for me to help him physically live, and I was not there to give help to him. But now that time has passed, I realize that he was not asking for physical help, but asking for my help in his transition to the other side. He needed his mom to help him be born into this life on earth..... and he needed his mom to help him be born into his NEW life. I will forever be grateful for having the incredible opportunity of sharing in both of Luke's births.... his birth and rebirth.


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My husband, myself, and our two children lived in Louisiana when our children were very young. My parents had a camp on a beautiful lake with an old weathered wooden pier that stretched out across the water. We would often go there and spend family time together fishing, and boating, and swimming. Luke (our son) was three and Emily (our daughter) was five. We had bought each of them a cute little tackle box and fishing pole. Emily's was a red Mickey Mouse rod and box. Luke's was a blue Donald Duck rod and box. We always kept them in the little tin shed next to the huge Cypress tree that clung to the edge of the lake.

When we moved to Arizona we didn't even consider bringing the little rods and tackle boxes with us since our children were much older and had outgrown them. A few years after we moved my dad died and my mom sold the camp on the lake. My brother went out to the camp and cleaned out the shed, throwing some things away and keeping some. But I never even considered that I would one day want that little blue rod and tackle box as a keepsake from my son's childhood. I thought my little boy would live for a very long time.

Five years after my brother cleaned out that little shed, Luke died at the age of 21. A few years into my grief, I began thinking about Luke's little blue Donald Duck rod and tackle box and wished that I had kept it. I thought to myself ...."I wonder if anyone still has them?" It was probably an impossible reality, but I placed that call to Louisiana anyway. My brother said: "Oh, I don't think so. You see, I took most everything from the shed and piled it up out near the road in front of my house, and I put a 'FOR SALE' sign up, and when people would come by they would choose what they wanted from the pile and then come to the house and pay me for it. Most of the things that were left from the pile I threw away..... But, I will check anyway, just in case."

Well, he did check in his garage and the little rods and tackle boxes from Emily and Luke's childhood so long ago, as expected, were not there. I was disappointed, but not surprised at all. It was just wishful thinking on my part that they could still be around. My brother decided, just as a rare possibility, to ask his son-in-law if maybe he had taken them for his children to use. His son-in-law said: "Yes, I have a Donald Duck fishing pole and tackle box that I got from your garage." My brother just couldn't believe it! He immediately went over to his son-in-law's house and rescued the little blue fishing pole and tackle box. He called me and said: "I am so amazed that Luke's rod and tackle box are still around. I thought for sure someone had bought them, or they had gotten thrown away. No one has Emily's little Mickey Mouse rod and tackle box, but we do have Luke's." I said: "Well, I guess Luke really wanted me to have them." He said: "I guess so." He then mailed them to me all the way from Louisiana to Arizona.

A week later there was a package at the post office for me... a long skinny box. I ran to the car, clutching it in my hands, and telling my husband "The package is here with Luke's fishing pole and tackle box!" I was so excited that I could hardly get the cardboard box opened fast enough. I finally did and there under all of those little white packing peanuts was..... Luke's little blue Donald Duck fishing pole and tackle box. I gently held the little rod and looked at the date the rod was made... 1982. At that time in 2003 when I held this treasure once more, 21 years had passed, exactly the same age as Luke was when he died. I then realized what a miracle it was that this little rod and box had survived 21 years of floods and storms, and also years of being used by Luke, being held over the water at the end of that old weathered wooden pier by many little hands, being placed here and there in the little tin shed, being moved from the shed in the back of a pick-up truck, being moved from the truck to my brother's garage, being piled up in his front yard to be sold, and then being delivered in a long skinny cardboard box to my hands totally intact and looking almost as good as it did 21 years ago. Not only had this miracle made it all the way from Louisiana to Arizona.... it had made it all the way from Heaven.

As I held the little blue rod I clicked the reel and wound in the twine a few times as the memories flowed and I imagined my little boy sitting next to me on that old weathered wooden pier at the lake. Then, I placed the little rod down on the seat and reached for the little blue Donald Duck tackle box. I held that unbelievable little tackle box in my hands, just gazing at it in amazement. My brother had told me there were still a few things in the box. I touched the outside of the box, and looked at the little picture of Donald Duck that my little boy of three years old loved so much. Carefully, I slowly opened the little blue tackle box and there from so very many years ago in that little box, were the very hooks, and sinkers, and corks that my sweet little boy had once touched and fished with. BUT.... there was SOMETHING ELSE in that box..... something that I had not expected or even thought about. There in that little blue Donald Duck tackle box from days gone by was something that had been sealed within that box for all these years and had just now been released..... a summer place within my heart, and my soul, and my mind! My heart ached and my eyes filled with tears because of the pain that came from those unexpected bittersweet memories of that summer place where I spent so many wonderful times with my little boy, but now, years later, he was somehow out of my grasp. My emotions overflowed with the memories buried deep within that summer place of my mind. I choked, and I gasped, but most of all I REMEMBERED. I remembered those fleeting days of Luke's childhood that were now accompanied by the lost hope of the years ahead of me.

Oh how I longed to go back in time to that summer place. Back to a time when life was so good, a time when I could hear the giggles of my little boy, a time when I could see his little eyes widen as he reeled in that first prize fish, a time of happiness, a time of sunshine and laughter, a time that passed gently in a summer place..... if only for just one sweet precious moment.

Many years have passed since that summer of 1982, and also since the day that I opened that long lost little blue tackle box of Luke's that held those eternal summer memories. I believe that everyone has a special box like that, one that contains warm memories of those loved and missed, eternal memories that are just as warm as the days of summer. That special box may be a tackle box, a shoebox, a jewelry box, a toy box, a photo box, or even just a plain old cardboard box. But whatever the box may be, when it is opened, something in that box will release those trapped memories from that warm summer place within the mind, heart, and soul. I know now that all of my memories can be a reality again by doing the things that he used to do, or by doing the things that he never had the opportunity to do. Whether it be spring, summer, winter, or fall, he can live again through me. Then, magically and gently something within me will be found again.... A SUMMER PLACE.

© 2011 Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001


I'll learn to play piano
And I’ll play the guitar too.
I'll compose a song and music,
Because that's what he loved to do.

I'll drink a glass of chocolate milk
And eat a plate of spicy food.
I'll have a toast with all my friends
To lighten up the mood.

I'll watch a late night movie
And play some video games.
I'll share my bed with my dog
But I never will complain.

I'll take lessons in karate
And I'll whistle while I work.
I'll say a lot of funny things,
Then I'll laugh until it hurts.

I'll ride a roller coaster
And bounce on a trampoline.
I'll be a real daredevil
Doing almost anything.

I'll drive up to the canyon
And watch the sun set from afar.
I'll build a fire to keep me warm
Camping underneath the stars.

I'll climb up to the mountaintop
And ride my bike down from the peak.
I'll crawl down deep inside a cave,
Even drive right through a creek.

I'll hike up to the tallest cliff
And jump off into a lake.
I'll hear my echo through the night
While the wind takes it away.

I'll go skiing in the winter
And see the leaves turn in the fall.
I'll go swimming in the summer.
In spring rain I'll take walk.

I'll give a friend a heartfelt hug
And then share my deepest thoughts.
I'll try to help someone in need
So they won't feel so lost.

I'll pray there at the chapel
And be thankful that he lived.
I'll do the things he'd like to do
Plus all these things he did.

I'll look up high to Heaven
And I'll close my eyes to see.
I'll say.... 'You never really died,
Because you live through me.'

© 2011 - Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

August 2011, Volume 26 No. 08
Bereavement Publications, Inc.

Find and be found to discover your..... BRINGER OF LIGHT.

Thanks so much for your request to receive the monthly


This month's Bringer of Light Newsletter is dedicated to the memory of:

Bart "Dylan" Ross

36 years
11/22/1973 - 8/27/2010
Pulmonary Embolism

"Loved by all who knew him."
~ Rhonda Ross



The "Theme from A Summer Place" is a song with lyrics by Mack Discant and music by Max Steiner, written for the 1959 film, A Summer Place, which starred Sandra Dee and Troy Donahue. In the US, this was the top selling single of 1960. It won the 1960 Grammy for Record Of The Year, becoming the first movie theme to win the award.

Percy Faith, who also recorded this song with his orchestra, was a composer who arranged songs for a variety of artists. It stayed at #1 in the US for nine weeks, the longest run of any instrumental song. Perhaps listeners were anxious to escape the cold... because it first hit #1 in February.

"Theme from A Summer Place" was also covered by The Lettermen in 1965. This was a vocal version that placed it at number sixteen on the Billboard Hot 100.

sources: Wickapedia & SongFacts.com


There's a summer place
Where it may rain or storm
I'm safe and warm
For within that summer place
Your arms reach out to me
And my heart is free from all care
For it knows

There are no gloomy skies
When seen through the eyes
Of those who are blessed with love

And the sweet secret of
A summer place
Is that it's anywhere
When two people share
All their hopes
All their dreams
All their love

There's a summer place
Where it may rain or storm
Yet I'm safe and warm
In your arms, in your arms
In your arms, in your arms
In your arms, in your arms

(lyrics by Mack Discant and music by Max Steiner)


"The things we did last summer, I'll remember all winter long."
~Sammy Cahn (1913–1993), U.S. songwriter

"Like painted kites, those days and nights - went flyin’ by
The world was new, beneath a blue - umbrella sky
Then softer than, a piper man - one day it called to you
And I lost you, to the summer wind"
~Frank Sinatra - singer/songwriter



Lisa Elaine Mewbourne
25 years
9/23/65 - 4/23/91
gunshot wound to the head
written by: Faye Mewbourne Martin
(Lisa's forever mom)
and Denise's mom, too.

I wrote the first poem (below) shortly after my daughter, Lisa, died in 1991. She took her own life so my anguish was so deep that they nearly had to bury me. I screamed at God to put me in that dark hole with my baby girl. I screamed a lot in those days. I bargained with him to take me and bring her back. On and on it went with no relief from the suffering and pain. I began to write and that provided a small bit of relief. Remembering the day of her burial when I smelled honeysuckle I wrote this poem.

I have one surviving daughter, Denise, who is a fabulous writer. Two or more years later she sent me a poem she had written about her sister. It is the second poem below. Denise had never read my poem, yet what she wrote was a perfect answer to it. She wrote it as though Lisa were speaking. Lisa apologized in the poem for hurting me, and she said what she meant her death to be. She described what Heaven was like and how happy she now was.

I couldn't read Denise's poem without feeling that Lisa had communicated with me. She did it through her sister whom she loved dearly. Later, when reading her own poem, Denise asked me if I had changed it. I told her, "Not a single word." She said that it was not her style of writing and didn't sound like her at all. I told her that was because Lisa had been the author of the poem and had written it through her in order to communicate with us.

I share these writings in the hope of bringing some small comfort to grieving persons who can't seem to find comfort anywhere. Our loved ones do live. They do not die, they only leave our realm of existence. Their souls live on in a far better place than earth. It's okay to think of them, talk of them, and indeed talk to them. Find solace in knowing you will see them again.

The poems are below:


Since childhood I have loved the fragrance of honeysuckle.
I would vie with the honeybee for a blossom-laden branch in which to bury my
trusting little-girl face.
Its sweetness filled the air with the promise of spring and new beginnings and of
wonderful things to come.
Then one fateful spring day I stumbled from an open grave that held captive my
beloved child.
My very heart was ripped from my pain-wracked body and cast into that dark hole.
Overhead, the sun shone brightly, but my world was as black as the clothes I wore.
Suddenly, the haunting scent of honeysuckle assaulted my nostrils.
Its old familiar sweetness clutched at my senses and a physical sickness overtook me.
Now no longer can I delight in the fragrance of the little flower.
It brings bitter reminders of the sorrowful day I died and was not allowed to be buried.
Where now are the promises of spring?
Where now are the new beginnings?
Oh, honeysuckle, thy sweetness is forever gone.
I lament thy passing.

© 1991 ~ Faye Mewbourne Martin
Lisa’s Mom forever


I never meant to make springtime
Such an aching lament for you!
Not that giddy, glowing, glorious time
When the entire world is new.

I never meant to make springtime
So bitter with unending loss
Filled with the echoes of red-brown clay
Dropped onto a grim metal box.

Did you know that I grieve for you too?
Caught up in those treacherous mirrors,
Whose shattered, deceitful reflections
Tell you this rapture is cause for despair.

I meant to make the springtime
My time to enter the angel’s dream,
To soar through the sky-blue doorway
Into hillsides soft with promise, always green.

I wish you could rejoice for me on April 23rd
And see how sweet is my soul arrayed
With sun-soaked greens and yellows and blues
Draped in satin and lilacs and pearls each day.

Breathe in the sweet breath of spring!
In the scent of the velvet roses, I am.
In the shimmering mists to either side of your eyes, I am.
In the fragrance of the honeysuckle, I am.

Ah, could you but see through my eyes now
You would rejoice for me in the spring.

© 1991 ~ Denise Lynn Mewbourne
For Lisa, my sister forever



Michelle Marie Greever
9 yrs 2 months, 12 days
8/24/84 ~ 11/5/93
written by: Cindy Jo Greever

Michelle was born on a bright and beautiful Friday morning on August 24th 1984 and was precious from the start... Michelle grew into a beautiful little auburn haired girl with bright green eyes that always sparkled with loving glee, she had a sprinkle of freckles upon her little nose and rosy cheeks.

Michelle loved to sing and perform plays and play her keyboard. Michelle was very artistic and loved creating things, she loved God and her family and friends with all of her heart.

Michelle was in a special selected choir at school, sang solos at church, beginning when she was only 4. Her singing was so incredibly beautiful. Michelle attended AWANA at Church for six years and memorized scripture.

Michelle was a giver in all she did, she cared deeply for and about everyone, including insects and every living creature in a most special way..

If anyone was ever down she would turn that frown into a broad smile because Michelle believed in happiness, and beauty... Michelle made the most of each day, every single day.

When Michelle was in fourth grade and nine years old she attempted to board her school bus one crisp and sunny morning on November 5th 1993.. Approximately 7:30 AM on that Friday morning, Michelle was struck on her back by a speeding motorist late for work who had just passed two cars. Michelle did not appear hurt but was instantly with Jesus, she was later declared brain dead and became a cornea and organ donor that day thanks to my husband, her daddy, who gave her continual CPR keeping her physically alive. Michelle was able to give life to five people and restore sight to two men.

Michelle lived to give and even gave in her last breath on earth. Interestingly enough, the last Bible verse Michelle and I memorized which was John 10:28-29 about eternal life and the last conversation we had days before she parted, about death, eternal life and never having to say goodbye.. And the last conversation big sister Melissa had with Michelle days before she parted also about death and Jesus.. were surely in hindsight orchestrated perfectly by God. And I have alot of "Sweet Dreams" which is what Michelle wrote to me in her last letter with a drawing of the sun, moon, stars, and an Angel on the stairway to Heaven.

JOHN 10:28-29

Sincerely, MichellesMama, Cindy Jo


Adam Jarod DeLong
18 1/2 yrs. old
auto accident
written by: Cyndee

Adam is my 'soul'. I had Adam when I was 19, so we grew up together. Adam was full of life! He made everyone around him laugh. He enjoyed life to the fullest, for being so young.

On Friday, Sept. 2, 1994, Adam and 3 of his friends were in Adam's car. Adam had picked them up from school, and was giving them a ride home. The semi-driver did not see Adam's car~ and ran right into it.

Adam and 2 of his friends, were killed instantly. His other friend, passed away while being life flighted to a Ft. Wayne, Ind. hospital trauma. It's been 17 yrs~ this Sept.~ since Adam passed into our Heavenly Father's arms... but a day doesn't go by, that I don't find myself stopping.. with a memory or a refection of Adam.

His younger brother will be getting married this October~ it will be a bittersweet day for me. All the things in life that Adam did not get the chance to do~ BUT knowing that he is safe~ loved~ and waiting for me, on the other side. We will be reunited One Sweet Day.


Amanda "Mandy" Taylor Smith
17 years
5/06/83 - 9/21/2000
automobile accident
written by: Mandy

This was given to me by Mandy. She told me she had written it for her senior quote. She died before she became a senior in high school.

"Smile and be happy. For what is life to live for, without a smile."



Vanessa Borg
24 years
7/29/82 7/31/06
Colon Cancer
written by: Mom

It was almost December of 2007 when our Son took us to a Mall ( my husband and I) so as we entered the Mall our Son left us to go and do some shopping and my husband and I are walking in the Mall and I jsut stopped and as I stopped I looked to the my right and saw this Store called...Things Remembered and I said to my husband let's go in...as we got inside the store something caught my eyes and I picked it up from the table and it was this Beautiful Silver Little Plaque...and on it said...Even tough we are apart,we will keep you forever in our heart....so I started shaking and crying and my husband hugged me and at that same moment mobile rang and it was our Son and my ringer is our Angel daughter fav Song....I got so overwhelmed so our Son wanted to know where we were and I could not speak so my husband told him and he came to meet us.So the lady asked what was the matter and we told her...so she told us that we can engrave this plaque with out daughter;s name on it and we did...I do believe that our children are always with us by sending us beautiful beautiful signs...


Clinton Terry Milam
10 yrs 4 mos
Brain Trauma
written by: Susan Milam

When our precious little boy, Clint, our late in life gift from God, was killed when he fell into, or was pulled into the side of city bus while spending the day with his grandmother and cousins, our lives came to an end. The thoughts of leaving our child alone in the dark in a cemetery miles from home was more than we could bear. Every single day just before dark my husband would drive out to the cemetery and activate a fresh light stick.

After a period of time, my husband had to go out of town on business. He made plans with me and our two grown daughters to take turns going out to the cemetery just before dark every night.

My turn was also my first solo visit to the cemetery. I activated the light stick and got back into my car, where I sat sobbing my heart out alone in the car. Suddenly I felt a very light and gentle touch on the back of my hand, as if Clint was saying "it's alright Mom". I'll always believe he was there with me during what was for me a traumatic first.


Jacob Michael Scott McLeod-Steinmetz
13 years 364 days
17th June 1991-16th June 2005
Acute myeloid Leukaemia
written by: Jacob's mother

we have had many "signs" from our Jacob

the first Christmas after he had left us I was sitting in the garden a butter fly emerged out of his cocoon as I watched ( Christmas is in the summer here in Australia) our Phone rings and there is no one on the other end or our door bell will change it's chime this happens sometimes in the middle of the night

On the first Father's day as we walked up to the front door the door bell chimed in a melody that isn't on our door bell ( this was the first time ) over the years it has happen often

the other morning I thought I heard Jacob call out to his father

On my eldest sons 21st birthday as I drove up the driveway I 'm sure I saw Jacob standing on the front porch smiling at me ...I jumped out of the car but he wasn't there. no one else was around at the time either so I'm sure it was our Jacob ( he loved a party LOl )

sometimes I will walk pass his room and think I smell his aftershave .. or Lipton's peach ice tea ( his favourite )

I feel he is still around us at time and it brings me so much comfort

Thank you with Love Jacob's Mum "leukaemia sux!"


Brad Alan O'Martin
27 years
June 7, 1977 - March 10, 2005
Skin Cancer
written by: In loving memory of a wonderful son - Yvonne O'Martin, Brad's Mom

It was my son Brad's 34th birthday on June 7th and it was a difficult day to remember. I had hoped for a long time to know that he was all right. He died from cancer at the age of 27 and it was the most agonizing thing we had to face, watching this wonderful young man fade away long before his time.

Since his passing I have talked, cried and shared with him daily and hoped that he was enjoying his new life. I heard other parents talk about signs and dreams and wondered why I never experienced even one sign? Prior to this event I was begging God to give me a sign from Brad. Then it happened so unexpectedly ... The cross we had placed with him was now hung up on the wall and it had remained there for six years and never once did it fall down.

However on June 7th, his birthday it fell off the wall and surprised me......I cried a little then prepared to put it back in its rightful place. About an hour later, it fell down a second time ...I guess I didn't get the message the first time!

I have no explanation why this event happened on his birthday, not once but twice and it has not reoccurred. I believe it was a sign from Brad and an answer to prayer. It was so reassuring to have that little glimmer of hope that he was letting us know that he was okay.

In loving memory of my son Brad . 'though you are gone from my sight you are forever in my heart'.


Lisa Elaine Mewbourne
25 years
9/23/65 ~ 4/23/91
Gunshot wound to the head
written by: Faye Martin,
Mother of Lisa Elaine Mewbourne

When my Lisa died in April of 1991, it rained for thirty straight days after her funeral. It felt like all of heaven and earth were crying for my loss of my beautiful daughter.

Other things wept for her, too. A plant I had brought from the house I sold and had cared for it for several years died. A purple violet, also several years old, died. These and other similar happenings kept me crying like the rain.

One day, in spite of the rain, I got in my car and drove to the cemetery where her grave was still fresh with red Georgia clay. I stood beside her grave not caring if anyone saw my tears that were as steady as the rain. I became very emotional as I begged God to tell me WHY. WHY my child had to die. WHY not me. "God, you can turn this around right now. You can bring her back and put me in the ground!" On and on I wailed like a mad woman.

Finally, in desperation that he did not answer any of my pleas, I shook my fist at the heavens and demanded in a screaming voice that he take me instead. "Take me; take me! Give life back to her! Don't keep my baby in that dark wet ground! If I have to live without her, then take me, too! Let lightening strike me right now!" I demanded over and over that He strike me with lightening, screaming and sobbing all the while.

His gentle answer was to just keep the soft summer rain falling. It began to feel like he was bathing me with the warmth of His love. I stumbled back to my car soaking wet. But, I had experienced my first touch from Him after my daughter died. It was enough to reassure me that I could go on.

Faye Martin
Mother of Lisa Elaine Mewbourne
9/23/65 ~ 4/23/91



Daniel Scott Forrester
30 years
February 28, 1970 - January 10, 2001
non-hodgkins lymphoma
written by: Arlene, Dan's Forever Mom
about a 'dream visit' her little grandaughter had

True story: Danny's little namesake, Madison Danielle (who never met her Uncle Danny)....had a special relationship with him. Ever since she was a baby, she seemed to "see" her Uncle Danny and she had conversations with him. He would "send" her little special "gifts".... like a beautiful leaf that blew in the car window and landed on her lap. She giggled and giggled before telling us...."Look what Uncle Danny just sent me".

One time, Madison's other Grandma was babysitting her for the week-end. One morning, she couldn't wake her up. She tried and tried, but to no avail. They called the ambulance and brought her to a local hospital and they couldn't find what was wrong.....she was transported to Children's Hospital in Pa. After hours of tests, Madison just "woke up". She told her Mom that she went to Heaven and Uncle Danny met her and said "Are you Madison Danielle" and she said yes I am. And he took her and combed her hair and made her beautiful before sending her back to her Mommy.

Dream? I guess we'll never know.



Joey Whiteman
21 years old
September 8, 1980 - September 3, 2002
Single Car Crash
written by: Terrie Whiteman

We had just moved into our house, it was Xmas Eve Day, we were getting ready to go to my in-laws. I'll preface it by saying, we were used to battery operated smoke alarms. John (my husband) was in the shower, I was getting dressed. The kids were playing nintendo waiting to leave. The smoke alarm went off, John jumped out of the shower, (stark naked), grabbed a step stool. Climbed up and went to pull out the battery, old fashioned kind, oops, it was electric. He yanked and yanked to make it stop, till finally frustrated pulled the entire thing as you can imagine out of the ceiling. The kids could care less about the smoke alarm and stared at John as he stood there on the stool totally naked. John was not bashful, the kids were hysterical with laughter.

Bringer of Light newsletter

Welcome to the



It was an early morning in late September, and the leaves were just beginning to change. I was at home and the kids were in school. Emily was a big girl in the 2nd grade and Luke was a little fellow just barely getting adjusted to being in school. I received a call from the school, and the lady on the phone identified herself as Luke's teacher. My heart dropped as my mind began to think of all the awful reasons that she could be calling. Had Luke hurt himself? Was he sick? Had he gotten in a fight? Then, she began to speak and told me that Luke had a 'little accident'. Again, my heart dropped. She then said that he had diarrhea and it was all over his pants. My heart was filled with happiness to know that the 'little accident' was only a little poop.

So I grabbed my car keys and drove over to the school. It was recess, so I looked for Luke through the fence before going in. There he was, standing by the brick wall, holding his little head down, looking at the sidewalk. He didn't even know that I was at the fence. But I did notice that his pants were darkened from the 'little accident'.

I walked onto the playground and then headed for the brick wall. I squatted down in front of Luke and said...."Hey sweetie, did you have a little accident?" Still holding his sad little head down, still looking at the sidewalk, not wanting to make eye contact, he shook his head from side to side and said..."No Momma." It was then that I realized how devastating this so-called 'little accident' was to him. I gently placed my hand on his soft little chin and slowly pulled his chin up until my eyes met with those big sad beautiful green eyes of his. I said: "I didn't think so, but I was at home alone thinking about you and wondering if you would like to come home so we could play together." His sad little mouth turned into a huge grin and he said..."Yes!". So I took his little hand as I stood up and we walked together to the car, both of us ignoring his soiled pants and the smell that accompanied them. I suggested that we roll down the windows to feel the wonderful September wind.

When we got home I said..."Hey, why don't you go take a bath and put on some play clothes so we can go out into the backyard and play." He immediately ran off to the bathroom. I stood outside the door listening. I could hear him undressing, and I could hear the bath water running. When I heard the water draining and heard the swoosh of the water as he climbed out of the tub, I tiptoed back to the kitchen, not making my presence known. Soon he walked out of the bathroom all dressed in his play clothes and sparkling clean. I took his hand again and said.... "Let's go play!" We headed out the back door. He ran to the swing underneath that beautiful oak tree. I pushed him high into the air as his giggles were captured in the welcoming Autumn wind. After that he headed to his favorite spot.... the sandbox under the huge oak tree. We both sat down in the sand with shovels and buckets and dug, and laughed, and played and played and played. As we sat there in that sandbox under the big oak tree, he reached over and put his little arms around my neck and said..."I love you momma." And just as I replied with "I love you too sweetie," an oak leaf tumbled down from that old oak tree and settled between us in that sandbox.

From that day on every time I saw an autumn leaf falling gently to the ground, this wonderful memory was resurrected. As the years passed this memory was recalled every Autumn as the leaves turned and floated one by one to the awaiting ground. This memory was always followed by a few tears because my little boy was growing up, and I knew that someday those hours in the sandbox would be a distant memory.

The echo of his laughter, the innocence of his love, and the radiance of those big green eyes still resonate within my mind. It is a moment in time that will always be captured in that special place in my heart reserved only for him. Autumn still brings that fond distant memory, followed by tears, not tears because my little boy is growing up, but tears because my little boy grew up, and then he died. But those memories of that September day did not die with him, and they will forever hold the honor of being one of my grandest days with my son, all because of a 'little accident'.

Someday soon on a glorious September in Heaven I will take his hand under a huge oak tree, he will put his arms around my neck and tell me that he loves me as another Autumn leaf falls. But this time it will be much more than a fond distant memory because in Heaven memories become reality again.......and not 'just by accident'.

© 2011 Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001


Once there were two aspens
Standing tall against the sky,
Taking in the warmth of breezes
As their leaves just fluttered by.

Then from those two tall aspens
Two more little aspens grew
In a grove there in the forest
Touched by the morning dew.

They gathered in the sunshine,
Then they quenched upon the rain.
Four aspens playing in the wind
Sometime before the winter came.

In the springtime how they glistened,
Then had the warmth of summer winds.
Little did the four trees know
This would never come again.

Autumn gave them golden leaves
As they stood so proud and tall,
Then suddenly a cold wind blew
And their leaves began to fall.

The wind was blowing violently
With a howling lonesome sound.
Then with an eerie silence
One tree fell to the ground.

The youngest tree lay cold and still
As the sky released the rain.
Then drops of sorrow trickled down
From the three trees that remained.

Raindrops quietly turned to snow,
Just as the barren aspens feared.
Autumn, spring, and summer... gone
And a long, long winter here.

© 2008 - Christine Ross
In memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

Living With Loss magazind
Fall 2009, Volume 24 No. 3
Bereavement Publications, Inc.

Find and be found to discover your..... BRINGER OF LIGHT.

Thanks so much for your request to receive the monthly


This month's Bringer of Light Newsletter is dedicated to the memory of:

Adam Jarod DeLong
18 1/2 yrs. ~ auto accident

Amanda "Mandy" Taylor Smith
17 years ~ automobile accident

Dennis Christopher Tucker
26 years ~ Accidental, wrong RX

Joey Whiteman
21 yrs. 360 days ~ Auto Accident

Paul John LaFaver
27 years ~ Carbon monoxide poisoning-died in fire!



Wake Me Up When September Ends is a song by American rock band Green Day. The single peaked at number six in the United States, becoming Green Day's second Top 10 single.

Green Day lead singer Billie Joe Armstrong wrote this about his father, who died of cancer on September 1st, 1982. At his father's funeral, Billie cried, ran home and locked himself in his room. When his mother got home and knocked on the door to Billie's room, Billie simply said, "Wake me up when September ends," hence the title.

sources: Wikipedia & SongFacts.com


Summer has come and passed
the innocent can never last
Wake me up when september ends

Like my fathers come to pass
seven years has gone so fast
Wake me up when September ends

Here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are

As my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
Wake me up when September ends

Summer has come and passed
the innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends

Ring out the bells again
like we did when spring began
Wake me up when September ends

Here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are

As my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
Wake me up when September ends

Summer has come and passed
the innocent can never last
wake me up when September ends

Like my father's come to pass
twenty years has gone so fast
wake me up when September ends
wake me up when September ends
wake me up when September ends

~ as performed by Green Day


"One day you turn around, and it's summer
Next day you turn around, and it's fall
And all the winters and the springs of a lifetime
Whatever happened to them all"

~ Frank Sinatra

"'Tis the last rose of summer,
Left blooming alone;
All her lovely companions
Are faded and gone."

- Thomas Moore, The Last Rose of Summer, 1830



Michael Dennis Carico II
39 years
10/27/1963 - 11/27/2002
Killed by a red light runner
written by: Carol, Michael's Mom

I really don't know how to start this. It is so hard to write about your child in death. When Michael was born, he was the most beautiful baby boy I had ever seen. I remember telling everyone how special he was to me. Michael was always a good son, even when he was little. I never had to worry about him. He never lied to us and was always doing what he was supposed to. Michael's oldest sister Pam was born 14 months after him. He loved to hold her and kiss her. They were always so close, even up until his death. Whatever he did his sister Pam would be right there at his side. I remember Pam had an easy bake oven when she was about 4. Michael decided to see how it worked. Michael took the whole oven apart, never could get it back right. They always went fishing and camping together.

His brother Tim was born 7 years after Michael. Michael used to keep his little brother from getting into any problems with other kids. Tim will tell everyone how Michael made him tough. Tim loved him dearly. Michael taught Tim to stand up for himself.

Then when Michael was 13, his little sister Shannon was born. He was truly a big brother to Shannon. Shannon will tell you how much influence Michael was in her life. Shannon said if it wasn't for Michael she would not have made the decision she made to move and start a new life for her and her 3 children. Shannon gives all the credit to Michael for helping her grow up. Shannon turned her life around because of Michael.

Michael was a wonderful father. He was always there for his 3 children. His oldest daughter Michele(16) loved to model and he was always there for her shows. He will never be able to see her graduate from school in 2004. He bought her her class ring just a few months before he died. He was so proud of her. Michael's son Mikey III was his fishing buddy, always with Michael camping and fishing, right along with his sister Pam and her family. They still were close. When one went fishing and camping the other went. Mikey loved to be with his daddy. He would even hang out in his garage with him. Heather, Michael's youngest daughter, would sit and count his money, that was how she learned to count. He would sit with her and have his money out and teach her to count that way. Michael would sit with her and play all kinds of games, they especially loved cards.

Michael was always there to help his dad work on his truck. If he saw his dad outside working on it he came right over to help him. That is what Michael loved doing. He would let his stuff go and be there for family or his friends, always helping. He has a friend who told me after he was killed if it was not for Michael they would not have been able to by their house. He loaned them the extra money they needed. He also helped redo their plumbing and electric. He was always there for them. They miss him so much.

As far as me, his mom, he was right there when I needed him, no matter what. I have so much to be thankful for and so many good memories of Michael. He had a garage by his house and he was always in it. I told him one time all he needed was a bed and he could live in it. He had a stereo, chair and even built a desk- like area and that is where I would go at nights after work and talk to him. Michael lived right beside us. All his friends hung out there also. It is so hard to look over there now and not see the doors open and him in there. We even would have cook outs in there if it started to rain when we cooked out. Michael used to cook out a lot and it was right in the back yard. All I had to do was open my back door and there he was cooking out. I used to tease him and ask "Is chicken all you ever cook?", but he would just laugh at me. The day he was killed and I had to go to that hospital and see him, that was and will always be the worst day of my life. He was so peaceful looking. I tried so hard to wake him up but he wouldn't wake up for me. That was all I wanted. The day of Michael's memorial service there were over 200 people there. He had so many friends, ones we had never met. They all told us how much they loved him and what a great friend he was. Michael was always there for any body who needed him.

I don't now if the girl that hit the car Michael was in and killed him will ever realize what she has taken from his family and his friends. She was never charged with his death. She walks free to this day. She might not pay for it now but she will one day. All I know my world stopped the day Michael was killed. It will never be the same for me or his family.

Michael my beautiful son, I miss and love you so much. I hope one day I will be able to hold you and tell you how much I love you. I'm so sorry I couldnt keep you safe. You used to tell me not to worry about you, but I did. I wish I could have kept you safe the day you were killed. Michael I will see you again. Love and miss you so much.

Piece in the paper

"Victim leaves family behind"

Bradenton, Fla- Michael D. Carico II Had plans for Thanksgiving dinner with his family, then a camping trip with his son. But in a split second everything changed. Carico and a friend left work Wednesday and were driving to mall to pick up a turkey fryer. A vehicle driven by a young woman ran through a red light slammed into their car, according to the Florida Highway Patrol, causing Carico's life to end. The accident occurred at the intersection of U.S. 301 and Third Street West around 5 p.m. Wednesday.

Carico, who had just turned 39 one month to the day that he was killed, was flown to Bayfront Medical Center in St. Petersburg where he died. He had been a passenger in a vehicle driven by Louis Vasquez Jr. 36, who suffered minor injuries.

Troopers charged the driver of the other car, Sarah Fernandes, 19, with running a red light. She was taken to the hospital and released. Fernandes faced a mandatory court date Dec. 23 in Manatee County. Trooper Gerry Smith of the Florida Highwat Patrol told the Herald on Friday that information about the crash has been forwarded to the homicide investigators. When Carico's parents got the word that their son had been flown to the hospital, they immediately called, said Michael Carico Sr., after whom his son is named. A nurse told them they needed to get to the hospital right away. The worst news greeted the Caricos upon arrival. Doctors had pronounced their son dead at 6:15 p.m.

"You can't believe the pain to walk in the hospital and see your son dead," Carico said. " He was already gone when we got there."

On Friday, the family remained stunned and grief stricken. Michael Carico II's mother, Carol, said she doubts anything will ever be the same- even in the neigborhood because her son and his family lived next door. "He was a good family man, a good son, and a good brother", Carol Carico said. "He was always helping people. That's what he was doing when he was killed". Carico leaves behind a wife, Angie, and three children, ages 6, 11, and 16. Born in Ohio, Carico moved to Manatee County with his family when he was 10 years old, his father said. He was a Supervisor at Pierce Manufacturing Co., a Bradenton company that makes fire trucks, and formerly served as a firefighter in Samoset for three years.

His remains will be cremated and a memorial service will be held next week so all the family can be there, family members said. The family plans to release Carico's ashes into the Manatee River because, an avid fisherman, the river was his favorite spot, his mother added.

We put Michael's ashes in the river on his first anniversary. This was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. But I know he is happy in his favirate fishing spot. And will be fishing and catching all the big ones. I miss him so very much. I love you Michael Love Mom



Clinton Terry Milam
10 yrs 4 mos
Brain Trauma
written by: Susan Milam

1993 to 2003

Forever 10, and always on my mind -
Frozen in that place, frozen in that time.
The perfect puddle, under the perfect tree -
Looking for frogs, or flowers...for me.
Always happy, always carefree,

I see him running like the wind; through the trees.
Sleeping in on Saturday, watching cartoons til noon-
Snorkeling with Dad, or watching the moon.
Power Rangers, Pokemon, Captain Underpants, Sponge Bob-
To the world of a child, the world of wonder, he belonged.

Big sparkling eyes, beautiful smile,
loving his life in his very own style.
Happy, adventurous, and just as silly as could be,
just another child to you - but the whole world to me.

Frozen in place and frozen in time-Forever he’ll stay 10, in my heart and my mind.

1993 to eternity.

For the love of Clint, Mom



Adam R. Fiock
26 years
7-1-81 ~ 10-6-07
self inflicted--Veteran
written by: Mom

I have been feeling worse than usual. Adam's b'day was July 1st. Then, my daughter's July 9th. This is the year that Allison passes Adam age. She visited this past week. The last day was her father's day. I looked at the birth records for any prenatal clients, who had delivered.

There was a couple Allison and Adam, who had had a baby on July9th. Then, later Sunday night, I read to sleep. The book kept mentioning "Knapp" St. which is my last name. It is German since it is funny that the setting involves an Asian area. Then, there was a little boy taking martial arts- named Adam. Thank YOU sweet heart. I am trying.



Robert Walton
3 days
written by: Joan

My Brother Robert.

We only had you for 3 days on Gods Earth. And you fought every minute and every hour of those 3 days, but on the 3rd day everything got too much for you my precious Robert. And Gods Angel's came down to take you up to Heaven to be with God. It saddens me so much Robert I never got to see my baby brother and how it hurts so much. We had such lovely plans for you Robert. But always remember I love you for ever and ever.

Your ever loving big sister Joan xxxxx.


Lucas Christopher Ross "Luke"
21 years
October 31, 1979 - April 3, 2001
written by: Christine, Luke's Mom

Dear Luke,

Oh how I miss you! I still can't believe that you died over 10 years ago. I really don't know how I have survived without you. I guess my only survival is getting your wonderful signs. Thank you so much for "the postcard from heaven". I will cherish it always, and I know how hard you must have worked to make everything come together as it did. Please help Emily when you can. She still struggles so much with your death. Dad hurts so much too. Sometimes when I think of you, it just takes my breath away. I will always love you Luke, and I will always miss you. Thanks so much for all the wonderful memories that you left with us all. Give Blue Dog a big old belly rub for me, and let Altair run like the wind. Tell Dylan to send his family a sign from Heaven as they enter their second year of grief. Give Danny and Beau a big hug from all of us. We will see you soon, Luke. Take care sweetie.

Love, Mom



Lisa Elaine Mewbourne
25 years
9/23/65 ~ 4/23/91
Gunshot wound to the head
written by: Faye Martin,
Mother of Lisa Elaine Mewbourne

The Circular Auditorium

I am positive that Lisa has contacted me, even though she no longer does after so many years. I believe that they are "allowed" to visit with those who love them for a while between their realm and ours in order to help ease the loss for those left behind. But, sooner or later, they have more important business to tend to so they have to move on . . . like in my very vivid "dream" of Lisa in the Circular Auditorium . . .

The only part of my baby that I was allowed to see the day she died was her feet, cold and hard and covered in white lacy stockings. The medical examiner had denied my pleas to see her and that was probably for my own best interest. But, when at last I asked to see her feet, the kind doctor wanted to know why. I told her that because as Jesus hung on the cross that his mother must have been able to kiss His feet. I now wanted to kiss the feet of my own dead child. They brought Lisa out all covered up except for her little feet. What an unbelievable horrible, hideous day.

But, Lisa later sought to ease the pain of that memory in a dream . . . I was sitting alone (or so I thought) on a bleacher seat very near the top of a gigantic auditorium. It was empty and dark except for a lighted platform at the bottom in the center.

All of a sudden, someone sitting directly behind me placed a foot on my left shoulder. I looked at the foot and it was Lisa's! It was warm and alive and the toes were even wiggling. I held that precious foot in both hands and kissed it and thanked God for this miracle that showed me that Lisa was still alive. I didn't question the strangeness of her foot suddenly being on my shoulder. I was so excited to see any part of her that nothing else mattered.

I was aware now that there were two persons sitting right behind me . . . One other besides Lisa. Except for Lisa’s pink foot, they were shrouded in a dark mist that my eyes could not penetrate. I more "felt" than saw their presence. Then the mists began to lighten enough for me to be more fully aware of them. After allowing me ample time to kiss and caress her delightfully alive foot, Lisa stepped out of the mist and stood beside me. As in all of the real "contacts" with her, I was in awe of the fact that I was really there with her -- that even though it was not possible, I really was seeing her. Again, I thanked God for His mercy.

I stood at once and hugged her close to me. I held her for a long time and it was just like holding her before she died. She always smelled so sweet. Her hair was silky and fragrant just like before. After our hug, she stood back from me and looked at me. We communicated as we always do now, not in words but in thoughts. We visited for maybe fifteen minutes in "earth" time. Then, she looked at me very seriously and said, "Mom, this really isn't a good time for me. I'm very busy." This was no great surprise to me since Lisa was always busy doing things. Now, I realized that something of great importance was about to take place in the Circular Auditorium and that soon countless thousands of souls would be filing in to take their seats.

This said, Lisa gave me one last hug and turned and started the long descent down the steps. She quickly took the steps two or three at the time. At the bottom, she walked onto the lighted platform and continued on into a room directly behind the platform. The room had glass walls and doors and I could see other people in there busily getting ready for some kind of production. Lisa merged into this small group of people and began to take part in their preparations.

At this point, I became aware of the other person sitting behind me -- the one Lisa had been sitting and talking with. I didn't turn around to look as the place was still covered with mist. Instead, I let my senses tell me who it was. I sensed that it was a woman who was much older than Lisa. She had been working with my daughter and teaching her about the spiritual world. She was also helping her plan for the event that was about to happen in the auditorium. I sensed tremendous love and kindness from this woman, and I was so glad that she was helping Lisa. Perhaps this woman had taken up in Lisa’s life where I had been forced to leave off. But I seemed to know that her wisdom far surpassed my own.

It wasn’t a part of the dream, but I think maybe the older woman was my mother. Lisa was only five years old when she died so her grandmother would have been thrilled to see her and to be the one to teach her. Again, I thanked God for all His loving reassurance and support to Lisa. Her crossing must have been a very difficult and confusing one. But, it seemed that she had completely overcome the grief and depression that had compelled her to end her life on earth. I knew that an all-knowing God had not punished her for the “illness” in her brain that destroyed her.

I looked back towards the lighted platform and knew that Lisa was an integral part of what was soon to take place there. I knew that it was of great significance in the Heavenly world. And I knew that my beloved daughter was doing very important work. I felt a mother's pride in my heart. I had always been proud of Lisa and her accomplishments and now I could be even prouder.

One day I believe I will go back to that Circular Auditorium not as a temporary visitor from this fallen world, but as an insider who will stay there and who will know and understand all things. There will be no need for questions because I will already know the answers. And Lisa will be with me, guiding me, showing me the way, teaching her own mother. Soon my other children, grandchildren, and all my loved ones will be there. I have no fear of death. It is an adventure to be joyfully anticipated when all of Heaven's mysteries will be unfolded.

Faye Martin,
Mother of Lisa (9/23/65 ~ 4/23/91)
Copyright 1993



Dylan Ross
36 years
11/22/73 - 8/27/10
Pulmonary Embolism
WRITTEN BY: Rhonda Ross

From an early age I talked to Dylan about Jesus and heaven. He was very curious and asked lots of questions. He asked what heaven is like. I told him how wonderful it is. In fact I made it sound so good he wanted to know, "When can I go there?" I explained that when Jesus is ready for us to live with him, usually when we get very old, he comes and takes us to heaven.

One day when Dylan was about 4 years old he was playing out in our backyard. I went out to check on him. He was looking up very intently. I looked up but didn't see anything so I asked, "What are you looking at?" He answered very matter of factly, "I'm looking for the door." "What door?", I asked. He answered, "The door to heaven. You said Jesus comes and takes us to heaven so where's the door?" I smiled at him and said, "It's invisible. We can't see it until Jesus comes to get us." Dylan found "the door" when Jesus came to take him to heaven August 27, 2010.

Bringer of Light newsletter

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It was a bright beautiful day when I found out that I was pregnant with our second child. This was in the days when the sex of a child was usually only revealed at birth. Oh how I longed for a radiant little boy. I never told anyone, of my secret wish for a baby boy, except for the child growing inside me. My husband was not even aware of my wish. I dared not tell anyone in fear that it would not come true. So me and my little baby were the only ones in the world who knew.... and we talked about it all the time because deep within my soul, I just knew my baby was a little boy. We had a relationship that was sparked from the very beginning.

Months later after a very difficult delivery, the doctor handed our new little one to the nurse as I was asking my husband.... "A boy or a girl?" He looked at me with this glowing smile, and tears steaming down his face saying.... "It's our boy!" I then knew that he too had that same secret wish. Luke my little spook came into this world beaming at 2 pm on HALLOWEEN. It was a TRICK getting him here, but he sure was a TREAT.

I knew at the moment of his birth that he possessed a very special lustrous gift that was still to be known. As he grew I soon discovered that he had the gift of knowing how to love unconditionally. Luke and his big sister, Emily, had their usual sibling rivalry, but there was a glimmering bond between those two, like nothing I had ever witnessed.

Kindergarten revealed something even more special about my sweet little boy... he regarded his new found friends with the same blazing unconditional love that he had shown for his family. Throughout elementary school, Luke sought out the child who was maybe just a little different...handicapped, impaired, from another country, other race, being teased, lonely, or just someone in need a little ray of sunshine in their life. Luke became that sunshine.

Middle school brought many more friends, but Luke still pursued the kids that needed a little extra love. Our family trips sparkled when shared with Luke's exceptional friends. Many times we had an extra place set at the table for a kid that Luke had taken under his wings. He was always the light that led others out of the darkness of being different.

In High school Luke was an active member in a youth group and would illuminate our home with kids from all walks of life. I woke up one morning to eleven hungry high school boys who had been enlightened by Luke's unconditional love. Luke had a gift for seeing beyond how others defined these kids... by their piercings, hair color, unusual clothes, race, disabilities, lifestyle choice, or personal problems. Luke saw these friends as an opportunity to spread his light. And spread his light he did.

Age 21 produced even more radiance. At Luke's new job he befriended another special person. His new friend was partially paralyzed in one arm and had difficulty speaking because of cerebral palsy. Luke and he became the very best of friends. Most people could not understand this new friend when he spoke, but Luke could. Not only did Luke understand his words, Luke understood his heart. After Luke died, his friend confided in me how blessed he was to have had Luke in his life for only six short months, but that Luke's light would continue to warm his heart forever.

At Luke's service we had an open microphone, and his new friend bravely spoke to the crowd of friends and family that had gathered in the chapel. As his friend spoke most of the people in the chapel did not understand his words. But that didn't matter because the most important person in the chapel, Luke, understood his words just as he always did. As others also stood in front of the chapel and spoke, I noticed the soft light coming through the stained glass windows. I knew that my Bringer of Light was surrounding all of us with his warm and gentle light.

Luke always seemed to be looking towards Heaven as if absorbing its beacon. He brightened the lives of so very many in his short lifetime and he made a radiant difference to some who otherwise may still be wandering in the dark. There are a lot of people in this world today that are haloed with a special glow because of the spark that Luke ignited within their soul.

I found my Bringer of Light a very long time ago in 1979 and he brightened my world for 21 years. When he died I thought that his light had died with him. But he found me...... and he is still brightening my days even through my grief. I find that his sunshine can make me happy, and I also find that his sunshine can make me cry. But through the laughter or through the tears his sunshine always, always, always somehow finds me.

The name LUCAS means..... "BRINGER OF LIGHT". Luke was a shining example to his name and continues to honor the meaning of his name by being an eternal... "BRINGER OF LIGHT".

© 2011 Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001


I miss him as dawn is beginning to break,
When I awake to another day
And his memory is gently on my mind.

I miss him in the early morning breeze
When I catch a scent of pine trees
And breath in all the feelings that scent evokes.

I miss him in the mid day sunshine
When I see brightness all around me
And I smile remembering all of our times together.

I miss him in the afternoon quietness
When I hear a faint echo of laughter
And I laugh out loud just imagining it is him.

I miss him as the sun is beginning to set
When I feel the warmth that it provides
And I can feel the touch of his hug in that warmth.

I miss him at the close of the day
When the stars appear in the night sky
And I wonder how long it will be until I see him again.

I miss him in the middle of the night
When I awake from a dream of him
And I long to go back to sleep to dream of him once more.

I miss him as dawn is beginning to break,
When I awake to another day
And his memory is gently on my mind.

I miss him always.....

© 2011 - Christine Ross
In memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

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This month's Bringer of Light Newsletter is dedicated to the memory of:

Jason "Beau" Morgan

23 years
July 31, 1979 - October 10, 2002
Brain Aneurysm

"Peace to you."

Adam R. Fiock

26 years
7-1-81 to 10-6-07
self inflicted--Veteran

"October 6, 2007. Another angelversary. I thought it would be easier, but it is actually harder. I know you are helping the new soldiers passing over. Please help. I can't wait to see you again one day, for eternity."


27 years, 10 months
9 December 1973 - 25 October 2001
pulmonary embolism 3 weeks after successful open heart surgery

"With all the love in my heart for my special girl, my precious darling Elizabeth."



Of his many enormous hits in the 1970s, none captured the essence of John Denver better than his first #1 song, "Sunshine On My Shoulders," which reached the top of the pop charts in 1974.

"Sunshine On My Shoulders" was John Denver's attempt to write a sad song, which is really all one needs to know in order to understand what made Denver so appealing to so many.

Denver described how he wrote "Sunshine on My Shoulders": "I wrote the song in Minnesota at the time I call 'late winter, early spring'. It was a dreary day, gray and slushy. The snow was melting and it was too cold to go outside and have fun, but God, you're ready for spring. You want to get outdoors again and you're waiting for that sun to shine, and you remember how sometimes just the sun itself can make you feel good. And in that very melancholy frame of mind I wrote "Sunshine On My Shoulders. I was so down I wanted to write a feeling-blue song, this is what came out." Originally released on his 1971 album Poems, Prayers and Promises, Denver's lovely ode to the restorative powers of sunlight only became a smash hit when re-released on his John Denver's Greatest Hits album in late 1973—an album that went on to sell more than 10 million copies worldwide. According to the Recording Industry Association of America, John Denver has sold 32.5 million records.

As the Vietnam War came to an end, the song took on a new significance and began to receive airplay on adult contemporary radio stations. It entered the Billboard Hot 100 at number 90 on January 26, 1974 and moved into the number one spot nine weeks later.

A television movie titled Sunshine, shown in 1973, used the song as a theme. It told the story of a young mother in love and dying.

Born Henry John Deutschendorf, Jr. on December 31, 1943, in Roswell, New Mexico, John Denver died in California on October 12, 1997, when his ultra-light aircraft crashed into Monterey Bay.

sources: Wikipedia & SongFacts.com & History.com


Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy
Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry
Sunshine on the water looks so lovely
Sunshine almost always makes me high

If I had a day that I could give you
I'd give to you a day just like today
If I had a song that I could sing for you
I'd sing a song to make you feel this way

Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy
Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry
Sunshine on the water looks so lovely
Sunshine almost always makes me high

If I had a tale that I could tell you
I'd tell a tale sure to make you smile
If I had a wish that I could wish for you
I'd make a wish for sunshine all the while

Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy
Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry
Sunshine on the water looks so lovely
Sunshine almost always makes me high
Sunshine almost all the time makes me high
Sunshine almost always

Words by John Denver, Music by John Denver, Dick Kniss and Mike Taylor


Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop away from you like the leaves of Autumn.

~John Muir (1838 - 1914)

Those who bring sunshine into the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves.

~James M. Barrie (1860 - 1937)



Dennis Christopher Tucker

26 years
6-11-60 to 9-16-86
RX accidental dose
written by: Dolores Tucker on 9/16/11

Dearest son Dennis, today marks the 25th anniversary of when I last saw you. After returning to college, I received news that you were found lying on a bed with the Handel's Messiah music score opened. You were in your final year after having taken a few years off to generate stability in your mom's drastic life change. You were on your way to becoming a doctor after receiving a full scholarship from a prestigious college. You had so much going for you. Music and art were a vital part to your life, playing classical trumpet, singing in the chorus. It was a shock to hear the incredible news that you would not be coming home, not being able to see you, hear you and listen to your words of wisdom. It will be 25 years this Friday, 9/16, and your brother and I will be attending a mass at the church where you played trumpet. There are so many fond memories of you and what you might have been. You are always in my heart and I love and miss you, my darling. May you be waiting for me when my time comes. God bless you.
Love and prayers, Mom



Jeffrey Michael Felix

27 years
10-03-77 to 12-30-04
Malignant Melanoma
written by: Dolores, Mama to Jeffrey

Our son Jeffrey was born October 3, 1977 into a world that couldn't promise him a future. He was born with a massive brain tumor that involved the entire left side of his head and part of the back of his head. The tumor was successfully removed after a 9 hour surgery when he was 3 weeks old. Part of his inner left ear along with the left side of his skull were also removed.The diagnosis was malignant melanoma and the outlook for an extended life was grim. They had given him a mere 3 months to live. Jeff defied all odds and continued to flourish. He attended special ed classes all his life and graduated from Mentor High School with honors. After over 40 surgeries, some for tumor removal, others reconstructive procedures, Jeffrey grew into a most loving, caring, compassionate, considerate young man and was an absolute joy to be around. Even though people shunned him because of his different appearance, Jeffrey was very social and loved being around people. He accomplished so much in spite of his physical limitations of not being able to hear out of one ear and being totally blind in one eye. He grew beyond the ridicule and stares from unknowing people and continued to love his life even after finding out there was nothing more the medical profession could do for him. In August of 2004 a large tumor was removed from his neck. Jeff didn't rally back this time and began to show signs of his illness. Test results on November 16th of 2004 showed massive tumors in every vital organ of his body. Six weeks later on Dec. 30th, we lost our very courageous son at the age of 27. Never once did he complain. His passion in this life was football and with his steel trap mind he knew all there was to know about the current teams and teams from years ago. In the few short weeks before his passing a friend of ours had said to him "Jeff, when you get to Heaven you will have a brand new body." Jeff thought for a minute then said "I don't want a new body, I want this body. I just don't want all the repair work." After almost seven years we are still missing him with every breath we take.


Dennis C. Murphy Jr.

28 years
he was on his way home fell asleep and hit a tree
written by: Mother of Dennis C. Murphy Jr.

He took care of family which was Mom, Dad and his brother & he was a very hard worker and if a friend called and needed him he was there for them.

What If? Could we as parents change the clock, make time stand still and have our child just a little longer, and then that wouldn't be long enough, we talked about everything, laughed, and had many moments of joy.



Kaylin Marie Mathews

20 years
03/01/1988 - 07/01/2008
written by: Kim Lasater

You Didn't Say Goodbye

Why did you have to leave?
You didn't say goodbye.
Why couldn't I protect you?
Why did you have to die?

As you slipped from this world,
Did you feel any pain?
Did you feel that you were fading?
Did you call my name?

When they left you
In the dark, alone
Did you cry out,
"Mama come and take me home?"

Did you wish for one more hug
Before you had to leave?
I'd give anything for one,
I can barely breathe.

I miss you more each passing day,
When will I awake
To find you laughing, standing there
This just a big mistake?

The grief comes pouring over me,
Each second of each day.
I do what I have to do,
but the tears stay in my way.

I want so much to see you,
To have you here to hold.
You didn't even say goodbye,
Why did you have to go?

Kim Lasater~~2008 (C)
In loving memory of my beautiful girl.



Amanda Alicia Maria Morrow

age 19
Head Trauma (Auto Accident)
written by: Bettie Murray (Mother) on 09/20/11

AMANDA gave me such an awesome sign!! undeniable!!! AND I just have to share it!!!

I had to have a CT Scan this past Monday and while I was being escorted to the room, I remembered that I still had my cell phone attached to my pants...I told the lady that was walking back to the room with me about it, and that I probably should run back and have my husband hold it for me. She told me not to worry, the phones don't usually have service in those rooms because of all the equipment, walls, and so on....and she said it would not interfere with my test...After the IV was in place and the dye injected, I started to worry and panic,( due to all my meds I've been on for years)...didn't know how the dye would react to my system, plus, I remembered my Father had an allergic reaction to dye...I felt my heart racing... just then, I started asking of Amanda, to please be with me.. to let me know she was with me because I was so scared...just as the table I was on, was rolling me into the Scanning device ... MY CELL PHONE started RINGING!!! I said "Oh NO... My phone is ringing, is that going to mess up my test? or the machine?" Do you have to Stop it???... and she said (on some speaker, behind the glass window,) "NO just don't answer it," "Now hold your breath and hold still".. So I started thinking to myself..."think happy thoughts Bettie, happy thoughts!" And all I could think about was Amanda's face, smiling at me.. "I could see her smiling at me!!"...and then I was remembering the last time her and I went out to eat together, Memories of her laughing, memories of her running around the kitchen floor saying, with her arms up in the air "ET phone home! ET phone home." I just kept thinking of her, and wanting to cry, missing her so badly...and again, asking her to please be with me..Asking GOD to hear my prayer...All the while my phone was continuously ringing.. and after a pause the message alert kept going off... by this time, the test was over, and she was removing my IV. I told the Lady the call might be from my daughter Misty, calling to see how my test went... Because, my appointment was to have been at 2:15 pm...but I had to sit for an hour after drinking this liquid to coat my stomach before I could be given the test, so by this time it was almost going on 4 pm. (Longer than my daughter thought I'd be there).... I looked at my phone, and sure enough, it was Misty who had called... Then the lady told me, that it was odd that the phone even rang at all, since hardly no one gets service in that room. She said.. "you must have a good cell phone provider" I thought to myself.."heck no, not my phone" .....So as I was walking back to where my husband was sitting.. I called to see what Misty wanted...When she got on the phone, I told her how I couldn't believe she called just at the exact time I was being rolled into the CT Scanner, about how they ran late, and how scared I was, and how Thinking and Asking of Amanda helped me... Misty said..." OH MY GOSH MOM, DID YOU HEAR MY MESSAGE?" I said "NO"?...She said... "OH MOM, I had just dropped James off at work, and when I was getting ready to drive off...this song came on"... The name of the song is "AMANDA"... Then she told me that for some odd reason, something made her call me to have me listen to it.....(something she's never done before)...but since I didn't answer, she just let it play on, letting the answering machine record it........WE WERE BOTH IN SHOCK!! because that was the exact time, I was asking Amanda to be with me, to give me a sign...and the exact time it went off (my cell phone), that was also the time when I asked the lady if we had to stop, and she said "just don't answer it" so I laid there listening to my phone ring and ring while I was taking the test, thinking about Amanda......I couldn't wait to hear the song...So I hung up with Misty and went straight to my voice mail...and there it was...the words were..( I couldn't make out all the words, but it went something like this) "You took me by surprise and made me realize "AMANDA"....by Journey? Or AREO speed wagon? not sure who sings it....but the words were LOUD and CLEAR when it said...AMANDA! couldn't make out the rest of the words, but when it sang the word "AMANDA" it was so crystal clear!!! So SHE WAS WITH ME, AND THAT WAS HER SIGN letting me know she was there!! Roy couldn't believe it when I let him hear Misty's message...all Misty said to me (on the answering machine) was "Mom, listen to this!" Then came the words, and the name Amanda....she played it half way through, then hung up...She made it possible, even when no service could be found, she came through LOUD and CLEAR... Just as she always does on New Years eve...... I believe in a LOVE that's UNCONDITIONAL...they NEVER LEAVE YOU!!! SHE is with me, just as my heart and thoughts are ALWAYS on her...LOVE is the GIFT, that bond, that GOD has given us that is eternal. The LOVE that Amanda and I shared, the unique bond, could never be broken, it is GREATER than both of US. I just had to share this unbelievable sign.. a small gift GOD granted in my prayer.




October 31, 1979 - April 3, 2001
Acute Bronchopneumonia
written by: Robin Ross, Luke's Dad

We were living in the Phoenix area and LUKE and I decided that I would take off from work, and he from school, one winters day, so we could drive to Flagstaff and go skiing at the mountain resort there, Arizona Snowbowl.

We had a nice drive up, talking like a father and son, and like friends, all at the same time.

We had a great day of skiing and talking about the run we had just finished while riding back up the chair lift. We would ski together for awhile, then LUKE would take a turn to the more difficult terrain, he was a MUCH better skier that I was. We would meet up again at the bottom. The day flew by, we skied a lot, and got pretty tired. We were resting in the lodge about 15 minutes before the chair lifts shutdown for the day. LUKE and I agreed that we were done for the day and would sit in the lodge for awhile, then start back home.

Right then a friend of LUKE's walked up, I didn't know him and I do not remember who he was. He asked LUKE if he wanted to make the last run of the day with him. LUKE asked me if it was OK, I said sure LUKE, go with your friend and have a good time. LUKE asked if I was sure, I said of course. Then LUKE said, " but dad, I am worried about leaving you all alone". I told LUKE that was OK, I will be right here waiting for you to return. For some reason, unknown to me at that time, I never forgot those words LUKE said, at that time having no idea what they would mean in our future, when, on that April night, another friend of LUKE's, Jesus Christ, the Father, Son and the HOLY GHOST, asked LUKE to go with Him and LUKE went with GOD, to be with Him forever. But he did have to leave me alone, and no matter how long I wait here, he will not be back. He is now waiting for me to return, to see him again.


Brandon Wesley Sgaggero

4/7/78 - 3/6/08
Narcotic Intoxication
written by: ~~Tammie Sgaggero -- Brandon' s mother

Brandon, my second child of four was a very unique little boy who later grew up to be quite a unique young man. Recently, I had to attend three court sentencings for individuals held responsible in Brandon's death. I was asked by the States Attorneys Office to write a Victim Impact Statement. I dug and dug into all of his childhood drawings, paintings, colorings, journals, poems and letters seeking to find threads of the tapestry I would create about my son. I came across a journal written on large handwriting paper with hand drawn pictures. It was probably 1st grade. Each month, Brandon had written a certain thought or feeling relative to that particular month or holiday. The particular page I found that sent me into tears and that I also used to describe to the court just who this child of mine IS was a Valentines Day poem! Written in his best handwriting, it said," If I was a Valentine, I'd give myself to mommy."

Years later, when Brandon joined the service, he spent four years in Hawaii at Schofield Barracks. The first Valentines day that he was gone, I received a beautiful card in the mail. It was a Valentines Card signed not only by Brandon ----- but by everybody he could round up in his company!!!! The comments that were made were hilarious! "Happy Valentines Day Mrs. Skaggs --- we are going to have your son evaluated as soon as we receive word that you have opened this card."

Brandon was loved by so many people and I believe a big part of that reason is because he was not afraid to show others how much he loved OTHERS..

I miss him terribly...

~~Tammie Sgaggero -- Brandon' s mother



Michelle Marie Greever

9 yrs 2 months, 12 days
8/24/84 ~ 11/5/93

written by: Cindy Jo Greever, Fall 1996

I would say the most significant dream I have ever had of Michelle was in 1996. Michelle was a baby in that dream with two umbilical cords, one on her belly and one on her back. Since Michelle was struck on her back by the car this dream to me represented a significant message of hope: First born to this life on earth by the typical umbilical cord in front and THEN born to ETERNAL life, that of the umbilical cord on her back, where she was struck, (leading her to Heaven). Michelle and I were extremely close and I thank God that he and Michelle gave me the gift of this very special and poignant dream to be reminded of Eternal Life.

my website: michellesmama.com



Dylan Ross

36 years
11/22/73 - 8/27/10
Pulmonary Embolism
WRITTEN BY: Rhonda Ross

Dylan was quite a character from a very early age. At age 6, while in first grade, I picked him up from school one day and noticed he seemed kind of sad. When we got home I sat him on my lap with my arm around him and looked into his big blue eyes and asked him what was wrong. He very seriously replied, "Everybody at school has an allergy and I don't have one." I asked him if he knew what an allergy was. He said he did. I said, "Well you're lucky not to have one." He insisted that he really wanted an allergy so I said, "Okay, what do you want to be allergic to?" He perked up and said, "I'll be allergic to grass 'cause it makes me itch." I told him that would be fine and gave him a hug. He went off happy to have his very own allergy. When he was older he loved for me to tell him this story. We would laugh about it together. Recalling it now makes me smile.

Bringer of Light newsletter

Welcome to the



We had a little one room cabin in the National Forest in northern Arizona, the place that we spent a few short holidays with Luke just months before he died and where we all took long walks together in the Autumn absorbing the beauty of the changing leaves. We had picnics and naps on the pine straw under the trees. We still took those walks after Luke died, but without him with us we felt lost and alone.

It was close to a year after Luke died that my husband Robin (Luke's dad) and I traveled to our log cabin in the woods. We named our little cabin LUCAS LODGE because Luke loved it there so much and he thought it looked like the lodges we all used to go to at the National Parks on family vacations.

It was a long drive and we talked about Luke the entire trip and how much we missed him. Oh how lonely we were for our boy, and we both cried and shared memories and asked questions that had no answers. We discussed how much our lives had changed and how lost we felt in the world. The grief that we both carried was so dark, and lonely, and scary. Laughter that used to be such a big part of our family was lost somewhere in the midst of our grief.

We arrived at the little cabin in the woods at about 9 pm. We were so tired, but still had to unload everything out of the car. As we were unloading, I left the cabin front door open to make it easier to carry things inside. We finally got everything unloaded and into the cabin.

The grieving, and the tears, and the drive, and the talks, and the night were exhausting and we were very ready for bed. We lit a candle for Luke so that it could burn through the night as a flickering honor to our son. Then, we both went straight to bed. There was not a separate bedroom because the cabin was all one room (except for the bathroom).

Robin fell asleep right away and I felt myself beginning to dose off. As I was in that twilight sort of sleep I heard a fluttering near my night stand. I thought that maybe I was just dreaming, but then I heard the fluttering again and 'something' flew above the bed to the other side of the cabin. I thought to myself..... "I think that might be a bat." Then it flew back to our side of the cabin and just from the swoosh, swoosh of the wings, I KNEW it was a bat.

Through all of this Robin was lying next to me.... snoring away. I woke him up and said...."Robin, there's a bat in the cabin!" Robin said..."Oh, go to sleep, there is NOT a bat in here." Well, just about that time, the bat swooped down just above our heads. Robin said..."Oh wow (he really didn't say wow) it is a bat!" I said... "I told you!"

So Robin jumped out of bed, grabbed the broom, grabbed a kitchen chair, put it by the front door, opened the front door, sat in the chair holding a broom in the air with nothing on except his underwear. The scene looked like something out of a comedy movie. I was still in the bed, holding on to the sheets, ready to cover my head. I screamed from the bed..... "What in the heck (I didn't really say heck) are you doing?" Robin said...."When I open the front door the bat will fly towards the door and when it does, I will whack it with the broom." I thought to myself..."Whatever?" Then he opened the door.

I just sat there in the bed taking in the whole scene and situation. There was my sad, sleepy, exhausted husband sitting at the open door of the cabin wearing nothing but his briefs, holding a broom in the air, hoping to whack a bat!!! I knew for sure that we had finally reached our limit of sanity. All of a sudden he yells...."Ahhhhhh, Oh shucks (he really didn't say shucks)!" I said..."What's wrong?" He said as he was swinging the broom through the air... "I think another darn (he really didn't say darn) bat just flew in through the door!" While he was swinging away one of the bats flew back out the door, Robin jumped up (in his briefs) with the broom in his hand, and was still swinging it through the air as he slammed the front door. I said... "What the heck (I really didn't say heck) are we going to do now!" Robin said... "Well, we sure can't leave the door open because more bats will come in!" So he sat down in the chair again, in his briefs, with the broom in one hand waiting to swing, hoping for the bat to fly near the door, so he could either open the door or whack the bat.

He sat there for about 15 minutes while I waited in the bed with the covers in my hands. Then, I said... "Just forget it, I'm going to sleep, I'm too tired to deal with this." Robin said..."Yep, I'm too darn (he really didn't say darn) tired to chase this stupid (he really didn't say stupid) bat all night!" So we both lay down, so exhausted from the drive, and the grieving, and the tears, and the night, and NOW..... from the bat. But every time we would dose off that lost bat would fly right over our heads, so close that we could feel the air move. By this time we were just too tired to care or to do anything else about the situation, so believe it or not we just dosed off to sleep with that bat flying back and forth across the cabin all night long. Occasionally we would wake up to the sound of the swoosh, swoosh and the feel of the air on our faces.

FINALLY morning came and there was no bat in sight. We got up, kissed Luke's urn, and made some coffee. I said... "Well, you know that darn (I really didn't say darn) thing is hanging upside down somewhere in this cabin." So we searched and searched, but we could not find that lost bat anywhere. So I said... "To heck (I really didn't say heck) with it, I'm going to open the curtains, let the sunshine in, and forget about that bat." As I opened the curtains by the dining table I heard a flutter. I looked behind the curtain and THERE IT WAS hanging upside down from the back of the curtain. I yelled..."ROBIN... I found it!" But by the time Robin got to the window the bat had scooted between the logs and the window casing and was in the curve between two of the logs. I said... "What the heck (I really didn't say heck) are we going to do now?"

Between the two of us we came up with this the GREAT IDEA... at least we THOUGHT it was a great idea....... Robin went outside and got the fish net, and I got a straw from the kitchen drawer. Robin held the net over the curve of the logs and I poked at the bat with a straw to make him scoot out. It worked like a charm....... except NOW the bat was in the net against the log wall. Robin said..."What the heck (he really didn't say heck) am I going to do with him now?"

Well, I got closer to take a good look at this annoying lost creature through the net. He was brown and hairy! He looked like a mouse with big hairy wings! I said... "UUUUHHHHHGGGGG... Look at him!" Then I said... "I know what you can do.... just slide the little hairy creature down the wall while it is in the net until you get it to the floor and then you can slide him on the floor out the front door." Robin just looked at me with this questionable look.

Because he didn't have a better idea Robin slid the bat down the wall to the floor while we were both screaming. I was screaming in a high SCREEEEECH, and Robin was screaming in a low AHHHHHHHH. I said... "Oh my God... don't let him out in the cabin." Robin was squatted down, walking weird, walking backwards, dragging the bat in the net to the front door across the floor...... but at least this time he was fully dressed. It worked GREAT, although it doesn't sound great. Well, we finally got that lost bat out onto the front porch. Robin raised the net as we both stood there in relief and watched that lost bat fly towards the mountains. We assumed it was flying like a bat out of (you know what) to get away from the two crazy grieving parents who had given him the night of his life. We both just looked at each other and started laughing. And then we gasped. We couldn't believe that we were actually laughing. Our son had died, how could we be laughing? But we were laughing. How did it happen that we were actually both really laughing and laughing hard?

That little lost bat found his way back out into the world after a long and lonely and scary night. That bat was somewhere that he really didn't want to be, but there was nothing that he could do about it until the morning came and showed him the way home. Robin and I were also lost in our grief and it was long and lonely and scary. But that night with a visit from an unsuspecting brown hairy winged angel, we made our first step towards finding our way back home.... out of the darkness, into the light. For the first time since Luke died we were lost in laughter and we could feel Luke laughing through us. We now knew that we could take those long walks in the woods no longer lost and alone because Luke would always be walking with us.

© 2011 Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001


I was lost out in the wilderness
Searching for a pathway back,
Back to the life I had before
When everything was still intact.

Twigs cracked loud beneath my feet
As I walked along the trail.
I felt him walking with me
And knew his presence would prevail.

I looked up to the mountains
Then I felt a cool Fall breeze
So I let myself imagine
It was a time before he ceased.

We both stretched out beneath the trees
On a blanket of pine straw
As we gazed up through the needles
At the sunshine that we saw.

We talked there in the Autumn's warmth
And we laughed at stories told
Of life, and time, and happiness
We shared so very long ago.

We reminisced more yesterdays
As the sun began to fade.
Dusk had reached the wilderness
And I didn't want to leave.

But time was waiting for me
To regain my sanity,
So I started walking on the path
That led to reality.

In the distance up ahead I saw
The light of present time.
And back behind the pathway shone
The light of days gone by.

'Should I walk into the light
Of the present? ...or the past?'
One held grief and sorrow,
One held what didn't last.

I kept walking, still unsure
Until the path circled around
And met the lights of 'then' and 'now'
Making a glow upon the ground.

The halo of the gathered light
Revealed a path I hadn't seen
Leading to a 'new' reality
Not imagined in my dreams.

The two lights came together
One of present and of past.
And there upon the forest trail
A new light had been cast.

I walked within the new light
Of a past that's never gone,
Down a new path made of memories
So I'll never be alone.

I still go to the wilderness
To the blanket of pine straw,
And we still talk of days gone by
But I'm no longer lost.

© 2011 - Christine Ross
In memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

Find and be found to discover your.....

Thanks so much for your request to receive the monthly


This month's Bringer of Light Newsletter is dedicated to the memory of:

Dylan Ross

36 years, 11/22/1973 - 8/27/2010, Pulmonary Embolism

"As we mourn your death we also celebrate your life. We love and miss you."
~ Rhonda Ross

Bradford "Wayne" Wells, Jr.

42 yrs, 6/30/63 * 11/15/05, heart attack

"He is gone but not forgotten."
~ Joyce Harmon, Wayne's mom

Christian Victoria (Chrissie) Carrigan

15 yrs. 22 days, 11-14-1986 to 12-06-2001, suicide

"Born early and gone early, Always my angel from the first moment to the last moment. Gone but never forgotten. Love you always. "
~ Mom of Chrissie

Michelle Marie Greever

9 yrs 2 months, 12 days, 8/24/84 ~ 11/5/93, Accident

"Dedicated to our Beloved Sweet Daughter Michelle Marie Greever ~ 8/24/84 ~ 11/5/93 ~ Organ and Cornea Donor, Lover of all Life, God and her Family "
~ Cindy Jo Greever, Michelle's Mama

Susan Ann Lansing

25 yrs., 11-07-57 - 10-26-83, Auto Accident

"October 26, 2011 was the 28th anniversary of the death of our dear Sue Ann. She is still missed by her parents and 2 sisters and our 2 grandchildren who never met her. Our granddaughter is named Megan Sue after the Aunt she never did get to know. We love you, dear Sue Ann. "
~ Mom & Dad



This Rogers & Hammerstein song was originally written for the 1945 musical CAROUSEL by Rodgers & Hammerstein. It was sung in the original show by Christine Johnson to inspire a pregnant female character after the death of her husband. In the final scene, the song is sung to a graduating class by their now grow-up daughter as her father that had passed away many years ago was there watching the ceremony. This scene has made the song a popular choice for real-life graduation ceremonies.

Frank Sinatra was the first artist to take this song into the charts (#9 on the Billboard charts in 1945). It soon became popular as many who had lost loved ones during the war took solace in the lyrics.

sources: Wikipedia & SongFacts.com & History.com


When you walk through a storm
Keep your chin up high
And don't be afraid of the dark.
At he end of the storm
Is a golden sky
And the sweet silver song of a lark.

Walk on through the wind,
Walk on through the rain,
Tho' your dreams be tossed and blown.
Walk on, walk on
With hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone,
You'll never walk alone.

~ Music by Richard Rodgers
~ Lyrics by Oscar Hammerstein II


In solitude, where we are least alone. ~ George Gordon Noel Byron (1788-1824), British poet

I only went out for a walk and finally concluded to stay out till sundown, for going out, I found, was really going in. ~John Muir, 1913


IN MEMORY OF: Christine Marie Klein
27 years, 1/30/75 - 2/26/02, She took her life after a long struggle with depression.
WRITTEN BY: Brigid, Christine's Mom

"This is a letter I wrote recently to my daughter, Christine on my son, Matt's 40th birthday."

My Dear Dolly,

Today is your brother's 40th birthday. I don't know how he got to be 40 years old Christine. God, how I miss you. You left this world just after he turned 30, and lately, I've been having a rough time knowing that it will be 10 years since you're gone.

When I allow myself to think about this, I find it incomprehensible that so much time has gone by since I held you, looked into your beautiful blue eyes. And yet, it feels like only yesterday since you walked in the door and said "Hey Ma." I'm missing you more lately, especially today. Time goes on. Life goes on...and I carry you in my soul each and every day. Time has helped me to cope with this grief. It has not erased your memory. It never will, because "there's a hole in my soul, that can never be filled."

I love you my girl, with all my being, and I miss you just as much.

Christine's Mom


IN MEMORY OF: Adam R. Fiock
26 years, 7-1-81 10-6-07, Gun shot wound to head
WRITTEN BY: Adam's Mom

Adam was my first child. His father left when he was two weeks old. We had 28 inches of snow on the ground in Terre Haute, IN that year.

We moved back to my home town to be with my grandpa. He used to baby sit Adam. They are together now. Adam wasn't perfect, but he was so smart, funny, and likeable. Everyone liked Adam.

He had straight A's in school until high school. He was going to go to Notre Dame, and become a doctor. I am not too bright. I was married again to my daughter's father. He really did a number on Adam's head, when we were divorced. Adam just got by in high school.

He joined the Indiana National Guard. It was every 4th weekend, and two weeks in the summer. He was demoted at his job that he had had for three years, after being away for his two weeks that summer. I really think that was the beginning of the end.

His group was activated August 2005 to go to Iraq. He didn't come back home until October, 2006. He took his leave in Hawaii toward the end of his service- he always traded someone who needed their leave instead. That describes Adam. He would do anything for someone in need.

I thought he was ok, because he did not have to take a life. But, he wasn't ok. He took his life instead.

I love you, Adam. I am so proud of you. I will never forget you.

Love forever, M0M


IN MEMORY OF: Joseph Chretien Jr. (Joey)
25 at death , January 9, 1969 - June 29, 1994, Heroin OD
WRITTEN BY: Joey's Mom: Joyce A. Eastwood Chretien Freitas

What's Going On?

That is what you used to say, Joe,
But now we're asking you.
What's it like where you are?
Tell us what you do.
Can you use your hockey skates?
Can you play upon your guitar?
Do you have friends to lift with
In that place to where you are?
Do you miss your friends and family
As much as we miss you?
Are you watching over us, Joe,
As we often feel you do?
Are you and Mac together now,
Jamming and having fun?
My precious grandson and
My handsome and loving son.
"Together forever in our hearts."
"God Bless You, Joe."



IN MEMORY OF: Bradford "Wayne" Wells, Jr.
~ 42 yrs, 6/30/63 * 11/15/05, heart attack
WRITTEN BY: Joyce Harmon, Wayne's mom

My son Wayne came to live with us for a year in 1993 after a divorce. He was forever flossing and picking his teeth with a toothpick. He always threw away the floss but for some reason he usually left the toothpick on the end table in the living room. I'd yell "Wayne, come here." I'd point to the toothpick he had left. He'd put his arm around my shoulder and say, "It's okay Linda (referring to Linda Bates from the movie Misery) I'll take care of it." We'd always start laughing.

Tragedy struck on November 15, 2005 when my precious son died from heart failure. About three weeks after his death, my wonderful husband Bill, Wayne's stepdad, walked up to me and said he had something for me but he didn't want to make me cry. I let him know everything made me cry but it would be okay. From behind his back he pulled two toothpicks. I started laughing and crying. Here's the story. On Monday he went in the garage and on his workbench, which is by the passenger side door, was a toothpick. He threw it away. Again on Thursday in exactly the same place was another toothpick and he again threw it away. He thought how odd this was since it was only the two of us living in the house and we use toothpicks occasionally and always threw them away. Then on Saturday in the exactly the same place were two toothpicks. He finally realized it was Wayne letting us know he was okay. Wayne has sent me three more toothpicks during times when I was feeling really down and missing him so much. I always smile EVERY time I see a toothpick because it brings back such sweet memories of my precious son, Wayne.

IN MEMORY OF: Michelle Marie Greever
~ 9 yrs 2 months, 12 days, 8/24/84 ~ 11/5/93, Accident
WRITTEN BY: Cindy Jo Greever, Michelle's Mama

This is a Sign i got from Michelle yesterday for ALL SOULS DAY ~ 11/1/2011

Dear Friends~I just have to tell you all about this latest "sign" I got from Michelle yesterday!

This summer our Grandson Johnny and I meandered round the countryside trying to find my Bubba doxy's first 'human parents' to visit them and so Johnny could see Bubba's mom KC! It has been almost 12 years that we have had Bubba and we also thought the previous family would like to see Bubba as well as hopefully we could visit his mama doxy!

They used to live a few miles up the road from us and I kept thinking i saw their house but it had a different appearance and the dog wasnt familiar who hung out there.. We also had tried to call them but never had a reply from them.

So yesterday when we took Duke for his Vet. appt, who walks in but BUBBA'S first parents lol I JUST COULDN'T BELIEVE IT and to top it all off they have moved (which is why we couldn't find 'them' this summer) in the first place!! they moved to clear out near Idaho border!!

YES they walked in, Dale and his wife and i was holding Bubba in my arms, (Dave had Duke on a leash) if Dave hadn't gone with me I would not have brought Bubba... so anyway we visited and talked because the appts were backed up, which is also not par for the course... now just what were the odds of this reunion of sorts happening so coincidentally????!!!!!

Dale was in love with my Bubba and after we got him he offered to pay us triple to get him back as he missed him soooo much... I never met him until yesterday, the look on his face as he pet Bubba's head and said "I have never seen a dachshund as good looking as Bubba, he should have been a show dog" it was just so sureal, (Dale named him Bubba too by the way) AND this is the nickname we have for our son, since he was a baby- to this day i still often call him Bubba!! So after spending a good half hour talking and visiting, (they were there with their cat) AND "KC" Bubba's mom was in their truck!!!!!!!!!! ....... Bubba and I went out to see her, she is going on 15 now... Dale said she has to have her blanket everywhere they go and she peered round the corner to sniff and see her son, it was sooo precious!! Bubba who normally is all excited was calm too and sniffed her repeatedly on her sweet little head... it was a sight to behold!!!

Needless to say my thoughts then and now are that my Michelle chose ALL SOULS DAY to remind her "mama" that she is VERY MUCH WITH ME.... smiling down on me and us and that she always will be until we are Together again!!!!! And this is ALL in God's perfect timing!! I am soooooo touched....... ~ ALL SOULS DAY 2011 ~ ..........

ps I called Johnny last night after we got home from the Vets and told him all about our miraculous encounter with KC and Bubba's first human parents that we saw at the clinic!! and he was just as amazed!!

CindyJo Greever

Mama4ever to Michelle Marie Greever ~ michellesmama.com

IN MEMORY OF: Lucas Christopher Ross
~ 21 yrs, October 31, 1979 - April 3, 2001, Acute Bronchopneumonia
WRITTEN BY: Christine, Luke's Mom


1. Robin (my husband, Luke's dad) and I woke up the morning of October 31, 2011 and looked at the projection clock image on the ceiling.... the temperature was 31.3.... Luke was born on the 31st and died on the 3rd. So we both said..."Hey Luke".

2. Then later that day I heard from a dear friend who's son also died in 2001 and she told me that her little 5 year old grand daughter was playing with her electronic keyboard, and said that she was going to play 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow" (this is a special song for my friends son). So she pressed 01 as she always does to activate the song, but instead of it playing 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow' it played.... THE STAR WARS THEME!!! (special song for our LUKE sky...walker} AND 01 is also the year that both of our sons went to Heaven.

3. Then not long after that I received a phone call from the friend of Luke's who had a baby about 2 years after Luke died and named her little boy LUCAS and her little boy was born on HALLOWEEN TOO!!! She called to tell me that she went to the cemetery to visit Luke's gravestone and she brought a little pumpkin with flowers for Luke. She had planned on going in the morning, but decided to go in the afternoon instead. She sat awhile on Luke's bench in front of his gravestone and visited with Luke. Then a man walked passed her and she looked up and said..."Happy Halloween". Then the man said..."Thank you and since today is my birthday, I thought that I should say hello to my Mom." (He had come to the cemetery to visit his mom's grave) She just couldn't believe that he said that, so she told him all about Luke and how it was also Luke's birthday. The man was amazed too. (Really, what are the chances that she would be there at the exact time that this man was and that they would speak to each other?) SOOOOOOOO... It looks like Luke found a way to say HELLO TO HIS MOM on his birthday.

4. Emily (Luke's sister)called to say that her sky scan clock started running real fast as if to set the time by itself, but instead of setting the time it stopped on 4:03.... Luke died on April 3. This happened Monday on Luke's birthday.


IN MEMORY OF: Joey Whiteman
09-08-80 / 09-03-02, 21 yrs. 360 days old, Auto Accident
WRITTEN BY: Terrie, His Loving Mother

It was a late summer, fall day when JM (Joey's brother) and Joey were outside in the back of our home and playing touch football, just the two of them. Joey was always the one who wound up in the ER, JM was the careful one, of course Joey being Joey. JM threw the football and Joey ran backwards to catch it, missed and landed in a horseshoe pit, with the spike through the inside of his leg. Another neighbor who was renting the duplex across from us, carelessly did not close the pit for summer's end.

As Joey tripped and fell backwards, the spike was still standing and Joey's inner part of his leg was now with a spike through it. JM quickly took off his shirt and moved Joey away from the pit, wrapped his leg with a tourniquet, and saved his life. The part of his leg was where the vein is which goes to the heart. They were both screaming as John (my husband) and I were in the house, John told me to lock all the doors as he picked Joey up and ran to the car with Joey in his arms to get to the ER within minutes. Blowing red lights and having the horn blowing for everyone to get out of his way.

Of course as we all ran into the hospital, they immediately cleaned and sutured Joey. I went into the room with him, as they only let one parent in, as Joey watched the whole (operation) take place. No anesthesia. How proud I was of JM to know about the tourniquet and how brave of Joey not to panic, but watch as the Doctor saved his life.

It makes me sad to think of all the near misses, yet now I look back and say "A cat has nine lives" doesn't he?

Joey proved himself daily, the last time was just that ......................


IN MEMORY OF: Jeffrey Michael Felix
27 years, 10-03-77 to 12-30-04, Malignant Melanoma
WRITTEN BY: Dolores, Mama to Jeffrey

About four months after losing Jeff I had a dream of my precious boy. He was happy and very healthy and looked better than he had in years. Cancer no longer ravaged his body and his face was just glowing with happiness. He spoke not a word to me only smiled and waved as he wore his favorite football cap of the Denver Broncos backwards on his head like he always used to do. I knew that he was at peace even though my wounded heart continued to bleed. I had a feeling of great joy during my dream and it felt as if a piece of my old life had found it's way back to me. Waking up to the cold hard reality of him not being in the here and now was devastating to say the least and certainly knocked me back down. I have been told by some that our precious loved ones are closest to us when they visit us in our dreams. I'm not sure if that was Jeff's way of trying to let me know he is okay and would certainly like to believe that it is. Dreams of him now are a precious gift to me as it brings him back in a physical sense. Not a day goes by that I don't long to see him again. Still wishing it wasn't just a dream and missing him more than words can ever say. I love you Jeff & miss you more with each passing day!


IN MEMORY OF: Geoffrey Philip James Edwards
18 years, 6 May 1984 - 22 May 2002, Heroin overdose
WRITTEN BY: Karen Lyn Jenkins, Mother

I was asleep and Geoff came into my room. I opened my eyes, ready to let him jump in bed with me. Lo and behold, He was covered head to toe in white powder. I, of course, was quite upset until he told me he had cleaned up all the white powder in the kitchen (it was flour). He had used wet rags to try to clean up the flour that was all over the place and needless to say, he made glue. It took me hours to clean up him and the flour that had turned to glue on the floor, walls, counters, and cabinets. I had to laugh even then because he looked like a little ghost when I opened my eyes.

Bringer of Light newsletter

Welcome to the


There are some wonderful gifts of the season in this December Bringer of Light newsletter. Experience the magic of a Christmas masterpiece from years gone by. Absorb the messages of dedication for Tim, Marisa, Chrissie, Daniel, Laurie and Adrienne in remembrance of their anniversaries and Roseann in remembrance of her birthday. Share in the peacefulness of a heartfelt letter to Shannon. Embark on a lifelong journey with Joey Chretien Jr. Feel the pain in an ode to Joey Whiteman. Learn how Jacob connected with his family from the other side. Discover the everlasting melody of a simple Christmas trumpet given to Dennis as a child. Grasp the sadness when a little girl finds out that her baby brother Robert has died. Explore the message of hope from Geoff to his grandmother in a dream. Also, enjoy the innocence of Geoff's lesson when he was just a little boy. Then, receive even more gifts of the season by reading the comments and news and by participating in future editions of the Bringer of Light newsletter.

Of all the Christmas gifts that have been given and of all the Christmas gifts that have been received, somewhere amongst all those gifts is that special gift that will never be forgotten. Many of us have that unforgettable memory... that memory that is relived over and over in the corners of the mind and we would give everything we own just to have the person in that memory back again.


It was 1982, and our lives had changed with time. Luke's big sister Emily had just started Kindergarten a few months earlier and Luke was the inquisitive age of three years old. We had attended Emily's school Christmas program. It was so adorable with all the little kids in Kindergarten up on the stage singing cute little Christmas songs as I watched with anticipation from the audience along with my husband and little Luke. Luke's eyes were bright with excitement as he clapped and clapped and clapped when Emily's class had finished their last song. Luke tugged on my shirt sleeve and whispered in my ear..."I want to be a big boy and go to school like Emily." I just smiled at him knowing that in a few years that day would be coming and my little boy would take a step out into the world.

One day just before Christmas Emily came home from Kindergarten all excited as she reached into her book bag and pulled out a beautifully wrapped package. Luke looked at Emily and he said...."What is that Emily?" Emily said with a proud huge grin..."It is a Christmas present for Mommy." I smiled back at her with a loving smile and told her that she could place it underneath the Christmas tree. As she was walking to the living room with her shiny gift held proudly in her hands Luke said..."Who is that for Emily?" Emily told Luke that it was a special present for Mommy. Luke sadly said..."What is it Emily?" She told Luke that she couldn't tell him because it was a secret. Then, Luke said..."Where did you get it Emily?" Emily told Luke that she got it at school from Santa's secret shop. Luke looked on with those big sad eyes as Emily placed her special gift for her Mommy underneath the Christmas tree.

I watched from the kitchen as all of this was taking place and wondered why my little boy was so sad. He seemed to be is such deep thought so I asked him...."What's wrong sweetie?" He looked up at me with those big green eyes and said..."I wish I was old enough to go to school". I assured him that he would be old enough in just a few years and I thought to myself that he must feel left out. I gave him a hug and told him that I was so glad that he was still at home with me. But this just didn't seem to satisfy him. He sat quietly in deep thought and kept asking when Daddy would be home from work. He waited anxiously and when his Daddy did get home he ran to the door all excited and jumped into his Daddy's arms. Then, he whispered something in his Daddy's ear. His Dad (Robin) just shook his head in agreement with Luke and gave him a wink. Luke didn't seem sad anymore.

Luke and Robin headed outside to the work shed. A little while later Robin came back in and I asked him where Luke was. He told me that it was a surprise and not to ask questions. Well, I love surprises, so I just kept getting dinner ready. Robin went in and out the back door to the shed many times, but he always came right back in. I had no idea what those two were up to.

After about and hour, Luke stuck his little head through the back door and yelled..."Mommy don't look!" So I hid my face in my hands as Luke ran through the back door and into his bedroom. But no sooner than he ran into his room he ran back out again and came to me asking for wrapping paper and ribbon and tape. I gave him what he needed and he ran off down the hall to his room again. He was in his room for a long time, but I dared not disturb him. So Robin and I and Emily all sat at the kitchen table while Emily told us all about her day at school.

Luke finally came out of his room walking very slowly down the hall to the living room carefully carrying his little crooked package that he had wrapped all by himself. He was so proud. Then, Luke came into the kitchen and took me by the hand and led me into the living room to the Christmas tree. With his chest poked out and his chin drawn in, he proudly pointed to his crooked little gift and said... "That's for you Mommy." I gave him a hug and thanked him and told him that it would be hard for me to wait until Christmas to open it. He told me..."No peeking Mommy." I assured him that I would never peak because I just loved surprises.

Several days passed and Christmas Eve was finally here. Emily and Luke were both were very excited for their turn to give us our special presents. Emily handed me her shiny wrapped gift from Santa's secret shop. When I opened it I saw that it was a necklace and earrings. Emily said...."It's sapphires and diamonds Mommy". She insisted that I wear them right then and now.... So I did. I gave her a big hug and told her how much I loved my gift. Although the "sapphires and diamonds" still had the price tag of one dollar on them I thought that they were the most beautiful "sapphires and diamonds" in the whole wide world. .

Luke was anxiously waiting for his turn to give me a gift. He reached under the Christmas tree and pulled out his crooked little package. I looked at his happy little face with those sparkling eyes that just a few days ago were filled with sadness. Then, I asked..."Is this from you?" Luke just nodded his head yes with the biggest grin that you could ever imagine. So I carefully unwrapped the crooked little gift as Luke and Emily and Robin all watched on with excitement. There it was that long awaited gift from my little boy. I said to Luke with tears in my eyes..."Did you make this all by yourself?" Luke was grinning from ear to ear and nodded yes, then he ran up to me and hugged my neck so tight and for so long. It was a very special moment that I will never, ever forget.

Wearing 'sapphires and diamonds' while holding my treasure, I placed my gift from Luke on the shelf in the living room with all of my special things. There between the shiny figurines and sparkling vases was the grandest item on the shelf. Luke has given me many gifts during the twenty-one years of his life, but never a gift as fine as this one...... two crooked little pieces of scrap boards nailed together with two crooked little nails by two caring loving little hands that had created a masterpiece of...... LOVE.

© 2011 Christine Ross
~ in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001


I find myself wandering through the mall.
Christmas past I want to relive.
Tears fall from my eyes as I gaze upon.....
All the gifts I can never give.

Allured by the scent of his favorite cologne.
Beckoned by sounds from a music store.
I needlessly search for that card "To My Son",
Longing for Christmas with him just once more.

There are so many things I would give him...
The warmth of a hug and a smile.
I would give him that one last "I love you".
Then we'd sit and we'd talk for awhile.

I'd give him the strength to overcome death
That found haven in his room.
I would be there when he needed me most.
Perhaps he wouldn't leave so soon.

The gift of time for a long goodbye,
Something I desperately wish I could do.
I would tell him how deeply I miss him,
How his absence makes Christmas so blue.

But the music and hugs can't be given,
Nor time for talks or long good-byes.
For my son has gone, he'll never return.
He dwells with angels up in the sky.

So this year I'll wrap up my memories,
Those of a happier Christmas lived.
I'll place them beneath the Christmas tree with.....
All the gifts I can never give.

© 2011 - Christine Ross
In memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

Find and be found to discover your.....

Thanks so much for your request to receive the monthly


This month's Bringer of Light Newsletter is dedicated to the memory of:

Tim Stratton

29 years, 2-6-79--12-7-2008, Acute Pencreatitis

"His memory is as dear today as in the hour he passed away; Sleep on,dear son, and take your rest,we love you, but God loved you best. I will see you in the Miracle of a new life. I miss you,I know you are near."
Love Mom
~ Karin Haley

Marisa Lynn Ward

25 years, 02/17/83 - 12/13/08, Cardiopulmonary Arrest

"She is my Borrowed Angel, here in this life. She came along, into this world and made my world bright. She couldn't stay forever, cause she was heaven sent. I love you and miss you more than words can say. Till we meet again my precious, beautiful child. My Borrowed Angel."
~ Mom- Kara Ward

Christian Victoria (Chrissie) Carrigan

15 yrs. 22 days, 11-14-1986 to 12-06-2001, suicide

"Born early and gone early, Always my angel from the first moment to the last moment. Gone but never forgotten." Love you always.
~ Mom of Chrissie

Daniel Joseph Quinn

21 years, 1/1/87 - 12/16/08

"It will be 3 years since you left us and not a day goes by that I dont think of you, miss you, want to hug you or kiss you. You made an impact on so many lives and you will continue to live on through each of us. I know we will see each other again and I have the biggest hug waiting for you. Until then you will always live on in my heart." ~ Love, Mom

Roseann Martinez

36 years, 12-31-1972 to 10-6-2009, organ failure

"Roseann left us to soon and she is missed very much by her two sons Ben and Jesse and her parents, sisters and many relatives and friends." ~ Juan B. Martinez

Laurie Michelle Baer

16 years, 10/31/76 thru 12/4/92, congenital heart defect

"Laurie, no one thought you would live a year but you fooled everyone and lived 16. I have no doubt that you would have lived longer if a surgeon hadn't thought he was God and could fix anything... he was wrong, he lied and you died and I'll forever blame myself for believing him. you were my reason for living, for laughing, for being... When the intern told us you had died, I died too.... we'll love you forever and cant wait for the day we are once again together" ~ Mommy and Daddy

Adrienne Leigh Ingram

28 years, 6/25/79 to 12/2/07, respiratatory failure due to mitochondria. disease

"Our precious Adrienne, it has been four years since you were taken from us. You taught us so much about faith, strength, courage, love, acceptance and forgiveness during your long illness. We are so thankful that we had you with us for 28 years. You are still with us in our hearts and minds and always will be. We love and miss you so much." ~ Mom and Dad



"Everything I Own" is a song written by David Gates and originally recorded in 1972 by his band Bread. Although the song is frequently interpreted as a romantic love song, Gates actually wrote the song as a tribute to his late father. At his father's funeral, a friend took David Gates aside and said: "Your dad was so proud of what you were doing." David agreed by replying, "My success would have been so special to him as he was my greatest influence. So I decided to write and record Everything I Own about him. If you listen to the words, 'You sheltered me from harm, kept me warm, gave my life to me, set me free,' it says it all."

sources: Wikipedia & SongFacts.com

Everything I Own

You sheltered me from harm.
Kept me warm, kept me warm
You gave my life to me
Set me free, set me free
The finest years I ever knew
Were all the years I had with you.

I would give anything I own,
Give up me life, my heart, my home.
I would give everything I own,
Just to have you back again.

You taught me how to love,
What it’s of, what it’s of.
You never said too much,
But still you showed the way,
And I knew from watching you.
Nobody else could ever know
The part of me that can’t let go.

I would give anything I own,
Give up me life, my heart, my home.
I would give everything I own
Just to have you back again.

Is there someone you know,
You’re loving them so,
But taking them all for granted.
You may lose them one day,
Someone takes them away,
And they don’t hear the words you long to say.

I would give anything I own,
Give up me life, my heart, my home.
I would give everything I own
Just to have you back again.

~ Music and lyrics by David Gates


A hug is a great gift - one size fits all, and it's easy to exchange. ~Author Unknown

The only gift is a portion of thyself. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

You can give without loving, but you can never love without giving. ~Author Unknown

Pleasure is spread through the earth In stray gifts to be claimed by whoever shall find. ~William Wordsworth, 1806

May Peace be your gift at Christmas and your blessing all year through! ~Author Unknown


IN MEMORY OF: Shannon David Burns
33 years, 1/2/1976 to 10/30/2009, blunt force trauma to the head
WRITTEN BY: Christine (Shannon's Mom)

Dear Shannon,

It has been 2 years since you left us and time seems to stand still some days. The hole in my heart is forever there but I have more treasured memories now than in the beginning. I hold them dear in my heart.

I share them with your son, William and tell him what a great Dad you are and how much you love him. We have started a book about your life . Many of your friends, relatives and family have contributed their wonderful memories of you. Once William is old enough, he will be able to come to know you through our love and memories.

We still all have days where we struggle with out you. I still talk to you everyday. I know in my heart you have found peace and you are on a new adventure in your life. Please continue to come to me in my dreams and know that my arms and love are wrapped around you forever.

I love and miss you with all my heart!

Love, Mom


IN MEMORY OF: Joseph Chretien Jr. (Joey)
25 years, January 9, 1969 - June 29, 1994, Heroin OD
WRITTEN BY: Joey's Mom: Joyce A. Eastwood Chretien Freitas

Like many young people who die from drugs he was a caring and sensitive child and always looking out for the other guy and not himself. My beloved son Joey died at 25 years of age after OD'ing on drugs. He was the only child that still lived at home with me at the time and we had grow so very close. He was so gentle and sweet to me and tried so hard to take care of me after my divorce from his abusive father. I will miss him always and forever. Here is the beginning of Joey Chretien's Story.

Joey's Story

Joey was born on a cold January day that was already special to me at that time. It was my 7th wedding anni- versary. He was after three sisters in a row and I wanted to have a boy so desperately. I was so happy when they said he was a boy. Even after 23 hours of awful labor I was just bubbling over.

His whole first year of life he was so sick. He had one respiratory infection after another and soon develop- ed severe asthma. After treatment in our Boston hospital it was decided he had Infectious Asthma. This meant he was allergic to germs, they would cause him to go into respiratory distress and then develop severe Asthma. After a long period of searching and treatment by his doctors he improved and finally by kindergarden age he was able to attend school.

He did well for many years but was sick off and on when exposed to a new germ or illness. The doctors would have to add germs to his serum he received each week to keep him healthy. (An escaped bubble Baby)

As a teen he did well until about 12-14 and I noticed a change in his behavior. At first I thought this is just "boy stuff" but I soon knew something wasn't right. I took him for counceling and he seemed much better.

I then went through several years of abuse and mar- riage problems and did my best to keep an eye on all six children while I dealt with my problems. When my husband finally left and I went for my di- vorce, I was once again able to see that Joey had a prob- lem and he went into rehab with my coaxing. Over the next few years he was in and out of rehabs and the months prior to his death he had been "Clean" for quite a while. He had finished his high school education after dropping out and gone on and gotten his degree and was working as a Techni- cian in Fiberoptics. Little did I know that this high pay- ing job would seal my son's fate so horribly. He had a brand new car and pockets full of money. This I am told is not good for a young man of 25 years with a drug history.

I was so proud of him for coming so far. He worked days and I worked nights. When I came home in the morning from work he would be gone but when I got up in the late afternoon he would be home. He frequently would cook in the evening and make supper for us. He made a real good pizza and his specialty was "crazy soup". This was a concortion of anything he found in the fridge/house that he thought would be good in a soup. It was just delicious no matter what he put in it. He always said the broth was all that mattered to make a great soup. Joey wouldn't let me do any heavy work around the house. He washed the floors and carried the laundry downstairs for me among many other things. After a while I just left the laundry by the cellar door and he would take it down automaticaly. He pampered me in many ways. He always introduced me to his friends as "My Mom". The way he said it just made me melt. His girlfriend, off and on for many years said he was always bragging about me. How good my sauce was, how I made the best meatloaf in the world, how much I meant to him, how hard I worked, how much he loved me, how I stood by him over the years, are just a few of the things he told her. We were very close in those last few years. We were a team.

One day in June of 94 Joey said he was going to his sisters for a cookout and a swim. He had met up with his old friend and had started to spend time with him. He told me this friend was clean now and in a half way house. I felt a little uneasy but wouldn't want another parent to keep their child away from Joey because of his past mistakes and problems. Besides he was going to be at his sisters house. She knew Joey better than most and he respected her and would listen to her.

When he came home that night we sat up late and talked and ate bing cherries that he had brought home from his sisters. He was fine. We hadn't sat like this and talked for a very long time. Now I realize that this was a last gift from my precious son. Normally I would have been gone to work at this time but I had the night off to attend the funeral of an aunt in the morning. When we finally said goodnight I felt a need to stay up longer with him but it was so very late already.

Something woke me early the next morning about 6:00 am. Now I know it was probably the sound of Joey closing the door as he left. I was always a lite sleeper. At the time I thought he was still sleeping. I had my coffee and got ready for the day and went upstairs to wake Joey as agreed. He was gone. This was not like Joey at all. He always slept late when he didn't have to get up. I went off to the funeral about 9 am feeling very uneasy. Joey had always said not to worry. If anything was wrong he would call. But I was worrying now. When I got home about 1 pm the phone was ringing as I came in the door. When I answered I was told matter of factly that Joey was dead. The policeman just blurted it out with no feeling or compassion at all. Just one less druggy to worry about I thought. My precious son was gone. They say he had passed well before 9am.

He had gone to his friends that morning and they had once again done drugs together. I don't blame his friend. Joey had a mind of his own. His friend has never been the same. They had both passed out and when his friend woke up Joey was dead. He became hysterical and ran out of his apartment screeming.

Joey's sisters and brother and I buried him with love. Oh, how we miss him so.

About 3 weeks later as I was getting ready to bring the laundry upstairs after doing the wash, I had lifted the heavy basket and was starting up the stairs and suddenly the cellar door flew open for me to go upstairs. No one else was home and no windows or doors were open only the airconditioning was on. It startled me for sure but I soon realized only one person would have opened that door for me. "Joey." He was still trying to take care of me.


09-08-80 to 09-03-02, 21 yrs., 360 days old, Auto Accident
WRITTEN BY: Terrie Whiteman, Joey's Mom

"An Ode To Joey"

Is anybody out there?
Who'll listen to my prayers
How much I need my son back,
In spirit, if not there.
I need the help of someone,
who will comfort me right now,
who'll listen, help to keep me straight,
and do what is allowed.
My family never will be right,
I know that in my heart,
until we meet again some day,
Right now we're worlds apart,
I never wanted much in life,
a husband and some kids,
to be a mom who could respect,
the things that they all did.
Please listen Lord, it's all I have,
to pray that every day,
We'll grow together, not apart,
That love won't go away,

With Love Always

Gone too soon


IN MEMORY OF: Jacob Michael Scott McLeod-Steinmetz
~ 13 years 364 days, 17th June 1991-16Th June 2005, Acute myeloid Leukaemia
WRITTEN BY: Jacob's mother (in November 2011)

A sign from my Jacob

Last week Jacob's dog Bonnie had an appointment at the vets for her annual vaccintation .. while there the Vet dicovered a paralysis tick on her muzzel ( these can be deadly ) Bonnie had to stay over night at the Vets and be on a drip .. I was at home sitting on my bed and looked at a photo of my Jacob and said " Jake you need to watch over your Bonnie and bring her home safe and healthy" just as I finished my husband walked into the room, his mobile phone rang .. it stopped just before he answered it and the miss call name that came up was "Jacob" ... My husband uses Jacob's old mobile so has Jacob's mobile number so could not have rang himself I like to think this was our Jake ..saying he would look after his "bonnie " ( Bonnie was home the next day )

Love Jacob's mum


IN MEMORY OF: Dennis Christopher Tucker
26 years, 1960 - 1986, accident
WRITTEN BY: Dolores Tucker

Remembering Dennis, especially at Christmastime, when I would have Dennis open a gift each day, one week before Christmas just to see his angelic and joyful face opening up each surprise with anticipation. His second year at Christmastime was a musical one where I introduced Dennis to a trumpet, and in later years, he took up the instrument in elementary school through college and played professionally in broadway shows, symphony bands and was a wonderful musician.

He looked like a cherub and his laughter was contagious. He loved to see the green and red lights at the General Electric plant each holiday season. My sister Gloria would bring him there to see how his face would glow with happiness. She was a wonderful aunt to my sons and would shower them with clothing when we lived overseas on Army posts. She passed away 3 years ago, and I miss so many members of my family especially around the holidays. I hold their memory close to my heart.

IN MEMORY OF: Robert Walton
3 days old
WRITTEN BY: Joan, Robert's big sister

{My Letter From Dad}

I will never forget that Saturday Morning as long as I live, I remember it so well as if it was yesterday. I was 12 years old at the time of Robert passing he was just 3 days old. I woke-up feeling so very happy indeed being Saturday Morning and no School for 2 whole days, playing outside with my friends. Then my Mum brought my letter up from my Dad, I opened the letter not knowing who it was from at first till I started to read it, and then I knew it was from my Dad. My Dad was letting me know that my baby brother Robert had passed away, I remember reading the letter with tears running down my face, I couldn't see the words too good because of my tears, my tears for my baby brother who I never got to see which broke my heart in two.

I also can remember staying in my bedroom most of that day, just crying and reading the letter over and over again, I just couldn't get it out of my head what I just read about Robert. I was hoping and praying it was good news about Robert telling me that he will be home soon. I wanted my Dad there with his arms around me telling me it will be alright. My Mum gave me hugs that day which helped me bless her.

I wish I could have gone to Roberts Funeral but I think my Dad and Stepmum must have thought I was to young to go. So I never even got to say Goodbye to my baby brother Robert. Goodbye Robert till the day we meet up in Heaven God Bless you always.

xxx From your big sister Joan xxx


IN MEMORY OF: Geoffrey Philip James Edwards
18 years, 6 May 1984 - 22 May 2002, Heroin overdose
WRITTEN BY: Karen Lyn Jenkins, Mother

I never had many dreams of Geoff after he died. She told me that she had lots of dreams of Geoff and he kept telling her to tell mom I'm happy and not to cry anymore. She said that he was there every night for the first weeks after his death - "tell mom not to cry I am okay and I am happy." My mother said she had many dreams of Geoff just before she passed away. She told me that Geoff had come to her in her dreams and told her that he was waiting for her to join him and that he was so looking forward to seeing her again and that she would not suffer when she passed on.


IN MEMORY OF: Geoffrey Philip James Edwards
18 years, 6 May 1984 - 22 May 2002, Heroin overdose
WRITTEN BY: Karen Lyn Jenkins, Mother

We were shopping one day when Geoff was about 8 years old. He wanted a quite expensive item and I told him I could not afford it. He said, "Mom, yes we can just use that pretty green card you have." My American Express card was not to be used for flights of fancy and he had no clue that I would have to pay the card for the item he wanted. It was his first lesson in credit card debt!!!


Last Entry in Luke's Journal:

"When there is love in my heart and a smile on my face,
I need nothing else." ~ Luke Ross


Music playing:
(Played at Luke's service because he loved to play Fur Elise on his piano)