The Darwin Awards are an organization that rewards people who improve the human gene pool by removing themselves from it. Below you will find various Darwin Award winners and nominees who died for the gene pool. Enjoy...
Hitting the Shits
23-year-old Benjamin lost his life in one of the most unappetizing manners possible when he careened into a 400,000-gallon tank of raw sewage on Friday night. Police speculated that he was driving his 1998 Mazda pickup much too fast to make the sharp right turn in front of the wastewater treatment plant. He was apparently exceeding the speed limit by a generous margin, as his momentum carried him through a chain link fence, across an easement, and through a low post-and-rail fence surrounding the tank of decomposing sewage. Divers located his body beside his upright pickup on the bottom of the 16-foot deep tank. The autopsy failed to provide a conclusive cause for death, but we speculate they will find he died from "taking too much crap".
The group he had traveled to the concert with had no idea he was missing, until the show ended and the police began asking questions. That's when they learned that Shawn had mistaken a curtain for a solid wall, leaned back, and fallen to his death on an escalator 100 feet below.
A police spokesman said the site of the accident was "a good place to obtain a better view."
Little did Ian realize that he had inadvertently managed to combine his hobby with his work After a Saturday night carousing with his cousin, Norton came home to show off his new gym. Leading the way, he switched on the lights and casually punched the punchbag. He was knocked to the floor by a bolt of electricity, and died instantly. He had wired the power supply to the punchbag.
Norton's best friend said: "He was a brilliant guy. It's crazy that two major parts of his life contributed to his death." You might say he was shockingly fit.
On a sidenote: the woman broke her leg and lost her shoe, and is suing for damages.
Back to the fun at Hero 31's Underground Lair
Love Hurts
A husband who frequently asked his wife to cover his nose and mouth with her nightie during lovemaking, decided to add a plastic bag to his repertoire of solo sex tools. Martin, 34, pulled a plastic bag over his head and used a vacuum cleaner to remove the air. He was found lying by the still-running vacuum cleaner, fully clothed, dead, still holding the plug.
Flights of Passion
A man with the unlikely ambition to jump off every river bridge in Norwich ended his athletic career with a 70-foot leap into three feet of water. Friends said the 34-year-old man had fulfilled his dream of jumping off every city bridge spanning the River Wensum. Having exhausted the bridge selection, this time he climbed to the top of a multi-story car park, looked down from the parapets and shouted an enquiry to onlookers asking how deep the water was. Then he plunged to his death in the shallow waters below. Emergency workers were unable to resuscitate the man, who was said to possess "a strange and unusual passion for jumping into rivers."
KISS of Death
A 36-year-old biochemist who was dying to see the legendary rock band KISS on their farewell tour got his wish. Shawn traveled from Calistoga to the Oakland Coliseum, and was enjoying the show, except for one little problem. He was dissatisfied with his seat in the top row of the stadium. He climbed a 7-foot wall to gain a better view of the stage - only to inadvertently discover a new seat three stories below.
Picture This
The picturesque medieval city of Rothenburg was recently the scene of a dramatic artistic effort. A 53-year-old man from Baden-Wuetemberg was posing nude in front of his camera, balanced atop the stone wall, when he lost his balance and fell 16 feet to the ground below. Unlike its erstwhile owner, the camera was still safely settled on the tripod on the wall, and police plan to develop the film for clues to the man's death. Darwin anticipates that they will find none, and this story will stand as a testament to the self-pruning nature of the tree of life.
Punch the Lights Out
Ian was a fitness fanatic and self-employed electrician living in an English seaside town. He had recently converted one room of his cottage into a new gym. Among the weights and exercise equipment hung a punchbag, suspended from a chain from the ceiling.
Roller Coaster meets Soccer
The recipient of this Darwin Award lost his red baseball cap on the roller coaster ride. It flew into an area under the coaster. As if the danger of ground directly beneath a speeding roller coaster was not self-evident, there were prominent "Restricted Area" signs every fifty feet. After exiting the platform, the man ignored both common sense and warning signs. He climbed two fences to retrieve his hat, only to lose his head when a passenger's foot kicked his neck and derailed his plans.
Wicked Pisser
A Seattle Police Incident Report stated that on Saturday morning at 1:55AM, a 19 year old male was urinating off the freeway overpass on Pine Street when he lost his footing and fell approximately 45 feet to his death.